Chapter 60 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

〈 Chapter 60 〉 Chapter 60: The Poet * * * ** Can someone who has never broken a bone even imagine the agony of a person howling in pain from an amputated arm? Can someone who's never been scorched by gas flames fathom the despair and lament in the final screams and whispered cries of someone dying in a raging inferno? It is akin to a person who's spent their entire life in a dark cave claiming to know the lushness of the fields and the vastness of the sky, or a lonely soul who’s never experienced true love claiming to understand the sorrow of heartbreak. Well. One might feel pity for another. One might feel sympathy for another. But they will never, ever. Be able to truly empathize. Especially when the other is someone distant and unconnected with them. No matter how emotional humans, known for their capacity for empathy and sympathy, may be. No matter how intellectually advanced, capable of unveiling life’s truths, humans claim to be. It's simply impossible for someone who’s never truly experienced something to fully understand the heart and feelings of those who have endured it. To claim otherwise is to ignore the profound difference in the magnitude of pain experienced and the depths of despair felt. ㅡCrunch.. "...Give her back...." ".........." "...My sister... Please... Give her back.... Or rather, please... I beg you..." That’s why I may never know. Where did that fierce demeanor vanish? Now, all I see is a feeble hand clinging to my collar to support barely trembling legs—Remi Akaia, whose transparent tears pour down as she begs for an answer, anything really. Her heart— Even though she must know there's nothing more I can do, I cannot comprehend. The day when I truly understand what she’s going through may never come. For compared to her, what I feel now is light as a feather. And should the day arrive when I genuinely understand... I, too, might claim ignorance upon myself. Thud. "Why...!" Thud, thud. My chest hurts. "Why..." Her meek fists beat against my chest. "Why... Why does... Aris have to go through this..." ".............." "I thought... I finally thought we could meet again...! I thought... we could be happy once more..." A battle masquerading as a duel to the death, halted pathetically by the intervention of a child, when it seemed it could only end with one of us dead. Having seen Alice, the sword she had poised to kill me fell from her hands as she knelt on the dirt with the expression of someone abandoned by their parents. That fragile visage reminded me of the old me, and I could not unleash the dormant anger still lodged deep in my chest. In vain, in vain. All of it was just a futile fight. ".........Um....." The child, relieved by the standoff's resolution, fell into a faint sleep. As her body collapsed to the ground, keen to protect it from harm, I saw another hand overlap with mine. The moment Remi Akaia’s hand touched mine, we both exchanged a silent glance and then checked Alice’s state before lying her down. "........" "........" A single exchange. A contact made through fingertips, without a word exchanged. No one could have predicted that the brief meeting of our fingers would bring such an anticlimactic end to the halted struggle. Yet it was an unspoken promise made for Alice. One that bore a weight far greater than any contract written on paper with ink. Alice, sleeping. Surrounding her, we confessed to each other every unspeakable deed and misgiving. I revealed what I had done to Alice. She disclosed what she had done to Aris. And finally, what had transpired for the child. In confessing it all, the malevolence named truth was unraveled. Every shred of hope and possibility was obliterated, leaving only pure malice to fill the greenhouse encased in glass. "....Aris.... Aris...!" "............." Indeed. What arrived to the sister, who endlessly searched for her vanished sibling, was the cruel reality that her sister no longer remembered her. Ironically, apart from the single name 'Anna,' the one who drove her to such a state, the child named Alice had forgotten everything. The memories of her childhood. The faces of her parents who brought her into this world. Even her own name. Everything about her disappeared into the recesses of memory. ".....Sobbing.... Ah, Aris... Please answer, won't you?" "............" ".......Please...." With her hands sealing her lips, she whispered her sister's real name desperately, but Alice, deep in slumber, could not respond. Her figure, weeping pitifully beside the sleeping child, resembled someone lamenting beside a tragically lifeless corpse. The heartfelt emotions arising from genuine concern for someone served no purpose, as even the purest feelings of pity and compassion seemed nothing but a filthy hypocrisy to her. So, all I could do was silently bow my head, much like a doctor conveying the news of a patient’s passing to their guardian. I lowered my body and bowed my head. That was all I could do. "Why... must Aris be treated so cruelly..." Her question of why only Alice must endure such things. A question I've pondered countless times, yet never found the solution to. Instead of searching for an answer, I looked up at the darkened night sky. Indeed. Why is it so? Truly, why. A door designed never to open. Windows that show no outside view. An oxymoron that throws logic to the dogs. To this world's absurdity that poses unsolvable problems, I could only gaze upward into the sky, filled with my own curiosity. The answer did not descend. ** After a period of confusion or perhaps a misunderstanding wrought by misalignment, Remi Akaia and I moved forward, step by step. Despite the awkwardness between us, we managed to match each other's strides as we left behind the greenhouse, a space that had once harbored misplaced misfortunes. Like a two-legged race at a sports meet, we carefully synchronized our steps, wary of a potential misstep. We headed toward the dormitory where I stay alone. "........" "........" ".....Hmm..." In our arms lay Alice, fast asleep, comfortably stretched out across our four extended arms. I held her legs. She cradled her head and chest. Our petty struggle over who should hold more of Alice persisted. The tug-of-war over the right to embrace Alice's upper body began in the greenhouse and continued on the deserted path, but let it be known only that, thanks to the gracious concession from a knightly mercenary, the princess enjoyed a bit of physical contact with her long-lost sister. Open and close. 'You're terrible at rock-paper-scissors.' 'Ah, be quiet!' I lost on purpose, and she didn’t even notice. Says you, who got all flustered and angry a minute ago. ...Want to go again? No way, you're terrible at it. ㅡTap tap. ".......!!" ".......!!" Let's overlook that brief petty tussle. "....Hehe.." "......Mm..." She seemed to find great joy in simply gazing at the sleeping face of Alice, smiling serenely. Were it not for the traces of sorrow near her eyes, it would have been an exceedingly beautiful sight, one filled with tender yet melancholic emotion. Yet, the infinite potential contained in that scene illuminated brightly, like a streetlamp piercing through the night’s darkness. As if sharing warmth, Remi Akaia brushed her cheek against Alice's, nuzzling her face into the gentle curve of Alice’s neck and inhaling slowly. With her eyes. Her skin. Her nose. Her ears. She reassured herself that the sweetness of her sister being alive was no dream. The hand she tucked under Alice's arm subtly ventured toward— —Smack! 'Hands off.' '.......' 'I said, hands off.' '...Eek.' Gone was the somber visage; now I wondered if she was truly manic-depressive. It was that kind of spectacle. If not for the moist eyes still brimming with tears, I might’ve doubted the Remi Akaia before me was the same who had screamed her despair moments ago. She laughed and spoke. Despite feeling heartbroken at the forgotten childhood memories they once shared— Despite wishing to bite down on her own tongue and end it all upon hearing that she was erased from Aris’ mind— She resolved with a radiant smile, tears streaming down her face. And I found myself finally acknowledging. She truly was remarkable. She truly was Alice's real sister. —Smack! 'Don’t touch my sister’s backside.' '........' 'I'll kill you.' '.....Eek.' Well, at least their mouths weren’t alike. Eek. ** * * *