Infinite Regressor, Chapter 412 - I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

What is life? Thousands, maybe tens of thousands. Or even hundreds of thousands of lives. He lived more past lives than anyone else, repeating life's cycle over and over. Born as a child with complete paralysis, and also as a descendant of royalty. Yet, for a reincarnated being like him, life remained an enigma. ‘Why do I continue to suffer in this world destined for ruin?’ ‘Perhaps.’ ‘Isn’t this place not reality, but my personal hell from the very beginning?’ His existence. To each family he was once dear in his past lives, reincarnation left them with scars. A void was created. □ was pierced open. ‘…Perhaps. Am I just someone who only causes pain to others?’ Thus. He deliberately tried to run away till the very end. By this time, he had already reached a realm incomprehensible for an ordinary human. With his knowledge, experience, power, and wealth, it wasn't difficult to secure 'my family' even after the apocalypse. Whether the world was ending or not. He built shelters or bunkers in the safest areas of the world, lived with his family for decades, ignoring the survival of humanity. “Thank you, my dear. It's because of you…” “Dad always loves you.” Certainly. Living in this way, his family didn’t receive much hurt. No □ emerged. He usually outlived his family, so instead of causing them loss, he received it himself. It wasn’t a happy ending. A normal ending. Achieving a normal ending in this world heavily stained by the void's poison was an incredible feat. For a while, the reincarnated pursued nothing but the normal ending. It couldn’t be helped. Living for an impossible goal was exhausting and draining. ‘Ah.’ There was a side effect. 'I can’t awaken… It’s obvious.' The reincarnated bit his lip. ‘Those who lost me in the previous life live with a void in their hearts in their next life. Instead, that allows them to awaken.' ‘On the other hand, people who went through no such loss… remain just regular people, always as regular people.’ Simply put. ‘When the void arrives and anomalies surge, they die much, much easier than the awakened—just ordinary people.’ ‘Unable to make a sound, a scream… they just die. Plain, ordinary humans.’ That was the cost of a normal ending. The desire to abandon the world’s end and humanity’s salvation just to spend time with loved ones. People were brutally murdered by anomalies. Without even rebelling. Families with whom he bid farewell with gentle smiles in past lives faced similar fates. “…….” Amidst the ruins of a collapsed city. Though he arrived as quickly as he could, someone who was his father in a past life was already dead, crushed under a building. The reincarnated simply held the hand of the corpse and closed his eyes. ‘It’s harsh. Truly.’ This world loathed humankind. And among them, it especially hated him. ‘...We have to nurture the awakened.’ The reincarnated opened his eyes. ‘I must become someone deeply special to them, someone irreplaceable, so that when they lose me, especially when I die miserably…’ ‘The chances of them awakening to strong powers in their next life increase.’ Hesitation was brief. Even in the time he hesitated, people were dying. ‘The power to resist anomalies.’ ‘Hope to survive in this world.’ It was simple. The more powerful awakened emerged, the higher humanity's chances of winning. Even now, compared to his 'first life,' humanity was incomparably advantaged. Although the score of a football match once lost at [100:0] only improved to [100:1], it was progress nonetheless. ‘Everything is statistics.’ ‘I must become someone precious to people. So invaluable they couldn’t afford to lose me, more critical than their own death.’ ‘And moreover…’ ‘I must die as miserably as possible.’ He acted immediately. Imagining a small button in his mind, he lightly pressed it. Time passed. “Ahhhhh! Ah! Arghhh!” Someone was crying out before him. His 'brother' in this life. “Anyone… please! Somebody help! My sister, my sister! Please help!” The name was Lee Baek. He strayed a bit in his youth but became increasingly diligent as he grew up. After their parents died early, he took on every kind of job to support his younger sister. That sister. His only remaining family member was now trapped, dying under the ruins of a collapsed building in Seoul. “Oppa…” “Don’t speak! Don’t speak! Hey! Hey! Is there anyone?! Please come here! Help! There’s a person here!” What does it mean to be human? Even now, with his lower body crushed by concrete blocks, his shoulder impaled by rebar, his skin more red than its natural hue, was he still human? “I’m sorry… oppa…” “No! Seo-ah! No! Arghhh! No, no! Don’t close your eyes! Don’t close them! Hey… Here…. Please! There’s a person, a person!” I’m sorry. He died. Gained a new life. Then, after settling in his new life, he visited the outskirts of Seoul. He checked Lee Baek's ability. ‘An ability to make his voice loud?’ Called the lion’s roar. ‘Ah—I see. He probably thought he couldn’t save his sister because no one heard him. Though that wasn’t true.’ Lee Baek's life was ruined. Originally a life gone astray. After their parents died, he turned to crime and spread the disease that plagued his life to others. He didn’t ask anyone for understanding. When his life was being ruined, no one sought his understanding either. ‘It’s not a particularly useful ability but… Hmm. It could be relatively useful for commanding large groups of allies on the battlefield.’ ‘Next.’ It was like a gacha game. A pull. ‘Next.’ The reincarnated took the world as his laboratory, bestowing emptiness upon people carefully, like a scientist. Naturally, this created a division between high-level and low-level awakened individuals. The latter held no value for attention. ‘Next.’ High-level awakened ones. They required special attention. ‘Next.’ In fact, the ways to become someone significant to another varied widely. It didn’t necessarily have to be through family ties. A friend. A confidant. A companion. ‘Next.’ One such case was Jeong Ye-ji, who would later be known by the moniker [The Saintess]. After reincarnating into Jeong Ye-ji's family and dying, he confirmed something astonishing. Jeong Ye-ji had awakened [Telepathy]. The reincarnated clenched an imaginary fist in his mind. Telepathy! What a jackpot. Her sister was quite naive, wasn’t she? After all, it wasn’t Ye-ji’s fault that her smartphone mysteriously disappeared when her family was in danger, preventing her from sending out an SOS. ‘Next.’ In his next life, the reincarnated moved next to Jeong Ye-ji on purpose to become her childhood friend. Winning her favor was easy. People with a void in their hearts felt an immediate affinity towards the reincarnated anytime they saw him. It was obvious. It felt like reuniting with a departed family member. ‘Next.’ Her childhood friend died. Her schoolmate, who exchanged books and emotions with her, died. The friend Jeong Ye-ji occasionally met to share small, laughing conversations with was gone. Ye-ji’s, Ye-ji’s, Ye-ji’s… The result was astounding. ‘Remarkable.’ Telepathy. Clairvoyance. Time Stop. ‘The desire to warn someone without a tool when one’s family is in peril.’ ‘The wish to monitor everyone because a friend was kidnapped and tortured to death without their knowledge.’ ‘The hope that everything would just stop.’ SSS-Class. Guaranteed. ‘The more pain someone bears.’ ‘The more they treasure others.’ ‘The more talented they are at experiencing loss.’ A powerful awakened being is forged. ‘Fascinating.’ However, there were limits to awakening. Take Jeong Ye-ji’s case. Even with the power to 'stop time,' she couldn't find a way to counter the emotional wounds within her. After testing this several dozen times. ‘Then, is it not possible to create someone like me, a reincarnated being?’ A faint heartbeat. A flare, like a flickering candle, of an emotion called hope, long lost alongside his abandoned humanity. ‘If time can be stopped, perhaps it could be repeated. Yes, certainly.’ ‘The desire to rewind and restart—these are fairly universal human desires, aren’t they?’ ‘Someone out there must exist who could reach that point. It would be strange if no one did.’ Next. ‘Where could you be? The one who will drift through this fragmented world of disaster with me—are you not out there?’ Next. ‘No, no! It’s troublesome if you overcome your wounds too easily. Why do you insist on stepping beyond the scar that is me? You lack talent.’ Next. ‘Well… Ah. Still, you mustn't be so shattered by your losses that your spirit dies. That would be troublesome too.’ Next. ‘Feel the pain, please.’ Next. ‘But don’t fall.’ Next. ‘Painfully. Feel as if you want to die, even though you’ve lost someone precious enough that you want to curse the world.’ ‘Yet still, I want you to live intensely. Still wish for you to decide to save the world.’ Next. ‘It’s troublesome if you’re satisfied with saving just one precious person. Isn’t there anyone out there who’ll consider the world, humanity?’ Next. ‘Is there really no one like that? Truly?’ Next. ‘Why?’ Next. ‘I am doing just that.’ Next. ‘Ahaha.’ Next. “…….” Wishes. I’ve granted your wishes. You all said it, didn’t you? In the next life, you wished to be wealthy, or wished that your voice would reach others, or wished that time would just stop. I brought your wish—to life! I did! Yes. Scars remain. An irremovable blot of this life’s experiences remains within your heart, a poison of emptiness. I acknowledge it. But, how could only the wish come true? There’s bound to be a price. Moreover, you don’t even recall what price you paid. You remain ignorant of your past life’s ordeals and sufferings. I actually granted you your wishes. I didn’t just leave scars. No, I didn’t! “…….” Of course. “Hmm… Every time I leave a small void in people, it creates a grave of the same size in my heart too.” I’ve lost my parents. I’ve lost my family. Precious people. They were childhood friends. Friends. All of them were truly precious people. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. □. Take a look inside my heart now. “All that remains are holes.” Millions of graves dug by millions of people have stacked up inside my heart. “This can hardly be considered human anymore.” What is life? “…….” What does it mean to be human? “…Am I human?” Probably not. “Then, there’s a need to separate them. Acknowledge the voids in my heart and isolate them completely.” “Oh my. A form of self-imprisonment, it seems.” “Isolation—how can it be done? These are my emotions. If it were an arm, it could be cut off, but the heart cannot be excised.” “Because the moment you sever your heart—.” “I will truly become a anomaly.” “Ahaha. Isn’t that already the case?” “Even knowing people will suffer painfully.” “Approaching them for exactly that pain.” “Dying.” “Killing them.” "Now, as I walk the streets, everyone I see is a family from my past lives? The world itself has become my grave." "Congratulations." "This is the view you desired, isn't it?" "You reap what you sow." "Hey." "Hold on. Conversations like this have been repeated far too long, in a way too familiar. It's a flow without any meaning now." "It's evidence of an existence that's come to regard digging into its wounds as the only proof of its humanity. Poor thing." "Pity is just part of the template." "Such remarkable self-awareness. So—" "I have a solution." "Ah." "Ah." "Ah." "Ah." "A heart is not just a heart. Is not the concept of the 'unconscious' quite familiar to people, even without going back to Freud?" "Consciousness." "Unconsciousness." "I, the conscious." "I, the unconscious." "There lies a possibility." "Excuse me." "Carl Jung proposed the idea of a collective unconscious." "The notion that humans never exist as individuals but always as a collective, that memory formed in the human brain is actually accumulated collectively." "Much like DNA." "Present in each individual but the individual is merely a node—" "Interesting." "Um…" "The voids accumulated within my heart certainly qualify as the human collective unconscious. After all, my wounds are the wounds of humanity." "How intriguing." "So if I incarnate even more, leaving scars in every human heart and accumulating those voids within mine?" "An immense cemetery for all humanity!" "Let's create it." "Shall we create it?" "Let's do it." "To isolate." "Hey. It hurts." "……." "……." "……." "……." "I'm tired of this." "How is… any of this saving the world? It's strange. Originally, even if they were killed by anomalies, everyone… Mom, Dad, Father, Mother. All of them died as humans." "What is an awakened being? What is a superhuman? An ascendant or whatever…?" "They’re anomalies." "You claim to oppose anomalies, yet you create them. I do. I make anomalies." "Luring people, pretending to be their cherished being with reckless abandon." "Like a wraith joining the parade of corpses." "I want to die." "……." "……." "……." "……." "Everyone has come to hate the world." "Everyone dislikes it. The world. Because it took their precious ones from them. A world that took me away, of course, they wouldn’t like it." "The world doesn't hate humans." "It's the humans who hate the world." "Because of me." "……." "……." "……." "……." "I was never meant to be born. I should have died the moment I was born." "A miscarriage. A miscarriage would certainly cause sadness, but it would have been better than the scars I've left on you." "I'm tired." "I don't want this. I don't want it anymore." "I don't want to be born." "Save me. I'm sorry, oppa. Sorry. Mom. Dad. I'm sorry… I'm sorry. Sorry." "Please, someone." "Kill me." "……." "……." "……." "……." "There are no particular issues." "Yes. This has been the ongoing trend." "Humans inherently possess a carnivorous nature akin to predators—a primal instinct that imbibes life by tearing into flesh." "However, as hunting diminished and violence and murder were forbidden in modernity, the opportunity for people to tear into the flesh of another entity drastically decreased. Thus, the alternative—" "Tearing into their own flesh." "The contradiction of treating self-mutilation as life." "Fascinating." "The civilization of cannibalism." "Whether you are human or not is of zero importance." "The billions who have died." "No, you must multiply by the times I have reincarnated. Multiply billions by billions, and you have the weight of the lives lost up until now." "If you can save those people." “If you can rescue them.” "That’s all that matters." "Because—" "Humans do not desire to be humans, but gods." "Gods do not weep." "Gods do not regret." "Gods are not human." "Therefore." "To the next life." "Indeed." "To the next life." "Next." "Next." "Next." "Next." The reincarnated is born. The reincarnated is always born. "Ah." And every time he is born, he witnesses someone looking down at him. The first memory. The person watching him this time was a boy. "Ahb-buh- Ah-bubub- Buh-ehh-." "……." The boy twisted his face in a silly way as if trying to amuse the baby that he was. The gesture was familiar. The face was familiar. ‘Guild Leader.’ Regardless of how many times he reincarnated, he was always the one who stood at the final line of defense, devoid of any abilities yet fighting to the end. Smile— "Wow? He smiled! He did!" The boy exclaimed. It was only natural that the smile, which had attracted favor from anyone for a long time, would make him excited. ‘This time, it's this person.’ He was a childhood friend in the first life, wasn't he? “What kind of wound will you bear?” And then. What kind of wound will he bear? Living again. In a life destined for death.