139 The Day Sendai-san is Definitely Not Here - Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week

The Day Sendai-san is Definitely Not Here Chapter 139 I've been feeling guilty about what I did to Sendai-san. I've been reflecting on it. But even though it’s been nearly a week since then, I can't help but wonder about that band-aid she’s still wearing. "When are you going to take that off?" I glance at Sendai-san's finger before taking a bite of the toast she prepared. The balance of sweetness from the butter and jam is impeccable, making it a staple for breakfast lately. "You mean the band-aid?" Back in high school, Sendai-san decided to make fried chicken and asked me to slice cabbage, during which I accidentally cut my finger. She had promptly covered my bleeding finger with a purely functional and not at all cute band-aid. The same kind has been wrapped around the finger I bit. "Yeah." "Hmm..." She makes a low hum and takes a sip of orange juice. That night when she made hamburg steak, I bit her finger hard enough to leave tooth marks. It's not unreasonable to think the marks might not fade, but to remain for so long seems impossible. "The mark's gone by now, right?" "Who knows." She's speaking with the usual calm voice, but Sendai-san avoids looking at me. Today is one of those rare days when her eyes refuse to meet mine, and it's irritating. It makes me feel like I'm getting agitated over trivial matters, and I loathe myself for it. "Take that band-aid off." Honestly, I want to grab her hand and pull off the band-aid wrapped around her finger, but I hold back and continue eating my toast. Just because she doesn't get truly angry doesn't mean I can do whatever I want. I understand the line between what’s acceptable and what’s not. Grabbing someone's hand and forcing anything is unacceptable. "I just put it on, so it would be a waste." "Are you wearing it as some sort of hint or something?" "A hint? Why would you think that?" Sendai-san asks with a puzzled voice. "You're mad because I bit you, right?" My tone turns harsh, and I shove scrambled eggs into my mouth to cover it up. Things just never go right with Sendai-san. I wish I could act normally around her, but it’s not something I can do. We’re living together until we graduate college, so I want to feel as peaceful as I do when I'm with Maika. But it seems impossible. Even though I know it's not right, I end up doing terrible things to Sendai-san, and sometimes my emotions spin out of control when I'm with her. I've never bitten or kicked anyone else, yet with her, I somehow do. "It's nothing new, and I’m not mad about it anymore." "You're just lying." I know she doesn't get angry about such things, but each time I see the band-aid, it reminds me of what I did, and it stings deep inside, prompting unnecessary words to spill out. I shouldn’t have bitten so hard. I shouldn’t have asked her to quit her job. Thoughts like those keep swirling in my head. Even though I predicted she wouldn’t quit if I asked, and indeed, she didn’t. Sendai-san continues with her tutoring job and occasionally talks about her students to me. There are times when she listens to what I say and times when she doesn’t, though I’ve no clue what determines the two. Some requests are an absolute no-go. No to piercings, no to quitting her job. Despite asking her to get one or quit the other, she remains unchanged by anything I say. "Miyagi, can you stop being grumpy since this morning?" Sendai-san's voice is even as she takes a bite of her toast. "I'm not grumpy." "If it's not that you’re grumpy, then what is it?" There's nothing wrong with me. What's wrong is Sendai-san's job. I wish her part-time job wasn't tutoring. If it were any other job, I might have been okay with it. "I just worded it badly, okay? Picking at it like that is just being mean." Instead of speaking my mind, I drink half of the orange juice and set the glass back on the table. "By the way, as you probably remember, I have tutoring today, so I'll be late. Have dinner without me." "Got it." Being reminded of the unchangeable two-times-a-week schedule dispirits me. Hearing the word "tutoring" inevitably brings me back to last summer. Back then, Sendai-san declared she was going to teach me, and we spent time together. I don’t think the same thing will happen again, yet every time "tutoring" comes up, linked to summer break, I have so many questions for Sendai-san. Does she sit beside them like she did with me when we studied together? Does she hold their hand? —She said she doesn’t kiss her friends, but does she kiss her students? There are so many things I want to know, yet there are some things I can't sort out within myself. One of those is our different universities, which I can't quite bring myself to completely come to terms with. It's something I can imagine and reconcile with by connecting with my past and present self. I struggled to accept it before, but now I think it’s fine. But her tutoring job is different. It connects deeply to my past and I can't easily accept the fantasies it spurs. I find myself drawn to comparing it with the time we spent together during summer break and after school. Her job is one of many common day-to-day activities, not something for me to concern myself with. I thought that once the job started, I'd get used to it, but I haven’t. Imagining Sendai-san tutoring steers my thoughts to the past. Sendai-san now, working as a tutor, is not the same as the one who taught me study back then. They're not the same at all. I understand this, yet I want to know how they differ, and I don't. This is strange. Even if I asked Sendai-san, she'd only give a mundane answer. I know how absurd it is to keep comparing then and now. I understand. But it bothers me, so I can't stay calm. I wish this feeling would dissolve and disappear, like the hamburg steak made by Sendai-san, but it lingers in me, making me feel uneasy. "Miyagi. I have to go now." Having cleared her plate, Sendai-san drinks the rest of her orange juice. "Wait. Show me your band-aid before you go." "Still worried about it?" Honestly, I don't care about the band-aid anymore. I just want a reason to keep her here. "Show me how your finger is." "There’s nothing but a plain finger." She says with irritation, exhaling a sigh. Then she removes the band-aid. Her slightly moist finger is white and clean without a single blemish. There’s no longer any need for a band-aid there. "It’s not marked anymore." "Maybe it faded while the band-aid was on." Sendai-san says nonchalantly, rubbing her finger, and then she smiles at me with eyes that hadn’t met mine all morning. Lately, she's been smiling at me often. But this version of Sendai-san isn't the real her. It's reminiscent of the pasted-on smile she had when we went to see a movie together over summer break. Because of this, seeing her always smiling makes me uneasy. I touch my earring. If possible, I want to make a deal where she promises to quit her job and bind it with the symbolism of the piercing. However, the piercing is just an accessory; it doesn’t have the power to turn pumpkins into carriages or summon a genie to grant wishes. It’s merely a psychological comfort, a small connection tying Sendai-san to everyday promises. Besides, promises are never absolute. "Miyagi, can I leave the cleaning up to you?" "Sure." "Thanks. I want to get to the university early today." Sendai-san stands up and heads back to her room. I take another bite of toast. It’s sweet, salty, and not the least bit enjoyable. After I return home, I'll once again eat an unappetizing dinner by myself. The thought makes my stomach ache, casting a shadow over the prospects of my day going well.