Chapter 26 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

〈 Episode 26 〉 Episode 26: Fragmentation * * * Secrets are inherently the acts of concealing one's difficult-to-accept preferences or behaviors from others. These might involve impulsive actions taken in a youthful folly, embarrassing personal stories shared between two people, or perhaps the location of treasured items. However, more often, secrets revolve around a mirror reflecting one's flaws and sins. People desperately resist and attempt to cover this mirror, an act which might seem comical to outsiders. They implore: "Please, don't ridicule me." "Don't look at me with those eyes." "Why is everyone distancing themselves from me?" Unable to endure the looks of aversion from once-intimate people, they strive to hide their flaws from everyone. Because they fear it. Being abandoned is terrifying. Secrets are ultimately born from cherishing others deeply. Yet, despite the desire to hide, the places available to conceal secrets become increasingly limited. After hiding and hiding, the final destination is inevitably one's own heart. —No matter how diligently they hide in places no one can find, they cannot escape their secrets. Is this not the epitome of pitifulness? In the end, a heart that treasures others becomes a tool of self-destruction. Despite this, even the foolish who persist in hiding their secrets harbor a small wish. An unnoticed, subtle desire: "I wish there was someone to share my secrets with." A precious person who can share and face one's sins and flaws together. Someone who doesn't make a big deal out of embarrassing secrets and treats you as they always have. Indeed. All they really need is a companion, someone who will remain by their side until the very end. "This is all for Ellie, you know?" And so, I decided to delve into her secrets. Because deep down, she must want it too. Isn't that right, Ellie? ** Even if a frog catches a flying fly, an ant gets swept away in the water while returning home, or a baby sparrow falls off a roof because it cannot fly yet, The world remains indifferent to their plights, spinning peacefully onward. Tap. "Alice? Where are you?" "Oh, Ellie! Over here!" I turned my head at the voice calling me from behind while I sat by the window. Ellie, who had become an inseparable part of my life, was there. She approached me and gently started to stroke my head. "Here again? I've warned you that the window sill could be dangerous..." "Hehe... But as long as you're here, Ellie, there's no danger at all!" "...Please, don't rely on me so much." Despite her words, the sunlit window was my favorite spot. The window sill was wide and rounded, allowing me to sit comfortably leaning my back against it. As my wounds were nearly healed and moving became easier, this place became a frequent haunt for me. Because my eyes couldn't perceive anything, and my senses felt like wearing a full-body rubber suit—stifling, with the exception of strong spices and the metallic tang of blood, the only amusement I had left were these moments. The warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze brushing against my skin were delightful. Well, technically, my eyes had healed long ago, but I kept them hidden from her view. When Ellie mentioned that my body was nearly healed, I asked her if I could remove the bandages blinding my eyes. "Huh? Why? Because I want to see Ellie's face!" "..." What did Ellie say back then? Oh, right. Yes, "Not yet," she replied. The Ellie who always spoke courteously out of concern for my well-being wasn't there. Instead, there was one trembling with unease, answering with a wavering voice filled with deep lament. She instructed me it wasn't time yet. She told me not to touch them until she was ready to remove them for me. Absolutely not. Under any circumstances. Her demeanor was startlingly eerie and frightening—and pitiful. With no medical knowledge and a heart too kind to suspect others, I had no choice but to accept the truths spoken by the dear sister I trusted above all. So I docilely followed her instructions. Because I love you, Ellie. Yet, as I've said repeatedly, no paradise will be found in places you've run to. Unless you intend to blind me forever, pressing upon my eyes so that I'll never see again— One day, I must remove the veil covering my eyes and gaze upon you once more. Does she realize this fact? "Ahh... It's refreshing.." "Lunch is ready. Shall we go?" "Yes! Carry me, Ellie~" "....Alright, Alice." I wrapped my arms around Ellie who drew near to embrace me. Her body was a refreshing cool, perfect for cooling mine, warmed by the sun. Though she spoke as if dealing with a mischief-making child, she didn't seem to mind, lifting me by slipping her hands under my arms. Goo-goo, I'm a baby. "I'm not very good at this though..." "I love it best when you hold me!" "I'll hold you forever." I love it so much. Keeping me secure in a tight embrace, Ellie began to walk slowly towards the kitchen. In a somewhat clumsy motion, she held me tightly while gently stroking my head. In response, I gave a small kiss on her neck. She paused momentarily, her body heating up—she was truly adorable. "Hehe~" "Honestly... You can go too far with the teasing, Alice." Even without seeing, I could visualize the layout of the house in my mind. Even while being carried, I knew exactly where I was within the house. As soon as the humid air indicative of the kitchen enveloped me, I confirmed that we had arrived in the kitchen just as I had imagined. Today's menu was pumpkin soup, the very meal I had expressed a craving for that morning. I settled into my seat and, with practiced movements, accepted the spoon to start savoring the food. One spoonful, two spoonfuls. "It's sweet~!" "There is plenty left, so if you want more, please don't hesitate to ask." "Yes, yes!" The warm, thick liquid slid into my mouth. Though I couldn't discern much taste or aroma, the hot temperature and creamy viscosity assured me it was well-cooked. A soup simmered thoroughly, for my sake. Feeling the care put into it, my mood soared. It's been nearly six months since Ellie and I came into each other's lives. This marks just over four months since the day she gave me my name. A long time during which the wound on my abdomen began healing, and the hole in my palm nearly closed over. Even the bruise around my eye from hitting a large rock healed perfectly. —Nevertheless, I still can't remove the bandages over my eyes. Ellie is hiding something. It's just a guess, but perhaps it's something fundamental to her nature. There's the scent of blood that clings to her when she returns from her occasional late-night escapades. The strange procedure of hers that's caused my wounds to heal at an abnormal rate. Her insistence on keeping my eyes tightly covered so I cannot see. Honestly, Ellie, you aren't very good at hiding things. But, then again, that innocence is something I find endearing. Slurp. The bowl of soup was cleanly emptied. ** To be honest, I never intended for things to come to this. Initially, I planned to wait for Ellie to share her secrets herself. I was prepared to accept everything about her. No matter what that might be. Even if she desired my life, I was ready to offer it willingly. I believed taking such a step forward signified emotional growth. Especially because Ellie seemed severely lacking in experience with human relationships. But she couldn't do it. Like someone savoring the current false peace, she kept deferring the moments of truth revelation. Ellie might seem to enjoy each day, but to me, her image was still pitiable. A sandcastle that could collapse with a mere touch. Yes, it's understandable. After all, growth isn't something easily achieved. Secrets. They are often not as monumental as perceived. What someone deems a life-or-death humiliation might just be mundane to others. Once, just speak out loudly and let it all out. Prepare to receive some scolding, open your mouth wide. You'll then look back, feelings refreshed, and wonder why you suffered so much over something seemingly trivial. Simultaneously, you'll realize. The things that seemed likely to sever the relationship were, in fact, what strengthened the bridge between you. So, Ellie. Gather your resolve and confront it. Like in Hermann Hesse's novel, break free from the egg and soar into the world! "—Sleep well, Alice." Maybe it's because she's too fragile? Even after half a year had passed as I waited and waited, no sign of action from her emerged. Another day passed today, and another will follow. The end of this false peace was nowhere in sight. "Yes! Ellie, have a good night's sleep too!" "...Of course." Tick-tock, the time flows by. If you're not able to break out of the shell in time, the chick inside it will eventually perish. Suffocating, struggling to breathe. But Ellie doesn't even attempt to tap at the shell, wishing only to enjoy her cozy moment within. Oblivious to her own suffocating state. If things continue like this, her light will dim. A beautiful blossom must not wither before it even sees the world in bloom. A raw stone housing a jewel must not remain undiscovered, turning to graphite. Such things must be prevented. And this, more than anything else, is what I excel at. "Hehehe." Fragmentation. A chick unable to crack its shell. —In that case, the shell just needs to be cracked from the outside. ** * * *