74 - Upki Girl

< Achievements Were Made > Panic disorder, anger management issues, social phobia, depression, insomnia, OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and so on. How many modern people are truly free from the burden of mental health issues? In today’s world, it would actually be strange not to experience a hint of compulsion, a touch of depression, a bit of insomnia, a flash of mania, some anxiety, or slight avoidance. Yona had already faced this, but especially in a profession that thrives on public attention, a strong mental resolve was crucial. It wasn't just about dealing with a demanding boss or friction with colleagues; it was about enduring the intense focus or indifference from countless strangers. For Yona and Seowon, who similarly chose careers, they already had experience visiting psychiatrists. Upon moving into the dorm, the entire team decided to receive regular psychiatric consultations to maintain their mental health. As expected, the evaluations revealed at least two unique issues for each member. Number One, Eu Eunnit. Memory lapses, trauma from the mental shock when her parents passed away, leading to slight sleep disorders and a touch of mania. “Hey, Director Gwak, my phone is missing.” “Look for it thoroughly.” “I’ve looked everywhere, but it’s not here!” “...Is that a brick in your hand?” “Huh? How did it get here! Hahahaha! Oh, this is hilarious! I must be crazy! Ahahaha!” Number Three, Yona. OCD (perfectionism), insomnia, chronic fatigue, depression, mild social avoidance, resulting in headaches and neurotic indigestion. “Ugh...” “Yona, what’s wrong?” “I keep hearing ringing in my ears, and my head hurts... It’ll get better after a while.” “Didn’t you say you have medication? Haven’t you taken it?” “It makes me too sluggish, so I’m trying to stop for a bit. I’ll be okay soon.” Number Four, Yeon Hong. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, social phobia, emotional instability, depression, OCD, tic disorder (facial muscles twitching intermittently, like eyebrows or the nose bridge). “I’m so sorry. Why am I like this...” “It’s alright, sis. I made a mistake too.” “Teacher, can I practice separately? I feel like I'm being too much of a burden...” “Hong, it’s okay. If you mess up, just do it as it is, and you can fix it during individual practice later.” “Oh... okay, yes...” “Hold on, come here for a second. Look into the teacher’s eyes and stay still.” “Yes...” “Why can’t you keep your hands still?” “Oh, sorry. Ah...” “Look at the teacher’s eyes, where are you looking? How will you ever look at the camera later?” “Ah... I’m sorry, I’ve never been good at looking people in the eye...” Number Five, Aliya. Obsessive cleanliness (fear of dirt), OCD, androphobia, trauma, sociopathy towards Kim Yunho, anger management issues towards Kim Yunho, power abuse towards Kim Yunho, the urge to pick fights whenever seeing Kim Yunho, borderline personality disorder. Despises me. Really, everyone else seems to like me, but she only despises me. One of her peculiarities was her extreme cleanliness, to the point where she never wore the same underwear or socks twice. Once worn, they must be discarded. On the first day of moving into the dorm, Eunbit discovered it first. Aliya tossed her underwear into the trash after showering. “Aliya, why are you throwing that away? Did you poop in it?” “No! Are you kidding? I wore it once yesterday, so I'm throwing it out.” The housekeeper who attended her from the hotel explained. “Princess Aliya only wears her underwear and socks once.” “Really? She throws them away after one use...?” “Yes, that’s correct.” “Hey, then give them to me. I’ll wear them!” “But... Aliya wore them...?” “What’s the big deal, she only wore them once. I’ll wash and wear them, so give them to me!” “Ew, that’s disgusting! I’ll give you a new one! Plus, the bra won’t fit you!” “It will if I adjust to the bra, right? Also, no matter how much money you have, this is really wrong.” “Oh my god! Don’t take it out, it’s filthy! So filthy!” “Ew! Ew!” “Eek! Eunbit is pulling Aliya’s underwear out of the trash! Everyone run away! We’ll catch germs!” “A kid who wastes will be punished~ Ew!” “Oh my god! Don’t, sister! Throw it to Mr. Gwak, the director!” Why throw it at me while I’m not even doing anything? This clearly shows her antisocial behavior toward Kim Yunho. And then, the grand medley of mental issues. Paranoia maxed out, rabid wild fox, Han Seo-won. Second in command [I think I should be the leader] Me [Why? Do you want to be the leader?] Second in command [I thought about why Yona volunteered to be the leader, and it seems to me she’s trying to keep me in check] Me [Why would Yona be wary of you?] Second in command [I don’t know either. It seems she sees me as a rival] Me [I don’t think so. Did Yona say anything to you?] Second in command [You saw earlier. She asked why I didn’t finish my lunch and said I should force myself to eat it all] Me [Why is that…? It’s because you should eat according to the meal plan] Second in command [You just don’t get it. There are things guys don’t understand] Me [And what would that be...] Second in command [It’s to make me gain weight, to remove a rival!] Me [If Yona hadn’t said anything, someone else or I would have] Second in command [Look at that. You’re siding with her. I’ll be the leader. Let’s have a secret vote] Second in command [No, if we secret vote, I might be tricked, so let’s gather everyone and choose between me and Yona] Me [But… the leader was selected by the producers and Yaom] Second in command [See, see! Everyone loves Yona! I’m always the weird one] [The Fool is Driven to Anger, and My Dislike for Yona is All Gwak’s and the Teachers’ Fault] [The world has made me this way.] The place we visited was a specialized counseling and therapy hospital. While regular sessions of counseling, psychological therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy sufficed for most of the kids, Seowon’s condition was severe enough to require medication as well. Seowon was diagnosed with "paranoid personality disorder," leading to a condition known as "PTED syndrome." What most people refer to as anger management issues. The symptoms of paranoid personality disorder included the unrestrained victim mentality, distrust, and suspicion Seowon habitually showed. Hearing them, it felt like "paranoid personality disorder = Han Seowon" was written all over her. In severe cases, patients distrust even psychiatric specialists and refuse treatment. Thankfully, Seowon wasn’t at that point; she was somewhat aware of her issues. It was decided to continue observing her progress with regular cognitive behavioral therapy and medications. That evening at the meeting, we reported the results of the children's counseling sessions to the producers. Since everyone had an inkling of what to expect, there was no major shock. However, we needed to discuss the severity of Seowon’s condition. After all, everyone was already on edge because of the confrontation with Hong at the dorm. Although they reconciled, spitting in someone's face and biting until blood was drawn was undeniably an excessive act. What if it happened with another celebrity or broadcast staff? What if it happened with fans or the general audience? Just the thought was chilling. “Should Yeom keep a close eye on her? She seems to listen to him the most,” I suggested. Yeom chuckled and shook his head. “That’s why she avoids me.” “Ah... Is that so?” “She rarely talks to me, always looking over her shoulder and trying to slip away.” “I think she’s more afraid of Yunho than Daesoo,” offered Ruju. I burst out laughing. “Her, afraid of me? She probably sees me as the easiest target. Even if I told her soybeans could be fermented to make paste, she’d argue back fiercely.” “Hey, that’s just a defense mechanism because of the way you talk to her. If you show her a bit more kindness, she might totally open up to you,” Ruju retorted. True, I was notably more casual with Eunbit and Seowon. In my mind, it was because I was closer to them than to the other members. Listening to Ruju's perspective, I realized that my approach might have seemed aggressive and touchy to Seowon. Seowon wasn’t someone with a typical mindset like Eunbit, after all. So during a break, I called her over to test Ruju’s theory. Like a secondary male lead in dramas who has everything—wealth, fame, personality—but remains the perennial unrequited love next to the tsundere main male lead, I tried to be as kind, gentle, and affectionate as possible. “Seowon, you’re really pretty, you know?” “...What’s this about? I’m telling you right now, I’m not planning to leave the team, so don’t even think about kicking me out.” “Why would we kick out our main vocalist? If you leave, who would sing?” “Who else? Eunbit and Yona are still there.” That was a trap. It was meant to test me. If I sided with Eunbit and Yona here, the usual warfare would commence. “Come on, even if you combine those two, they don’t match up to you. And it’s not just about the singing; visually, you’re indispensable too.” She squinted her eyes, activating her defensive stance. “What’s with the flattery? Are you seriously kicking me out...?” “No, nothing like that. Honestly, I’ve been too indifferent towards you. I’m just being upfront about it now. You’re really good, and you’re really beautiful.” “...I’m not used to this. Just act the way you usually do.” As I raised my hand to pat her head, she flinched, startled and shrunk away. Blushing with embarrassment, she mumbled softly. “Oh, you scared me. I thought you were going to hit me.” I gently stroked the back of her head, accompanying it with a prepared line. “I genuinely like you as you are now, I really do, but there’s just one thing I wish could be different.” “What? My prickly personality?” “No.” “Then what?” “Your way of expressing yourself. From what I see, you’re deep and caring, but you don’t know how to express it. Because you’re clumsy with people, it doesn’t come out right.” “That’s true...” “But it’s the same for everyone else. Nobody expresses themselves without an awkward stage. So many resort to being playful or teasing to mask it.” “Yeah.” “I don’t understand why I didn’t just be straightforward with you instead of being defensive.” “That’s right. When you talk to me like that, it just makes me more agitated.” Ah, this brat. Still blaming others, blaming others, blaming others to the very end! But I must be patient. Because Seowon is a hurting child. An inexperienced child taking their first courageous step into the world. “I’ll try harder from now on.” “...I’ll try too...” Oh, success. It actually worked? Remarkable! “Alright, it’s fine to be honest with me, but try being a bit kinder to the members. They’re as hurt and pitiful as you are.” I thought it was over. That was why I brought it up in the first place. “So, in the end, you’re saying I should be nice to the others.” Seowon’s tone sharpened once more. And being a little hurt by her undermining my intent, my own tone involuntarily shifted. As if by reflex. “No, that’s not what I mean.” “Oh, isn’t it? You’re saying everyone else is kind yet I’m here all broken, and I’m the one who needs to change.” Fight back...? Would it be better to duke it out with Hong, just like they did, and then make up afterward? Would my heart feel lighter if I smacked her around a bit like Hong did? "So frustrating." With those words, Seowon left the recording studio. Anger surged within me. I wanted to run after her, grab her hair, and roll around the floor in a fierce scuffle. Maybe that would ease my mind. It turns out I'm the one who needs psychiatric counseling, not them. I feel like smashing all the equipment and quitting after breaking Director Yeom's head. "Sigh..." Leaning back, I tried to calm my racing thoughts. This isn't bipolar disorder, but a sudden wave of bitter insight washing over me. Nothing is made perfect on the first attempt. With the patience of Helen Keller’s teacher, Anne Sullivan, I decided to take it step by step, slowly and carefully. Yet, it wasn’t all for nothing. Though she reacted sensitively, since that conversation, Seowon’s attitude noticeably changed. How did I notice? I had never seen Seowon openly admit her mistake by apologizing to someone, but there she was, apologizing to Hong a few days after the incident. “Hey, I’m sorry for throwing those snacks at you and biting your arm.” Though blunt, it was an incredible improvement. And she did it in front of everyone, no less. “Huh, oh...?” “Thinking back, you apologized to me, but I didn’t say sorry.” Seowon didn’t stop there. Like I had candidly expressed to her, she’s now opening up to her peers. “There are times when I’m harsh with you guys. I know it too. It’s not how I feel inside, but I don’t know how to express it well. I went to the hospital today, and while I'll keep trying, change doesn’t happen overnight. But whenever that happens, there’s one thing I want you to remember. I really like you all. After my mom, you’re my favorites.” I suppose the other kids felt as touched as I did by what she said. After the speech, Seowon turned to me, as if seeking validation. “There, is that enough? I’ve done my part.” Good grief, fine. I’ll let you have this one. I gave her a thumbs up, signaling she did well. *** That night. Hong was riding a bicycle at the dorm when she complained of dizziness. She began experiencing vomiting, diarrhea, and excessive sweating, and in the end, we had to take her to the ER at Aliya’s hospital. The diagnosis: hyponatremia. I asked the attending doctor. “What exactly... is that...?” “Well, it means that the sodium levels in her blood have decreased. The patient mentioned consuming more than six two-liter bottles of water today. That's over six times the average adult intake, which likely led to water intoxication.” “Is this a common issue...?” “Um... not common... no...” “Haha... good heavens, haha...” Although Hong was right there, and I shouldn’t have laughed, it was so absurd that I couldn’t help but chuckle. I’ve met people who collapsed from dehydration, but collapsing from drinking too much water was a first. To think we advised her to drink water when hungry and she drank enough to alter her blood composition... Even PT trainer ‘John Yoon’ couldn’t have anticipated this. “I’m, I’m sorry…” “No, it just shows how hard you’ve been trying.” Hong needed to be hospitalized for three days to readjust her sodium levels. Amazingly, during those three days in the hospital, she lost 5kg. < Achievements Were Made > End.