145 - Upki Girl

< Everyone's Got a Chest Except Me > "It's not coffee; it's the name of a magazine." "Huh···?" Eunbit suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over her as if she discovered there was only one piece of tissue left after sitting down on the toilet. "A magazine···?" "Yeah. It's a magazine for men." "So it wasn't coffee··· I've been duped by another mysterious dark force." Once again, the problem arose from a Q&A on a knowledge site. Riya had asked Eunbit for advice on what would make a great surprise gift for soldiers, and Eunbit took to the internet to find an answer. (It was Riya's mistake, really.) However, unlike past queries, which often resulted in jokes like "National Audition Law," this situation was ripe for misunderstanding. Q: I'm preparing gifts for soldier 'oppa's; what's the most needed item in the military? The first responder intended to create an impact with brevity by simply answering "Maxim" without further elaboration, and the two comments that followed—“This is real,” “Definitely Maxim”—were equally uninformative. Naturally, Eunbit, who wasn’t aware of a magazine by that name, associated it with the coffee brand. The outcome was a ripple effect no one saw coming. A well-written post by a soldier from the 21st division went viral on popular online communities, being rapidly shared everywhere. Had it only been about the Maxim incident, it might have been brushed off as just another "typical girl group's quirky mishap." However, the group Upkickurl was already under the spotlight following testimony and photos from the consolation train staff earlier that same day. Two events occurred on the same day, at the same place. The Maxim incident, which brought chuckles, and the admirable professionalism shown during the consolation train's replacement performance. These contrasting images synergized to explode into a hot-topic akin to a nuclear reaction. Fortunately, the staff at the consolation train seemed to think well of our girls, crafting a sincere and positive write-up. ――――― As someone who has worked as part of the military consolation train staff for over a year, observing more than 80 girl groups, I've encountered a wide array of personalities. Some groups are genuinely kind and down-to-earth, while others—despite not being very famous—already display diva-like behavior. Today, I wish to firmly endorse one rookie girl group, putting my name and job on the line. This group is Upkickurl, currently gaining popularity. For those unfamiliar, today in Yanggu, it felt like minus 28 degrees. While an indoor performance would be typical in such weather, the venue constraints necessitated an outdoor show. As you're likely aware, typical girl group outfits are ill-suited for winter. While we did our best to keep the waiting area warm, the girls were inevitably exposed to extreme cold while on stage and singing. Despite the circumstances, Upkickurl, who performed third, didn’t just stop at an encore. They even replaced the delayed ending act due to traffic issues, extending their performance by over thirty minutes. Their talent was undeniable, but you could see they genuinely loved performing, delivering such a high-quality and charming stage presence that anyone present couldn’t help but become a fan. Especially memorable was a member named Eunbit. Even though facial expressions couldn’t have been easy with faces nearly frozen, I never once saw her lose her smile... (omitted)... As long as these friends don't commit major crimes, I'll support their future always. (Additional) After posting, I learned from the main writer, that they left behind 2,000 gift boxes personally prepared at their own expense for the soldiers. Even on stage, they continually praised the soldiers’ hard work and were moved to tears. ――――― The photos accompanying the article left a strong impression. They captured moments from backstage, taken by the consolation train for promotional purposes. You could see the girls huddled close in the cold, trying to warm themselves with each other's body heat before heading on stage. On stage, they waved brightly to the audience. Among them, a photo of Eunbit forming a finger heart with her thumb and index finger stood out so charmingly that it could be considered the highlight of her life. Given how the article specifically called out Eunbit, it's likely the writer had become a fan of this charismatic entrance fairy too. Eunbit didn't say it outright, but it was evident she was brimming with pride. With a hint of melody, they fully capitalized on this opportunity for promotion. First, they consolidated the Maxim incident and the testimony of the consolation train staff into press releases for media outlets and edited parts of the stage footage captured on the office camcorder to upload on social media and fan cafes. From the fans' perspective, it was the most exciting development since Upkickurl's debut, and the members, always hungry for attention, were ablaze with enthusiasm. While practicing “Replay Girl” at the office, they checked reactions on the fan café in between breaks, giggling all the while. "Puhaha! Did you guys see the 'It's over' meme?" "I'm looking at it now. It's hilarious." "What's that?" Curious, I also looked up the mentioned title after hearing Sowon's words. The kids might not have known its origins, laughing simply because it was funny, but it was a play on a famous internet meme from Ronaldinho’s heyday: “As soon as this guy's gums show, the match is over.” Applied to each member of Upkickurl: "As soon as Smiley Kkobuk shows her eye smile, it's all over for you." "When Foxy Obsession asks your name, being an all-fan is over for you." (*All-fan: A fan of the entire group rather than a specific member.) "When Leader Yonna shows off, your sleepless nights are over." "When Hong, who's always eating, loses weight, your bias picks are over." "When the Chairman of Piggyback Awesomeness arrives, the excitement is real. Agree? Oh, agreed." "When Upkickurl starts spouting nonsense jokes, fan meetings are over." “Phrhhrh···.” Sigh. I couldn’t help but let a snicker escape, ruining my pride. Even as everyone was making air-leaking noises, laughing, Eunbit alone looked serious. She was scrolling through the phone screen thoughtfully, searching for something before calling out to me. "Hey, oppa." "Yeah?" "I want to be the Maxim cover model." "What? You want to be a cover model?" "Yeah." This was utterly baffling, like hearing someone say they're doing a handstand in their sleep. "Do you even know what kind of magazine that is?" "Yes, I'm looking at it now. It's a magazine soldiers would love to get as a gift." "And you want to model for it?" "Yeah. After performing at the consolation train yesterday, I've set a new dream for myself. Wanna know what it is?" "Uh, no thanks." "Riya, can you ask?" "What’s your dream, Bbit Bbit unnie?" "My dream is to become the soldiers' ideal. A sex symbol. And being a Maxim cover model is the perfect step for that." "Pfft!" Good grief. Crazy Yoon Eunbit. I nearly spit out my coffee. "Are you seriously using that language as a girl group member?" "See, this is why people say you can't grow under a conservative, old manager." "Don't make up stuff." "You know you're really conservative, right? There are too many things you don't allow. Or are you just against the idea of me posing sexy in front of others? Want to keep me all wrapped up?" "Did you get some orders to ruin Maxim?" "No, no. It looks like a lot of girl groups have done it though. Moen did it, Nine Sorbet did it, even Bravo Girls. But maybe because they're girl groups, they held back a bit. Didn't quite capture Maxim's essence. I need to show them what real 'bagel sexy' is." "Stop being so serious and just be yourself again." "I am serious right now." "That's why I’m telling you to stop. Yona, what's up with Eunbit?" Yona just shrugged, completely uninterested. Seowon and Hongie pretended not to hear from the beginning. At least Riya played along. She slipped behind Eunbit and slipped her hands beneath her armpits to give her chest a squeeze. Caught off guard, Eunbit flinched and recoiled. "Ahhek!" "Bbit Bbit unnie's got quite a chest, look how full it is!" "W-what chest! It's mine! It's all mine! I've been cherishingly cultivating it stitch by stitch since I was young!" "Unnie, do you have Ripley Syndrome or something?" Ripley Syndrome. A psychological condition where one denies the real world and convinces themselves that their delusions are reality, often lying compulsively. She might just be trying to cover up the hardship of living as a flat-chested girl with padding, now deluded into thinking that's her real volume. Pathetic. Overwhelmingly pathetic. "Oppa! Get me breast surgery!" "Ha···." I couldn't even muster a response. Following Riya's lead, Eunbit hugged Riya from behind and sighed deeply. She then moved on to touch Hongie and Yona's chests in turn. Yet with each comparison, her relative deprivation and emptiness only grew. All three of them possessed above-average physiques. "They all have it. Everyone's got a chest except me···." Only after touching Seowon's chest did she regain some of her confidence, snorting with slight relief. "Unnie. Let’s get surgery together." Seowon shot me a look, defensive. "W-what are you talking about? You and I are in different leagues, you know?" "Seowon unnie. It's not wrong, it's just different." "Shut up, Iona! Yoon Eunbit is a mess. She's wrong. And what? Comparing me to her, ugh, it’s insulting." "Stop being stubborn, let's do it together, Seowon unnie. Then, we'll model for Maxim and become the sex symbol for soldier oppas. How about my plan?" "She's out of her mind. Aren’t you embarrassed to say things like that?" "I'm only embarrassed about one thing, so let's do the surgery together." "Ugh, get lost!" Unable to tolerate Eunbit's excessive sexual humor, I shook it off and stood up. "Hey, practice well. I’ll be around." The persistent kid, clutching her chest and trying to forcefully gather it to the middle, shouted fervently at me. "Oppa, make me a Maxim cover model! Tell Director Yeom to get me breast surgery! I want to be a sexy diva! If the company won’t do it, I’ll pay for it myself! Remember my words! Got it!" Seriously, where are the ethics and sexual awareness of today's youth? I must have lived too long. I should just die. Once you're old, it's time to go. “What crazy thing is Eunbit saying now?” Returning to the adjacent office, Yeom, who was transferring the weekly schedule to the whiteboard, asked. I chuckled. "Really. She wants breast surgery. Says she wants to be a Maxim cover model." "She's definitely lost it." "Exactly." "Oh, Director. Look at this." Just as I was about to sit down, Minjeong from the PR team, who was engaged with monitoring work, waved me over excitedly. "Check out the Replay Girl website." "Why? Did our ranking increase?" I asked, settling down and logging into the Replay Girl website. "Hehehe, what is this." We were still holding the fourth place, trailing Eye Contact, Teenagers, and Love One. However, something intriguing had begun to appear in the comments section a few minutes ago. ―Salute! Sergeant Kim Chungho of the 21st Division, 63rd Regiment Reconnaissance Company, supports Upkickurl! ―Salute! Private Min Gi of the 21st Division, 63rd Regiment, casts a vote for Upkickurl! ―Salute, Corporal Jeon Hoseok from the 21st Division, 63rd Regiment, 2nd Battalion Headquarters Company, supports Upkickurl! It seemed the soldiers from the unit we visited with the consolation train were partaking in the voting. With 100 comments per page, in a matter of minutes, about two pages were filled with soldiers’ verification comments supporting us. Not only soldiers from the 21st Division, but also military personnel from other units, and even some claiming to be reservists, began to appear in the voting. Some comments explained how they came to know about Upkickurl: they were impressed by the stage and respectful remarks towards soldiers at the recent consolation train event. Yeom immediately gave orders. "Minjeong, prepare a press release about this and send it to the journalists." "Yes, sir." An hour later, with the support of the soldiers' voting relay, Upkickurl, who had lagged nearly 3,000 votes behind Love One, finally climbed to third place. Even at that moment, the comment section was continuously updating, with evidence of votes coming in from the Air Force, Navy, and Marines, including officers and non-commissioned officers showing their support. Not just the Upkickurl members, but their fan café went wild with excitement. ―svafnir: Could we actually make it to first place? LOL ―pafya: What's this military might? ―happylous1: Is it the power of Maxim? ―obssessforSeowon: Some fans think our girls did a Maxim photoshoot LOL ―silvereyes: Well done, guys! Let’s push it to the end! ―truthfromYuriya: Unexpected surge LOL ―Kashmir: Is this for real LOL ―Hongask: An article just went up! Sharing the link now. ―Yona♡HealthSlaughter: No way, another jackpot! "But, Hyung, did you know? Replay Girl hasn't published a single article about our girls." "Seriously?" "Yeah. All the current articles came from the press releases we sent out." Upon checking the media outlets that published the articles, I found it was true. There wasn't a single media outlet associated with Replay Girl. It was known that any team that created even a little buzz would immediately get coverage from Replay Girl for promotional purposes. And then, three days later. The recording for the “Role Model Mission” segment of Replay Girl began. It was the day the groups were to introduce themselves and showcase their stage performances to the judges for the first time. None of that mattered. Upon arriving at the studio, I went straight to find the main PD, Jang Ho-jun. I needed to confirm whether the information relayed by the producer through our writer, while the girls were getting their makeup done at the salon, was true. "PD Jang Ho-jun." "Yes?" "What does it mean that the teaser mission scores are being removed?" "Oh, that... nothing's been decided yet." "I don't understand why there would even be talk of changing the rules. Why mention it now, just as we're about to clinch first place, without any prior notice?" PD Jang let out a cynical chuckle, stroking his beard. He looked at me with a disdainful gaze. "Manager of Upkickurl, what are you trying to get at here? I said nothing's been decided yet." "You’re not trying to hold us back, are you? Considering there hasn't been a single article about us." "Do you realize this is overstepping your bounds? Wow, no matter how low PD authority has fallen, this is a bit much." So they want to play it this way? Jang Ho-jun PD. According to Manager Kim Sang-in, he's a person steeped in authority, acting as if he's some kind of minister. Fine, we'll see whose regretful remarks come first in the end. < Everyone's Got a Chest Except Me > End