52 - Dungeon Growth Log

The stars twinkled, and the night was as dark as an abyss. Memories were chaotic and blurry, but the girl's smile gradually faded, dimmed, and finally disappeared without a trace. That day, as autumn turned into winter, accompanied by drifting snowflakes, Nanming Village, barren of harvest, was engulfed in worsening famine. The only household with any surplus grain was the Zhu family at the village entrance. But the people of the Zhu family were tyrannical, not charitable. Shaoge still remembered. Back then, the two of them hid behind a firewood shed of someone's house, so hungry that their vision was dark, yet they couldn’t even find an edible leaf to eat. It was the first time she felt so close to death, so very close. Dou Dou was more resilient to hunger than her, a beggar who had taken to the streets halfway through life. When Shaoge could no longer move, Dou Dou still could. "Dou Dou... am I going to die?" Shaoge's voice was hoarse. Dou Dou held her hand. Even in the biting cold of winter, the girl's palm felt cold yet gentle. She thought. Everyone has to die sometime. Sima Daren had said, "Man’s life is but a fleeting shadow: as weighty as Mount Tai or as light as a feather." She was just a helpless little beggar in this world, besides begging, her life seemed to have no other value. Shaoge's eyes went black. Although she knew she was about to die, she didn’t feel despair, just a little regret. She had no chance to be like those impressive time travelers who open shops, reform institutions, and create currency circulation, achieving great deeds. Instead, she started as a near-starving, helpless six-year-old beggar. It really was... a bit of a regret. But even if she had the opportunity, whether she had the capability was another matter. After all, she knew her limits. Managing to dig out water chestnuts from the swamp with Dou Dou was already a blessing from the God of Wealth. Hoping for more was pointless. Thinking this, she no longer felt any regrets. Perhaps it was because she didn’t feel any sense of belonging here. Shaoge wasn’t afraid of dying in a strange land. Instead, she found some peace in it. Maybe if she died... she might go back. Perhaps she hadn’t traveled through time. Perhaps all this was a ridiculous dream of her present self. If she died here, she might still live there. That sounded... quite nice. She just felt sorry for Dou Dou. Shuangshuang... this body must have been very important to Dou Dou. Sorry... Shuangshuang. Borrowing this body, I couldn’t even take good care of your friend. It seems I was too useless. The only good thing I might’ve done for this child was that meal of water chestnuts. After saying those words, "Am I going to die?" Dou Dou remained silent, just tightly holding her hand. In the bitter cold, Dou Dou’s hand was also cold. She looked at her, lips tightly shut, not speaking. "Dou Dou," Shaoge heard her own hoarse voice and even managed a smile. "If I accidentally die, remember to burn me a couple of water chestnuts when you make it big." Dou Dou pressed her lips tighter, clutching her hand harder as if by doing so, she could share more warmth. But it was cold. No matter how tight the grip, it was cold. Shaoge thought with a hint of age and weariness – starving and freezing, words she had only read in books, now vividly applied to herself. It was truly a miserable reality. No wonder Shaoling Yelao once sighed in front of his little hut with the eternal sigh, “Oh, if only I had broad roofs over millions of rooms, sheltering all the poor scholars of the world, making them all beam with joy.” However, she didn’t share that lofty mindset. At this moment, she could only mutter, "Ah, I seem to be starving to death." Just as she was about to faint from hunger, she finally heard the girl, who had been silent for so long, speak in a low, fragile yet resolute voice. "You won’t die." Slowly, Dou Dou released her tightly held hand, her voice soft, "Shuangshuang, be good, wait for me to come back." —What are you going to do? Shaoge reflexively grabbed onto her clothing, but her weak body quickly had Dou Dou gently remove her hand. —Where are you going? —Don’t go... come back! Everything went black, and Shaoge fainted. The last thing she saw was the figure of Dou Dou, wearing a thin hemp robe, barefoot and red from the cold, pushing open the firewood door. —The wind was strong and cold. In the next moment, she knew nothing. But perhaps from the extreme hunger, or because her time hadn’t come, Shaoge woke up again from a sharp stomach cramp due to hunger after fainting for a while. She gathered herself and the first thing she did was look for Dou Dou. —Where could Dou Dou have gone? —Could it be... the Zhu family! Panic set in her heart. Shaoge dragged her weak body and stumbled out of the little firewood shed, crossing through the frost and unhesitatingly rushed towards the wealthiest household in Nanming Village. —Dou Dou, don’t do anything foolish! "Beat that little brat to death!" "Beat her to death!" "Daring to steal food from our Zhu family! She must want to die!" From behind the tightly closed vermillion door came the sound of a whip striking flesh. Shaoge heard a familiar groan. For a moment, her mind went blank. She frantically banged on the door, her voice hoarse, "Open up! Open the door!" The snow on the door was cold, but Shaoge felt that nothing was colder than her heart at that moment. Her voice was hoarse, and she lacked the strength, so no one answered her. Shaoge clung to the copper knocker on the door, feeling the cold wind and hearing the distant howls of wild dogs, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of confusion. Who was she...why was she here? Who was taking the whip for her inside? "Slap—" "Slap..." "....." One whip, two whips, many, many whips... "Tch, tch, beating her to death would be bad luck. What a jinx; throw her out!" The door opened. Shaoge fell inside before being harshly kicked out, "Where did this beggar come from! Shouting like that; having one thief is bad enough, now another one! Just seeing you is irritating!!" Being kicked in the stomach, her already empty gut hurt even more severely. As she came back to her senses, Shaoge didn’t care about the pain. Her eyes were fixed on the girl thrown out along with the opening of the door, covered in blood, lying in the thick snow. The white snow was freezing. Shaoge clutched her stomach and stumbled to Dou Dou's side, "Dou Dou, Dou Dou... Dou Dou—" The girl, covered in blood, was dazed. After a moment, she suddenly shuddered and violently pushed Shaoge away. Then she struggled to get up and head towards the small firewood shed. However, she didn’t manage more than a few steps before collapsing again. Blood kept flowing from her torn wounds. Shaoge rushed to help her up, but heard her scream hoarsely, "Who are you, go away, don’t touch me, I need to go back…" It seemed she didn’t see her. Dou Dou's once gentle and sweet voice turned hoarse, as if her vocal cords were damaged, taking on a ferocity Shaoge had never seen before, like a desperate small beast fiercely defending its last glimmer of hope. Shaoge was afraid of touching her wounds, afraid she'd struggle even more. Bearing the stomach pain, her voice so hoarse it was distorted, "—You can't move, don't move! I’ll go, I’ll go—" Shaoge didn’t dare touch her, she could only retreat, step by step. Maybe sensing the retreat, Dou Dou bit her lips, the blood slowly trickling down her forehead, but she ignored it. Slowly, she got up, her blood-red feet stepping on the snow, stumbling forward, "I... need to go back..." The snow was slippery. After a few steps, Dou Dou fell again. Shaoge's heart clenched. She wanted to help but her hand was fiercely slapped away by Dou Dou, "Don't, don't touch me…" Her voice was hoarse, with a hint of sobbing, "Shuangshuang is dying... Shuangshuang cannot die." "Shuangshuang…" She crawled forward on her knees, leaving a bloody trail on the snow. She was calling her name. Painful yet gentle. Like a bucket of icy water, from head to toe, Shaoge stiffened in place. —Shaoge had always thought that death wasn’t a big deal. When she walked past death’s door after that life-threatening car accident and woke up, she had planned to live well, to take good care of her brother. But inexplicably, she ended up here, a little beggar, starving, freezing, hopeless of returning home, with no one around. She thought, living well was better than dying poorly. If she could live, she would; if not, she’d die. After all, here she had no family, no hope of returning home, no direction. Here, no one truly cared whether a little beggar lived or died. She thought death might be a shortcut back home. She thought living futilely was meaningless; better to die with some dignity. But now, Shaoge watched this person, kneeling in the cold snow, covered in blood, calling her name, saying she couldn't die. —Shuangshuang cannot die. "Why?" Shaoge looked at that figure crawling forward and finally couldn’t hold it back. Dragging her weak body, she finally knelt in front of Dou Dou, holding her shoulders, tears streaming down her face—an unexplainable anger surged within her. Shaoge’s voice, hoarse, shouted, "She’s not worth it!" She's so awful, living carelessly as Shaoge, living miserably as Shuangshuang—such a person, how could she be worth your desperate efforts?! "She's worth it..." Dou Dou, like a small enraged beast, widened her dark eyes and gave Shaoge a fierce slap, saying, "Who are you?! What right do you have to ask me? I'll tell you, as long as it's Shuangshuang—she's worth it!" —If it's Shuangshuang, she's worth it. The slap didn’t hurt, because Dou Dou had no strength. But for Shaoge, it was a wake-up call, a moment of clarity. She suddenly remembered something very important. Right now, she wasn’t Shaoge; she was Shuangshuang. She could easily decide the life and death of "Shaoge," but she had no right to end "Shuangshuang's" life. Whether hopeless or hopeful, by using Shuangshuang's body, she had a duty to carry all her burdens and live on. She had no right to end anyone’s life. From the moment she used Shuangshuang’s body, she was no longer Shaoge. She was not Shaoge, not garbage, not an ant; she was Dou Dou’s only friend, Shuangshuang. —So, she had to live. "I’m Shuangshuang... Dou Dou, I am Shuangshuang." Dou Dou took a moment to react, her dark eyes reflecting Shaoge’s face, but filled with confusion, "Shuangshuang? Shuangshuang is here? You are Shuangshuang? Why is it so dark... Why can’t I see... Did I just... hit you?" "Does it hurt? Does it hurt? I’m sorry, Shuangshuang, I didn’t mean to!" Dou Dou started to cry, "I didn’t mean to, I couldn’t see. I thought it was a ghost coming to take me away. I heard so many strange sounds. I’m sorry, I’m sorry... Sob, sob..." "It's okay, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt, not at all. Dou Dou’s hands are so soft..." As Shaoge spoke, her trembling hand reached slowly towards Dou Dou’s head, finding it warm to the touch. Retracting her hand, her palm was stained crimson, a glaring sight. The whip had struck the back of Dou Dou’s head... It seemed Dou Dou had gone blind. Dou Dou wiped her tears and reached out, trying to touch Shaoge’s face, to confirm she was indeed Shuangshuang. Fresh blood smeared across Shaoge's face, the iron smell sharp in the air. Though her black eyes were wide open, Dou Dou saw nothing, "Shuangshuang, are you crying?" Shaoge held her wrist, trying to stop her tears from falling on her hand, her voice hoarse, "I’m not crying, I’m really not. I’m very strong, it’s just snow melting on my face." Dou Dou traced Shaoge's face bit by bit with her hands, feeling sad but speaking softly, "Shuangshuang is lying… Snow melting is cool, but your tears are warm." "Maybe it’s because I... naturally shine... and emit heat?" Shaoge wanted to smile, but after trying hard, she just couldn’t curve her lips. The hunger-induced pain in her belly and the sight of the girl with blind, wide-open black eyes, her face wet with tears, overwhelmed her. No, this couldn’t be. She couldn’t stop smiling just because Dou Dou couldn’t see her now. "Don’t cry, Shuangshuang. You look nice when you smile." Dou Dou said, then chuckled foolishly, "Shuangshuang, eat something. Eating will stop you from crying." Shaoge watched as Dou Dou carefully took out half a bun from her pocket, her smile as radiant as the clouds in the sky, "Shuangshuang, I’m so smart. I hid it, they didn’t find it. Shuangshuang, eat quickly." Shaoge stood frozen, not moving. Dou Dou was puzzled by her silence and reached out, groping until her fingers found Shaoge’s face, then moved downward slowly until they found her cold hand. Placing the now blood-stained bun in Shaoge’s hand, Dou Dou smiled. Holding the blood-stained bun, Shaoge stood in a daze for a long time. For the first time, she realized, even at the brink of death from hunger, there could be something she didn’t want to eat. The wild dogs howled miserably, and the wind and frost were bitterly cold. "Shuangshuang, eat quickly. After you’re full, I need you to do me a favor." Shaoge slowly gripped the girl's hand, her voice hoarse, "Dou Dou, what do you want me to help with?" "Go to a village in the east. There’s a girl there I like. She loves to stay at the village entrance every midnight to watch the stars. When she looks at them, her eyes are filled with stars, it’s so beautiful. Go and tell her… Tell her that Dou Dou has secretly liked her for a long, long time." Dou Dou's voice was gentle, and her vacant eyes were wide open, "Her eyes are jet black, so very black and beautiful. Dou Dou is so fond of her… Shuangshuang, after eating Dou Dou's bun, go and see her for me, alright?" Was there a village to the east? Shaoge was confused. She had thought that for hundreds of miles, Nanming was the only small village. "...Alright." Shaoge heard her own strained voice, "I’ll carry you, we’ll go together." "But I only want Shuangshuang to go." Dou Dou's voice was soft, "I’m too ugly now. I would scare her, besides, I can't even see her. It would make me sad to go." "..." "Please, Shuangshuang." Finally, Shaoge settled Dou Dou in the firewood shed, holding that half-bun as she prepared to leave. As she pushed open the door, Shaoge turned back, looking at the girl leaning against the corner. Though Dou Dou's eyes were blind, they were still open, black and bright, as if they could see her turn around. Shaoge felt warm liquid slide down her face. Touching it, her hand was covered in blood and tears. She heard her own choked voice, "Dou Dou, is that girl really beautiful?" Dou Dou paused, then smiled, "Very beautiful." Shaoge forced herself to smile, "Don’t need me when you have a beautiful girl, huh? You’re such a little liar." Dou Dou pressed her lips together and smiled, "That’s different. You are my faith." She said, "Shuangshuang must live well to give me strength, to bless me with safety." Shaoge clutched the cold bun in her hand, "...Hmm." "Swear by it," Dou Dou smiled, "Swear to live well, then I can be at ease." Tears slid down her chin and soaked into her thin clothes. Shaoge heard her own hoarse voice, "Hmm, I swear, no matter what, Shuangshuang will live on." "Wrong, it's to live well," Dou Dou softly corrected. Shaoge finally couldn’t hold back, her voice breaking into a sob, "Hmm, live well!" "Hurry, or you’ll miss seeing the girl I like," Dou Dou's smile was gentle, her eyes seeming to bloom like March peach blossoms, "That would make me sad." After Shaoge left, she thought, Dou Dou is so beautiful. She hadn't realized before, but now she thought Dou Dou might be the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. The wild dogs howled fiercely. Shaoge walked through the night under the stars, hearing the howls grow faint. By the time she reached the village to the east, she asked every household about the prettiest girl. Of course, she found no girl more beautiful than Dou Dou. But this wouldn’t do. So, every girl she saw, she stopped and seriously told her that a girl named Dou Dou might like her—she would wash her face in the stream and deliberately smile sweetly. The village girls were simple; when she stopped someone to say this, she would shamelessly ask for food. The village was also suffering from famine, so hardly anyone was willing to give her anything. But Shaoge still managed to beg some sustenance with her smile. Holding the food, she hurried back. Shaoge didn’t believe there would be a beautiful girl who defied the curfew to watch stars at midnight. Her real aim was to collect food to trade for medicine to treat Dou Dou’s wounds. "Hey, unfamiliar little girl." A small beggar in hemp clothing saw her heading in the wrong direction and grabbed her, "Where are you off to?" "I’m going back to Nanming Village." Shaoge was anxious. A whole night and day had passed. She had found food and still needed to trade it with the village doctor for medicine for Dou Dou— "Why are you going to Nanming Village?" The small beggar widened his eyes, "A porter returning from there this morning said Nanming Village was ravaged by an evil spirit tide last night—oh, did you come from Nanming Village?" "Then you’re really lucky." The small beggar said sympathetically, "Do you have someone important there?" Starshine flickered. Standing at the village entrance, the food dropped from Shaoge’s hands. "...What did you say?" Evil spirit tide. It was said that the evil spirits would silently come at midnight and devour everyone, leaving no bones behind. —Only those at death’s door, able to see spirits, could predict an evil spirit tide. —"I didn’t mean to, I couldn’t see. I thought it was a ghost coming to take me away. I heard so many strange sounds. I’m sorry, I’m sorry... Sob, sob..." When Shaoge returned to Nanming Village, the morning light was dawning. Not a single living soul remained. Nanming Village had turned into a ghost-infested dead village. Dou Dou was gone. Everyone was gone. At the village entrance, the Zhu family’s home was nothing but a pool of blood. The air was thick with ghostly fog, too dense for the sunlight to penetrate, and a pervasive stench of blood filled the sky. Those devoured by the evil spirits left no corpses behind. Shaoge knelt in the firewood shed, staring at the bloodstain for a long time. So... there really were man-eating evil spirits in this world. Why... hadn’t she realized this sooner? Recalling the wild dogs’ howls from before she left, recalling how Dou Dou had never been out of Nanming Village, then where did this story of a girl in the eastern village come from? Pain, so much pain. Shaoge’s trembling hands pulled out the half blood-stained bun she had never eaten from her pocket. Staggering, she went to the crooked tree where they had once watched the stars together and buried the bun, erecting an unmarked gravestone for that girl. That’s when she realized she never knew Dou Dou’s full name. She had never asked Dou Dou about the girl she liked, her family, or why she became a beggar. She knew nothing, understood nothing. Since coming to this world, she had always muddled through, confused and indifferent, living aimlessly without caring about worldly matters. Her reasoning was simple; she thought she was dreaming. But why? Why should an indifferent person like her, who treated everything as a fleeting dream, have the right to make that girl named Dou Dou say such things? Kneeling before the gravestone, looking at the blood-stained bun, Shaoge stayed for a long time, tears streaming down, crying her heart out. It was the saddest she had ever cried since arriving in this world. For the first time, she fleetingly felt that this might actually be a real world. In this world, there was a girl named Dou Dou, who stole a bun to feed her, lied to trick her into leaving, and then faced the vicious spirits and her painful wounds alone in a corner. No one else in this world knew that on this lonely and bewildering path, there had once been a child named Shuangshuang, who was Dou Dou's faith. Shaoge no longer remembered how she left Nanming Village. She only knew that she pitifully took on the name Xia Wu Yin—as if by doing so, she could ignore that she was the very girl Shuangshuang that Dou Dou adored, ignore that she was the one who caused Dou Dou’s death. It was just Shuangshuang. And Shuangshuang had long since been buried with Dou Dou's death, forever resting in her heart. Yet Shaoge still had to live in place of Shuangshuang. She had sworn it. But from then on, every night, Shaoge’s dreams were filled with scenes of evil spirits devouring people. In her dreams, she saw Dou Dou, covered in blood, looking at her, nearly dying, but with eyes still gentle. Yet that gentle girl was being torn apart and devoured by the spirits piece by piece, leaving no remains. And all Shaoge could do was watch in the dream, helpless. Dou Dou’s gentle voice still echoed in her ears. —Shuangshuang, you must live a good life. From then on, Shaoge began to hate her weakness and fear the responsibilities her strength would bring. She was incapable of becoming someone else’s faith. No matter how powerful she became, it was the same. She couldn’t save anyone. She was powerless. —That’s different, you are my faith. Shaoge didn’t want to see Dou Dou’s bloodied figure, sacrificed to save her, ever again on anyone else. From now on, she didn’t want to be so strong that she could become someone else’s faith or so weak that someone would die because of her. Damn faith. She was just the incapable Xia Wu Yin. Nothing more. Author's Note: You are my faith, and also the girl I like. —Dou Dou. = = I revised this chapter four times. Crying as I revised, people in the library looked at me as if I was crazy otz I have a particularly low threshold for tears tat, anyway I found this chapter extremely miserable, but also very crucial, it relates to Xia Xia’s character, so I couldn’t skip writing it… So… sorry! (Bowing) I haven’t written for a long time, I’m kind of out of practice with writing tragedy, it might come off a bit pretentious... everyone... please bear with it (wearied sigh). This chapter is nearly 7000 words long! I have no more manuscripts left boohoo, to reward the diligent author, you all quickly wish for me to pass the sixth-level exam, do you know what I wrote yesterday on the high-speed rail? I wrote high iron car. (kneeling). = = 20633235 threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-16 22:00:25 Jun Yu threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-16 23:49:13 Xia Tian threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-17 07:18:48 Se Ji Shi Kong Kong Ji Shi Se threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-17 07:37:36 Forced To Use Tofu To Hit The Wall threw 1 hand grenade on 2018-06-17 10:06:47 Forced To Use Tofu To Hit The Wall threw 1 hand grenade on 2018-06-17 10:07:21 Ruan Mo threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-17 14:44:20 Little God threw 1 grenade on 2018-06-17 18:18:28 Thank you everyone for the grenades and hand grenades boohoo, love you all! Nutrient fluid list in the next chapter. =3=