196 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

**EP.196 A Promised Ending** Doa's broadcasting sessions were getting longer day by day. As a result, the time she returned home kept getting later. "You did well today." It was 4:30 a.m. Not a soul was to be seen on the streets wrapped in the cool night air. "Thanks for watching with me till the end... You're okay not sleeping?" "I start work at noon tomorrow." "That's a relief." Doa smiled softly. I could feel her fingers gently twitching within my grasp. "Aren't you overworking yourself? What if you collapse?" "In two months, I'll be jobless, so I'll catch up on sleep then." "You'll wear yourself out. Take care of yourself." Her fans were delighted that she was streaming more often and for longer periods, but knowing the real reason behind it made me worried for Doa. She probably didn't want to part ways. She wanted, somehow, to show more of herself as a Closer. To give the fans as many joyful memories as she could. I wondered how the supporters would react when they found out the group's graduation was a certainty. There would certainly be some who were heartbroken like me, and others who might even protest by parking trucks in front of YM. Their future activities remained a closely guarded secret on the show. Doa and the other members kept strictly silent about it, as they were instructed. "Don't you have a shoot tomorrow?" "That's right. You remember? I have a collab. Heh." "Let's go to bed quickly, then." "Okay." After slipping into bed first, Doa crawled into my arms after a quick wash. "...One month left." "Indeed." "There's going to be a grand final concert." "Really?" "Of course, I'll just be flailing behind gear in the same studio as always... but they're promising it to be spectacular!" Her words, spoken like a girl dreaming, had me patting her head in encouragement. "That's wonderful. You have to sing the song I made, okay?" "Oh, absolutely. The third album was a massive hit. At this point, not knowing it in this country might as well make someone a spy." Whenever we heard Closer's songs playing in ice cream chains or major cosmetic stores, we couldn't help but burst into giggles. "Do you have anything you want to try after Closer ends?" "Well... When it's over... I suppose I'll be bored." "How about a trip...?" "A trip? But we can only go if you find the time." "Hey. I'm a freelancer, remember?" "A freelancer who comes home late every day?" "...Even freelancers have to work on urgent tasks." "I don't know. Let's see then. By that time, with all the money we've saved, there'll probably be something I want to do. Or at the very least, something I want to buy." Nodding, I pulled her closer. "Alright, let's decide together what to do this winter when the time comes." "Sounds good." Doa gave me a brief kiss on the lips. * * * Still not independent from the team projects, I was diligently putting effort into crafting my solo works. As the saying goes, "A dog at a school for three years will recite poetry," and so my time learning alongside my teacher had now reached nearly half a year. Now, if I just added the final touch with the synth... The brief demo clip I created sounded even richer, enhanced by the desired sound I finally had the chance to include. "Oh. What's this?" "Whoa! You startled me!" Leaning forward as if drawn into the monitor, I was taken aback by my teacher's voice and turned around in surprise. "Ah, sir! Please knock first!" "We're not middle schoolers caught watching adult content; what's the fuss?" "But... even I have a sense of privacy." "Likewise, I have the authority of a boss at the workplace." Though his logic was unexpected, it was better to first ask his purpose. "What brings you here?" "Let's grab a meal." Checking the time, I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "How is it 1 o'clock already?" "You must have been immersed in your work. Come on, let's go." Called by him, I slipped on my cardigan and headed out. After he finished his cigarette, my teacher led me to a cheap rice bowl place, suggesting we keep it simple today. "Taemin." "Yes?" "Well... I don't really have anyone else to tell this to, so here goes..." "Have you finally got yourself a girlfriend?" I wondered if spring had come for my teacher, but it seemed not. "No, I haven't." "Then why the secrecy?" "Listen without getting surprised." "Sure." "About Closer..." "Yes." "They're really disbanding in November." Though he shared it as a top-secret tip, I was probably the first to know, right after the involved parties. "Oh... that's unfortunate..." "Have you got your eyes set on another VTuber or idol group lately? What's with the lackluster reaction? Have you lost interest?" I felt sorry that people, including Doa, seemed to misunderstand so easily nowadays, wondering why I seemed detached. "It's nothing like that... but everyone knew it was a one-year contract from the start." "Whenever I watch Lea's latest streams, I can't focus thinking about it." "Now thanks to you, I won't be able to focus on Luka's streams either." Lifting a piece of chicken with my spoon, I replied with half-closed eyes. "I was thinking... maybe I should donate. How much do you think is appropriate?" "Just do what you feel comfortable with." "How much did you donate?" "Don't do it like I did." The amount one could donate was subjective. Back when I was deeply engrossed in Luka’s streams, a ten-thousand won and the current ten-thousand won felt drastically different. "Have you ever donated after getting your earnings?" "...No." But I've definitely treated Doa to a lot of delicious things, haven't I? My teacher put down his spoon and pointed at me assertively. "I think you're a fake fan. You always say you love it with your words, but your actions or reactions are lukewarm." If I said any more in defense, it felt like my secret of being Luka’s boyfriend might be blown wide open. "It's about cheering in your heart, you know. In your heart." "Or did your girlfriend scold you for being too into it?" It was a reasonable guess, though slightly off the mark. "Yes, I did get scolded." "Ah... you should have balanced it better. Girls say they'll forgive you, but..." Half-heartedly tuning out his lecture, I finished my work and packed up to leave the studio. I wanted to give Doa encouragement face-to-face before she began her broadcast. I could just picture her getting nervous about collaborating with a famous YouTuber once again. "Doa." I entered the quiet house, but there was no sign of life. After placing my bag on the sofa, I glanced around the living room before approaching the firmly closed bedroom door. The sound of soft, rhythmic breathing greeted my ears. Doa, sleeping like an angel. Stroking her hair lovingly, she frowned slightly in her sleep. "It's not... time yet..." "What's not time for?" "I can... still do more..." Even without being told, I knew what dream she was having. Sigh... But there wasn't much I could offer. I had joined a reputable company, collaborated with famous artists, yet there was no way to protect Closer, the group we both cherished. I didn’t see it as a corporate tyranny; it was simply the destiny that unfolded. Even though I hoped the song I poured my heart into would support her, it seemed inadequate to delay the promised ending. "Doa." Concerned it wasn't a pleasant dream, I gently shook her shoulder. She gradually opened her eyes. "...When did you get here?" "Just now." "...Hold me, please." That was an easy request to fulfill. Bending down to embrace her, I felt her warm body against my cheek. "...I had a bad dream." "What was it about?" "It felt so real that it made me sad..." I didn't reply, choosing instead to soothe her by gently patting her back. "It's time to get up; you have a collaboration stream later. Our Luka Hime." "Right... What time is it?" "A little past six." "I should wash up." Rising from the bed with her tousled hair, Doa sat dazed for a moment before heading into the bathroom. The sound of running water filled the air. I changed into comfortable clothes and slumped onto the sofa, feeling a mix of emotions. Despite my desire not to overempathize, living with someone experiencing these emotions made it impossible for me to remain unaffected. After having a meal together, we left for the studio. Feeling a bit uneasy, I offered to walk her to the entrance today. "Ah! Today's broadcast is going to hit an all-time high in viewers!" "Yes! Let’s ride the wave of corporate blessing! Let's go!" The streamer she was collaborating with today was another YouTube giant, especially popular with international fans. It might be the perfect opportunity to broaden her audience. I waved goodbye to her in front of the building, reminding her to call after she was finished. Then, I turned around and headed back home on my own. As I waited for Doa's broadcast on the big TV screen, I found a sense of melancholy in the backdrop featuring her avatar. The group shot of the members' avatars hung like a family photo on the wall behind her. The calligraphy of "Closer" and the YM logo lingered at the bottom of the chat window. Even the slightly goofy-looking Pinkie Squad plushies positioned on the shelf seemed poignant. With my hands clasped, I could only pray to any god willing to listen for a miracle.