66.初恋 - I Was Cheated on by My Girlfriend but My Devilish Junior Now Yearns for Me

──In retrospect, perhaps that was my first true love. I've never truly understood the feeling of being romantically attracted to the opposite sex. Of course, I'm talking about romance. Even though I attended an all-girls high school, it didn't mean I had no male friends. I had my fair share of male friends in elementary and middle school, and even in high school, I'd get to know people from other schools through club activities and occasionally kept in touch. But those weren't romances. I was always interested, but trying to force myself into a romantic relationship felt wrong. So, I decided to wait until I naturally developed feelings for someone. Before I knew it, I was approaching adulthood. ──It was then that someone finally appeared. Someone I could genuinely fall in love with. Someone I wanted to like me. They weren't the prince on a white horse I dreamed of in childhood, nor an idol I cheered for in middle school. It was the way they reacted to my stories, their movements, the atmosphere they created, and the gentle rhythm of their heart. All of it felt so comfortable. When they confessed at a moment when I found myself wanting to date them, I was overjoyed. Honestly, they weren't like any ideal boyfriend I had imagined before. But they made me feel as if they were my destined one, and that was more than enough. I happily started going out with them. ◇◆ "There's no way such convenient things like confessions from your destined one happen all that often." "Then why did you watch this movie...?" I grumbled as I rolled up the wrappers to throw them away in the trash can near the exit. It was around three in the afternoon on a weekday, so the theater was sparsely populated, and no one could hear Shinohara's comments. As I looked at the pamphlet we received upon entry, I noticed the film was based on a manga and had bonuses, and let out a sigh, thinking I should have chosen that one. Still, my stomach was full, so it balanced out. "I'm not big on romance movies usually, but I thought I'd enjoy it with you, senpai." "So, your thoughts?" "Let's hurry and get crepes!" "Seems like it wasn't that great..." We got on the escalator and started going down. The cinema was on the seventh floor, and from the escalator, we could look down to the open space all the way to the first floor. There's something special about wandering around in a shopping mall at this hour on a weekday. Back in high school, we'd be in class at this time, and once we start working, we'd be on the job. "By the way, have you ever truly liked someone with all your heart?" "I have! When I was in elementary school." "I guess that figures." "Don't underestimate me!" Shinohara waved her arms in protest. It's not like I'm underestimating her. The first boyfriend she had was during a couple's event, not because of any serious confession. Though I never heard the reasons for rejecting previous confessions, they likely weren't due to high standards. She was probably just not that motivated for romance, like the heroine in the movie. If she had high standards, she wouldn't be lounging around at my place. Maybe she's waiting for someone she gets along with naturally, someone who can give her some kind of opportunity. "Senpai, when was your first love?" Shinohara's question pulled me back from my thoughts. "Me? Probably around second grade." "Did you have any criteria for liking someone back then?" "I don't really remember, but I think I just liked whoever I thought was the cutest." "Really? Then why do you treat me so coldly?" "Who knows, maybe my standards have changed." Back then, my criteria weren't based on things like a pretty face but on whether something resonated with me personally. Simply put, how cute someone seemed to me in various ways beyond just looks — their voice, their way of behaving, everything. Of course, as a kid, you only have that subjective perspective. As you grow older, you start considering other factors. You gain a more detached perspective, and various external aspects naturally become more important. As a working adult, this might become even more noticeable. Their job, income, all the connections they have—after overcoming those hurdles, is the person you find truly your destined one? Even though romantic relationships become more complex, there's a part of me that envies the movie's heroine. After all, she just waited, and her destined one appeared. "So, what are your standards now, senpai?" Shinohara asked as she stepped off the escalator and sat down on a nearby sofa. "Aren't we going to eat crepes?" "Just taking a little break." "You were sitting through the whole movie..." "But those chairs were hard! So, what's your standard now?" "Standards, huh..." Even I'm not sure what my current standards are. Of course, I have ideals, but they're so unrealistic that if I use them as a standard, I'd never get a girlfriend. For the record, my ideal is a wealthy, understanding, beautiful yet cute older woman. Ayaka always scoffs at this, but I'm sure there are some out there who share my sentiments. However, it's just an ideal. I'm aware it's not realistic. Maybe I just haven't given up hope yet. "It seems like you're up to no good, senpai..." "No, I was just dreaming. Dreaming isn't so bad for a guy, is it?" "The sound of it is nice. Just the sound, though." "Don't say it twice!" When it comes to standards rather than ideals, I genuinely don't know. Giving up on reaching a conclusion, I casually said, "If they're good at cooking." "That's so like you, senpai. It's heartwarming." Shinohara said with a smile. "Is it?" "Yeah, in college, more people end up dating for light reasons, right? Your approach is way better. Not that I'm one to talk." "You aren't." "Don’t agree with me!" While Shinohara pouted, I thought again. Shinohara said more people started dating for light reasons in college. But my personal theory is that it's not necessarily a bad thing. There are things you can only understand once you're dating. If you can conclude quickly about whether someone is right for you, that's a good thing. Though, this is just my theory. It might not be universally accepted, and Ayaka would probably resist such an idea. "But it's true there are more couples since we started college." "Yeah, I guess there are lots of things you can only enjoy as a couple." Being freed from the classroom setting might be one factor behind the increase in couples. It's a peculiar environment when you think about it—spending an entire year in such a confined space with peers your own age. In high school, rumors about relationships spread exceptionally quickly because everyone knew everything about each other. People were deeply interested in others' affairs. In contrast, at university, there aren't many people interested in others' romantic situations. They're only curious about relationships involving people they know, and if one party is someone unfamiliar, their interest diminishes. Not being the center of attention can sometimes feel lonely, yet other times it's comforting. In that sense, university can indeed be a comfortable place. "Shinohara, do you envy couples?" When I asked, Shinohara shook her head. "Not at all right now. I'm having fun, and I'm satisfied, thanks to you." Shinohara said with a smile, her lips curving upward. I found myself inadvertently looking away from Shinohara, who looked up at me from the sofa. Shinohara's ability to express her feelings so plainly is one of her charms, but it could also be something that breaks hearts. "Don't say things like that to other people." When I warned her, there was no immediate response. When I looked back at Shinohara, she was staring blankly with her cheeks somehow flushed red. "Is that... senpai's possessiveness?" "N-no, it’s not!" I denied it strongly without thinking, and Shinohara burst into laughter. ...I wonder if as long as she's teasing people like this, the supposed destined one she's waiting for won't come along anytime soon. With that in mind, I let out a big sigh.