192 - The Heaven-Slaying Sword

EP.192 Chapter Nineteen - Blue Sea, Father and Son (12) * * * “I heard you can't use your legs anymore?” “...It's something you just have to endure.” Zhuge San, now the head of a half-paralyzed family, gave a bitter smile. How should I view you now? The question that lingered relentlessly in his mind was gradually forming into a vague answer. Before he knew it, he stood at the threshold of the innermost room. “You've done well.” “Yes.” The attendant retreated backward, leaving their presence. Zhuge San gazed at the tightly shut door for a moment. Always, when he hesitated at the door like this, Zhuge Byeok would say, - Come in. He would say it nonchalantly. But now those words are absent. The realization that he is now dead as a martial artist hits him hard. Zhuge Byeok would now be an ordinary citizen, unable to sense even the slightest presence. ‘Mother, I find myself knocking on the door first.’ I had sworn that this day would never come, yet here I am. Words that will never reach anyone are repeated inside. And with that, he let out another hollow laugh. Zhuge San spoke. "Family head, may I come in?" After speaking, as he always did, he counted to three before Zhuge Byeok responded. - Come in. His voice was weakened. Grinding his teeth, Zhuge San opened the door. “You've come.” What he saw was Zhuge Byeok sitting on the bed. His hair had turned gray, and his skin was dry and cracked. It was a sight he never wanted to see, even though it was the fall of an enemy who always existed as a barrier. “Sit down.” “...You truly seem to have lost importance.” Zhuge San asked while still standing. “Why did you do it?” Zhuge San straightened his back, absorbing the calm aura Zhuge Byeok exuded entirely. Then Zhuge Byeok spoke. “You ask the obvious.” “The obvious, you say.” “Is it not the father's duty to protect his son?” Twitch, Zhuge San's fingertips trembled. “…You're saying this now?” “I thought it had to be done, even now.” “Why?” “Because I didn't want to repeat the same regret twice.” Zhuge Byeok maintained his usual expressionless face. His tone was as flat as ever. As if he were stating a truth so obvious, that demeanor made Zhuge San's mind whirl. “…What has changed in your mindset?” Does it feel unpleasant? No, quite the opposite. The fact that Zhuge Byeok was finally speaking from his heart evoked an indescribable storm of emotion. And yet, a slight anxiety made him ask. Was this a facade created to make him the family head? Such worries arose. Zhuge Byeok seemed to understand his sentiment. “Not being honest becomes a sin. Both with your children and your wife.” As he spoke, Zhuge Byeok’s mouth began to lift into a smile. The strained appearance of forcing a smile was truly awkward. And the bitterness within it was truly pitiful. Zhuge San clenched his fist tightly. There were so many things he wanted to spit out. That it was all your fault, that you ruined everything this way. That it was you who troubled me and my mother so greatly. That being crippled suits you quite well. Yet none of those words came out. It must be the smile that Zhuge Byeok managed to create that winter. What is to be done with this? The emerging thought alongside the dilemma was Mok Liwon’s words from the previous night. - In my perspective, the person closest to a hero in the Dragon-Phoenix Assembly is Brother Zhuge. What is a hero? What should a hero say at this juncture? Zhuge San closed his eyes. Zhuge Byeok spoke. “I will not seek forgiveness. I shall merely atone in the best way I can.” “What would that be?” “It would not be something bad for you, I assure you.” Zhuge San mulled over Zhuge Byeok's words. His unshakeable spirit began to falter. So, he let slip his words. “You birthed me into solitude.” “My deep sins meant you were born that way.” “You raised me in loneliness.” “My shortcomings led you to grow that way.” “You wish to leave me a solitary figure.” “My inadequacies make you so.” Acknowledging all the faults so readily, Zhuge San finally opened his eyes. His face, often compared to that of a weasel by others, appeared so dejected at this moment. “Indeed, you made it so, family head. But... despite that, what can be done?” This is how it has become already, so what can be done. “It seems destined that I will remain lonely.” “….” “I shall be a wind, unable to take root anywhere my whole life.” Thus said, “I intend to live the life of a guest(客).” Live my entire life as a mere guest. With those words, Zhuge Byeok's expression turned quite sorrowful. Choosing his words became difficult as Zhuge San mouthed soundlessly, then repeated his words. Because uttering these difficult words made his heart feel heavy. However, what needs to be said must be spoken, so Zhuge San did not linger in his hesitation. “If I am to live as a guest.” If that is to be my life. “I strive to become a Hero(俠客) among guests.” In saying so, Zhuge Byeok’s eyes began to widen. “…San.” “Because my mother once told me, that I could become a great hero.” Perhaps it was a mere encouragement to a child who loved the Chronicles of The Jianghu Heroes. It might have been words to spur a child who wished to roam the vast Jianghu. Yet Zhuge San wished to believe those words as they were. “I hope there are no more children who bear the same sorrow as I do.” In striving for that, it seemed he could move forward more. “So, family head.” “….” “To be a hero, there is something I must do.” Zhuge San gazed directly at Zhuge Byeok. Zhuge Byeok too, with a serious face, gazed back at Zhuge San. Heaviness settled in the silence. Zhuge San broke the silence when the scent of medicine filling the room pricked his nose. “My brother once told me.” Raising his mouth into a grin. “A hero, he said, is someone who chooses the hardest path.” The surprise came over Zhuge Byeok's face. Indeed, it was truly curious to see such a rich expression on Zhuge Byeok’s face, thus Zhuge San laughed as he said. “So, I will attempt that difficult task.” Zhuge San approached Zhuge Byeok and knelt before him. To the still frozen Zhuge Byeok, he spoke. --- Terms and Context: 1. Family head (가주): Used as a title indicating the head or the leader of a family, in this case, referring to Zhuge Byeok. 2. Half-paralyzed (반신불구): Indicates someone who is unable to use part of their body, usually referencing paralysis on one side. 3. Guest (객): Here, it is metaphorically used to describe someone who lives a life without deep attachments or roots. 4. Hero (협객, 俠客): In this context, it refers to a virtuous wandering hero, often seen in martial arts settings, emphasizing a code of righteousness. 5. Blue Sea (청해): Translates literally to "Blue Sea," potentially indicating a location or metaphorical meaning associated with calm or Shimmering Blue, depending on further context. The chapter explores deep themes of familial responsibility, personal growth, and redemption. Zhuge San’s internal conflict and transformation in the narrative reflect a strong desire to redefine his path, choosing to become a hero despite past grievances and current hurdles. “I am going to forgive you. Father.” He took hold of the weakened hand. The hand, so thin that the bones protruded, pricked at his heart. “…Am I.” Zhuge Byeok stammered. “Am I truly someone who deserves forgiveness?” It was clear these were not just words said lightly. The tear streaming down Zhuge Byeok’s cracked cheek, as if a drought had split the land, revealed his deep regret. “Am I someone who can ask forgiveness from you? I am not one who can do so.” He was a man who committed wrongs due to his lack of honesty and excessive fear. A man who only brought pain and loneliness to himself. However, what he held in his heart was indeed love, so Zhuge San decided to set that aside. “It may be difficult now. It will take me a very long time to forgive you.” How could one forget such long-standing resentment with just a word? Is humanity such a simple existence? Yet, there is one reason he must say this. “So, live until then. If the day comes when I can completely forgive you, then you can ask for my forgiveness once again. That is what I hope for.” Because on the day when he is not filled with hatred but with forgiveness, when he wears not a frown but a smile, he wishes to see him again. “…Rest now.” Zhuge San slowly rose from his seat. Then, he bowed his head and turned to leave. As Zhuge San departed, the weakened man’s sobs scattered softly behind him. * “Zhuge brother.” Upon exiting the inner chamber, Mok Liwon greeted him. Zhuge San, still feeling unsettled, awkwardly smiled and spoke. “Mok brother.” “Did you finish your visit?” “I’ve been.” Was it the right thing to do? Was it the proper choice? Unable to find an answer, Zhuge San asked Mok Liwon, as if grasping at straws. “Mok brother.” “Speak.” “Can I become a hero?” Can I be someone capable of such a difficult forgiveness? He asked, and Mok Liwon replied with a bright smile. “Did I not tell you!” He gave Zhuge San the answer he so dearly wanted to hear. “You, Brother Zhuge, are already the greatest hero among the ones I know!” Only then could Zhuge San laugh wholeheartedly. He finally managed to free himself from the shackles that had bound him all his life. “That is fortunate!” Zhuge San moved forward. --- **Terms and Context:** 1. **Hero (협객, 俠客):** Continued use from previous context, indicating a virtuous, righteous hero, often a central theme in martial arts narratives. 2. **Mok brother (목 아우):** The use of "Mok brother" and "Zhuge brother" in dialogue shows familiarity and respect, indicating a close, brotherly relationship despite not being blood-related. 3. **Inner chamber (안채):** Refers to the private living quarters within a house, typically where more personal or serious conversations occur. The narrative explores complex themes of redemption, forgiveness, and personal growth. Zhuge San's internal conflict and his conversation with Zhuge Byeok signify a pivotal moment in his journey, expressing the difficulty of forgiveness but also the desire to strive toward it. Mok Liwon’s affirmation provides Zhuge San with the reassurance and validation he seeks, aligning with the journey of becoming a hero defined not just by actions but by the capacity for forgiveness and understanding.