139 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.139 #139. The Value of Challenge Name: Han Taemin. Age: Twenty-four. I've already completed my military service, and though I'm still a student, I feel too old to be treated like a kid. The realization that I have to fend for myself rather than rely on others for answers weighs heavily on me. I'm troubled about whether the "bowl" I've seized is the right one. If my previous pursuits resembled short-term contract jobs or experiential internships, the path ahead is no longer child's play. The value of challenge. If I decide to extend this contract, my intentions must go beyond merely helping with Doa's concert. There must be greater value involved. My way of thinking and living will inevitably change. Instead of just tagging along and asking, "Should I do this?", I will need to approach everything with more professionalism. Just thinking about it exhausts me. But rather than exhausting, it feels uncharacteristic of me. Interacting with strangers is challenging, and working in harmony with other actors is even harder. In terms of aptitude, it would be sensible to quit. But what scares me is— "Sigh..." Returning to being someone who only takes from Doa. Though Doa might not acknowledge it, she shines brightly. It's not just my personal admiration for Luka that makes me think this way; she genuinely and objectively radiates. Her popularity grows day by day. The scale of her advertising and collaborations with celebrities continues to expand. Music videos amassing tens of millions of views. As a mere passerby, I feel there's nothing I can offer her. Thus, I'm overjoyed by the prospect of contributing something to her solo concert. For the one I love and support. I remember when she jumped with joy after listening to the sample the composer made. My girlfriend, who embraced me, excitedly anticipating the concert, promising it would be amazing. If I had turned down that offer back then, I would have never felt this happiness. But now, being dragged around every day for filming, unable to see Doa's face or catch Luka's streams—what meaning does that hold? "Screw it! I don't know!" Reaching the limit of finding answers on my own, I shouted out the window. Oh... that feels a bit better... But I'll still need to give an answer on whether I'll take on that project or not. Despite them pitching it like some home shopping special deal, I have to admit the offer is significant. If I want to commit to this, when will I ever get another chance to be part of such a lineup? With a mind sharpened, I took out my phone and dialed my manager. "Hello?" "Ah, yes. Taemin." "Um, could you tell them I'd like to join the drama you mentioned the other day?" "Oh! Great decision! I'll immediately contact the team leader and the production company!" Just as he was about to hang up, I hurried to keep him on the line. "Ah, manager! Um... about our contract renewal—" "Go ahead." "Do we need to renew it right away?" "Of course, given that the production duration will well exceed a month, you should!" As expected. "Is it okay if we discuss the renewal closer to the contract's expiry?" There was a moment of silence from the manager. "Can I ask why?" "Though I'm leaning positively, I just haven't made up my mind yet..." It wasn't something I could openly share. "Then I'll discuss it with the team leader, but if you're taking on the project, it's likely they'll insist on it now." "Yes..." "It's additional negotiations with the production side, so if it happens—" Feeling the manager's unease about my indecision, I sensed his impatience. "I'll get back to you." "Yes, thank you." Feeling restless after ending the call, I pulled out the script book the acting coach gave me. "Call Director Oh Hyunseong right now. Immediately!" "What? They’re not answering? Then rush over and bring them here!" "Sigh... damn it!" "Mm." Despite my lack of experience with anger, raising my voice felt immensely challenging. Maybe venting through text is better. Expressing anger with emojis gives it more flavor. Scrolling through YouTube, I couldn't help but laugh at the algorithm's recommended video list. Right below Luka's avatar was a clip with my face. "The Epitome of a Nerd! Rookie Actor Han Taemin!" Please don’t fish for attention like this. I barely appeared on screen for 20 minutes and they call me an actor? Playing back an all-too-familiar interview clip I’ve watched multiple times. "Any final words?" "Closer, fighting...?" "Closer, fighting." I repeated my own words once more. * * * "So, is that what you decided?" "Wow." Holding my phone, Doa kept repeating "Wow," astonished. "...Oppa." "Hmm?" "Aren’t you on your way to becoming a world star now?" "All of a sudden?" Slurping her latte, Doa slammed the table with enthusiasm. "Really? Don’t you know Kim Sung-ho? Actor Kim Sung-ho?" "Of course, I do. I'm not an idiot." "But how can you be so calm?" Doa voiced her confusion. "He's super popular lately! It's amazing!" "...Really?" "Ah! See? I knew you didn't know." Doa began to explain just how impressive the cast lineup for my new project was. "So, oppa, it's like having a collaboration on Closer, but the guest is a small-time VTuber with only 100 subscribers." Wow. Putting it like that really makes it hit home. It was a moment where I truly appreciated the power of analogies. "But do you think you'll manage? You've said acting has been tough lately." "Well... I have to do my best. What other choice do I have?" "What about school?" "I'll probably take a leave of absence." The drama's filming schedule was bound to clash with my classes. "Hmm... I see. I've been thinking about taking a break from school too." "Why?" "I tried managing both last semester, and it was unbearable." Indeed, around finals, Doa had been practically half-dead, shuttling back and forth to school. "And when it came to group projects, I was worried I'd be a burden because I was always so busy." Recalling the advertising class project we worked on together, Doa gave me a sheepish smile. "Thanks for your help back then." "Why bring that up now?" I did it because I wanted to. "But since I won't be around to help next semester, taking a break together doesn't sound like a bad idea." "Oh~ then we can hang out even more." Doa's grin spoke volumes about her delight. "Let's go on a trip together again!" "Hey, you need to stream. You can't just keep going places." "I can take a day off streaming, you know? If I manage things well. Why, don't you want to go on a trip with me?" She playfully nudged my shoes with her foot, her lips pouting. "How could I not? I like you a lot." And if we travel, well... there might be a special event almost certainly waiting for us. "Then let's both take a break and go to Japan! I've always wanted to visit Japan!" "Japan? Out of nowhere?" I couldn't help but chuckle at the suddenly ambitious plan. "Hey, it's not much different than taking a slightly longer domestic trip by plane." "Really?" "Of course! It's only a two to three-hour flight." "Then we'll see when the time comes and go if we can." "Yay~!" Even the thought of it was enough to make Doa giggle with joy. "Ah, it would be so fun. We should do an otaku pilgrimage together." "Sounds great." Sharing similar hobbies is indeed a huge blessing. I hope these days continue. Just doing nothing, having fun with Doa forever. No wonder being a wealthy idler is everyone's wish. "Oh, right! I have something to show you too." "What is it?" "I’ve got the schedule for my solo concert!" "Oh? It's confirmed?" "Yes! March 5th!" I immediately opened my calendar to make a note. "March... 5th..." Please, please, don't let there be any filming that day... "And this is an original song I recorded recently." Doa's finger hovered over the play button, then paused. "Oh, but it's not the final version yet, so keep that in mind." Don't lay the groundwork for excuses, Kim Doa! Feeling like I might faint from anticipation, I nodded vigorously, signaling my understanding.