127 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.127 #127. Variable “Arghhhhh!” Lying on a soft bed, wrapped snugly in a blanket, I couldn't shake off the restless feeling in my heart. Doa... What on earth are you doing... Why are you recommending that to the Ping-Tuk group? She must have had some reason for saying it, right? Or did she bring it up simply for something to talk about with no real thought behind it? Either way, it felt like I'd taken an emotional hit. And even though my appearance was only about five seconds, she told me off rudely not to show off in front of otakus... I finally sent Doa a text to convey my plea to drop the subject, and only then did she refrain from bringing it up again. Even as I continued watching the broadcast, I couldn't shake off my anxiety. If I really become famous, will I not even have time to watch broadcasts? Setting aside the annoyance of others, what if they schedule something on the day of the Ruka concert... That would be the epitome of putting the cart before the horse. I might end up in a situation where I gifted Doa an original song, but wasn't able to see her perform it. It's as they say, doing good deeds for others while losing out yourself. No, no, no. I have to make sure to say I absolutely can't work that day. Whatever it takes, I had to avoid that situation. Through the screen, I watched pink hair swaying back and forth. [Me? My goal for this year... well, I guess it's for Closer to get even bigger?] [As a proud idol, my goal is to show you all an even better version of myself!] Her spirited answer lifted my mood as well. Someday, could I, too, be someone who gives strength to others as a public figure? Sure, the impetus might be Ruka's concert, but if things worked out and I continued this path, I'd also need a goal. Where am I even headed? Even while watching the broadcast, images of the future played out in my mind. If things go well, it'll be troublesome. If they fail, I doubt it would feel good. Regardless of the field, failing to rise to a challenge remains unchanged. [Alright! How about we start the game now?] Ruka and the Ping-Tuk group exchanged lively banter, laughing brightly. ...I'll just have to keep going a bit longer to see what happens. I thought it was too early to discuss success or failure just yet. * * * The second shoot was at a school set rather than an alleyway. In the biting cold, all staff members outside were bundled up in hats and gloves. “Cut!” Everyone on set busied themselves. “Oh? Taemin! Hello!” A woman greeted me with a bright smile and a slight bow. “Oh, hi. Hello.” The leading actress playing Hyerin... What was her name again...? Unfortunately, her name slipped my mind, so I returned her greeting with a slight nod. “Taemin, you're getting quite the hot response these days!” “Oh... thanks.” Except for Doa, I always responded to women with a polite aloofness, finding moments like these overwhelmingly challenging. But she was a colleague. A sailor on the same ship. I couldn't afford to openly act cold toward her. My manager said it's crucial to maintain a polite image at this stage, so I had to put in my best effort. “If only the director had given us a bit more of a part. Still, I'm glad we're working together today.” “Yeah...” An awkward silence hung in the air. “Jiseon! We'll move on to the next scene!” A crew member called for her, and she waved goodbye with a smile before disappearing behind the camera. “Taemin, aren't you cold?” The manager approached from afar, holding a warm cup of coffee. “Oh. I'm fine, really.” “Drink this while you work. Looks like you'll be shooting outside all day.” I wasn't sure when my scene would be called, so I wore a thin school uniform, with a padded jacket on top, though that wouldn't last long. As soon as they called me, I'd have to ditch the jacket and dash in front of the camera. The leading actors immersed themselves in their roles, while the manager and I watched a good distance away. “How were the acting classes?” “Oh, they were... okay...” Honestly, the past two days of acting classes felt like a crash course with little substance. I wasn’t given any opportunity to learn the essentials of acting or how to improve my skills. It was akin to a high school cram session titled 'The Basics for the College Entrance Exam!’ “With feedback like that, we’re a bit disappointed! The instructor has guided many famous actors.” I considered asking for names but decided it was better to say nothing than to risk awkwardness from not knowing. “But the teacher did say you’ll do just fine, so I trust you'll do great today.” So it wasn’t just an empty compliment. I had assumed the teacher’s praise about my performance was merely encouragement for a beginner. Perhaps my acting wasn’t entirely hopeless after all. “Uh, by the way...” Knowing we’d spend more time waiting than filming, I decided to ask the manager something I’d been curious about. “If this goes well, will I continue acting?” White vapor escaped from the manager's mouth as she brought the paper cup to her lips. “Well... it’s tricky to give a definite answer for newcomers like you.” “For idol trainees who’ve undergone long practice periods, there’s already a detailed plan laid out, but Taemin, you’re not one of those cases, right?” “Your capabilities, your potential, and how the public perceives you will all be discussed in meetings to decide your future activities.” In other words, she doesn’t know yet, either. “Still, if you make a big impact here, there's a high chance they'll start planning for you to act more.” The manager gave me a friendly smile, squeezing my shoulder as if to encourage me. Simultaneously, my name was called. “Taemin! You're up next for the shoot!” The manager took the padded jacket I’d been wearing, and I followed a staff member's direction to move to a location resembling a storage area. Shin Gyumin. The character who made me recoil whenever I watched the drama. Seeing him stand right in front of me felt incredibly surreal. There was no room for friendly greetings. “We’ll start as soon as you get the cue!” “Rolling!” “Action!” Shin Gyumin approached me slowly. With a haughty expression, I waited for him to deliver his lines. “...Kim Eojin.” Despite playing the role of a nerd, the malice in his expression was surprisingly convincing, even to me. “What?” “Did you really have to do that?” “Sigh...” The line, one I’d practiced dozens of times, slipped out mechanically. “Don't get cocky. Understand?” I raised a finger to press Gyumin’s head down firmly. “Know your place and behave accordingly. You always make people uncomfortable while you can’t even say a proper word.” The acting I practiced in front of Doa had been refined further, delivering a sharper edge. Gyumin bit his lip tightly. “...I'm human too.” With a slight bow of his head, he mumbled quietly. “I'm human too, dammit!” He shouted his anguish at me, then panted heavily. “Cut!” With the director’s signal, Gyumin, who seemed on the brink of tears, regained his composure. If I continue down this path, I’d constantly be engulfed in this kind of tension. With the mindset of a student waiting for a teacher’s feedback, I looked toward the director. After reviewing the footage, he stroked his chin and nodded. “Good! Let's move on to the next scene!” Though no specific praise was given, I felt pleased just knowing we’d passed in one take. Perhaps the acting instructor really was as good as they said. As we moved locations, the manager rushed over to hand me the padded jacket, and fortunately, we could head indoors to the school interior. The next scene involved a gang of bullies plotting in a classroom. Since it involved acting nonchalantly rude again, it seemed like there shouldn’t be any issues. I thought the other actors’ performances were natural too, so I expected it to go smoothly. “Let's do it one more time!” The assistant director, who had been watching the screen, hurried over. “We'll do it again, but this time with Ara linking her arm around Taemin's during the dialogue.” “Pardon?” This wasn’t specified in the script. Too flustered, I let out a somewhat dazed response, and the assistant director looked at me with slight annoyance. “Just go as you were, but Ara will link her arm with Taemin's as we shoot.” This... this wasn’t in the script...? The actress named Ara approached, moving closer. She slightly lowered her head, then wrapped her arm around mine. “Is this okay?” She stared at the camera, paying no heed to my input. With a thumbs-up, the director signaled his approval. ...Doa's face kept hovering in my mind's eye.