430 - Childhood Friend of the Zenith

**Chapter 431: The Lake of Regret** The banquet concluded in the deep embrace of night. A full moon hung in the sky as I leisurely strolled along the Tang Clan's garden paths. Wu-hyuk, enamored by the banquet's spread, opted for another helping. Cheoljiseon's appetite mirrored his, so I left them to their feast and ventured outside. "Sigh." The night seemed unusually luminous. Lanterns adorned various spots, casting warm glows across the paths. The full moon's brilliance was exceptional, contrasting starkly with my own somber mood. The world appeared ceaselessly bright despite my inner turmoil. With eyes almost swallowed by shadow, I surveyed my surroundings before quietly speaking. "Where is the White Lotus Sword?" To my question, Tang Deok, who had been following at a distance, lifted his head. - "Drinking," he said. "As expected," I murmured, a slight smile playing on my lips. I resumed walking. "Return to your room and wait. I'll walk a bit more before heading back." Tang Deok glared at me as if to protest but soon complied, walking away. Keeping him by my side for long posed its own issues. Once I confirmed Tang Deok's departure, I paused momentarily. I ran my hand gently over myself. Then, thoughts came unbidden. About death, as the divine had spoken of. 'Death.' Was my vessel nearing its limit, as they said? 'No wonder.' The recent onslaught of headaches and emotional volatility had their roots here, it seemed. The unbalanced tension in my body was spreading its influence, a strain growing progressively worse. The Tuapachunmu technique had been correcting my physique and artificially inducing a metamorphosis. While this transformation could expand my vessel, could it really keep pace with its fracturing? Moreover, increasing my energy would only hasten the vessel's breakage. Training carried inherent risks. Pejon claimed that at my current pace, I might touch that realm in twenty years. To reach such metamorphosis a mere two decades after beginning martial arts—astonishing. Yet, hadn't they said I had ten years left? Possibly longer, touching the age of forty, but ten years seemed a practical count. What are the odds of achieving transformation within that time frame? And with the specter of a bloody massacre looming, is deepening my skills an option? I think not. 'Ten years.' Cool, methodical thoughts circulated in my mind. How much time was left until the war? Accelerated by shifting tides, the timeline might be shortened. That needed factoring in. A few tweaks were needed in my plans. Is there a way to consolidate more power? Visits to potential sources of inner elixirs and treasures hidden across the land were necessary. Strength must be amassed, perhaps even reshaping the martial arts alliance is in order. All should be settled within five years. Then the remaining five years would prepare for war. "Haha." The thought brought a sudden burst of laughter. Plans could be precise, yet chaos unfurls in the least expected places. Not everything will follow one's desires. My death would be like that. "Not comforting." Death didn’t scare me. I'd always known it could come like this. Constantly disrupting a preordained flow would eventually have consequences. Despite knowing this, the reality unleashed a flurry of thoughts. 'Did the divine say they wouldn’t provide medicine?' With the divine's potion, it might be ten years, but without it, death could come tomorrow. Perhaps not tomorrow, but a year—shorter, maybe half a year, or a month. Not ideal, but acceptable. Not that I welcomed death approaching; rather, it solidified my resolve. 'Meeting the divine wasn't a misfortune.' Finding the divine here was serendipitous, and that they diagnosed my ailment a stroke of fortune. Moreover, the divine possessed the knowledge to concoct medicine to prolong my life—a rare fortune. He said he would not give me the medicine. His eyes reflected sincerity, and he wouldn't relent easily. It didn't matter. My gaze cooled as my thoughts crystallized. Beneath his sharp words and brusque demeanor, the divine was deeply sentimental. Even after years apart, his concern was evident in his hurried demeanor. Yet there was more. 'Your weakness is too obvious, divine.' He had an undeniable vulnerability. Zhegai Hyuk. I had unearthed a truth from our time spent in Buga: his wanderings across the central plains were because of Zhegai Hyuk. The exact reason eluded me, but this connection was certain. The purpose? That was still murky, but speculations pointed to several of his vulnerabilities. Further, Zhegai Hyuk himself was a profound weakness. Exploiting it wouldn’t be difficult. "…" The cold logic of these plans surprised even myself. Was it because Zhegai Hyuk would play a significant role in the future slaughter? 'No.' That wasn't it. This was because neither the divine nor Zhegai Hyuk held much importance to me. I was prepared to discard them if needed. The disgusting heaviness of the thought churned my stomach. Suppressing my self-loathing, I moved my legs. Crunch. The sound of my steps accompanied my thoughts. So then, what is truly important? Is my death important? It is not. I am not overly attached to this life. Since the moment I returned, I've felt that way. A second chance? What is it for? **A Chance for Redemption from Past Misdeeds?** ‘Haha...’ It's pointless. Even if I were to atone for the deeds of my past life now, could that truly be called redemption? It would merely be self-satisfaction. A delusion that debts have been repaid. Then why, while not desiring this life, do I strive to prolong it? There was little need to ponder this question for long. I had known the reason for quite some time. “Gongja-nim?” “...” A surprised voice called out to me. It was Wi Seol-ah. What is Wi Seol-ah doing here? As I looked around, I found myself at the lodging where Wi Seol-ah was staying. With Wi Seol-ah here... I turned my head slightly to the side. Namgoong Bi-ah was sitting next to her, also watching me. They were said to share the same quarters. Namgoong Bi-ah eyed me quietly, before her eyes widened and she approached. Wi Seol-ah mirrored her actions. “Gongja-nim? Is something wrong...?” The two approached, concern etched on their faces as they looked at mine. Seeing their worried expressions, I chuckled bitterly. It seemed I wasn't adept at concealing my emotions. Caught so easily. This wasn't something I wanted them to notice. "Nothing's wrong." "...That's a lie." Namgoong Bi-ah’s expression said she didn't believe me at all. But there was nothing I could do. ‘Did I unconsciously end up here?’ It seemed I unwittingly walked here, driven by some instinct. Like a dog, how absurd and implausible. Namgoong Bi-ah and Wi Seol-ah seemed to sense something was off as they observed me. After all, appearing suddenly like this would understandably raise their suspicions. What should I say? I hesitated momentarily. No words came to mind. So, I decided to simply voice my feelings as they were. “I just wanted to see you.” “…!” “So I came by for a moment.” Because I suddenly wanted to see them. That was the only truth I could muster then. I moved closer to the pair, shocked into stillness. Their stone-like posture was oddly endearing. I couldn't help but smile gently as I reached out. Swipe. “…!” "Ah...!" Embracing them gently yet firmly, I felt a fleeting resistance. But they soon relaxed and nestled into my arms. Their hair brushed against my nose, filling my senses with a soft, comforting scent. The weight in my heart felt a bit lighter. Surprised as they were, they might have exclaimed in protest. But no words came from them. Perhaps their shock left them speechless. As my regret reached its peak— Swipe. I felt a careful hand soothingly stroking my back. It seemed they prioritized reassurance over reproach. Sensing this, I closed my eyes. ‘They're so small.’ I felt the bodies encased in my arms. Slim and delicate. No matter how potent their inner strength, they remained small and frail. Even as I accepted their unearned comfort, my mind buzzed with unresolved thoughts. The reason for sustaining this dulled life. I pondered over it. ‘Ah...’ And then, a memory surfaced. That of Cheonghae Ilgeom speaking of peace and tranquility. The elderly man’s wrinkled eyes had asked where my peace lay. The answer I could not give back then now returned to me. ‘Perhaps my peace lies here.’ May those who died for me find solace. May those I now embrace lead lives of tranquility ahead. Even those who sacrificed for my sake without ever being held. A life lived for them would make this lifetime sufficient. Ten years, was it? In that time, I will put an end to the bloodshed. Even if I can't, I will make it happen. Somehow, I will achieve it. The option to give up was abandoned long ago. For that purpose, I can forfeit anything. I can become anything. Squeezing tighter, I buried my face into their shoulders. And I resolved. ‘I can do it.’ I will not falter. I repeated this firmly to myself. ****************** The next day, I found myself before Doking at dawn. “I apologize for the early visit, Tang Ga-joo-nim.” With everyone else barely starting their morning training. And breakfast likely untouched. Doking narrowed his brow as he regarded my abrupt intrusion. Seeing this, I offered a slight smile. “The lake I mentioned previously. Could I see it now?”