Infinite Regressor, Chapter 471 - I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

11. In all matters of the world, there are pros and cons. However, interpreting this sentence requires careful consideration of the order. The original meaning is that "if there are pros, cons will inevitably follow." If interpreted in reverse, i.e., "since there are cons, surely pros will come soon?" it could lead to quite problematic situations. Example: A writer who diligently publishes every day will inevitably experience burnout at some point. If each daily update is a small battle, burnout is an inevitable con—a grand, all-encompassing war. Winning individual battles is meaningless if you ultimately lose the war. Therefore, do not bask in the immediate pros but prepare for the cons. On the other hand... what if a writer who never publishes faces a slump? What pros could possibly follow from that? Before discussing war, haven't they already lost the battle? Aren't there just cons? Similarly... "Master." "Oh, yes! Ms. Yu Ji-won. What brings you here?" "I'm here to ask you to stop summoning Matiz every morning and disguising sleep talk as an excuse to indulge in kissing." "..." Unrequited love held no pros whatsoever. 12. Cheon Yo-hwa, the absolute authority of the sect, was anything but foolish. Using sleepwalking as an excuse to blur the lines between dream and reality was only plausible for a day or two. It was impossible for her not to notice that her little sister and attendants were conspiring to use her fiancé, Go Yo-il, as a living alarm clock. ‘Oh no. Could it be that I've been kissing him not only in dreams but in reality too?!’ Once again, Cheon Yo-hwa was no fool. Hence, she made the wisest decision. ‘Wow! This is awesome! I'll just pretend I don't know!’ If she were a character in an average romantic comedy, she would have followed this with embarrassment, denial, and reprimands to those involved in the conspiracy. But Cheon Yo-hwa wasted no time on such unproductive processes. Of course, acknowledging even a bit would end these sweet trysts, so why listen to her conscience at all? ‘This time, I'll pull him under the covers and pretend to know nothing as I...’ ‘Hmm, surprisingly he has abs. Is his body fat naturally low?’ ‘He always wears the same perfume, which is intriguingly mysterious. What could it be? Should I have the kids find out?’ ‘Tomorrow, secretly, really secretly... Heehee.’ Thanks to this, Cheon Yo-hwa was enjoying a delightful Go Yo-il culinary tour, savoring each aspect like a chef indulging in premium beef. She was enjoying it until― "Oh..." Tremble. The unexpected confrontation with her rival, Yu Ji-won, put Cheon Yo-hwa in a tough spot as she struggled to maintain her composure. "Sleep-talking kisses... Hmm. I'm sorry. What are you talking about, Ms. Ji-won? I have no idea what you're insinuating." "Is that so?" On the other hand, Yu Ji-won, who always maintained a stoic demeanor, had no need for facial composure. Just tilting her head was enough to make one's heart race; it was akin to a realm of heart-sword mastery. "Of late, Matiz leaves early every morning and comes back with a strong scent of orange." ‘Is your nose trained like a dog's or something?’ "Thinking he might be meeting your younger sibling, I deliberately scheduled your sister in the morning yesterday. Yet, the orange scent persisted." ‘What? She's already identified the culprit?’ "The orange scent was concentrated on Matiz's entire body, especially his lips, leading to the logical conclusion that you kissed him." ‘And how did you even figure out his lips absorbed the scent?’ "But all I sensed from Matiz was confusion and tension. This implies it was an involuntary kiss, not of his own accord." "..." "So, I implore you, Master, please refrain from forcing unwanted physical contact on Matiz." A silence followed. Here, Yu Ji-won's gaze required a special mention apart from her expressionless demeanor. Yu Ji-won rarely diverted her gaze. Always holding a steady posture, her eyes, unwavering from her still head, focused solely on the person before her. This combined with her unique appearance, creating an aura that made her difficult to confront. Simply uttering words felt like exposing each one in the face of countless mirrors, making interactions uncomfortable. However. "――Really?" Today, even Cheon Yo-hwa looked directly at Yu Ji-won. A hint of a shadow, almost like a smile, graced her lips, the only visible remnant of her etiquette. "I may not know much, but let’s assume I did, in some sleepwalking episode, end up kissing my senior―I mean, Mr. Go Yo-il. In that moment, would Mr. Go Yo-il's heart... would it really bear only 'confusion' and 'tension' as you say, Ms. Ji-won?" "..." "I think there'd be more to it. A little more." Cheon Yo-hwa propped her chin on her hand. "Mind you, I’ve heard I'm quite the looker. Plus... I'm sorry to say, but I’m not just a pretty face, right? Surely, there must be other things people notice?" "..." "Ahaha, please don't be too tense. Ms. Yu Ji-won. It's all hypothetical. Just an IF scenario!" "Indeed." Yet, even when faced with what seemed like Cheon Yo-hwa's first genuine show of hostility. "My apologies." For some reason. Yu Ji-won's face remained unperturbed, without a shadow of doubt. It was as if her words, launched like arrows, left no mark or wound on her. "I merely hoped, Master, that you'd consider Mr. Matiz's feelings over your own preferences." "...What?" "I surmised that you might share sentiments similar to mine, but it seems I misjudged. I apologize." "..." "Even so, I intruded with unnecessary comments when you were already engrossed in creating your time capsule. I'll take my leave." "Ah." Yu Ji-won bowed at an angle as straight as her unwavering gaze and left the meeting room. "..." For some reason, Cheon Yo-hwa found herself unable to hold her back. 13. In all matters of the world, there are pros and cons. Of course, this adage was really only meant for those victorious in life, who succeeded in obtaining the pros. As Holden Caulfield, the predecessor of cool-type light novel protagonists, once remarked, "If it's just a group of losers to begin with," even the notion of taking pros and cons one-to-one wouldn't occur. This was something even the genius linguist Kumagawa Misogi agreed upon. And yet... '...Did I not prioritize Mr. Go Yo-il?' Even though the cons were given first, There is this miraculous, singular alchemy—the ability to create pros from cons—that's granted to the defeated. '...Really?' Awareness. Reflection. Introspection. ‘In front of Senior Go Yo-il, wasn't I thinking only of myself... wait? Me?’ The first mirror that every human is born with inside their heart. "..." Cheon Yo-hwa thought. Deep within the confines of her personal chamber, where no one else was allowed, she sat before the mirror thoughtfully placed at the foreigner's request. She soliloquized. "Why? I thought Senior... even Yu Ji-won was beautiful. It's not a lie. I genuinely thought so. So, why am I being called selfish?" "Because you didn't know. Because you weren't used to it." A monologue in front of the mirror always had two layers, and Cheon Yo-hwa's echo returned even from the reflected surface. "Since birth, you were never allowed a life for yourself. Cheon Yo-hwa. Sacrifice. A living altar. That was your role, and your father was the additional pressure." Mirror-Cheon Yo-hwa murmured emotionlessly. "You always felt deprived of your life, and that feeling wasn't unfounded." "...But I killed my father. I gained all the power of the sect. I'm an adult, even stronger than an adult. Then... shouldn't things change now?" "You can't turn back time." Cheon Yo-hwa shook her head. "The childhood taken from you by your father can't be restored. You know that. Everyone knows that." "..." "So what's the use of whispering [things must change now]? You are meant to eternally yearn in place of your father, and take revenge on the world for a past that can't be compensated." The time capsule project progressed smoothly. The symptoms of sleepwalking Cheon Yo-hwa possessed, the signs of fragmentation experienced through the mirror, were all evidence that her power over the Outer Gods was reaching its peak. In essence, they were 'side effects.' Mere 'cons' that came bundled with the overwhelming acquisition of pros. Cheon Yo-hwa found it increasingly difficult to differentiate between dreams and reality. The resolution of reality she could manipulate in dreams had been greatly enhanced. "Then if I end up with Senior Go Yo-il... even if we share love, will this continue?" Even this conversation. Cheon Yo-hwa was having it both in reality and in the dream, in her same chamber. Her reflection sometimes appeared just as it was, other times significantly younger, and at times donning a high school uniform from Baekhwa High, dyed black. "I can't love Senior the way Yu Ji-won does? I can't think of others before myself? Can't I embrace someone purely and completely as they are?" "Correct." "Why? From birth, I was a 'vessel,' right? A predetermined empty vessel to receive the will of my father, the will of God. So why can't I accept and prioritize the person I love?" "Because that person is not a god, but a human." "..." "Imperfect. Incomplete. To accept a loved one isn't about surgically removing your brain to physically accommodate them." Cheon Yo-hwa muttered. "Success is easy. When there are pros, that's all you see. The issue is what comes next. Can you acknowledge your failures? Can you find pros in his cons? Can you be his mirror, as he can be yours?" "..." "Life is no story. Can you commit to facing him and walking together, in an unending epilogue where this is not a 'happily ever after'? Are you ready for that?" Cheon Yo-hwa couldn't answer. A hasty answer was like a front tooth, capable of biting only small problems. So she looked ahead before answering. 「Please, do not make such a face. Holy one. I merely wish to be with the present you.」 「Me too, yes.」 She sought not her own, but others’ epilogues. Examples. Precedents. Answer sheets. 「I like you, Guildmaster...」 Or perhaps error sheets. 「I must not regress anymore.」 「Why...?」 「I lack the confidence to meet you, losing your current memories. I may end up killing you.」 「Oh dear...」 One by one, even as tears flowed, even as blood seeped from her lips, she gritted and bore witness to all. Simulation. Imagination. Earlier, Go Yo-il had obtained various pieces of information from Go Yuri. That information was again absorbed by Cheon Yo-hwa through Go Yo-il. Cheon Yo-hwa, mobilizing all the power of the sect, secured personal information on the 'Regression Alliance' candidates. With information in hand, given her current reached state, Cheon Yo-hwa could conduct 'simulations' within her dreams at will. "Ahahaha." Cheon Yo-hwa laughed, a dry smile stretched across her face. "Senior, truly. You have a lot of rivals..." "But they all inevitably end in a bad ending." Cheon Yo-hwa laughed, a twisted smile forming. "Any love seems ultimately doomed to destruction. No, it would suggest that the kind of human who would love despite assured destruction is Go Yo-il." "......" "He tries to save people. He resists a fate of certain destruction. That is the path he's chosen. Can you be as earnest about his path as he is?" "...I can't." "That's right. Cheon Yo-hwa. You can't deny it. You're someone who only cares about yourself, and perhaps your little sister and Go Yo-il. To you, the rest are just inconsequential nobodies, no different from insects. You bear no grudge against the insects' existence, but should they crawl into your room and show themselves, you won't hesitate to kill them, whether they're harmful or not. That's who you are." "......" "Given that's who you are—how could you possibly love a man like Go Yo-il? Lock him in a basement, brainwash him, immerse him in physical desire, make him your possession in this iteration, the next, and every single one of the thousands of simulations. Isn't that the only love you're capable of?" "......" Once again, it must be said. Cheon Yo-hwa was a person marred by countless flaws, yet she possessed a few virtues. "No." She was not foolish. "That's not the only way to love." "What?" "Maybe, just maybe, there's another way. Yes, seeing other people's epilogues in simulations has made that clearer to me." She was honest with herself. "I believe that Senior will eventually break through all these bad endings and reach a happy ending." "...What do you mean? Belief? Haha, do you think blind faith holds some transcendental power? How naive." "Uh-uh." She wasn't stupid enough to fool herself, and she was honest enough to acknowledge her truth. "It's not blind faith." "Then what?" "I just need to prove that for Senior to reach a happy ending, I, Cheon Yo-hwa, am 'absolutely' necessary." "......" The path. A path so narrow, It was the only path allowed to her in this world, and she was able to see it. "Senior has been stranded in bad endings every time. But I wasn't there." "......" "Conversely, if I support him—if, truly, the path Senior chooses reaches its destination." Cheon Yo-hwa clenched her fist tightly. "If I can prove that I am indispensable to his happy ending." "......" "Then I no longer need to blame myself. At that moment, I can stand confidently before Yu Ji-won and declare my love." "Because." "Because Yu Ji-won, while you might share a bad ending with Senior, it is I who is essential to his happy ending." "I am someone who can never love the ordinary masses." "But if Senior's path to saving the masses cannot reach its summit without me." "Then loving him is also a way to rescue others." "My love is, by no means, shameful." "Not to him. Not to her. Not to me." "Skeptics, the insane, those who wish for death, psychopaths, sociopaths—all are justified at the end of that path." "So." Cheon Yo-hwa's smile overlapped. "Let's save this world and prove my love." From the very beginning, She was destined to love one alone. And that one seemed to be her entire world.