143 The Me I Don't Know and the Sendai-san I Don't Know - Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week

The Me I Don't Know and the Sendai-san I Don't Know Chapter 143 I hadn't returned the skirt. I realized this in the changing room, but I didn't feel like going back to Sendai-san's room now. I undressed and looked at myself in the mirror. The fact that there were no marks on my body confirmed that Sendai-san had listened to my request. I traced my fingers along my neck. Even though nothing should be there, I felt as if there were traces. It wasn't just my neck. It was as if something remained in every place that Sendai-san's lips had touched, making it hard to think of anything else. Her voice, her breath, the feel of her hands. Everything I had felt until a moment ago lingered in my mind, consuming most of my thoughts. For the next several hours—or perhaps longer, days, a week—I feared I would be obsessed with thoughts of Sendai-san. I wished she wouldn't intrude upon my time like this. I knew what accepting Sendai-san entailed, but I hadn't expected to be so overwhelmed by her. I exhaled softly, then removed my underwear and stepped into the bathroom. Noticing that the bathtub was empty, I turned on the shower to draw hot water. "So cold!" Ice-cold water unmistakably rushed out, and I hurried to stop it from soaking my legs. Even though it was an unusually warm day for May, I had no intention of taking an ice shower. Maybe I needed to cool my head, but my body had already cooled, and my breathing was calm. This was nothing I couldn't handle. I was fine. I quietly inhaled and exhaled. Today wasn't supposed to be a significant turning point, unlike the last day of summer vacation. It was a memorable event, but unlike last summer, I doubted I'd remember it down to the date. Still, I knew I couldn't make excuses this time. That day had allowed room for excuses like impulsiveness or whimsy. Prior to winter break, my chest had been exposed, but that had been part of an exchange for help with studying. Touching Sendai-san myself during winter break was something I could excuse if I wanted to. Today, there was no impulsiveness, whim, or bargaining involved. I hadn't chosen to refuse despite knowing what lay ahead, and I had decided to permit it. It wasn't satisfying, but it was my decision, so that was fine. I was simply surprised at my own transformation. I hadn’t expected such sounds to emerge from me or for my body to respond in such a way. And then— —I hadn't anticipated it feeling so good. I thought I understood everything, but I truly hadn’t. I cautiously turned the hot water on. After checking that the water flowing out of the shower was neither too hot nor too cold, I let it cascade over my body. I had never done that with anyone else, so I didn't know if that was how it would be with anyone. But surely, the reason it felt good was because it was with Sendai-san, and I thought it would have been better never to discover that. When I started buying time from Sendai-san for five thousand yen, we had promised not to have sex. I'm not sure if what happened today qualifies as sex, but I feel we've reached a place different from our original agreement. Had I known I would end up like that, I wouldn’t have consented. I had thought that perhaps there might come a time when I would, but that wasn't supposed to be today. And yet, when Sendai-san swore on the earring that if she wasn’t granted permission today she’d never try such a thing again, my resolve was shaken. "What should I do about tomorrow?" I turned off the water. Sendai-san knows entirely how I reacted to what she did to me. There's no way she wouldn't know, being the one who touched me. I was the one who created the situation, but I didn't want her to have witnessed my reactions like that. I wish I could erase her memory, but I possess no such magical power. Living together, even if I tried to avoid seeing her by adjusting my schedule, it wouldn’t work to never see her again, nor do I want to avoid her forever. "This is terrible." The voice with which Sendai-san repeatedly called my name was not a voice suitable for addressing a roommate. It caressed my ears so pleasantly that I had to stop her, but even then, I find myself wanting to hear it again. However, to hear that voice once more would mean repeating what happened today. —Impossible. I can't imagine exposing such a part of myself to Sendai-san again. While part of me wonders what kind of sounds she'd make if I touched her, I doubt she would meekly let me. The thoughts swirling in my head were far from sane, and I realized I was losing my senses. As it stands, I don’t know how I’ll face her tomorrow. A part of me wishes tomorrow would never come. "Sendai-san, you idiot, idiot, idiot!" We agreed I was your roommate. On the day of our graduation, Sendai-san certainly said that. So, since we came here, Sendai-san has been my roommate, and she was supposed to remain that way for at least four years. However, what happened today was far from anything roommates would do. I can't imagine how today's events will alter our relationship. The word "roommate," which didn’t exist during high school, is like a ticket for us to live together for four years. If that word were to disappear, it feels as though this life together would dissolve before those four years are up. I might be able to live without Sendai-san, but her absence stirs my curiosity. All the things I cannot know become things I want to know. Even with her by my side, she grabs my interest, and if she were gone, I wouldn't know what to do. Thus, despite the graduation being a deadline where things were supposed to end, we continue this relationship. Yet, I'm at a loss on how to handle myself wondering such things. I washed up and changed into my pajama-like sweats before leaving the changing area. The shared space was empty of Sendai-san. I poured iced tea into a glass and took it to my room. After drinking half, I moved the black cat plush from the bookshelf to beside my pillow and lay down on the bed. Sendai-san was just beyond the wall. Right now, I was curious about what she might be thinking. The Sendai-san I don't know and the me I don't know. Today, we learned things neither of us knew before. I don't know if knowing Sendai-san in ways I couldn’t before is a good thing. In the future, I might regret this or maybe I won't. I can't foresee how it'll go. What's unacceptable is that I was the only one embarrassed. I seem to be the only one who goes through these mortifying experiences. I pressed my lips to the forehead of the black cat plush. I don't want to be overwhelmed with thoughts of her like this. Thinking about university or Maika would be better. I just want to think about something else, but I'm feeling unsatisfied by the absence of the heat that was so close. This isn't like me. Though I had no intention of sleeping yet, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. Inevitably, Sendai-san appeared in my mind, and I let out a small sigh.