172 - Upki Girl

< Sometimes Men Feel Melancholy for No Apparent Reason > When one unintentionally leads a more ascetic life than others, there are days like this. Suddenly, one's circumstances seem lamentable, setting one's insides ablaze, feeling suffocated, and wanting to dash out to indulge in some mischief. A day when the paranoia sets in, thinking that somehow the women I ought to meet are being taken by someone else. A day overwhelmed by the delusion that, although there's a set number of the opposite sex each person is meant to meet, only I might die without fulfilling that number. On such days, even the most rational version of me can feel an outburst of frustration and irritation, preferring to keep my mouth clamped shut. And from the day my blind date with Editor Jung Ah-yoon turned into a complete disaster, a new delusion took root. A rational fear that, because of five miscreants that appeared one day, I could end up an elderly bachelor, worrying about nocturnal emissions until I'm 80. These anxieties often surge when I'm alone in bed at night, silent during busy daytime or evening hours, and I might have thrown a fit if someone had been with me then. But even that often quickly fades, as I fall sound asleep and return to my usual composure upon waking up, as if nothing happened. So it wasn’t really a big issue. It wasn’t until... Of all times, that psychological discomfort had to erupt when the kids were all gathered. Though, truthfully, it was bound to happen at some point... *** < UpKey Girl Official Cafe Announcement > The internet broadcasting station "Muse TV" is opening a live monitoring room for the "Replay Girl - Sports Day" episode. Let's cheer together while chatting with UpKey Girl members! - Time: February 16th, Friday, starting at 9:40 PM - Channel Name: "Upbeat Friday Under the Influence" ――――――――――― While Jang Woo and I were trailing after UpKey Girl at the event, Director Yeom and Manager Kim Sang-in weren’t just idling. They were busy organizing schedules for CFs, broadcasts, and events, and recently partnered in an advertising deal with Muse TV, an internet broadcasting site. Due to the fierce competition in the one-person media content space, Muse TV, having entered the market late, had to take a bold marketing stance, of which UpKey Girl was the first project and advertisement model. Rumor has it that staff members recalled Eunbi broadcasting on Muse TV before her debut. With UpKey Girl's rising brand power, it was deemed fitting to target the younger demographic. — Luckily, none were aware of Hongyi’s embarrassing past — Despite never having ranked number one, they were recognized for their future brand value, thus securing the best treatment amongst rookie groups as they signed the contract. Since debut, UpKey Girl's internet broadcasts were consistently streamed via portal site apps, but for the upcoming year, they would exclusively broadcast on Muse TV. All coins earned during broadcasts would be donated entirely. One hour before the broadcast. As the kids received makeup in one corner of the dance studio, Jang Woo and I started preparing for the internet broadcast. “We need to fit more here.” “Okay.” “One, two, three!” We were setting up a TV for monitoring when Beacon, who was about to leave work, peeked in and spoke up. “Wow. Feels like a World Cup group cheering atmosphere here.” “We’re ordering snacks. Stick around and join us, hyung.” “What mission is it this time?” “Sports day.” “Oh, I heard it was a complete sweep?” “Yes, all gold medals except one.” “Hehe, it should be fun to watch.” “I guess this is how fans of Barca or Real in an easy Champions League group feel.” “I’m heading home to watch with my wife.” “Wife? You got married, hyung?” “Oh, didn’t I mention I have a girlfriend now?” At the news of Beacon hyung breaking free from the solo squad, UpKey Girl members swarmed like ants to candy. “What? Teacher got a girlfriend?” “When?” “How?” “To what extent have you progressed physically?” “Oh, I didn’t mention this? When I used to live in Itaewon…” That was a mistake. Beacon, who loved to talk, started winding up, beginning with the tale of his first love 23 years ago, before even mentioning his current girlfriend. Initially, the kids listened attentively, but as five minutes passed without any mention of the current girlfriend, they began losing focus, feigning distractions. Eventually, Seo Won, unable to endure it any longer, signaled with a frown for me to intervene. “Hyung, didn't you say you need to get going? Won’t your wife be waiting?” “Oh, just let me finish this. You see, what happened was she already had a boy she liked. By the time I returned from LA, her feelings had changed. Oh, have I mentioned why I went to LA? There was this black bro I used to work with in Itaewon…” This was bad. The LA episode would add another five minutes... “Hold on, rap teacher.” It was Riyah who put the brakes on the LA episode. With a cold expression as if a penguin might pop out of her face, she raised her hand. “Oh, maknae. Is there something you’re curious about?” “Aliyah has been watching silently all this time.” “Yes.” “But no matter how I think about it, Beacon Teacher talks too much. What we’re curious about is how you met your current girlfriend. Why are we hearing about first love, Itaewon, and LA? We all know those stories from long ago.” —Clap!— She swung the truth bat perfectly. Yet rather than refreshing, it was more embarrassing. The UpKey Girl members coughed awkwardly, looking for somewhere to direct their gaze, and Jang Woo and I pretended we didn’t hear. However, Beacon hyung, rather than feeling hurt, cheerfully continued. “Maknae, just wait till you age. You forget the conversations you had yesterday and keep repeating them. And the stories get longer.” “Don’t lie to us. Look at Rukkoko, he isn’t like that.” “Who’s Rukkoko?” “Munno.” "Hey, he's still young. Back when I was thirty-five, I was quite the catch myself." "So, where exactly did you meet your girlfriend? Just give us the highlights using the six journalistic questions." "Oh, last week I went with Hunmin to Club A and met her through a blind meeting. She's twenty-eight." "Wow, isn't twenty-eight quite a big age gap for Beacon Teacher?" "Yeah, twelve years apart." Upon hearing this, Eunbi shouted, demanding an explanation. "What?! A whole zodiac cycle difference?" "Lol, Rap Teacher, you're such a rogue!" "You're just stealing happiness!" Meanwhile, Seowon and Hongyi were unfazed by the revelation. "A twelve-year gap isn't all that much." "Right, the kids just don’t know any better." Yona nodded in agreement. "Age doesn't really matter when it comes to love." "But there should be some limit," Eunbi retorted. Just then, she accidentally met my eyes and suddenly looked like she had spotted an alien. "Oh, wait. There's a fifteen-year difference between you and me..." "Hold it, hold it. Aliya, time." After mumbling some calculations, Riyah also looked like she'd found an unexpected bill in her pocket. "Huh... We're even worse." Seeing this, Seowon and Hongyi, who are the same age, rushed forward like referees declaring a penalty kick. "Alright, alright, that’s enough! Eunbi, Aliya, you two are out. Go date someone closer to your age." "Yep, go for younger guys. They’re cute and fun, right? Anyway, you two are officially out. No take-backs." Honestly, Yona was looking like she just scored a win without lifting a finger… But don’t get too ahead of yourself, Yona. Because in reality, all five of you are out of the race. The moment they sabotaged my date with Editor Jung Ah-yoon, I realized once again: despite different manners of expression, deep down, they're all versions of Seowon. Even Yona, who I once thought of as 'Candidate One,' is essentially Seowon in disguise. With her good nature and striking looks, Hongyi, who nursed me all night after the Busan performance, showed potential as ‘Candidate Two,’ but ultimately proves to be a latent Seowon as well. None of the UpKey Girl members have a solid sense of what a proper relationship entails. Using Seowon as a baseline of 1, here's how it pans out: — Eunbi: 0.6 Seowon: While she doesn't have impressive hardware, her knowledge about me leads to a high level of interference. My sense of guilt over past failures increases my attachment to her, which is slightly different from that towards other members. — Yona: 0.7 Seowon: Considering her penchant to appeal in just her undergarments or her attempts to kiss me while I tried to sleep, it feels like a sly serpent has coiled within her. Don’t forget, Yona’s ‘Yo’ can mean ‘tricky’ or ‘sorceress’ Yo. — Hongyi: 0.4 Seowon: Still shy when alone, but blends into the crowd to constantly try things. During the time she looked after me in Busan, she attempted to solve issues with strength when I didn’t listen. While the basic physical differences between men and women mean I wouldn’t lose in a contest of strength, when sick or asleep, who knows? — Aliya: She’s just a pure 1 Aliya. If converted into Seowon units, she could likely be 1.3 Seowon. Her life is like a Pandora's box, leaving me hesitant to ask—despite her youth, there are times she seems craftier than Yona. The key point is when they’re together, they compensate for each other’s weaknesses, creating a synergy. This team buff likely adds about a 0.2 Seowon synergy score to each member. And this brings an ironic question to mind. Despite their frequent clashes over differing personalities and values, they’ve never fought over jealousy or possessiveness towards me. Some superficial sparring does occur, but overall, it feels like mutual recognition and understanding, akin to queen consorts acknowledging each other in the royal court of ancient Joseon. However, as mentioned earlier, when the five of them gather, their offensive power aligns with the Dream Team era’s NBA, while their defense resembles Italy’s catenaccio under Cannavaro—making it nearly impossible for other women to approach me. Though Jehee was once considered a special alternative, poised to break the UpKey Girl squad with her affiliation with Plan L, she too eventually exited. Faced with a choice between Jehee and the kids, hadn’t I chosen UpKey Girl? Thus, what kind of woman should I meet in the future… "In any case, you have to get married at some point. That means starting a relationship now..." Oops. I was so deep in thought that words slipped out unintentionally. Jang Woo and I were adjusting the webcam focus after Beacon Hyung left. Hearing my nonsensical mutter, Jang Woo, seated nearby, looked at me and asked, "Sorry, what?" The girls, getting their makeup done by the stylists, also turned towards me curiously. Improvisation has become second nature as a manager. Quickly, I turned to Jang Woo. "Won’t you get married someday?" "...That’s sudden." "It’s not sudden. You’ll get married eventually, right? So, shouldn’t you start dating now?" "Uh... maybe later. I’m just enjoying work now, not thinking about girls." "Really?" "Yeah." "Must be nice..." I can’t stop thinking about girls... Jang Woo, do you ever wonder if you’ll have nocturnal emissions every night at this age? "Luccoco." "What is it, punk?" With an air of nobility, Riyah, receiving her makeup and seated with legs crossed, looked down at me under her long lashes, raising her chin slightly at a 45-degree angle. "You should learn a thing or two from Jang Woo. There was a time when I admired Luccoco for his focus and felt sorry for him at times, but these days it seems like he's got his mind elsewhere. Channel those unresolved urges into work, into work." Such an annoyingly perceptive little brat. Listen to her talking with the audacity of being above me, as if she knows everything. "Pay heed to what Aliya says. For a man to achieve societal success, he has to stay away from women." "No, that's a misunderstanding. If you remove you guys from my life, there's hardly anything left, that's how much I'm focused on UpKey Girl. I mean, even SingSingGirl made the absurd joke that I should consider you as future brides. Doesn't that mean I have nothing but you?" To feign my innocence, I put on a vacant expression as if I had given up on the world and glanced at where the girls were gathered. Yona, who had finished her styling first, was looking at me with a deeply satisfied expression. That girl... She typically opted for leggings or comfortable training clothes when coming to practice, but recently, she’s stubbornly adhered to styles emphasizing stockings. It likely started after Eunbi mentioned the random leg series on my external hard drive that features legs prominently among my stored adult videos. Not long ago, I thought I was being discreet, but it's clear that my dark intentions have become more apparent and impure. Just look at her. Today, she matched high-waisted leather shorts with semi-transparent black stockings, and she’s skillfully playing with her indoor slippers using just her toe tips to subtly draw my gaze. But I'm not particularly into stockings, Yonah... Am I overreacting? No, absolutely not. Then what's up with those pigtails? Ever since Fremisu12's Sky came out as a fan, it seems like they’ve taken turns, sporting pigtails. Today's turn for the pigtail duty was Yona. The combination of sexy sheer black stockings and the innocence symbolized by pigtails... What a horrifying hybrid... I called out to Yona, who was blatantly shining her eyes at me. "Yona." "Yes?" "You seem to be housing some mischief these days." "*snicker* Why?" "Just... you look lonely. The manager thinks it'd be good for you to meet some guys." "Hahaha! Why are you like this all of a sudden? I'm not lonely." I critiqued all the members collectively. "It's not just Yona; you're all the same. There's no company policy against dating, so why aren't you dating? During this album promotion, if the male idols show interest, pretend to fall for it a bit. Other girl groups do it just fine. You're in your prime dating years and not doing so now might lead to regrets later on." Eunbi blinked her eyes innocently and asked back. "Like you?" "Yeah." "You want to date, don't you?" "Yeah." "Our poor oppa..." "Knowing that... could you not get in the way of my blind dates anymore?" "But what can we do? Consider it fate. Maybe you should give up in this life. Instead, you have five beautiful, cute, and even sexy girls attached to you." Oh, what's wrong with me? Eunbi's typical jab, but it suddenly made me feel gloomy and hollow. Yet at the same time, an overwhelming surge simmered within, hard to control. I'm far off from the age for a mid-life crisis. Is this depression stemming from unfulfilled desires? If I continue this conversation, I might end up taking my frustration out on the kids. So, I decided it was best to make a tactical retreat. I definitely need to find someone I can vent to over drinks to lift my spirits. Preferably, that someone is a lady I could cuddle with. "Jang Woo, I'll inform Yeom; you two wrap things up today. I need to go get some air." Twenty minutes until the internet broadcast, forty minutes until Replay Girl’s main show. I walked out of the office, ignoring the kids’ voices as they echoed behind me. Only after exiting did I realize. I have no one to call... ...Yeah, there’s no way I… I paused in an alley, scrolling through my phone contacts. Nothing stood out. They all seemed underwhelming. Meeting friends felt lacking, and I didn’t fancy a casual drink with a woman, hoping it’d lead to more intimate connections later on. Only Jehee or Jung Ah-yoon seemed plausible... Jehee, Jung Ah-yoon, Jehee, Jung Ah-yoon... Screw it! Me: [Wanna grab a drink?] Just as I was about to hit send, someone sneaked up and wrapped their arms around my waist. It could only be one of them. Damn it, why does this feeling of relief overtake me? I'm thankful they stopped a common bachelor like me from another reckless misadventure at 35. Yet, I gritted my teeth and asked coldly. "Who’s there?" "Aw, our Kim Yoon-ho Manager must’ve had a hard time..." < Sometimes Men Feel Melancholy for No Apparent Reason > End