142 - Upki Girl

<Where did you pick up clothes that make you look like an ostrich?> "K, Liya, look outside. Isn't the scenery amazing?" "Yeah. It looks like a winter wonderland." The mountains and fields flanking the road were completely covered in snow. Everyone else, including the stylist, was asleep, leaving only Jang-woo, Aliyah, and me awake. With the blinds on the car window fully drawn back, Liya and I shared fried dumplings we had brought from our lodgings, leisurely enjoying the exquisite snowy landscape of Gangwon Province. "But did you know? To soldiers, that white snow is worse than poop. To them, it's like poop falling from the sky." "Why?" "They have to keep shoveling it away before it piles up on the paths. Even if they're asleep, if snow falls, they have to rush out." "Whoa, poor soldiers. I heard their pay's not even worth an ant's backside." "I'm not sure how much they get these days. Jang-woo, what’s the salary for a soldier now?" "This year it’s reportedly doubled to about 400,000 won." Aliyah was unexpectedly shocked. "What? That's not an ant's backside, though. Isn't that twelve million won a month? That's quite a lot, right?" Our adorable princess understood it as a daily wage of 40. "No, the salary is 400,000 won a month. Forty a month." "What the...? " Aliyah's face was marked with shock. She clearly couldn't comprehend how anyone could manage living on that amount for a month. If she found out how much it was back in my day, she'd have a heart attack. "In my time, it was just over 20,000 won a month. As a sergeant's salary." "Really? That sounds absolutely crazy." To Jang-woo, who was discharged last year, it was like hearing a folktale from the age of ammonite-smoking, and Aliyah looked almost on the verge of tears, confused. "20,000 won...?" After a few more minutes of driving, a building that seemed to be the barracks finally came into view. Banners with today's event details were hung along the roadside. ――――― A performance by the Armed Forces Broadcasting for Yanggu residents and soldiers' families. — Part 1: Soldiers' Talent Show (10 teams) 15:00-16:00 — Part 2: Main Performance (Guest Singers/Entertaining Soldiers) 16:00-17:30 ――――― Jang-woo and I muttered simultaneously. "Will ordinary people come in this weather...?" "It's way too cold." Originally, the event was set to take place at the indoor gymnasium near the county office, considering the cold wave. But due to facility issues, they hastily moved it to the unit's parade ground. Well, if you think of it as a local festival, the cold might become a cherished memory. A moment later, we reached the signpost with the unit number at the entrance to the guard post. "Hey guys, wake up now." "Are we there yet...?" "Yeah. We'll have to start rehearsing right away, so warm up your voices. Jang-woo, put on the MR for the kids." "Yes." "Mm! Mm!" One by one, the members awakened, and the energy returned to the car as music began to play. Aliyah wiggled her furry slipper-clad feet at me as I wore my jumper. "K.Y.A.H. 0830, Aliyah, put on your socks first." What is this, a prisoner number? "Okay, sure." "No, no, brush off your feet first. There's sand on your soles." "Ah!" Like a groom tending to his bride's soles, I energetically clapped my palms against her soles. —Slap! Slap! Slap! "Look at all this... what? Sand!" Satisfyingly responsive! Aliyah shrieked at the sound. "Ouch, do it gentler! You'll need to kneel in this cold to come to your senses!" "Liya, you’re the one who's going to get in trouble. Stop bothering the manager and do it yourself." Yona finally stepped in to put a stop to it. Yet, Aliyah's loyalty was admirable. Even as she pouted, not once did she reveal the secret exchanges between us, sheepishly offering, "It’s not that, Aliyah’s feet really hurt..." and covering up for me. This caused Eunbyeol, sitting in the back, to come forward and take Liya's socks from my hand. "I'll help you wear them." Liya accepted this with contentment, gazing down at Eunbyeol, who was helping him with his socks, with a doting look, as if he adored her. "Aliyah likes being taken care of by the older girls. It feels like being loved, doesn’t it? Overflowing happiness, extreme happiness." Meanwhile, the large van skilfully zigzagged past the barricades and halted in front of the guardhouse. A duty officer, fully equipped with winter attire so that only their eyes were visible, tightened the strap of their rifle and walked over. To Jang-woo and me, they were just another soldier, but to the unknowing UpKeyGirl members, who had only ever seen soldiers on leave in uniform, they seemed somewhat cool. With a mix of tension and excitement, they squealed in delight. "So cool..." "A gun, a gun! Oppa, is that a real gun?" "Yes, it’s real." "Does it have bullets, too?" "Well, it's probably not live rounds, and the guard post likely has blanks, right, Jang-woo?" "Uh, I'm not sure either. I was an A-Residence chauffeur and never stood guard duty..." "Blanks! Ooh, it sounds powerful just by the name!" "What brings you here?" The guard on duty asked through the open window. The kids huddled behind the driver’s seat, eager to see even just the eyes of the duty officer. "Yes, hello. We’re here for the Armed Forces Broadcast performance team." "Driver, please proceed this way to submit your ID and fill out the access log. How many of you are there in total?" "Ten!" Eunbyeol leaned forward and shouted towards the driver’s side. Seo-won, Hong-i, and Yona followed in turn. "Show your face, please." "Wow, I can tell he's handsome just by his eyes." "Two sticks mean he's a private." Yona occasionally displayed her clumsy side. "Wow, Yona, how do you know that? Did you have a soldier boyfriend?" No, Liya, Yona doesn’t know that either. If Eunbyeol had only kept quiet, she could have at least stayed neutral, but she had to jump in with confidence. "It's basic to know this kind of stuff if you live in a divided country. One stick is a Private, two sticks is a Lance Corporal, three sticks is a Corporal..." And you, I guess, you'd be a "what-the-hell" Private. Let's ignore her. Eunbyeol was just being Eunbyeol. Jang-woo got out of the car to head to the guard post, while the girls continued to show interest in the duty officer through the open window. "Uh...?" It seemed the soldier finally recognized our group. Though his expression was obscured by his mask, I could sense his cheeks lifting in a grin. With a southern accent, he asked cautiously, "Are you with UpKeyGirl by any chance?" "That's right!" "I'm a fan." "Wow, really? Amazing! The soldier oppa recognized us! Eight cylinders! Eight cylinders!" "Who's your favorite?" In response to Seo-won's standard question, Private Choi Hyun-wook answered without hesitation, "I like Seo-won." "Ooh, Seo-won unnie~" With Eunbyeol's playful comment, Seo-won flashed a satisfied smile. She quickly donned her padded jacket and stepped out of the car, responding to Private Choi with a brief hug. "You have good taste in women. With such discernment, you'll meet a great woman." "I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago." "Oh dear. Why?" "She said she couldn't wait." Private Choi's bittersweet confession about his breakup sent the atmosphere among the girls skyrocketing like a furnace. Words of sympathy like "That's terrible," "How could she?" and offers of comfort poured out as they consoled Private Choi. Seo-won, pointing to the makeup artist Jung-hee sitting in the passenger seat, even suggested an impromptu meeting. "What do you think of this unnie? She hasn’t had a boyfriend in over two years." Perhaps intrigued, Private Choi stole a glance at Jung-hee's face and shyly replied, "She's pretty." Jung-hee is indeed pretty. She's well-dressed and has a cheerful personality. "What do you think of the soldier oppa, unnie?" In response to Seo-won's question, Jung-hee coolly asked Private Choi, "Can I see your face?" "Well..." Seemingly lacking confidence, he gently lowered his face mask. Despite the military ambiance, he was a tall, handsome young man. Jung-hee seemed impressed, nodding as she asked, "How old are you?" "Twenty-two." "A baby. How do you feel about older women?" "I don't mind age." "If you have no one to meet when you’re on leave, give me a call. I can at least buy you a drink." Jung-hee handed him a note with her contact information. "Kyaa!" "Jung-hee unnie is so charming!" "Oh my, I just fell for Jung-hee unnie." "Is it okay to really contact you?" "Yes. I wouldn't give it if I didn't mean it." "I'm on leave next month, so I'll definitely reach out." "Kyaa! His soldier talk is so forceful!" "Date! Date!" Ah, youth, youth. I don't know how this connection will end, but watching it unfold left me feeling delightfully ticklish. A little later, Jang-woo, having finished with the entry procedures, returned, and we entered the unit to greet the production team preparing for the performance. "Thank you so much for coming. It's really cold, isn't it?" "It is chilly. They say there will be civilian spectators too; do you think there will be many?" "Yes, it'll likely be full to the point of overflowing." Song Ji-seon, a writer who by her voice seemed like she'd be composed and sharp, turned out to be a somewhat plump, warm-looking working mom. She kept expressing both her gratitude and apologies, trying her best to ensure our comfort. "You'll be performing two songs, but due to time constraints, only one or both might be broadcast. But for UpKeyGirl, we'll definitely send out both." "The thing is, we only released one song under the UpKeyGirl name. Can we broadcast a cover song too?" "Of course, as long as you provide the MR beforehand, you can choose freely." The waiting area was a tent set up behind the stage. They said rehearsals would proceed in the order of arrival, so we handed over the MR CD and moved to the waiting area. "Let's see who else is performing..." While the girls received their makeup touch-ups, I checked the list of performers on the cue sheet posted on the tent wall. An unfamiliar girl group, the sexy trot singer Jung-hee, UpKeyGirl, and the fourth act's name jabbed my throat like a fishbone. 'EyeContact' It seems we were sworn enemies in a past life. And true to the cliché that enemies always meet in the waiting room. "For an outdoor performance on a day like this? Knowing how revealing our girls' outfits are." "Exactly. I'm really sorry." "So we'll just do one song and leave. Honestly, it's too cold today, right?" The arrogant voice of that guy grew closer to the waiting area. Though I didn't show it outwardly, I could feel Yona's mood grow cold at that slick voice. "There's a team ahead waiting for their turn, so EyeContact can rehearse second." "Why do we have to rehearse? Can't we just go first and get it over with? You can edit it in post for the broadcast. Our girls are busy preparing for the follow-up to that jungle series on SBS." "Yes, yes, I know. Replay Girl. I'll try to discuss it with the other artists." "Aww..." The tent entrance was lifted, revealing Song Ji-seon, flustered, accompanied by the smug Kim Seok-won, and EyeContact wrapped in an inappropriately grand fur coat for their age, filing in. "I'm sure within your authority, Song Ji-seon, you can at least... Oh...?" "Hello." As I nodded in greeting first, Kim Seok-won eyed me with an arrogant look, jesting, "Oh, it’s you." Caught off guard, even though their rivals were unpleasant, the UpKeyGirl members decided to at least greet them properly. Mechanically, they stood up and chorused, "Hello, we're UpKeyGirl!" "What’s with the formal greeting? Just be yourselves, like you usually are. We see each other often enough. It’s awkward, guys." Full of sarcasm. While standing behind Writer Song Ji-seon, I shot a mocking glance at EyeContact and retorted in kind. "Oh, no matter how close we are, greetings are still necessary, right, EyeCons? I must say, that coat is impressive. It just radiates luxury. Is it the nouveau riche madame style from the '90s?" Kim Seok-won pointed a finger at me, retorting, "Oh, right. Congrats." "On what?" "You’re maintaining a steady fourth place in that Replay Girl teaser poll, I hear?" Snicker, snicker, look at this guy. Couldn't resist stirring up trouble, could he? "You were quite close to catching up to LoveOne, almost turning the tables, right? UpKeyGirl sure has stamina. Where do you even find these quirky kids… right, Yona?" I immediately intercepted the jab aimed at Yona. "We were quite surprised too. We expected to be mid-tier since we didn’t have any boy group support. If a fandom like A-Tension was backing us, we could have rung the bells and chanted and still hit number one. Looking back, we should have chosen a boy group for the role model mission." "That’s all about strategy and company prowess. You’ll learn a lot this time around with the show, Hum Hum Hum. Ask me anything you’re curious about. I’ll help as much as I can." "Maybe you could arrange a meeting with CP Jin Sang-yoon for us." "Why him?" "I’d like to advise him to choose wisely so he doesn’t go down with a doomed ship." "Heh, a doomed ship...?" "Yes. As a CP, he seems quite out of touch. Does he really need to taste to see if it's poop or soy paste...?" "Wow, I thought Hum Hum Hum’s manager was straightforward, but..." I didn’t wait for Kim Seok-won to finish and turned to Writer Song Ji-seon. "Writer, can we start rehearsing now?" "Uh... I think they’re still setting up... let me check for you." "Yes, please." After Writer Song left, Kim Seok-won and EyeContact gave us smirks, openly directing them at my members. I took the opportunity and sharpened my verbal dagger at them. "Hey, don’t you know how to greet? If you can't do it live, at least lip-sync your greeting like on stage. And why do you look like you just ate something terrible, wearing those ostrich-like coats on such a nice day? Are you trying to be funny?" "Hey, stop it." Ignoring Kim Seok-won’s attempt to intervene, I delivered another blow. "Listen carefully, guys. You lack talent, don’t work hard, look average at best, and barely have any distinct character. So you better at least learn to smile well. Unlike my kids whose natural charm just bursts, you're fundamentally different. Rootless, that’s what you are. Watch our performance today and learn something. It doesn’t cost anything to learn." <Where did you pick up clothes that make you look like an ostrich?> End.