359 - Childhood Friend of the Zenith

The weight laid upon my shoulders was unbearable, causing a throbbing pain. My feet felt glued to the floor, unable to move. It was as if my entire body was bound by something restrictive. 'Damn it.' The curse slipped out on its own. The first sensation that overcame me was helplessness. From the moment I was ensnared by this unknown feeling, a solitary thought filled my mind: there was no escape from this suffocation. I clenched my teeth and tried with all my might to move. Crack. Despite exerting every ounce of strength, it was futile. Even though I was using such effort, my body wouldn’t even tremble. I tried to channel my inner energy, but— 'I can't move my qi.' It was as if not a trace of qi existed within my dantian. I couldn’t feel the slightest flow. It felt as if— The world itself conspired to prevent me from saving the woman before my eyes. My vision quivered. A luminance continued to spill forth from the staggering Wi Seol-Ah. What is that, a form of qi? No, it was different. I could tell by looking. The woman who had been speaking with me until now— was gradually fading away. Her physical form remained unchanged, but the presence she held was vanishing. Right before my eyes. Where she was going, how she was disappearing— I couldn’t fathom what would happen afterward, but— There was one thing I did understand. If I left her as she was, I would never see her again. Meeting her only to watch her vanish immediately? And to allow Wi Seol-Ah, who was disappearing like that, to— 'Am I supposed to just stand by and watch?' Impossible. I drew more power into my body. Yet, despite increasing my strength, my body remained rigidly immobile. The only difference was that the more strength I exerted, the more my body overloaded. Crack—! Muscles tore, and bones strained. The pain was vividly real, yet— None of it mattered. 'Dammit...' I endeavored to move, but the shackles were immovably firm. If only I could use my qi, but not even demonic energy would stir. Please. 'Move, somehow.' What good were my increased cultivation levels? When I couldn’t save a single person I wanted to save. I continued struggling as though to break my own body in the process. "I'm not in a position to say this, but..." Wi Seol-Ah spoke to me. "I have two requests." In this situation, she’s suddenly asking favors? I wanted to tell her to worry about herself instead. But my damned mouth wouldn’t open. As if not waiting for my response, Wi Seol-Ah continued to speak. "Please, cherish this child... dearly." She wasn’t referring to herself from the past. She meant the current owner of this body, the Wi Seol-Ah from this life. Her voice was filled with sorrow and lamentation. She had already given up completely. She no longer harbored attachment to this world, which explained her reaction. Upon hearing those words, I wanted to ask— 'Then what about you?' If she implored me to look after her present self and then left— What would remain of her now? For someone who lived by sacrificing her body and life for others— For her who had staked everything on saving the world— If she vanished like this, what would be left? 'I still have—' Many questions. How did you end up coming to this era? What happened after I died? Why— Why did you long for me enough to follow me here? These were questions I wanted to hear answered directly from her lips. Yet now, I was supposed to let her go like this? I couldn’t do that. … I couldn’t allow that. 'Please, move!' A grinding sensation spread through my body. Meaning I had reached the limit of what I could do with sheer physical strength. Was there truly no way? Was I really going to let her vanish like this, right in front of my eyes? Despair began at my toes, rising up to my throat. That’s when Wi Seol-Ah made a second request. "... Please call her by her name." "...!" Thoughts collided heavily in my mind upon hearing her request. I never imagined Wi Seol-Ah would ask for such a thing. 'To call her by her name...' I don’t call anyone by their name. If asked why, there wasn't anything particular that came to mind. Perhaps there was a reason long ago— But now, if I tried to pinpoint it, it felt ambiguous. In the past, my reasoning might have been— I was simply afraid. To call someone by name— Means carving that person's name and existence into oneself. I feared they might disdain me, witness my incompetence and decayed spirit, and flee. That fear must have been overwhelming. As time flowed on, the notion of calling someone’s name from my lips became distasteful. Uncomfortable. It became second nature. Not calling someone by name— Instilling them deeply within me to such importance— 'No, that's not true. The truth is, I'm just scared.' I erased the excuses I conjured up. Pathetically pretending to be strong, as if I had overcome it all— I knew the essence of my fear. In my previous life, I hated myself for the way I was. Right after the war broke out, I didn’t want to be shaken by anyone’s death. Now, in this present time—living in an era on the brink of bloodshed and war— Not having resolved any of the world's profound mysteries or the secrets of this land— I avoided letting anyone into my heart. Even as I fought tooth and nail to keep them safe— I was filled with anxiety, doubting if I could truly protect anyone. 'Then does Wi Seol-Ah make such a request because she sees through my weakness?' Because I couldn't bring myself to change in the past, she perhaps wishes me to be different in this life. Her request to cherish her present self and call her by her name might mean exactly that. Yet even then— ‘She doesn't ask for the same for herself?’ She wasn't asking this of the self standing before me now. It was despairingly sad. She lived her whole life for others, not herself— Even having arrived at this moment, she didn’t care for herself. It was pitifully sad. You, even now, remain steadfast as the Divine Sword. The image was engraved in my heart, and this time around, I wished for her not to live such a life. I wished she wouldn’t wield the sword. That she wouldn’t learn martial arts. That she could live her life without losing her smile, always able to laugh. Living for herself rather than others. Doing what she wanted in life. If it were at all possible, for me to take her place as the Divine Sword. To bear the burdens she would have carried. That was my mindset. 'Yet.' Having returned and come this far, what have I achieved? Absolutely nothing. Truly, I had accomplished nothing. Wi Seol-Ah ended up taking up the sword. She learned martial arts, and in a few short years, reached the pinnacle, proving her talents from the past were no lie. The child who once always smiled began losing her expressions. She wielded the sword to protect me, she said. In the end, it meant she once again took up the sword for the sake of another. This time, that 'other' just happened to be me. 'Idiot.' Even though I claimed I wanted to change things, if the most crucial remained unchanged— Just what kind of life was I living? Slowly, the energy I felt from Wi Seol-Ah began to dwindle. Along with the waning energy, I saw Wi Seol-Ah kneeling and closing her eyes. She was preparing for farewell. ‘Wait.’ I hadn’t prepared anything yet. What were you preparing for without permission? Throughout the cycle of returning, I ended up leading a life unimaginable in my previous incarnation. I gained the moniker of Jinryong. In the past, I was barely known as the young master of the Gu family. Now, whether embarrassing or not, I’m hailed with this impressive title. This time, I won’t lead a shameful life. I thought I could protect the people around me, safeguard the future. And eventually, bring peace even to myself. That’s what I believed. And though my life had become vastly different from my previous one. ‘What good does it do.’ Snap. The blood vessels in my eyes burst under the pressure. ‘So, what are you going to do?’ Fame and honor. And tranquility? They’re meaningless. When I can't save this one woman standing before me. What purpose do all those things have? Crack— I drew on even more strength to withstand the pressure. My body, already at its limit, screamed out, but I paid it no heed. If it broke, I could rebuild it. For now, I only looked forward. The path beyond could wait. ‘Please.’ Even if I were to escape this situation, what could I do? What could I accomplish by going to her now? She was already fading away. Will going to her change anything? ‘Please.’ Telling myself it was futile. To just stand by and mourn even now. Such rational thoughts swirled around my mind. Yet a small instinct was far more dominant than those rational thoughts. Even if my life ended here and now— I could not leave her like this. In that moment— I felt someone embrace me from behind. A warm hand gently wrapped around my neck, then slowly grasped both my hands. It was such a feeling. There was no one else around except Wi Seol-Ah, so it couldn't have been anyone else but me. Warm. How warm it felt, calming my weary body and storm-tossed mind, as if momentarily quieting everything. And then— I realized the pressure that had been binding me was gone. My hands could move. My feet lifted off the ground. Without hesitation, I rushed forward and embraced Wi Seol-Ah. "Ah…?" Ignoring the pain that came with movement— Holding tightly onto Wi Seol-Ah’s small body. "How...?" Wi Seol-Ah’s voice was filled with surprise as she nestled into my embrace. "How… how can you move...?" "Wi Seol-Ah." "…!" I held her close and whispered her name. Startled by this, she fell silent, as if taken aback by hearing her name uttered. "Where were you planning to go all on your own?" "A…." "Even if you’re leaving, shouldn’t you first listen to what I have to say?" Hearing my words, Wi Seol-Ah gradually wrapped her arms around my back. “…I guess I’m really going to die.” "What?" "If someone becomes too happy, they won’t live for long. Either that, or this might be a dream." “...” I held her tighter. I could feel warmth in my arms. I could hear the beating of her heart. Yet despite that, I couldn't stop her energy from dissipating. What do I do now? What should I— [Hold her close, child.] A voice whispered in my ear. An oddly familiar voice. ‘This voice….’ As I was about to recall who it was, the voice urged me again: [There’s no time. Hurry….] I hesitated not. There was no time for deliberation; I knew that as well. Buzz. I activated the Demon Arts of Heavenly Absorption. Unlike before, when I couldn't move my qi— This time it worked perfectly. "Sir…?" Noticing something, Wi Seol-Ah called my name— "Stay still." "What… are you doing?" If she knew what I was about to do, she might try to stop me. She would surely try to do so, perhaps scolding me. Imagining her doing that might have been amusing in its own way, but— ‘Since when have I ever listened to others?’ I had no intention of listening. "You acted selfishly, so I'm going to do things my way too." "…No… you can't...." The energy that had been dispersing from Wi Seol-Ah and scattering into the air shifted direction towards me. I could see the energy flowing into my body. But felt nothing. I meant I didn’t feel anything as the energy entered my body. “I don't know if this is right.” "Sir…." “I don't know what will happen if I do this.” "Then…!" "But even so." I couldn’t see Wi Seol-Ah’s expression. I couldn’t see her face as I held her. "I’m sorry, but I just can’t let you go like this." "..." Wi Seol-Ah did not respond to my words. Wi Seol-Ah's grip on my back tightened just a bit. That was enough. A thought suddenly crossed my mind. …What if we had lived slightly different lives? The words Wi Seol-Ah had once told me echoed in my ears. Would we have led better lives? Both you. And myself. The light that had been radiating from Wi Seol-Ah slowly faded until it was as if nothing had happened at all. Only then did I loosen my grip and shift to examine her. Wi Seol-Ah’s eyes were closed. "…" When she opened them again— It wouldn’t be the Wi Seol-Ah I had just confronted, but the one I knew from this life. Would this Wi Seol-Ah remember what happened just now? Or, perhaps, would she know about my secret as well? For now, I brushed aside those thoughts and swept my hand across my chest. '…What has happened?' I had absorbed the energy into my body, but— In my dantian, in my heart, there was no trace of her presence. I couldn’t think of any other method. I merely followed the voice's instructions. "…" The mysterious voice that had spoken to me. How could I have followed someone else's words so easily? But I recognized that voice. It was a voice I had heard before. A voice I had never once erased from my mind. If I wasn’t mistaken, the owner of that voice was indeed— The one who had left me in the distant past. "…Mother." Because it was my mother's voice.