Chapter 101 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

〈 Chapter 101 〉 888. The Girl and the Zombie (13) * * * ** ─Swish. "............" The morning of the 60th day began to break. I leaned my head against the wall and stared into the empty corner of the room. Slowly, my head slid down the wall. I didn't resist the gravity pulling me down and just slumped onto the floor. My legs were stretched out before me, and in my half-sunken gaze, I finally noticed the green slime caked on my shoes. Had I not taken my shoes off? It seemed like I had been so frantic upon returning home that I hadn't even thought to remove them. ──Well, it doesn't matter anymore. The sticky slime on the floor, dirty or not. The rancid smell that had soaked into the depths of the house, regardless. Whether I died like this or not, it didn't matter. Each day passed by, and the food stores dwindled one by one. Even as the sight of disappearing survivors gradually extinguished hope, it was a lively home, where no one lost their smiles. But now, with the bags full of canned goods piled affluently at the door, and with all preparations to go outside complete. ".........." A cold silence enveloped the house. The bags remained at the entrance, locked tightly and unchanged from how they had been originally placed. No one, including myself, dared to touch the bags filled with food. As if, we were corpses. ....Corpses. Yes, we were corpses. The sprawled corpses of three. If someone were to see us now, they would think dead people had their eyes open. Corpses unable to close their eyes peacefully, with unresolved grudges festering within. Yet, at least they harbor the desire to resolve aged grievances in their hearts, so calling them corpses unable to close their eyes might be an insult. ─Tap, tap. "....Heh, haha...ha, haha." We simply did nothing. Silently waiting for the inevitable death to come upon us one day. All of us, myself included, stayed on the floors of our assigned rooms, spending time without a sound. With empty pupils, they were likely reminiscing at some point in the past. Until a momentary lapse in attention broke their concentration. They would awaken from happy dreams of the past to face the harsh reality, succumbing to the impulse to die immediately. A scene akin to returning to the first day the calamity struck. Yet, how much better would it be if it had been so? Returning to the first day, dying quietly at the school without resisting the hordes of zombies. On the second day, falling from the rooftop of the shopping complex arrived at the end of a frantic escape. By the fourth day, tying clothing to a sturdy beam, preparing to hang oneself. And by the eighth morning, crushing one's head with a large stone found lying nearby. On the sixteenth night, relinquishing the remaining food to them and preserving one's dignity as a human to end one's life. On the eighteenth day when we met Hee Ah, turning away to an isolated place far from this house to spare her any harm─── "──Ha." It would have been better. We spoke not out of heartfelt sincerity but regurgitated platitudes picked up somewhere, fearing to voice our true feelings. But such words offered us no comfort. It was like adding fuel to the roaring fire. Regardless of the process, a single outcome arrived for us. The terrible outcome that Hee Ah was swallowed by the hordes of zombies instead of us, led into a deathtrap by us. As long as that outcome, that conclusion, that miserable death and finality remain unchanged. I will not escape from this mire. ...... If only I hadn't bothered with proper vigilance and had been bitten by zombies when I trespassed into their lair, maybe I would have accepted it as due punishment. Maybe I would have considered it deserved, if only with a touch of regret. Sad, perhaps, at not being able to see Hee Ah anymore, and knowing she would live out a bright future with someone else instead of me. Yet, maybe I would have been happy. Certainly, I would have been. No, I should have been. ──Thud, thud! "......Why....! Why....!" It's not her. That child, who committed no sin, shouldn't have met such a cruel end. Those of us who made wrong decisions and mistakes survived, yet why did the child who merely followed us have to face such a fate...! "Why....!!!" Thud, thud, I banged my head against the wall. The central hall of the mart. Uttering sounds that couldn't be associated with humanity, we had run towards the place Hee Ah had fallen. Swinging any object within reach recklessly while shouting for Hee Ah to be returned to us, the zombies retreated, seeming as though their purpose had been fulfilled. They vanished up the stairs into the darkness deeply coating the basement, like a vision. All that remained at the spot where Hee Ah had fallen was the remnants of her white clothes, so ripped apart they were unrecognizable, stained with something red and green, and the small yellow bag she had carried until the end. The thick clothes we had worriedly dressed her in, fearing even the smallest scratch, were no defense against the sharp claws and teeth of the zombies. And as if to take the last hope from us── '───Ah.' Hee Ah’s body was nowhere to be found. ─Crack...! "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry, Hee Ah...!!" I clutched the yellow bag, Hee Ah's final memento, tightly to my chest. I knew I had no right to shed tears, yet the tears poured relentlessly from my eyes like a torrential rainstorm. Inside the bag, upon opening it, were several boxes of board games. Had Hee Ah prepared them as a surprise for us, growing bored of playing the same games day after day? Among them was the first and third edition of a board game I had once offhandedly mentioned wanting to play to Hee Ah. Even after a month had passed, had Hee Ah kept my late-night mumblings close to her heart? But... ─Drip, drip. "More than these... I want to see you...!" Without Hee Ah, these games held no meaning. Gathering in the living room to play together was something none of us could initiate, not with Hee Ah gone. "Why did you do it...!! Why, Hee Ah...!" Why, Hee Ah. Why did you save useless people like us? The game boxes that had been in Hee Ah's bag were spread out on the floor. The third edition box was missing the stopwatch it should have contained. In the end, even amidst the dangers surrounded by zombies, the child who had slipped by unnoticed chose to retrieve the game board out of concern for us, prioritizing our safety over her own. Even knowing what it would mean for her. To the point where she would pierce a sharp fragment into her own arm── "──Ugh, gag! Gaaah!!" Bile rose in my throat. I turned my head aside and retched up yellow bile. The sour smell of the liquid I discharged mixed with the stench of decay pervading the room. Perhaps because I hadn’t had a sip of water since yesterday, nothing came up from my stomach except a little digestive fluid. ".........." Transparent liquid spattered across the floor. My pathetic reflection shimmered on its surface. Watery eyes stared back at me, my own hollow face staring unblinkingly. Dark circles shadowed my eyes, and my matted hair tangled in clumps—a thoroughly abject sight. Though the face reflected there was undoubtedly mine, a wave of queasiness twisted through my insides. Yes. Because of someone like... this. For someone like this, Hee Ah sacrificed her life. "───?!" Griiind─ The sensation of something lodged in my throat drove me to shove my hand into my mouth, up to the wrist. Surprisingly, though my hand was large enough to barely fit, it plunged deep. But all that emerged was sticky saliva and a trickle of blood from a fresh wound. The clarity I sought, the relief I yearned for, were nowhere to be found. Instead, that maddening suffocation. The discomfort, like something squeezing my throat. Grew increasingly intense as the moments ticked by. Then. You killed her. ".....!!" The reflection in the liquid glared up at me. I killed her. "........." It mouthed words, eyes wide open, fingers pointing accusatorily. No. It pointed at me. The reflection said, You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. Continually. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. Without pause. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. You killed Hee Ah. I killed Hee Ah. Relentlessly── ─Smack! "Ahhhhhhhhhhh─────!!" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry─── Like fleeing from something, I sprang up from my spot in a rush. Was I escaping the fragments of a past that condemned me, or myself in this place(??)? With my ears plugged and eyes shut, stumbling and colliding with walls, I held my breath and screamed while hurtling down the hall. ─Thud. ".......Ah.... Ah....!" Panting heavily, I arrived at a place. The end of my aimless flight, a narrow balcony appeared beyond the sliding glass door. The balcony with distinctive sea-blue tiles. Where Hee Ah and I once stood, gazing at each other, on a night when the stars swam beautifully. ".........." But now, imbued with that memory, I stood alone, melancholy engulfing me. Swoosh, I climbed onto the railing. The sturdy metal barrier meant to prevent falls. But ironically, at this moment, the railing served as a springboard to plunge me from a greater height. "....Ha, haha..." If I fall like this, will I die? If I land headfirst, maybe I'll die. Even if I don’t, if some zombies occasionally wander by, my end won’t be long. I thought about those lying in their rooms, hoping my corpse wouldn’t lure the undead, wishing Yeon Yi and Jeong Eun wouldn’t suffer deeply from my death. ...... I'm sorry, Yeon Yi. Sorry, Jeong Eun. I've pondered deeply, yet still... Someone like me, it seems, should not be alive after all. You always praised me for being neutral and rational, but you know, right? I'm neither smart nor brave. I simply disliked conflict and ended up adopting a middle ground between people's opinions. In truth, I never really did anything, did I? I just became a burden for you all, failing to protect Hee Ah. A showy facade with a hollow inside—a fraud. Because of someone like me, we ended up like this. If there’s someone to blame, it’s surely me, for following your decisions without suggesting any of my own. Without me, perhaps you would have had a better life. Hee Ah might have still been alive. ..... Yes, it's all because of me. I don’t blame you. No one should blame you. Nobody has the right to criticize you, who have always tried and lived passionately. Though all I have to offer is my meager life, this I can guarantee. So. So, my friends. ".....Hee Ah, I’m coming to see you." You are not at fault. The only coward here is me, who fails to suppress his fear and runs away first. Just one fool named Lee Hwa Min. And it’s that fool making yet another foolish choice. "........." A breeze, now fully embodying the essence of summer, sliced through me. The wind, which had felt suffocating and stifling, was suddenly refreshingly cool like winter air. With the wind tickling my body, I stood with my feet on the railing, eyes closed, quietly savoring that momentary freshness. ....Ah, yes. I think I can let go, at least a little. "........." I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. Potentially the last breath of my life. Savoring that brief resonance, I gently extended my right foot forward──── ['───■.....■.......'] "──?!" My foot, poised in its forward stretch, halted. Eyes wide open. Mouth agape, unable to close. Despite the ridiculous and precarious stance, my eyes were intensely fixed on a specific point. Am I mistaken? I couldn't be. Did I see it wrong? There's no way. Was it an illusion? It couldn't be. ['.............■.'] "...Is it... you?" Surely, I couldn’t possibly mistake that color. In the narrow slit of a distant alleyway, barely visible to the naked eye. In a fleeting moment, perhaps briefer than a blink. I saw, even if just for an instant. A color not washed out or hollow. Pure white, like fresh falling snow from the sky. ─Step, step. ['■........■........''] "...Is it, you, Hee Ah?" That white hair. I unmistakably saw it. *** The dark 60 days. The bright 42 days. *** * * *