1033 - Childhood Friend of the Zenith

The buzzing grew louder. My fingertips, frozen in place, broke out in a cold sweat as they failed to pierce the throat they aimed for. They refused to move. Was it hesitation? No. That wasn't it. I had genuinely wanted to die. I had even planned to end it all in a single, piercing stroke. ‘This is...’ My hand had turned to stone, unwilling to move any further. It was as if someone had grasped it, holding it still. Feeling this, my eyes trembled as though shaken by an earthquake. I cannot die. My mother's words became reality. I couldn't take my own life. I realized this now. In a way, it was peculiar. How many times had I rolled and stumbled, my mind crumbling again and again? I lived, wailing and crying out desperately. While I could blame my life on decisions I made, even so... ‘I could have died if I wanted.’ Death is both distant and near. How many had I killed with my own hands? Becoming like them wasn't a distant possibility. Living such a life, had I ever feared death even once? ‘I hadn't.’ Strangely enough, I was detached about my own death. It wasn't a matter of fear or indifference. ‘I was indifferent.’ I had distanced myself from the very notion of death. It is more accurate to say I never thought about it. I never truly wanted to die. Why was that? How was that possible? Was it because of a strong will? That's laughable. I am certain that was not the case. I fell and collapsed countless times, And each time I thought I never wanted to get back up again. Yet I was lifted by someone's hand, or rose for someone else, not for myself. Master Paejon once told me, ‘My disciple, you handle your body too carelessly. As if pain or death mean nothing.’ Back then, I thought he was merely cautioning me not to be reckless with my body. And indeed, Master Paejon's intentions were nothing more than that. ‘…If it were the case.’ Now, it sounds strangely different. ‘As if my actions were driven by my inability to consider my own death.’ Because I was removed from death... Or because I couldn't conceive of it. Since I didn't foresee my own death, the actions I took... Did I really think they were inconsequential, when in truth there was another reason they could occur? ‘…I feel ill.’ My stomach churned. I wanted to clamp my mouth shut with a hand. Was it the turtle who said it? Or could it have been Shin Noya? That I was shackled by the karma the world decided, That because of the destiny I should have faced, my choices may not have been my own. Those words crawled under my skin and penetrated deep. Now that I was clear-headed enough to comprehend, even that thought sent shivers down my spine. ‘What am I, truly?’ "Son." "…!" My mother's voice snapped me to attention, my ragged breathing stalled forcibly. “Hoo… Hoo….” Steam escaped my lips. My uncontrolled energy stirred, filling the interior with heat. "Son…." "…I'm fine." I wasn't fine. Far from it, but I needed to endure. "…So, is the reason for consuming Shinwa included among these?" The damn fate assigned by the world. Were these actions necessary to escape it? My mother answered the question. “Yes. It was necessary.” “Why?” “I can't tell you yet.” “…Seriously, even after getting this far?” “…I'm sorry….” "…When will I be able to hear it, then?" Even if coming to Maeryeongsan didn't provide answers, when could I finally learn the truth in this accursed situation? "Next time... I'll tell you next time." My mother, sounding almost pleading, told me. Next time? '…There was one more Divine Tree left, wasn't there.' Aside from the one at the Volcano Sect, one more. A lesser-known general's Divine Tree still remained. Only after reaching there could I learn the truth? Then. “What can I find out now...?” What could I discover after reaching Maeryeongsan? What could I learn by coming here? I asked, filled with doubts. My mother replied. "The question you asked earlier. About that child?" "…!" I gulped, hearing my mother's words. The Divine Sword (神劍). The other general, who appeared here and there, and was called my mother's daughter. She was known by the name Yarang. But I had my own thoughts about her. ‘The Divine Sword.’ Forget about her appearance. Just the feeling was enough. All my instincts and senses screamed that she was the Divine Sword. I was curious as to why she was acting under my mother in such a form. My mother started to address this now. As I swallowed dryly, waiting for her to continue. “You were right.” "…!" My mother presented the answer I awaited and dreaded. Clench—! Hearing it, I clenched my fists. I had expected it, but confirming it from my mother was different. “How… how….” The words didn’t come out smoothly. How could she be here? That's what I wanted to ask, but my words kept stumbling. Fortunately, my mother understood, speaking in a quiet voice. “….She’s a pitiful child.” “…” “She could have moved on quietly. But given her memories and knowing you valued her, I decided to care a bit more.” “How do you mean?” Caring is one thing, but the thought of the Divine Sword being here is mind-boggling. “Don’t you remember? I told you to hold the child once.” “What… uh?” I struggled to recall, then it came to me. Was it when the fight broke out at Shinryonggwan? During the confrontation with the Heavenly Demon, there was a moment when the Divine Sword emerged from Wi Seol-ah's body. The sword exuded demonic energy and intervened against the Heavenly Demon on my behalf, and at that moment, following my mother's guidance, I absorbed the quieting spirit. 'Could it be?' Was it at that moment? Did the spirit I absorbed following my mother's words flow into this place? And... ‘Has it been operating under the name Yarang?’ My heart pounded. Since learning that Yarang was indeed the Divine Sword, it hadn't stopped. ‘The Divine Sword?’ Was it truly the Divine Sword? The memory of eyes looking at me in that moment, unmasking themselves, raced my heart. Just then. Swish. Mother, embodying a spiritual form, looked somewhere into the distance. I turned to follow her gaze. There, beyond the lake, standing still and watching us, was the Heavenly Demon. Sensing our gaze, she looked in our direction. Her eyes were vacant. Despite their bright violet hue, they seemed unfocused, unlike in her past life. As I realized that this life and the past were indeed different... While I was turning my eyes away, Mother addressed me again. “I know what hopes you might harbor.” She continued. “Unfortunately, what you're expecting won't be there.” “...Pardon?” “Even if that child has the soul you cherished, she won't remember you.” “What do you mean by that...?” “Forgetting is both a punishment and a blessing. There are things only possible because they are not remembered. It was the same for me… and for her…” Mother glanced back at the Heavenly Demon before returning her gaze to me. “And it will be no different for you.” “I don't quite understand...” “When only the soul remains and memories fade, do you know what remains?” “No, I don't.” “Only emotions remain.” Speaking those words, she straightened slightly and approached me. “The emotions the soul held. That is all that remains. What kind of feeling do you think it is to have only emotions left without memories?” “...” Only emotions left, without any memories? I've never thought about such a thing. “It's hollow and sorrowful. To yearn and miss what one doesn't know—that's what it means. It's more of a curse, really. So, remember it well.” Her hand touched my cheek. “That’s what it means for forgetting to be a punishment. Yet, to make even those emotions disappear, shouldering everything alone signifies bearing countless karmic burdens.” “...What are you suddenly talking about?” Why was she bringing this up now? I wondered if it related to the Divine Sword's lost memories. “This is just meddling. A small act of kindness I can offer for a pitiable child. Someday, when you learn what you shouldn’t know, I hope you remember.” She said, stroking my hair. Even so, I couldn't understand it. Then. “I’m sorry I can’t tell you much. But the fact that some things must remain unknown is true.” Hearing her repeat what she said earlier made me frown. Some things must remain unknown to be achieved. She once said she wished for my happiness. Was this related to that statement? “Son, you said you were searching for the Divine Tree?” Then Mother broached the topic of the Divine Tree. “...Yes.” “When you have found all the Divine Trees and reach the final one, you will find what you desire.” A tree in Yaewel, a tree here, and another elsewhere. Does this mean acquiring them will grant me the Divine Fruit? But. ‘When they say all the Divine Trees…’ Does this include the one at the Volcano Sect? That thought passed through my mind. “Meanwhile, if there's one thing I ask of you.” A gentle, white fingertip swept along my cheek once more. “Never—absolutely never—see me.” Her words, penetrating like a warning, widened my eyes. It resonated with what Mother once said while blocking the Blood Demon. “Not now at least. So wait until later.” “...Mother, wait...!” There was more I needed to say. I had to bring up Noya. Ready to speak, I sought to tell Mother. “...Ugh!!” Suddenly, Mother's body trembled as if struck by lightning. Thud. She collapsed to the ground. “Mother…?” I hurriedly approached my fallen mother, supporting her. Her previously still body stirred slightly. “Ah…” She murmured softly, her head turning towards me. “...Benefactor?” The word I heard made me grimace. It was a spirit. Seeing frequent phrases like "not now, I'll tell you later" can certainly be frustrating in stories. It often feels like the narrative is constantly withholding essential information, leaving readers hanging. It can build suspense, but it's a fine line between intrigue and frustration. Additionally, it's interesting to see comments about characters, such as "무녀 맞긴 하네," which suggests some readers are piecing together character identities or attributes as the story unfolds. The rest of the text lists various popular web novel titles and chapters, which shows a mix of genres and themes that are currently popular among readers.