208 After Miyagi - Story About Buying My Classmate Once A Week

After Miyagi Chapter 208 I take off my clothes and examine my body in the bathroom mirror. I thought the same thing yesterday and this morning, but really, it's terrible. Countless marks left by Miyagi cover my reflection in the mirror. They’re only in places hidden by clothes, so there’s virtually no chance anyone else would see them. But when I think about the possibility of going to the hospital due to an accident or illness, I can't help but sigh. I really should have stopped Miyagi earlier. When she said she wanted to check the marks. When she told me to lift my shirt properly. When she pushed me down. There were plenty of opportunities to stop her. But I couldn’t do it and ended up allowing new marks to be added to my body. I trace a mark below my collarbone, one left yesterday. Miyagi knows I’ll listen no matter what she says. That’s why she can leave marks like this. One, two, three. My fingertips trace over some of Miyagi’s marks in the mirror. Just touching a few of them makes me feel Miyagi's presence, making the depths of my body warm. Today’s increase in numbers only strengthens the feeling of wanting her. 'All of you belongs to me.' Miyagi said something strange yesterday, causing my body to react oddly to the marks. I should’ve just said earlier that I wouldn’t go to my part-time job or university. Such thoughts pop into my head, and I squeeze my eyes shut. In the end, I couldn’t touch Miyagi any more than that. It was the right thing to do, and I think that’s what Miyagi wanted too. I didn’t do anything wrong. And yet, I regret it. I slowly open my eyes, touching the spot where Miyagi bit my lip. There’s no blood on my fingers, but it still hurts. Miyagi is a fool. Even if she leaves kiss marks where they can’t be seen, it’s pointless if she leaves a noticeable wound on my lip. Even so, I think it’s good that the wound is visible. It’s painful and bleeds; it’s easy to recognize as an injury that needs healing. But the marks on my body are different. The red, akin to blood in the mirror, resembles a wound but isn’t an injury, nor does it seem like one. Just by knowing Miyagi left them, what was merely a bruise becomes something special to me, melding with my body and letting her soak into me. Even if they fade, they will surely remain within me, making me long for the next mark. Miyagi’s marks are like that, and I don’t want to heal them like other wounds. On the contrary, I want her to leave more, in visible places as well. While I worry about continuously getting marked like today, an even stronger part of me craves new marks. Because of Miyagi’s marks, the part of me that tries to follow reason and the part trying to escape it are splitting, making my chest ache. The part I must keep locked away wants to abandon university and my part-time job, choosing instead to stay by Miyagi’s side. "This is messed up." I mutter softly and enter the bathroom. I turn on the shower, letting lukewarm water run over the marks as if to wash them away, rubbing them strongly despite knowing they won’t disappear. I don’t dislike receiving such marks, nor do I mind Miyagi seeing my body. But if this continues, I won’t be able to stop myself from splitting apart in the near future. I wish I had the power to turn the impossible possible. I want to fulfill Miyagi’s wishes as much as I can, but fulfilling the wish I heard today is impossible. She probably knows that, too, but wishing, “Stay here instead of going to your job or university,” is unrealistic. For two or three days, I can give all my time to Miyagi, but I can’t continue to do so indefinitely. If I keep skipping university, my family’s support will likely be cut off, and if that happens, I’ll have to work to maintain my current lifestyle. Once I start working to just make a living, I’ll have even less time at home. If listening to Miyagi would make her happy, I’d want to do that. My own desires are irrelevant. That’s what I think, but I lack the power to make the impossible possible. Even though I can give her as many feelings as she wants. I’m filled with feelings for Miyagi that she might say she doesn’t need. I don’t know when they grew to be so vast, but these burgeoning feelings want to escape from within me, despite my desire to maintain the status quo. Yet, I can’t express my love. I turn up the strength of the shower. The lukewarm water, almost matching my body temperature, wets the many marks and drains away. I can’t help but wish this lukewarm warmth were Miyagi’s heat instead, and I stop the shower. Please, let’s remain as roommates. Though I knew I shouldn’t voice these feelings, Miyagi’s words have become a curse, clamping my mouth shut even tighter. Moreover, my feelings for Miyagi, which have grown too deep, are becoming something I can’t express even if the chain of being roommates disappears. That’s because I fear that if I say I love her, I might not only break our relationship as roommates but also break Miyagi herself. Lately, Miyagi talks a lot, saying things that make it seem like she loves me. She surprises me with how openly she expresses her feelings, making me feel as if I’m allowed to feel affection, so I draw closer to her. But then she quickly distances herself, leaving only fragments of Miyagi in my hands. Even if I think I’ve gotten closer, it’s only for a moment, and the next time I look, it feels like Miyagi is in a different place. Even eating together, being in the same room, or feeling her warmth next to me, we don’t seem to be in the same space. Fragments of Miyagi are scattered here and there, and I keep collecting them. If I continue approaching Miyagi like this and ever manage to convey my feelings, I’m scared she’ll crumble to pieces and disappear from my sight. Yet, more than that, I want to get closer to Miyagi, to tell her I love her. I turn the shower on again. I wash my hair and body, then leave the bathroom. I change into sweatpants that serve as pajamas, dry my hair, and drink orange juice in the shared space. The glass empties quickly, and I glance at Miyagi’s room door. Tonight, it’s probably better to return to my room without saying anything. Thinking that, my hand is already knocking on her door. “What is it?” After knocking three times, the door opens slightly, and Miyagi peeks out. “The bathroom is free now.” I say, and with a “Yeah,” the door starts to close. I call out, “Miyagi.” “Is there something else?” “Want to take a bath together sometime?” I say, not seriously, but hoping a little that it could happen. “No way. I’m not doing that.” “I figured you’d say that.” As soon as she replies, Miyagi tries to close the door again, and I catch her hand. I should just go back to my room quietly. I think so, but I can’t let go of Miyagi’s hand. I used to be good at matching with others, but I can’t seem to do it with Miyagi. Something I could always do, I can’t do anymore only in front of her. “Sendai-san.” Miyagi's small voice reverberates delicately in my eardrums. "What is it?" "...Is doing things like what we just did something you only let me do?" Whether it's leaving red marks, giving kiss marks, or making me hers with indelible marks, it's clear that "things like what we just did" refer to those actions. "Of course, I wouldn't let anyone but you do something like that." "Then that's good." I can't quite grasp the meaning of that "good" I heard. Is it "good" as in relief? "Good" as in resignation? Or is it something else entirely? Without finding an answer, the door closes with a soft thud.