Infinite Regressor, Chapter 423 - I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

1 Here is someone named Yoo Younghee. She is a philosophy professor. She worked tirelessly to secure a tenure position in the philosophy department, yet despite her efforts, she eventually grew old without ever achieving such a prestigious position. People referred to that commoner as an adjunct instructor. The failure of this arduous journey proved the difference between reality and a game. If you looked at her academic background, she had a straightforward trajectory: [Undergraduate: In Seoul → Graduate School (Master's): Seoul National → Doctorate: Valedictorian at a prestigious German university]. In a game, she would be considered a scholar steadily leveling up with this path. However, in the game-oriented nation of South Korea, she faced the harsh judgment of, "Oh my, your tech tree is completely different, isn't it? This character seems doomed." Professor Yoo Younghee, a philosopher whose papers were more frequently cited abroad than at home, was repeatedly edged out in the fight for professorship by those with a neat [Seoul National → Seoul National → Seoul National] trajectory. "So, this time, my paper's really going to make a splash, I'm telling you?" Even after turning 60, Yoo Younghee's passion for academia hadn't dimmed. Occasionally, meeting with friends to discuss philosophy was her life's delight. "Nietzsche originally intended to write his doctoral thesis on Kant. Eventually, the series of flow from Kant to Schopenhauer, and from Schopenhauer to Nietzsche completed his unique metaphysics." "..." "The concept of eternal recurrence isn't an idea that just popped up. It's a metaphysical conclusion inevitably derived from accepting Kant's prerequisites. This paper will become a grand work highlighting a flow that has been excessively neglected until now. You know, the world is repeating." Her confidante, an academic peer who, like her, had spent a lifetime as an adjunct, remained silent. Then, she set down her friend's "masterpiece," a paper claiming it would overturn the philosophy world. "Younghee." "Yes?" "...This is the paper you wrote to get your doctorate." At 63 years old. Yoo Younghee was diagnosed with dementia. 2 Time passed by. Yet, for some baffling reason, the time of Adjunct Professor Yoo Younghee remained stagnant. Nobody, meaning approximately 99.99% of humanity, had any interest in the life Yoo Younghee led or the academic fields she pursued. "You damn bastard! You do it!" "Aaaaaah! Aaaahhhh!" Naturally, statistically speaking, her son and daughter-in-law fell into that 99.99%. 'Ah, they're at it again.' As her dementia worsened, Yoo Younghee couldn't even take on teaching assignments as a lecturer anymore. Coming from a humble background with scant resources, her rise as a scholar was thanks to her shining talent and state support. It was an accomplishment one could barely achieve by staking both life and fortune. Thus, Yoo Younghee gave everything to academia. In exchange, she had no money. “What am I supposed to do about it! Huh?! What do you want me to doooo!” “Aaaaaah!” Her meager savings quickly dwindled. Her son, who supposedly "looked after" her, wasn't even her blood relation. In her younger years, before divorcing a certain man, she had adopted an orphan. 'Noisy. It's ear-splitting.' Yoo Younghee stared vacantly at her son as he and his wife screamed at and battered each other. From his face, she tried to remember the features of her former husband, Jo Young-soo, who might be somewhere out there. She couldn't quite grasp it. They never resembled each other in the first place. 'It would be nice if they didn't fight. It's too noisy to read.' Yoo Younghee muttered to herself. 'No. But children are supposed to grow up fighting, they say. The more they do, the more I need to maintain the family's center.' Groaning, Yoo Younghee stood up. She pulled out a suit from the wardrobe and dressed neatly. When she stepped into the living room, her son, already exhausted from the couple's argument, looked at her. "What is this, Mom. Why are you dressed like that again?" "Hmm?" "Why are you wearing those weird clothes?" Yoo Younghee blinked her eyes, feeling slightly flustered. "I need to go to work. I have a lecture today." "Noooo... What lecture? You got fired! It's already been 4 years!" "Fired? Who got fired? I have a lecture on Kant today. It's right before midterms, so I need to give the students a hint about the test questions." "Aaaaagh! Get out! Out!" Oh dear. If he says to leave, I should, such a fuss. Yoo Younghee thought of scolding her son but strangely lacked the energy. She simply sighed and hastened off to work. As she waited for the green neighborhood bus on the hillside of the underprivileged neighborhood, Yoo Younghee suddenly looked up at the blue sky. 'Where was I going again? Ah, school.' Yoo Younghee hurried back home. If she intended to go to elementary school, she absolutely needed to ride the bicycle. 'Walking takes two whole hours!' She loved her grandfather. She felt that her grandfather loved her too. Maybe that’s why he gifted her a lovely red bicycle, which he never gave to any other siblings. "Oh? Where's my bicycle?" Yoo Younghee felt a bit flustered. Her bicycle should have been parked in the yard, but no matter how much she searched, she couldn't find it. “Heeing.” She felt sad. Yoo Younghee loved the scent of grass carried by the wind as she crossed the rural paths on her bicycle in summer—the wet, grassy smell. "Why isn't it here? Did grandpa take it? Where is it…." Just then, a voice came from behind her. "Grandma." "Huh?" "What are you doing there?" Looking back, her granddaughter stood at the boundary of the gate, watching her intently. Her lovely granddaughter. The most beautiful child in the world. Although there was no blood tie, she felt most like family. "Oh my, Ji-won!" "Yes, Grandma." Her granddaughter, Yu Ji-won, bowed her head. "The day is hot. Why are you outside? What are you doing here?" "I was looking for your sibling!" "Excuse me?" Yu Ji-won tilted her head in confusion. "My sibling... you mean?" "Yes!" "Pardon me, Grandma. But I don’t have any siblings. I’m the only child my parents have." "No, there is!" Yoo Younghee's voice inadvertently rose. How could there not be a sibling? Her granddaughter was so very thoughtful but occasionally uttered frightening things. "You have So-won. Yoo So-won. Your younger sibling, who still can't even walk properly!" "..." "Our So-won has been missing for a while now. Oh dear, it seems your father abandoned her. Huh? What should we do? It looks like your parents left So-won behind. What should we do, Ji-won...?" Yu Ji-won’s face showed no emotion as she looked at her grandmother. It always did. She gazed at Yoo Younghee with eyes void of any feeling. "The suit looks great on you." "Hmm?" "My grandmother is quite the fashionista. Are you heading to give a lecture at the school?" "Ah, right! I've got a lecture today!" "Oh dear. It's getting quite late. You might be tardy. Let me escort you, please follow me." "Okay!" Holding her granddaughter's hand, Yoo Younghee merrily stepped through the front gate. She wanted to skip lightly, but her body wasn’t cooperating today, so she just hummed a cheerful tune. The school was right at the doorstep. In the blink of an eye, she'd crossed only one alley, and there she was at the lecture room. Isn't this a bit too fast? Yoo Younghee tilted her head in curiosity. "Is this the school, Ji-won?" "Yes. A place where there are those who seek knowledge and those who impart it. Thus, this is, beyond any place, a most excellent school." "Oh wow." My goodness! How did my granddaughter become so intelligent? Who does she take after? Her father was smart when he was young, but he drinks too much now. Her mother has a gambling addiction. Hmm, she must take after me. What was it called... ah, atavism! "Atavism!" "Yes. I've always been quite clever." "Heehee." "Sir Matiz, are you in there?" Knock knock. Yu Ji-won knocked on the 'lecture room' door. Shortly after, the shabby door opened. "Oh, Ji-won. And... hmm." A tall man stood inside the lecture room. Was he a student? Or was he a teaching assistant? These days, university TAs change so often it's hard to remember faces. In the past, students would dedicate 5 or 6 years steadily delving into their studies. Yu Ji-won whispered to the man. "I apologize for today as well. Please take care of her once again." "No need to apologize. I enjoy studying with grandmother too. She's truly brilliant, you know." "Yes. Unfortunately, it seems others do not realize that." "?" A step away from their hushed conversation, Yoo Younghee just tilted her head in wonder. Feeling slightly left out, she was about to feel a bit sad when the man addressed her very politely. "Ma'am." "Yes?" "Please wait a moment. The classroom isn’t quite ready yet. I apologize for the heat, but if you could wait just two minutes, as a TA, I’ll get everything set up promptly." "Oh? Ah, yes. Please, go ahead." Moments later. "Please, come in, ma'am." Inside, there surely was a table and chairs. Even a plastic blackboard. But, isn't it a bit small? "Did the size of the classroom ever matter to learning? Grandma, weren’t philosophers originally those who taught in corridors of buildings simply because they couldn’t afford a proper space?" "...!" Indeed! With that thought, Yoo Younghee felt even more excited. It was like being transported back to those days when they would gather quietly in a corner of the campus, discussing academic topics for 4 to 5 hours endlessly. No, it was those days. "So from Schopenhauer's perspective, time has no beginning. There's no starting point. It's like reading a book: you can start from the beginning or just randomly open it in the middle, right? For Schopenhauer, time is like that." "Oh." "This topic is also discussed in Kant's philosophy. Our intellect cannot determine with certainty if time has a beginning or not. But Nietzsche is different! From Nietzsche's viewpoint, the only conceivable representation of time within the limits of human intellect is circular! It's cyclical. It's repeatable. That's eternal recurrence." Her granddaughter Yu Ji-won and the teaching assistant listened intently to her lecture. They sometimes debated. Other times they engaged in heated discussions. Though Yoo Younghee occasionally forgot where she was, when discussing academic matters, her mind strangely cleared. She was happy. "I’m truly learning so much from you, ma'am." "Heehee." Yoo Younghee also liked the man in front of her. His name—oddly, she couldn’t recall. But she’d never been good at remembering names since she was young. "He's as wonderful as Young-soo." "Young-soo?" "Yes, Young-soo. My husband." With her heart full of joy, undergraduate Yoo Younghee smiled softly. "I smoked back then, but I purposely didn’t carry a lighter." "Why?" "So that my husband would have to light my cigarette, pretending, 'Oh? I forgot my lighter.' Then, Young-soo would quietly come and light it for me. I really liked that." "..." "But I quit smoking after adopting a child. Do you smoke?" "No, I don't." "That's good! Smoking is really bad for health. I used to be a heavy smoker but smoking makes the mind cloudy." Yoo Younghee giggled. "Young-soo has been so busy these days he hardly comes home. I worry. He’s determined but clueless when it comes to work. If left alone, he might just starve to death..." "Grandma." Yu Ji-won held her grandmother’s hand. "Hmm?" "It's time to retire for the day." "Oh my, look at me. I must’ve given too long of a lecture! But lectures shouldn’t just be three hours long; that lacks heart. If there are things to discuss, they should continue for 5 or 6 hours. That’s the spirit of academia." "Hahaha." The man laughed. “Please come again, ma’am.” “Yes! See you next time!” A few days later. Her son and daughter-in-law— Her father and mother were nowhere to be seen. "?" Yoo Younghee tilted her head and asked her granddaughter if she knew where her father and mother had gone. Yu Ji-won calmly replied. "They went to Japan for a mission trip." "Oh, is that so?" "Yes. They said they finally received work from the church and hurried off. They call occasionally, so don't worry, Grandma." "Oh dear. They should have told me before they left. No, no. When you're young, it's good to travel overseas. That’s great. That’s really great." It was truly wonderful! She'd been quite worried lately because her son and daughter-in-law were constantly fighting at home. She feared they might end up divorced, just like she had. Stability comes from a stable income, after all. With a steady job, their wallets would be fuller, and there would be fewer arguments. “Hoohoo.” Feeling elated, Yoo Younghee slipped into her old jeans for the first time in a while. Until recently, she’d struggled to fit into them, likely due to some weight gain. But not this time. She managed to squeeze into them neatly. ‘As expected of me!’ Today was a special day with Young-soo, so she took extra care in her attire. Looking in the mirror, she saw her slender figure, the extra weight seemingly gone. There didn’t seem a need for dieting. ‘Cigarettes... oh, where are my cigarettes?’ She rummaged through the closet for a while but couldn’t find even a single pack. As a poor student, Yoo Younghee could always count on at least the romance of her cigarettes, and the absence left her feeling a bit anxious. ‘Ah. I’ll be late for the date! I’ll buy cigarettes later. I need to leave now!’ In her rush to leave, she tripped over the mess of clothes she’d made in her search and fell. “Ouch!” It hurt. Still, Yoo Younghee got up resolutely. Today, she felt certain that Young-soo would propose to her. She had a gut feeling. ‘He hasn’t spent any money on our dates these past few months. What’s he plotting? Why is he saving?’ Hehe, Yoo Younghee chuckled. Even though her fall had hurt her knees a lot, she was still happy. ‘Should I play hard to get?’ Despite being poor, she was intelligent. Playing hard to get seemed like the right role-playing. ‘But what if I really get proposed to? I might cry.’ She actually did cry a little. Yoo Younghee couldn’t quite distinguish whether her tears were due to knee pain or the happiness she felt. With some struggling and crawling, Yoo Younghee managed to leave the house. Today. It had to be today. There was a reason she absolutely had to go out today. "Gasp." The reason was now walking right towards her, step by step, along the neighborhood alley, the gray asphalt road, worn with the traces of time. "So-won!" "..." Caught off guard. The lady walking gracefully down the alley stopped in her tracks. She turned to look at Yoo Younghee. A look of surprise spread across her beautiful face. Not caring about any of that, Yoo Younghee brushed off her knees and quickly ran over to wrap her 'second' granddaughter in a tight hug. "Oh dear, So-won! You're alive. Huh? You’re alive." "..." "I thought, huh? Your dad and mom abandoned you! Huh? You were such a well-behaved child. So well-mannered... and then you just disappeared. Huh? We were so worried." "..." Hesitant. The young woman cautiously hugged Yoo Younghee in return. And with her cheek, she brushed against her grandmother’s shoulder. "I’m sorry, Grandma." "Hmm? What for?" "For not visiting more often." "Oh, as long as you’re alive! Just being alive is enough, my dear. How did our So-won grow up to be so pretty? Huh?" "..." "Such a beautiful child. A lovely child... Why were they so mean to you? Why torment you, huh?" With gentle strokes, Yoo So-won, Yoo Younghee's second granddaughter, lightly caressed her grandmother's frailer back with her slender hands. Her touch was comforting. It was soft. Yoo Younghee beamed. Her parents often scolded her for laughing after crying, but it seemed like she did that nearly every day now. "Grandma, where were you headed?" "Huh? Me? To work! Going to school to lecture!" "Oh my. That's right. Grandma, you were such a renowned scholar. If it’s not too much trouble, may I join you?" "Yes!" Holding her granddaughter’s hand, Yoo Younghee skipped off happily to work. To think the granddaughter she thought she’d never see again had grown so beautifully! She truly felt happy. "It’s me." "Yes, come in.. Oh? Professor?" "I'm here to audit the class today as well." "..." "Because she’s also my grandmother." The man looked at Yu So-won. ‘Gasp.’ Though it was merely a brief exchange of glances, Yoo Younghee, with her experiences in love, marriage, divorce, and all sorts of saga, could feel it immediately. ‘Oh no?! Our So-won seems to like that TA!’ She felt seriously perplexed. ‘Ji-won likes him too! Young-soo! What should I do about this?!’ Two sisters drawn to the same man. Wasn’t this something straight out of an old drama heard in rumors? She even felt a vague sense of betrayal. She thought him to be just a kind TA and a rare young man with an academic thirst. What a backstab! Suddenly, Yoo Younghee's expression became serious, and she stared at the man intently. "Hmm..." “?” “You. I’ll be watching you.” “???” Of course, there was no time for a longer conversation. Yoo Younghee was still an adjunct instructor. She had work to do and needed to proceed with her class. It seemed absurdly laughable, but… "So, if the world is actually repeating, that age-old debate—whether humans have free will or are mechanically determined—is resolved in an instant!" "Hehh." "Because if I do something right now, and the world repeats, then what we’ve always thought of as the horizon of past time is actually also the future. Our present now decides the future, and even extends to the past!" "..." "Why is it that while materially everything about life is predetermined, humans still feel a sense of freedom in their actions? This seemingly irreconcilable contradiction is resolved neatly if we only assume the repetitiveness of time!" For the first time, Yoo Younghee found herself liking her job title, "adjunct instructor." For some reason, as she lectured on time in front of one man and one granddaughter, she felt this way. "Determinism and the theory of free will were, in fact, always coexisting. Nietzsche recognized this. Then, only one question remains. If one determines their entire life, if the present, future, and past are all being decided at this very moment... will one accept such a life or not?" At some point, Yoo Younghee's time had stagnated. Yet, curiously enough, when looking at that man, and from the moment she reunited with her granddaughter today, she felt time flowing again. "Hehe." She was. Younghee loved Young-soo. She loved Ji-won and So-won. Though there was much sorrow, there was also abundant love. And so, the girl was truly happy. -The Skeptic’s Resolution. End.