118 - Upki Girl

< Aligning Perspectives―Yona > "Don’t check the footage, the black box is crushing my thigh and it hurts." Yona and I sought a common understanding through shared grievances, eventually reaching a consensus. "Are you going to do everything as instructed?" "Yes! Yes!" "Alright, I won't check." "Really?" "I turned it off." "Show me." "See, see. Okay now?" "Yes..." "Okay, time to get up. My legs hurt..." Not to mention my ribcage feels a bit compressed. Given Yona was draped over my thigh in the passenger seat, hunched in what resembled a yoga child's pose, it was inevitable our torsos would brush against each other... "Oh! I’m sorry!" Realizing late, Yona rose from the vehicle worriedly, casting a concerned look at my leg while furrowing her brows. "Does it hurt a lot?" "I think it’s going to bruise..." "I'm sorry. I’ll come inside and give you a menthol massage." Yona, who often suffers from ankle and backaches, is adept at self-massage, offering her skills to the group members. I had tried it for my back once, and it felt... quite refreshing. "That's okay. But what made you run out without even wearing a jacket?" In negative seven degrees Celsius weather, Yona had skidded out wearing just a sweatshirt, leggings, and slippers, shivering visibly. After reattaching the black box, I handed her my long padded jacket. "No, I got warm after moving." "No, you’re shivering from the cold. Put it on and sit in the back. Let's chat before going in." "Yes..." I settled in the front passenger seat, while Yona took the back driver's side seat. At least the atmosphere for conversation was set. While the heater warmed up, I organized my thoughts, grappling with how to broach the subject. Though I feigned ignorance about the black box footage with Yona, I had actually seen it all. The angle and position obscured direct viewing, yet it was clear by her actions what she intended. K! I! S! S! There was an approximately 87% chance it was a kiss. The remaining 13% involved scenarios like me lying on her belongings or blowing away something on my face with a puff, but it was most likely a kiss. Whether our lips actually met, I couldn’t say. I turned the camera off as others piled into the vehicle, witnessing our suggestive seating arrangement. When Yona suggested we watch a movie after winning the Girl Crush contest, I was unsure, but the video solidified her feelings. Yona likes me. Fearlessly enough to approach a sleeping person during a shoot. She must know how openly Eunbi and Seowon express affection toward me! Were others aware, they might wonder about the fortune of past merits leading to such luxury, but from my perspective, it’s nothing but a headache. Had I delighted in such things, I wouldn’t be struggling with marital concerns at my age. For a man, to have not just one but several young, beautiful women favor him is a blessing to cherish beyond words. As a man myself, how could I not feel some wavering? Yet among them, Yona is particularly hazardous. Eunbi truly feels like a little sister. The clingy villain is troublesome. Despite Uhyeong's striking beauty, recalling her Luka-ku days evokes a strong sense of camaraderie experienced during tough times. Riya is akin to an electronic tag. But perhaps because I first knew Yona as a celebrity on screen, she sometimes approaches as a romantic interest. Our terrace beer-sharing moments provide a distinct girlfriend vibe. Yona is also the sole person among them capable of discussing my concerns. Despite this, I’ve never disclosed my heart’s inclinations outwardly. Personal and professional realms must be divided, and I should harness emotions decidedly when it is within my control. Whatever my true intentions might be, I ought to strive not to view her as a woman, at least on the surface. Even if it feels deceitful, at least while working as their manager, it must be so. A manager-singer dating rumor is as perilous a scandal as sponsorship or delinquency. Embarrassing though it may be to clarify myself directly, I resolved to address this before any more troublesome scenarios arose. "Yona." "Yes..." "This is something I've been meaning to address at some point, and since the opportunity has presented itself, let's discuss it openly. Do you li—" "No, no, don’t ask that! Say nothing!" Yona animatedly waved her hand in a gesture to keep my words at bay, shaking her head. She caught onto my drift, apparently. “I made a mistake! I won’t do it again! I won’t show it!” Mutual swift acknowledgment, minimized emotional expenditure. How efficient this conversation was. Unlike the other simpletons, Yona showed herself to be sensible and rational. In truth, whether or not the black box footage was viewed wasn’t the crux; we both subconsciously acknowledged complications began with Yona expressing her feelings. Still, as she didn't feign ignorance, it allowed me to speak frankly. Preferring neither to refer to myself with titles like “oppa” or “manager” due to personal distaste, I nonetheless emphasized the need to reiterate our boundaries and relation: “Do you know what the Chief was going to say?” “Yes. That day just exhausted me to a point I zoned out.” Yona admitted instantly, stringing her words along swiftly. “It wasn’t because of the schedule or the members... It’s just... that day... my condition was...” “Oh. I know you worked through menstrual pain. I intended to thank you for maintaining professional composure despite feeling unwell, but I forgot.” This was an insight I had derived from the advice of Myong-hee and Manager Kim. Managers and girl group companies must keep track of the members' menstrual cycles. Some viewed it as a violation of women's rights, yet, according to Myong-hee and Manager Kim Sang-in, it was essential for everyone's well-being. No matter how logical and resilient a woman might be, hormonal changes during menstrual cycles can lead to lapses in self-control, potentially causing scheduling conflicts or misunderstandings on set. Words and actions typically shrugged off could become sources of deep hurt or irritation; coupled with menstrual pain, it might even trigger severe reactions such as suicidal ideations, it was said. ―Though I'm unsure of the scientific basis―women living together often experience synchronized menstrual cycles. In Flan’el, Myong-hee and Sooyeon had such synchronicity. Both experienced intense cramps, and when their cycles coincided during a packed schedule, tempers sometimes flared at the crew, leading to shoot disruptions. During activity phases, they managed cycles with oral contraceptives. However, in extreme busyness, missing doses led them to seek permanent solutions despite potential side effects. “I’ve always been mindful, but I guess fundamentally, as a man, I couldn’t truly empathize. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more considerate from now on.” “No, it’s something unavoidable. I’m sorry. During that time, I wasn’t myself and couldn’t control my emotions…” Detouring briefly into the topic of menstruation, our conversation returned to its core subject. Yona knew precisely what my concern was. “When I suggested going to the movies, I knew I messed up. I agonized over it even after making the suggestion…” “If it's just strictly between a singer and a manager, it's no problem.” “But it wasn’t about that…” “Exactly. That’s the issue.” “I know how Manager views us, and I’ve tried hard not to be a burden, but lately, I think I’ve let my guard down.” “Was the schedule too tight and exhausting?” “No, I genuinely enjoy working. It’s when there’s no schedule that I get restless.” “So then?” “Well... I usually avoid complaining, but…” “It’s fine. You’re allowed to vent a little. Please, do so.” “Hehe, can I whine just this once?” “Yeah, give it your best shot.” I scrutinized Yona’s expression through the rearview mirror. With a brief sigh, Yona chewed her lips momentarily before confiding. “It’s about my dad…” “I see. So that’s it.” Yona's father, who opposed her musical dreams. I’d learned a lot about their relationship recently through Yona's sister, Sarah, who attended the Christmas party. It turned out Yona's father wasn’t initially against them pursuing entertainment careers. It was Sarah's earlier stumble that sparked his opposition. Both sisters had shared dreams of becoming idols since childhood, with unwavering support from their university professor father and homemaker mother. Sarah was the first to debut but unfortunately signed with a third-rate company. Disillusioned after releasing only a cheaply produced album and circulating bizarre events, her member’s parents eventually filed lawsuits to terminate the contracts. Sarah, not yet twenty, was deeply scarred and fell into depression. Thereafter, her father opposed Yona’s aspiring entertainer ambition. However, neither Yona nor her mother could easily dismiss their dreams. At the time, Yona was one of the top three trainees at KU Entertainment, a leading agency. She was in A Team, the stage just before debut, consistently ranking high in evaluations. Then, as I understood, she fell for Kim Seok-won's persuasion and signed with Karma, bringing them to their current situation. Yona's mother handled the contract with Karma, straining her parents' marriage. Sarah, meanwhile, hasn't mended her relationship with her father and is living on her own, working part-time while prepping for college entrance exams. As regrettable as it is for Sarah, stepping away from entertainment was wise. She didn’t have a fraction of her sister’s aura. Understanding both Yona and her father’s stance, it made sense. What parent wouldn’t worry seeing their child tread a tough path? Yona assured she bore no ill will knowing her father's intentions. As penned in her ‘I doll’ lyrics, she works harder to earn her father’s approval. “You know you’ve been trending from the Girl Crush competition, right?” “Well, even if he didn’t see it, someone there must have mentioned it.” “What if we paid him a visit together? Aren’t you at a place now where you could proudly introduce yourself? You’ve got ad offers and even major network slots lined up.” She chuckled softly at my cautious proposal. “I’d probably get choked.” “Oh, really? Is he that intimidating?” “No, you’d be.” “My neck?” “Yes.” “He’s a martial artist? Black belt?” It was meant to lighten the mood, but Yona answered earnestly. “Just know he’s a P.E. university professor. He’s around 186cm. Did judo, hapkido... pretty much excels at all sports.” “Oh... then perhaps after some more achievements. We should at least get a music show victory first, right?” Yona finally let out a lighthearted laugh. Her troubled heart seemed eased. With year’s end, family thoughts naturally weighed heavier. “Is your period pain better?” “Yes. It only hits hard for about two days.” “Right. Myong-hee had severe menstrual pain too and underwent a procedure.” “What procedure?” “What was it called again...? Something similar to an implant... anyway, she had some small rod inserted in her arm.” A pause of one, two, three seconds. “How do you know that?” Tinged with a sudden realization! "Oh? Ah... It was Jehee who mentioned it. Said she had it done with Soohyoun." "Isn't that a birth control procedure?" "Oh, is it? I didn’t know..." "And Jehee talks about that stuff with you?" "Jehee's pretty open like that." "Are you possibly flirting with Jehee?" Twitch! "No." "Good, if you're not." "Shall we head in? It’s getting cold, isn’t it?" "Who was it that said, 'When caught changing the subject, your hand will fly off...'" "Why would I change the subject?" "Be careful. If Seowon finds out, she might kill you. Both you and Jehee..." "It's nothing like that. We only met a few times for work." "I hope it's not. Anyway, are we done talking? Shall we head in?" "Yona..." "Yes?" "Should I... should I tell Seowon now as well?" "About you meeting Jehee?" "No, it’s just... Seowon likes me, you know. I think I should tell her to stop. The other girls too..." Since I had already clarified things with Yona, I thought I should deal with everything, all at once. The targets were the hopeless trio of unrequited affection. Yoo Eun-bit, who couldn’t differentiate between guardian and idol. ‘Oppa, your backside is great!’ Out of the blue love confessions from Yeon-hong. ‘Wow, this is really delicious, I love you, Manager.’ And the most problematic one, Destruction Queen Han Seowon. ‘If I can’t have it, I’ll break it. Kill you and suicide.’ First things first, I'll deal with the clingy villain, Han Seowon. However, Yona responded skeptically. "Do you think Seowon will stop liking you if you tell her not to?" "I think it’s good to be clear about my intentions, regardless. We can’t just leave things as they are." "If you tell Seowon to stop, she might just obsess over you more." Yona continued with the demeanor of a savvy senior in love matters. “If I felt hurt, imagine how she must feel.” “Really...? You felt hurt too?” “Of course, when a woman confesses first and gets rejected, it’s strange not to feel hurt, isn’t it?” "Oh, I see. I’m sorry about that..." "But it's better to be upfront like you are, rather than giving false hope." "Right?" "But Seowon is an exception." "Right...?" This is troublesome, really troublesome. My heart is clear, but I can’t keep giving false hope, I thought, when suddenly a question struck me. "But Yona." "Yes." "Why doesn’t Seowon get jealous of you guys? She glares daggers even when she sees me talking to broadcast writers." "She gets jealous of us too. Especially of Hong-hong." "She’s relatively lenient with the team, though, isn’t she?" "Relatively speaking, yes, but... oh? Seowon’s coming out." Following Yona's gaze, I turned towards the dorm entrance. Seowon was striding out, grumbling under her breath with an irritated expression. Probably wondering what we were up to in the car. Already, her approach seems daunting. < Aligning Perspectives―Yona > End