132 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.132 #132. Can You Handle It? It took quite a long time to become indifferent to harsh comments and chat messages. Reflecting back, especially during the early days of my broadcasts, I really went through a lot of mental stress in various ways. Even when I tried to ignore things, the lack of audience made it hard not to pay attention, and it was difficult to determine the boundary between jokes and going too far. Of course, it's undeniable that things are different now compared to back then. I am protected by the large entity that is the company, and the numerous internal filters cleanse the environment by discarding the malicious individuals. And sadly, I thought that I, as a person, had grown accustomed to such extreme comments, believing they no longer hurt me... [Haaang~ I really want to have Han Tae-min.] Anger surged up from deep inside me. A sensation distinctly different from when insults were hurled at Luca. The moment I read the comment, I couldn't stop myself from cursing out loud. “You filthy bitch?” What's that? Doing what to whom? If this had been on my chatroom, whoever typed that would've been permanently banned immediately. I would've ensured they could never enter my broadcast again. “... What are you mumbling about?” My brother looked at me with concern in his eyes, and I shook my head dismissively. “No, it's just someone wrote something completely nonsensical.” Although it wasn't something I could directly handle, I had no intention of showing it to my brother. Report. Report. Report. Report. Report. Report. Report. Report. I left a comment addressing it as inappropriate sexual harassment and continuously clicked the report window until my anger started to subside. “Is this because of the school violence incident?” I was the one taken aback by my boyfriend's cautious question. “... School violence?” “Yeah.” “Oppa, were you involved in school violence?” “No, not that.” My boyfriend told me about an issue that took place at his company today. Even though he told me not to search for it, I eventually succeeded in finding the comment. [Proof of being branded with a cigarette burn by Han Tae-min.] “Wow... This is just absurd...” Making my boyfriend, who despises cigarettes, out to be such a person. This wasn't just an exaggeration; it was a completely fabricated story. “What did the company say about it? Are they going to address it?” “Hmm... It's complex, but they're planning to monitor it for a bit before officially clarifying.” “Why wait at all? It would be best to address it immediately.” Since I had never been entangled in such controversies, I didn't know how to help besides wishing for the issue to be resolved quickly. “So what was it that you saw earlier?” Curious, my boyfriend tilted his head. “It was just a ridiculous comment.” Who do they think they are, to talk about doing such things. He was my boyfriend. I was the only one who could share such intimacy with him! Of course, I understand that in his acting career, holding hands occasionally might be unavoidable, but anyway, I believed I was the only one who could truly connect with him. “Ssshh... I'm curious though...” Thinking nothing good would come out of continuing this topic, I brought up another subject. “I want to visit somewhere this weekend.” “Where?” He asked, munching on a slice of jokbal wrapped in ssam. “Uh... Gyeongbokgung Palace...!” “The palace?” “Yes, I want to try wearing hanbok with you.” It might have been a slightly unexpected statement, but it was a genuine wish to have a hanbok date with him. I also wanted to take pictures in front of the gate and maybe play out a short skit... “But won't wearing hanbok be a bit cold at this time?” Certainly, February is a cold month where you need thick clothing. “Still, wouldn’t it be better to go before you become even more famous?” I subtly revealed my concerns, fearing that the more he was exposed to the media, the less time he might be able to spend with me. “...You think so?” My boyfriend, not disagreeing, stroked his chin before nodding. “Okay, let's go, then.” “...Really?” I didn't expect him to seriously consider my hope. “But there's a condition.” “Tell me.” Him agreeing to a hanbok date in this cold weather. I was willing to fulfill any minor request. “Will you wear something... like the hanbok Luca wore? Maybe not exactly the same, but similar...?” Feeling a bit guilty, my boyfriend trailed off at the end of his request. Whew... Really... What should I do with him... “Then you have to wear the school uniform from the web drama you shot when we next go on a date.” Let’s see how you like being on the flip side. The slight frown on his forehead indicated my strategy was working. * * * “Look straight into my eyes.” It feels... a bit intimidating. No matter how necessary it is to physically internalize acting lessons, it’s still nerve-racking. “Mr. Tae-min, where are you looking? You have to make eye contact to observe and learn.” Unable to admit it was overwhelming, I gulped down my nervousness and focused again on the teacher’s face. “It’s 9 billion. A whopping 9 billion. The amount you lost with one wrong click is an overwhelming 9 billion!” When the teacher slapped the table with his palm, the shock made my body flinch. “Answer me.” Chewing on his words, the teacher stared directly into my eyes. “How will you repay this?” The simulation ended there. Once the acting scene was over, the teacher returned to his usual expression. “Did you understand the key points I mentioned?” “A bit...” I always thought knowing and doing were different, but it seems acting even more so falls into that category. Just because I grasped the teacher’s explanation mentally didn’t mean I could embody it fully. Clenching the script book, I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Let’s go through to the part I mentioned.” With the teacher's minimal script notes in hand, I repeatedly muttered the lines and focused my gaze straight ahead. "Look directly into my eyes...! Look..." Ah. Why can't I get it right? I needed to speak clearly like the teacher demonstrated, while still conveying anger. The sentence, which started off strong and assertive, deflated like a balloon losing air before I could even finish one line. "It's okay. Let's try it again." "Yes." And so, we repeated the part once more. However, despite my effort, the teacher's expression didn't change much, as if they weren't quite satisfied with my performance. "Sigh... it's a bit disappointing, but I think we're done for today. Let's continue learning next week." "Yes." Though I knew that one can't expect to be full with the first spoonful, it was true that my energy was dwindling. Perhaps acting isn't for me... The process of learning acting, step by step, turned out to be a more arduous curriculum than I'd imagined. As I lay my head on the desk, burying my face, a knock came from outside the door. "Mr. Tae-min." "Ah, Manager." Just when I thought it was time to head home, the manager gestured for me to sit back down. "I have something to give you before we leave." "For me?" "Yes." The manager pulled out a small stack of A4 papers from an envelope. "What's this?" Blinking, I read the title at the top of the page. [100 Questions, 100 Answers Questionnaire] Flipping through the pages, I saw that it was filled with 100 trivial questions, the kind I hadn't seen since I was younger. "This is your next schedule, Mr. Tae-min." "This?" It didn't seem like a drama or a broadcast. This... "There's a famous YouTube channel that selects a few short questions for guests to answer, and that's it." The manager handed over his phone, showing me the channel's videos. Indeed, some celebrities I recognized were there, diligently answering these silly questions. "It looks like this will be your first official personal activity, Mr. Tae-min. How do you feel? Can you handle it?" "Ah, yes." I thought it was better than suddenly appearing on a variety show or being asked to sing and dance. "But how did this come about..." "The channel reached out first to see if an interview with Mr. Tae-min could be arranged." "With me...? I thought this was only for famous people?" "Oh, what you saw were sorted by view count, so it might seem that way, but if you scroll further down, you'll see a lot of newcomers, too." Ah... right... Scrolling down, I did see videos with noticeably lower view counts. "When is this planned for?" "The shoot is scheduled for next Monday." "I see. So, does the company provide set responses for these?" I had heard that some broadcasts provided scripts. "No, it's best to just show the real you, Mr. Tae-min, as long as there's nothing controversial." Q. What are you most interested in these days? A. Luca-tang. Q. What do you usually do during your free time? A. Rewatch Luca-tang's broadcasts. Q. What would you like to do if you made a lot of money? A. Donate to Luca-tang in increments of a million won. Q. What is your dream? A. To marry Luca-tang. ...Can you handle this?