Chapter 16 The Beggar Sect (6) - Martial Arts Masochist

"...Praise...?" Even as she spoke, she couldn't believe it herself. She had never sought anything from anyone before. Not even from the head sect leader had she begged for praise like this. But this time, she couldn't hold back. Han Seojin's command. Her own silent compliance with it. The inexplicable shiver that followed. That eerie sensation crawling through her bones. It was all so unfamiliar. It was a side of herself she couldn't show to anyone. What would Hye-yul Sister say if she saw her like this? How gleefully would Baekhee gossip about her? The sect leader? Her mentor? The disciples who looked up to her? The fact that she, a member of the Emei Sect, was humiliated and still yearned for compliment—just imagining the looks if it were revealed stifled her. It was a future she wished to avoid at all costs. Yet, paradoxically, the thought kept provoking her. Those disgusting, base sensations... stirred something deep within her chest. The conflicting sense of liberation was so vivid that her knees felt weak from the shame. That was why. That was why she clung to him with her words. She longed desperately for words that would affirm her despicable self. The candle flickered. Han Seojin's face would briefly appear and disappear in the flicker of light. Cheongwol, feeling ashamed for seeking such wretched praise, added quickly, trying to justify herself. "...I—I wasn't going to say it, but you told me to-" -Thud. In that moment, Han Seojin stepped closer. "..." Her mouth shut instinctively. Her grasp on him slackened. One step, another step. As he drew nearer, her heart tightened with anticipation. What would he say? Though Han Seojin had promised to praise her, Cheongwol's heart trembled with unease. If he betrayed her now, she might crumble beyond repair. If he scoffed with, ‘Did you really do it just because I told you to?’ she might even cry tears of frustration. It was a statement that had been too challenging to make. Words that would never have crossed her lips under normal circumstances. It was a vulnerability she offered up first. A weakness that would be devastating if attacked. ...Knowing all this, why did she do it? Not even she could answer that. But once spoken, words cannot be taken back. Han Seojin smiled. "...I told you to say it three times." "...!" Her heart began to crack at those words— “-But you do look a little pretty.” With his next words, Cheongwol's breath caught in her chest. "...Especially for the effort you've put in." As she slowly absorbed his words, ...her body shivered. Ah. This was the sensation. The trembling fingertips, curling toes, tingling lips... It was the very feeling she had been nostalgic for since the first time. Hearing his praise made her feel as if a burden was lifted from her shoulders. Not because she was praised as the beautiful Millennium Flower of the Emei Sect, or the promising talent of the righteous factions. ...But because it felt as though she was told it was okay to be the filthy and lowly woman Cheongwol was... in that way. It was a peculiar sense of relief. Yet it felt slightly insufficient. ...Was that it? The ambiguous praise brought an equally ambiguous comfort that came and went. Though she couldn’t show it, Cheongwol realized she had been expecting praise comparable to the last time. She had put in so much effort, yet this was all there was. It wasn’t nearly the level of praise she had imagined. The last time, she had received so many words just for putting a bridle made of cloth in her mouth. While Cheongwol flinched, Han Seojin turned away and spoke in a nonchalant voice. "Say it two more times." As though nothing had happened, he began walking toward the stairs. Cheongwol felt an unjust stir, as if she were the only one unsettled. "If you say it two more times, then I'll truly praise you a lot." "..." "...A lot." Her heart skipped a beat at that promise. Predictably but still... those were cruel words. Like having nothing more than a single bite when starving, making the hunger gnaw even more intensely. His praise was the same. Given this grand humiliation, his praise felt inadequate, too vague... leaving her craving more. It wasn't enough to offset the humiliation she felt. She couldn’t stop now. Stopping now would mean ending in disgrace. Receiving vague praise, gaining half-hearted acknowledgment, and leaving only with an unsatisfying denseness and lingering humiliation in her heart. ...But if she pushed just a little further. Put in just a bit more effort, the full reward awaited at the end. It was as if he were dangling a carrot right in front of her. The only saving grace was that she was gradually getting used to this atmosphere. Words she couldn’t dare say outside were becoming easier to speak here bit by bit. **** I tried to maintain composure, but it was easier said than done. -Thump! Thump! Thump! My heart pounded. I found a masochist in the martial world. I discovered someone with the same inclinations as me. An existence I couldn’t even be certain existed... a unicorn in my world. How tedious it was, falling into this world. Knowing all the major news that could astonish people in Zhongyuan meant nothing could truly surprise me. People, events, the usual trials—all times had been calm. My overflowing boredom led to all sorts of delusions, crafting various instruments, and sustaining myself by constructing a world inside my mind. I even dreamt frequently. Of having submissive and dutiful Zhongyuan women engage in SM play. This wasn’t about sexual preferences, but rather disposition, so merely indulging in self-gratification didn’t quench this thirst. I remained perpetually parched. I hoped, somewhere in this Zhongyuan world, there might be another who shared my proclivity. But I held no expectation. Facing away from Cheongwol, I covered my face with my hand. I couldn't tell how my expression was changing. Perhaps it was flushed with excitement. Merely finding someone with a similar interest can prove exhilarating. It’s an odd sense of camaraderie when another shares a liking for the food you love. Discovering a common interest makes connecting with others remarkably easy. ...But to share the same disposition, not merely preference? Even when you're boastful about your hobbies, it's rare to find someone who shares them. Discovering someone with the same deeply hidden and private tendencies... is extraordinary. Especially when it's Cheongwol, who seems more suited to being a sadist, standing on the opposite end as a masochist? Could it be that we are like a convex and concave pair? "...Haa...haa..." It's not something the lively members of the group would understand, but the appearance of a masochist was a shock so profound that no one could comprehend it. "...Huff...woosh..." As rational thought returned, I took deep breaths to calm myself. ...Focus. Focus!! It's Cheongwol, remember, CHEONGWOL!! Even if her cruel nature hasn’t manifested yet, someday her inner demon will surface. Finding a masochist is great, but I don't want to die just because of my lust! For now, she lives in the confines of the Emei Sect, so we interact closely, but eventually, the entire martial world will tremble at her presence. I'll just remain a weed, while she is a dragon's hatchling. We’re leagues apart. Eventually, my fate might depend on her mood. So if you look at it that way... "..." I glanced at Cheongwol. ...She seemed puzzled by her own masochistic streak. ...If we consider things that way, the current situation was absurd. So, focus already, please. Remember what I thought before...! Get entranced by those looks and take one wrong step, and it's farewell to this world. You've got to live a long life! ...But the trouble is, it wasn't just her looks, it was her actions that were also enchanting me. The once haughty Cheongwol gradually becoming compliant... the subtle excitement beginning to register in her eyes stimulated me. She's a nun from the Emei Sect, known to distance herself from men for life. Even when she became the charming demon, she never lost her elegance and femininity. That she was changing according to the dynamics I've set up presented me with strange sensations. Her newfound dependency on me as she repelled herself made her intriguing to me. Desire kept surging... "..." I blinked again. Get a grip! It felt like closing my eyes while feeling sleepy on a frigid snowy mountain. My heart was already swept away, but my mind knew this wasn't right. Now is the time for reason. Just stick with what I planned. A slightly comforting fact was that my risk of dying in the upcoming play had lessened somewhat. Realizing that Cheongwol had ‘that side’ meant she was likely finding a faint pleasure in the shameful decadence. It suggested that she wasn't entirely repulsed by it. A glitch in the plan might be that increasing the intensity to drive her away might not work anymore. If she's truly a masochist, she could find enjoyment in the escalating intensity. ...Fortunately, I imposed a rule that after seeing me once, she should not come around for 10 days. That would keep a certain distance. We wouldn't get too close for sure. No matter how much of a masochist she is, a ticking time bomb isn’t something I want. Like when relatives are over at home, and you can't enjoy yourself even if you want to. ...This insane masochist is terrifying. I'd rather consider myself lucky. Learning that a person with masochistic tendencies existed in the martial world through Cheongwol was already a significant discovery. Thanks to her, there's hope. Perhaps somewhere out there. There might be a compliant and demure Zhongyuan masochist, right? It could mean non-martial masochists also exist. So just endure. Until the day Cheongwol's inner demon awakens and she betrays the sect. Until she leaves this living sphere. Until we naturally go our separate ways. Just endure until then. If my memory serves me right, not much time remains until her downfall. Though I found a masochist, let go of the greed. We aren't going to become an SM couple, after all.