125 - Upki Girl

< Aliya Was the Most Reliable > The day after the “Girl Crush” party. Although we had reserved a club room for our second round, the presence of our underage Lia and the fact that everyone was getting too drunk made us wrap up the night at the first venue, a barbecue restaurant. I got home at 3 a.m., checked to see that everyone was asleep, and finally went to bed past 4. I naturally woke up and glanced at the clock—it was only 8 in the morning. Though I could have slept a bit longer, my habit of checking real-time search rankings as soon as I wake up had me logged into the portal with half-open eyes. As expected, search terms related to the “Girl Crush” finals were dominating the top spots. Among them, the buzz around Plan L, which had reunited for an event, garnered the most attention. The winner, Choi Shika, was fourth, Hong-i was seventh, but Plan L stood at second. Since many people start their mornings by watching highlight videos, it seemed this ranking would hold steady throughout the morning. I also monitored the videos and comments of Hong-i's finals performances from the first and second rounds. I tend to take extreme comments—both the hate-filled ones that criticize everything and the fanatical ones ready to drink poison for Hong-i—with a grain of salt. ...But one particularly venomous comment caught my eye. ―nodh****: LOL Can't believe Plan L revived but still can't win LOL Just die. Sigh... Aside from that, the general public opinion was, “Choi Shika deserved the win, but Yeon Hong did well too.” This was exactly the outcome we were hoping for. In terms of video views, despite being called the “Empress Without a Crown,” Hong-i's numbers were higher than Shika's. Immediately after the broadcast, the ranking of released songs had Shika's first-round track at fifth, while Hong-i's “Anding(feat. Plan L)” was sixth—they were neck and neck, but only time would tell. At one point, “Hug Me” had climbed up to the top 20, offering a glimmer of hope for a chart resurgence, but it had since fallen to the 80s. However, the silver lining was that among songs from girl groups that debuted around the same time as us, “Hug Me” was the only one still on the charts. Just checking the article comments took an hour out of my morning. By then, sleep had completely left me, and my eyes were wide awake. I closed the internet browser and tapped the KakaoTalk logo with a '3' notification. At the top of the chat list was 'Unit 1.' What? I had personally carried and settled him in the basement room, so when did he send this? Seeing the message was sent after I had fallen asleep, I quickly opened it. Unit 1 [Kim Yunho de@d] ...What on earth did he mean to say? Dead Kim Yunho? Love Kim Yunho? This feels so unsettling, like a dying message. Realizing this was from someone with a previous history, I hurried downstairs to check. Nothing was amiss. After confirming that Yoon B, sleeping with his mouth open and hugging Lia from behind, was fine, I returned upstairs. The remaining two unread messages were from Je-hee, which I deliberately hadn't opened, thinking I lacked the energy to respond. JH [Our members think Upkey Girl is adorable. We used to be like that tooㅠㅠ] JH [Let's have a meal together next time. There were too many people today, so we couldn't really talk.] Thankfully, the anticipated “Upkey Girl VS Je-hee” conflict didn't occur. The only crisis was when Seowon caught me having some under-the-table skinship—it was both the first and the last. Seowon accepted my feigned innocence at face value, although she didn't leave my side afterward... There were no additional provocations from Je-hee's side. I had been worried that Je-hee might become jealous of my group, but it turned out I was just overreacting. As the KakaoTalk messages suggested, she found our girls adorable, took photos, and gave them a lot of advice as their senior. The only regret was not being able to have a proper conversation with her while looking after the drunk members. Je-hee was so beautiful yesterday... sexy... cute... Upkey Girls, you troublemakers, it's time for revenge. I grabbed my Bluetooth speaker and phone, heading down to the basement bedroom where the girls were sleeping. As I approached the basement stairs, the smell of alcohol, grilled meat, and sour seasoned leek wafted strongly through the air. The odor was intense. Shouldn't this be a scent you never encounter in a girl group dormitory? When I reached the bottom and turned the corner, there stood Hong-i in front of the fridge, holding a 1.5-liter Coke bottle. The bottle was almost empty. With a mix of relief and agony, she stared vacantly into space. “Hong-i, you’re up because you’re thirsty?” “Oh, you startled me.” “Why do you act so emotionless when startled?” “No, I really felt my heart drop... gurrrrrrg!” It was a belch like a bubbling sulfur pit. Hong-i clamped her mouth, looking mortified. “Oops, sorry... hee hee.” “No, it’s fine. If you don’t burp after chugging 1.5 liters of Coke, you’d need to see a doctor. That was refreshing to hear.” She laughed awkwardly, glancing at me for my reaction. She must be wondering why I called her Hong-i. Feeling guilty, yet unable to ask directly. “Do you remember everything from last night?” “Pardon? Oh... Um...” “Your memory blacks out in bits, doesn't it?” She nodded obediently. “...Yes...” “Do you remember how you got back to the dorm?” “Um... no. Did I mess up somewhere...?” “Let’s wake everyone up and discuss it, okay? There's something I want to show you all.” “Yes...” Yet, what's remarkable about Hong-i is that even after drinking so much, she managed to wake up on her own and finish off a whole bottle of Coke, all without showing any signs of a hangover. Through the open bedroom door, I could see the other members. Given how much you drank last night, it's understandable you'd be like this. On the lower bunk of the bed on the left, Eunbit was sleeping in a rear naked choke position on Lia's neck, perhaps still bitter over missing her sub-mission success from last night. Meanwhile, Yona sprawled across the floor between the beds in her underwear, her legs splayed out in a v-shape. Seowon was curled up like a pill bug on the right lower bunk. “Hong-ah, put some pants on Yona,” I instructed. “Oh, yes, yes!” As Hong-ie busied herself with Yona’s pants, I placed the speaker near the room entrance and searched for “military reveille” on YouTube. Cranking the volume up to the max, I hit play! — Daaa da-daaa daaa daaa da-daaaaa daa da-da-daaa daa da-da daa da-da-daaa daa da-da The first to respond was Seowon. "Ugh, what's that noise...?" "What do you mean, 'what'? It's a strong and powerful morning! Rise and shine, Upkey Girl!" Eunbit shot up from her bed like a vampire emerging from a coffin. “Ugh!” As soon as she sat up, she clamped a hand over her mouth and dashed to the bathroom to puke. Oh, for heaven's sake... “Oppa... can you pat my back, please...?” “Hong-ah, you help her. I can’t stand to see it.” “Oh, yes, yes!” “Wake up, Han Seowon! Wake up, Lee Yona! Our lovely princess can sleep a bit longer!” “No, Aliya is already up...” “Man, if I've been through so much with you all that Lia looks the sweetest to me, what does that say?” “Yeah, Aliya was surprisingly lenient with us, but yesterday we crossed the line. Byunbyun and Jangwoo also worked hard, you know.” Yona muttered in a raspy voice. “Oh, what do I do...?” “Why?” “I don't remember how I got back to the dorm at all...” “Just the dorm?” “Ever since we left Jakdu oppa's place, it's all a blank... oh, I'm so done for...” “I knew this would happen with you. Han Seowon, what about you? How much do you remember?” “Um... going to get coffee with the manager...?” “And after that?” “No idea.” “Do you not remember crying?” “Huh? I cried?! No way!” Aliya chimed in, “Unfortunately, it's true. You were sitting on Byunby's lap, sobbing.” “Why did I cry?” “Because you refused to leave Byunby's lap.” “Damn it..." “And is that a phrase suitable for a girl group member...” “I'm just upset because I don't remember sitting on someone's lap.” No, no, that's not the point! “Yoo Eunbit! You don't remember anything, do you? Do you at least recall smacking your head on the table after dancing and stumbling?” Eunbit grimaced, rubbing the back of her head where she'd hit it. “Oh... there's actually a bump... it hurts.” “Everyone, gather in the first-floor living room! I knew this would happen, so I recorded all your drunken antics.” <The 1st Upkey Girl Drunken Antics Viewing Session> Filmed by: Kim Yunho, Lee Jangwoo, Jin Lia Starring: Yoo Morich, Han Garbage, Trusted Axe, Nugeong First up, Yoo Eunbit. She tried to have a dance battle with Dante, but ended up stepping solo. She slipped on the greasy floor and had a great fall, thankfully not on the hardwood but in the room, avoiding a definite concussion. Even after bumping her head on the table, she was more embarrassed than in pain, walking around with lettuce stuck in her hair and laughing, all of which I captured. “Oh... I can't watch this anymore...” “Keep your eyes open and watch!” “Oppa, why didn't you stop me and just kept filming! So mean!” “Bibit unnie, don't blame Byunbyun. He tried to stop you even before you started dancing. You shrugged it off and danced anyway.” “Oh, really...? I won't drink again...” “Next up, Han Seowon.” Second was Han Seowon. — Seowon-ah, I can't feel my legs. Can you get off now? — No, no, no, no! I'm not movingggg! I won't let anyone takkeee meeee! “Oh, gross! Why do I sound like that?” “Han Seowon, it’s not about your voice. Is it okay to behave like this in front of so many people? Wouldn’t people misunderstand?” —I said get off. —Nooo-ooo-oo! I'm going to stay like this until I get back to the dorm! Hein! — Why are you crying suddenly? —Stop telling me to get off! Why do you always hate me? I want to be loved too! "Ugh, I feel like throwing up. Please turn it off!" "Keep your eyes wide open and watch. You did this to yourself!" Third, Nugeong. Before Yona arrived, Hong-ie managed to devour 28 wraps, earning her the new title “28-Wrap Girl,” along with “Binge-Eating Locomotive,” following her previous achievement as the “18-Meals Girl.” She downed five bottles of Coke, two bottles of soju, and three bottles of beer. The footage showed her succeeding in the 28th wrap and celebrating with a soju chaser, her expression like Ha Jung-woo eating kimchi. “Twenty-eight wraps! Successful twenty-eight wrap feeest!” “Shout out to Goddess Hong!” “A rampaging, no, a binge-eating locomotive!” “Oh, up to there I remember.” “Really? What about this?” The next clip projected on the screen showed everyone engaged in a drinking game, except for Hong-ie. She mechanically and soullessly continued eating meat with chopsticks. Lia filmed this, and my concerned face was in the same shot. —Hong-ah, let's stop now. —Munch munch munch munch. —Hong-ah, stop. You’re not eating because you’re hungry. —Munch munch munch munch munch... —That's it, give me the chopsticks... When I tried to take her chopsticks, she screamed irritably, like she was infected with a zombie virus. —Grrreeech! —Whoa, okay, I won't take them. —Munch munch munch munch... “Oh...” “You don't remember this, do you?” “Why am I like that...?” "How should I know? Your appetite just took over. Now, the good part is coming up, so watch carefully." ―Munch munch munch... Meat is so delicious... So tasty I'm about to cry. It's sad because the meat keeps disappearing, waaah... Sorry, piggy! But you're too delicious! I love you, wahhh, I love you, manager... "Please, turn it off... I'll never drink again..." "And now, presenting the highlight of today: Yona, our fearless leader." "Manager, do we really have to watch mine?" "Yes, we do." Fourth is Yona. The video was filmed in the public parking lot behind the barbecue restaurant. It shows Yona arriving with Jangwoo. As Jangwoo mentioned that Yona was heavily drunk, I had come to check on her. ―Yona, the manager is coming. ―Huh? Our manager's here? ―Yes. ―Whereee? “Oh no, why is my tongue like that?! I can't watch this!” ―Yona, you've had quite a bit to drink, huh? ―Yes! Yes! I drank because I'm so, so, so happy today! In that spirit, let’s get married? Oh no, I'm crazy, just pretend I didn’t say that, ha-ha-ha! ―Oh, you smell like booze. Did you just swim in a barrel? ―How can you tell?! Do I reek of alcohol? ―Yeah, it's really strong. ―So, do you dislike me because I smell like alcohol? Is that what you're saying? Ha-ha-ha! Normally, Seowon would chime in here with, 'Oh Yona, that's so annoying!' but given her own antics, she kept quiet. ―Jangwoo, how much did she drink? ―A little over two bottles of soju. ―Soju? This girl who only drinks beer? ―Why not! Yona can drink soju, too! I'm an adult! Like this! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, goosebumps. Lia is cute, but when I do it, is it cringe-worthy? Isn't that right, manager? ―Ah, so you're copying Lia's way of speaking. You're cute, too... ―Really? I deliberately responded with a skeptical face, intending to tease her, but Yona believed it wholeheartedly. She gathered her hair into twin ponytails and made a cute face. ―Wee~ Weee?! Am I cute? Manager, is Yona cute? ―Uh, um... ―Hee-hee-hee, Yona can be cute too! Just as cute as Eunbit and Lia! "Oh, I can't watch this... Please..." Unable to watch the clip through to the end, Yona dashed away. While everyone else was reeling from the embarrassment of seeing themselves on screen, Lia was the only one who seemed to enjoy it, huffing and puffing. "Yona unnie is so cute! Incredibly lovely, exceptionally lovely!" ―Ah, right! Yona the pretty has something to say to the manager! ―Oh, go ahead. Say it all you want. ―Hate you so much! Despise you so much! Ha-ha-ha! ―What's that... ―Just kidding! Actually, it's the opposite... Anyway! Yona is so happy today! I miss my sisters and the kids! I want to see Seowon unnie, Honghong unnie, and Eunbit-Lia! ―Jangwoo. ―Yes. ―Brace yourself. Inside, it's even crazier. ―Heh-heh, yes. The final clip showed all five of them entangled together on the dormitory floor, crying their hearts out. They cried saying they wanted to do better, and they loved each other. After the screening, the girls vowed never to drink again and wrote a pledge amongst themselves. Of course, it was a promise they'd likely break. "Lia, don't ever drink when you grow up, alright? Yesterday, you were incredibly dependable. Even more so than Jangwoo." "Oh dear, I'm the one raising all you kids, am I not? Byunbyun can't live without me now, right?" "Yeah, I can't." "If anything tough comes up, talk to Aliya, okay?" "Got it." <Aliya Was the Most Reliable> End