188 - The Heaven-Slaying Sword

EP.188 Chapter Nineteen - Qinghai, Father and Son (8) * * * It is loathsome even to recall where things went wrong. Only then did Zhuge Byeok realize. The folly of focusing solely on the distant future while ignoring all present challenges. Even grieving felt sinful, so Zhuge Byeok could not shed tears in front of Go Seoyeon’s body. He loathed himself for regretting and mourning belatedly, so he stayed alone until everyone departed from the grave, silently contemplating their farewell. “I have...” He muttered. “…I have committed a great sin against you.” You have left me. I cannot even spend a lifetime in atonement for it. I have survived as such an unworthy husband. Choked with emotion, he could say no more and sank to his knees. He managed to sob. Feelings of resentment and hatred enveloped him. It was resentment toward himself and hatred toward Geumhwajang. “I will, someday, avenge you. And meet the death I deserve.” Zhuge Byeok vowed before Go Seoyeon’s grave that day. He would surely bring down Geumhwajang, who had caused her to be like this. He declared that he would tear down their very foundations and plunge them into flames. And to Zhuge San, who had to endure pain, he vowed to meet a death in a manner that the child desired. A year passed like that. Continuously lingering in Go Seoyeon’s shadow, Zhuge San eventually uncovered the truth of Go Seoyeon’s death. And he came to him. “Did you know?” He didn't. I didn't know either. I was too incompetent to protect your mother. I’m sorry. Countless words lingered on his tongue. Yet, he couldn’t say any of them. To beg for forgiveness only now felt like a horribly disgusting act—it felt contemptible to apologize with words when he’d done nothing substantive as a father to the child—so instead, Zhuge Byeok simply chose to be... “…What will you do, then?” ...a sinner. To make sure the child could continue living without collapsing, he intended to do the only thing he could. If Zhuge San turned his resentment into fuel and burned it into hatred, he could move forward. Just as he grew hating the family for his mother’s sake, he would be able to gaze toward a far-off future just once more. “I resent you so deeply. I want to kill you.” “….” “So, I’ll live for that. Try to stop me if you can. If you fear the future, then try to kill me.” That was the only apology the father, who had become a sinner to his son born to shine in solitude, could offer. Zhuge Byeok dared to hope. “If not, I will keep moving forward until I gain the strength to kill you.” For atonement through death. * In front of him was Go Seoyeon’s face. That fact alone made Zhuge Byeok’s long-lost expressions resurface. Though there was not a day without missing her, her face, which had become blurred in his mind because he couldn’t see it, became clear. When her voice tickled his ears, his chest quivered finely. “Yeon-ah....” Knowing he was trapped in an illusion, the words that flowed out were a lament. “I made you suffer.” “I brought about your death.” “What should I do? I truly do not know.” The words dripping like fragments became wet, and Zhuge Byeok felt tears streaming down his cheeks. “I am the sinner.” The world speaks of the True King's grandeur. Yet Zhuge Byeok could never proclaim himself to be great. “What is the use of transcending martial arts?” As a martial artist, he transcended; as a family head, he was first rate. But as a husband and father, he was third rate. The worst husband and the worst father. “What should I tell you when I couldn’t protect the one truly important thing, dragging us all to this state?” Because of that, everything fell apart. He incessantly regrets it. If only he had relinquished a bit of greed, hadn’t tried to hold onto both the family and his kin, and only looked toward Go Seoyeon and Zhuge San... “I am lost. I am lost without you.” As his lament continued, Go Seoyeon approached softly. At some point, she crossed the landscape where she once stood and reached right before Zhuge Byeok. “You act so foolishly.” With her unchanged smile, she extended her hand. Her hand touched his cheek; it was real enough to wipe his tears. “You told me to do my best. That was what you said.” At those words, Zhuge Byeok exhaled a long breath. His knees buckled. Go Seoyeon embraced Zhuge Byeok. “Just do your best, then.” In the words of Go Seoyeon, who he wasn’t sure was an illusion or a real spirit—and didn’t want to know—he found solace once more. Realizing again how much he needed her presence, he felt guilty yet grateful, and Zhuge Byeok attempted to speak. It was at that instant. Thud―! With a sound, Zhuge Byeok felt a searing pain in his waist. A hand adorned with claws penetrated his left waist. “…Ah.” His mind went blank, and his head turned with grinding motions. There stood Zhuge San. Zhuge San, with vacant eyes and full of frowns, exhaled harsh breaths. It was surely a sight of one swayed by illusion and deprived of reasoning. “San-ah….” What are you seeing? * Zhuge San tried tens and hundreds of times. Repeatedly, he envisioned piercing Zhuge Byeok’s hand and killing him, and just before every illusion dissolved, a nail touched his heart. The more he did, the more Zhuge San felt his reason fading. Yet he couldn’t stop chasing Zhuge Byeok. His bitter heart transforming into energy caused his body to rise once more. The meager energy that always dragged him down was no longer a problem. Swinging his claws, he screamed until his voice was hoarse. And when he reached out, having run fiercely for a long time, Zhuge San distinctly felt his hand burrowing into something. “San-ah….” A voice was heard. Only then did Zhuge San lift his head. His arm was embedded in Zhuge Byeok’s waist. Zhuge San, belatedly, could awaken his vacant mind. ‘Is this...’ An illusion, or reality? Could this sensation in his hand really be dismissed as just an illusion? The question vanished absurdly quickly. --- Terms Translated: - **Geumhwajang (금화장)**: This term, which means "Golden Flower Pavilion," appears to refer to an adversary or rival force, considering Zhuge Byeok's vow of vengeance against it. Literal translation could be "Golden Flower Villa". - **Go Seoyeon (고서연)**: Gender is female as implied by context. She is Zhuge Byeok’s deceased spouse. Added "Go" as surname and "Seoyeon" as first name, which is common in Korean style naming. Alternate could be "Ju" based on different transliteration preferences. - **Zhuge Family (제갈세가)**: Confirmed to belong to Zhuge Byeok and Zhuge San through context. No new hanja found, so no changes to list required. The passage mainly deals with deep personal guilt, loss, and a quest for vengeance, balancing emotional introspection with a sense of looming conflict. “…It happened as intended.” Zhuge Byeok spoke. On his face appeared a smile, one Zhuge San had never seen before. A very bitter smile. * Would it be alright to die here? Zhuge Byeok pondered for a moment. But soon, he shook his head. ‘Is this not the enemy’s stronghold?’ How could he close his eyes, leaving Zhuge San in such a perilous place? Doing so would merely add one more thing to apologize to Go Seoyeon for. Zhuge Byeok closed his eyes tightly, reproaching himself. ‘I must...’ Do what I can. It's a life deserving punishment, a sinner should not escape through death. Losing his balance, Zhuge Byeok supported himself on the ground. As he stood, he pulled Zhuge San’s hand out. “…The formation must be dismantled.” Could there be a more fortunate time for a foolish man who knows how to utter nothing but hard words? “Leave personal grievances aside. We’re in the middle of a mission.” Zhuge Byeok patted Zhuge San's bewildered shoulder. The wound from his pierced left waist. It’s alright. He could endure for now. “We need to find the life gate.” A body that has reached transcendence doesn’t declare death from something like this. Of course, without addressing it, death would be inevitable. But even that didn’t matter. ‘I’ve prepared everything.’ He was ready to take down the Golden Flower Pavilion and to pass on the family to Zhuge San. Before the war, all preparations were complete, so Zhuge San would have what he needed to exact the proper vengeance. His death would change nothing. So focus on one thing. Even if his life ends today, focus on ensuring Zhuge San leaves this place alive. Zhuge Byeok applied acupressure to his waist. The pain subsided, and much of the bleeding stopped. This should suffice. “Follow me.” He walked with a limp, seeking the life gate of the formation. Casting off the strange fragrance that dulled his senses and disrupted the flow of energy. Then Zhuge Byeok’s sight became clear. ‘The life gate.’ Additionally, it was the center of the formation. Fortunately, it seemed to be nearby. “Wait a moment….” Zhuge San spoke. * The sensation of piercing Zhuge Byeok’s waist was still vivid in his body. Zhuge San, looking at his bloodstained hand, gazed at Zhuge Byeok as he trudged away. Why is his heart so heavy, even after doing what he longed for? Was it because of that bitter smile he showed, or is it simply his own heart that’s the problem? Zhuge San grabbed Zhuge Byeok. Turning back to look at him, Zhuge Byeok maintained that same impassive expression. Yet somewhere inside there lingered traces of that earlier smile. His unchanged stoicism even at the moment of being pierced frustrated him. Still, his throat felt dry. Zhuge San realized it was a feeling buried beneath his hatred. The affection between father and son, which he pessimistically presumed he could never grasp. Ultimately, Zhuge San failed to suppress the congestion inside and asked: “Did you really not know?” Though the subject was omitted, it was directly conveyed. Both knew what he was asking about. “Did you really not know the cause of Mother’s death? Were you indifferent to Mother's passing, Head? Did you…!” The question trailed off. A brief silence ensued. Zhuge Byeok, facing away, replied. It was an answer resolving all the questions Zhuge San had posed. “Not even once.” Why only now... “…Not even once have I lived a moment without loving her.” Why only now, so belatedly, does he say it? “Even so, I gave up, so just harbor resentment for me.” Why are you so clumsy, Head? Terms Translated: - **Golden Flower Pavilion (금화장)**: Translated as "Golden Flower Pavilion" in earlier segments. Presumed adversary. - **Life Gate (생문)**: In martial context, refers to the escape or critical point in strategies and formations. The passage focuses on deep-rooted familial conflict, highlighting the complexities of duty, regret, and unspoken love, intertwining them with the external pressures of impending conflict.