111 - Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week

Things I Want from Sendai-san Chapter 111 Tomorrow marks five days since our promise, and I'm feeling down. When Sendai-san asked me about my test results, I replied with a nonchalant "so-so," but that was a lie. Honestly, my performance was poor, even though I had expected better. I didn't want to call it "okay" and risk disappointing Sendai-san if she found out. So, just as Sendai-san always breaks her promises, I lied to her. I detest this about myself. Green peppers, broccoli, and chrysanthemum greens. Among the vegetables displayed at the grocery store on my way home, all the ones I disliked caught my eye. Much like those vegetables, I'm not fond of this version of myself. I don’t like parsley, and Sendai-san too— It would be easier if I could claim to dislike her. In the end, Sendai-san never declared she hated me. I let out a sigh and placed some packaged food and instant noodles in my basket. That's when I paused, contemplating buying soda on the way out. Instead, I returned to the vegetable section and tossed potatoes and carrots into the basket. I wish there were vegetables that could make me smarter. I wandered aimlessly through the store, sifting through memories. I recall hearing somewhere that fish contains components that improve intelligence. Yet, I dislike fish. Even if I tried to eat it, I know it wouldn't instantly make me smarter. I understand it's too late to panic, but I find myself yearning to clutch onto something, almost like seeking solace in a deity. The upcoming test is the real deal if I want to attend the same university as Maika. If I succeed there, everything will be fine. My grades are improving, and my teachers tell me I should take the test. But I can't trust my teachers or myself. I can't trust Sendai-san, either. I wish I had unwavering confidence. If I could believe I would get into university, if I could trust in Sendai-san, then maybe we could continue seeing each other as we do now, even after graduation. But in reality, I have no certainty about getting into my desired university, and Sendai-san breaks her promises with me. What if I don't manage to attend the same university as Maika? I'd be left behind. That doesn't sound like a pleasant scenario. If I'm going to take the test, I want to pass. Failing due to something outside of my control, being forced apart from Sendai-san, is the last thing I want. If that's the case, perhaps it's better to distance myself from Sendai-san before graduation. On that day. If only Sendai-san had said she hated me, I might have been able to part earlier than the promised day. I contemplate in front of the shelf of bottled drinks. I reach for the soda but retract my hand. It's not that I want to prioritize Sendai-san, but the two bottles in the fridge seem to have less barley tea, so I forego the soda and place the barley tea in the cart instead. Before heading to the register, I also grab a pack of beef. Ever since I started having meals with Sendai-san, my palate has become spoiled. Packaged meals and instant noodles taste good, but something made by someone else always tastes better. If I'm eating anyway, I want a truly delicious meal. The problem is, the only person likely to make such meals for me is Sendai-san. Before I knew it, Sendai-san became integral to who I am. My memory’s calendar is crowded with marks I don’t recall making, and even my taste buds bear her imprint. Most of these were stamped by her without my consent, yet I can vividly recall each one. Annoyingly, these marks don’t vanish no matter how much I try to erase them. I pay and leave the store. At the end of January, I walk through the town as a cold wind blows. The bag in my hand feels heavy. Ever since I started eating with Sendai-san, my grocery shopping has increased. In moments like these, I wish she were beside me to help carry the bags. Almost half of the contents are for her, after all, so it seems only fair. But, asking her to carry them would require imposing a rule that we shop together, which is a hassle. If this continues, perhaps it would be better to change things, but there isn’t much time left. Maintaining the status quo is fine since I neither particularly want to shop with Sendai-san nor have her carry my bags. Despite that, my right hand feels unnecessarily heavy. I keep thinking how nice it would be if Sendai-san carried half the weight. This improbable thought lingers, weighing even on my mind. We promised not to meet after graduation, and I'm uncertain about passing the university entrance exam. And yet, should I manage to attend the same university as Maika— Seeing as I'm a liar, it shouldn’t hurt to turn past promises into lies too. I swing the weighty bag in my hand and quicken my pace. No. Claiming it’s fine for a liar like me to turn them into falsehoods is a lie— "This makes no sense." My own thoughts overwhelm me with confusion. I pick up my pace a little more. Although it doesn't feel much faster, the wind now seems colder against my cheeks. The bag digs into my hand, possibly due to the barley tea. Hurrying back to the apartment, I store the groceries in the fridge. I return to my room, turn on the air conditioning, and change into more comfortable clothes. Then I lie on the bed. From beneath the black cat plush beside my pillow, I pull out the manga Sendai-san was reading four days ago. I flip through the pages absentmindedly. My feelings continue to wander aimlessly. I don’t want to meet Sendai-san, but I also want to see her. I’m not so foolish that I don't grasp the contradiction of these emotions. Lately, "not wanting to meet" and "wanting to see her" have merged together. Once we meet, I want to see her again. Then again, if I don't meet her, I yearn to see her anyway. It's exhausting to ponder this endlessly. I can't help but wish I could return to last year around this time. If I could rewind time, I would end things with Sendai-san before the class change. That way, I could choose a university without overthinking and continue living here. In the end, I think Sendai-san should have told me she hated me. She’s always so cruel. Setting aside the manga I was flipping through, I lightly tap the black cat’s head. The cat neither mews nor purrs like Sendai-san, doesn’t argue back. It’s dull. Once more, I tap the black cat’s head. I wish tomorrow wouldn't come, but at the same time, I want it to arrive already—I think it'd be better if I disappeared.