144 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.144 #144. ...Lies. "Oh... I'm sorry." It was the first time an actor, not the director, had directly said something to me. "I heard that when Taemin comes out, filming takes all day. I think I get why now." Her words, uttered as though she hadn't even expected much, painfully pierced my heart. "Learn your lines properly, okay?" "I'm sorry." "Even if you're a rookie, you should at least have the basics down, don't you think?" There was nothing else I could say aside from apologies. "Don't ruin the vibe for others during the shoot." She clicked her tongue and sighed. I want to run away. I want to quit. Hidden under the table, my hands were trembling uncontrollably. There was no one to shield me. The director looked at us with a cold expression, not scolding me but just staring as if I were some kind of bug. "We're starting over. Action." After that, I messed up my lines, unable to concentrate any further. * * * [Hey. Are you coming home late again today?] My brother has been coming home really late these days. He seems to be rehearsing at least until 10 PM on days without any filming. The other day, he seemed to come home almost at dawn. Because of that, sending a text like this felt a bit awkward. I felt like I was bothering someone busy. Just like how he refrains from personal calls when I'm on air, I thought it was only fair for me to do the same. But I couldn't suppress my longing to see him. After waiting as long as I could, I finally sent a short text, convincing myself that I'd waited long enough. Not long after, his reply came. [Yeah, probably. Sorry.] [No need to be sorry~ Do your best! Call me when you're done.] [Okay. I'll contact you later. Thanks~] Putting down my phone, I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me. Ah... If he had come back early, I might have suggested meeting up... I'm envious of Luca, who can replay and see his partner even when apart. I wish I could see how my brother is doing while working, too. LukaRio says he watches my broadcasts through clips or replays even amidst his busy schedule. But I can't exactly ask for a recorded tape. Wait a minute... Hmm... Then... Alright! I'll ask him later! I decided to play some mobile games on my phone while waiting for his call. The call came one and a half hours later. [Hello.] [You worked hard.] [It's nothing. I have to at least try like this to do my job properly.] [Aren't you working too hard these days? What if you win the Best New Actor Award~] Hearing the weariness in his voice, I couldn't help but add a bit of cute whining. [It doesn't seem like it.] I heard his awkward laugh over the phone. [You have a shoot tomorrow, right?] [Yeah. In the morning.] [What time?] [It's at 11, but I'll probably leave around 7? Maybe 8 if I'm late.] [You're leaving that early even though you came back so late?] [I need to get makeup done and wait, after all.] [Hmm... Hmm...!] Clearing my throat a couple of times, I got to the main topic for today. [Where's the shoot tomorrow?] [Somewhere in Hyo-shin-dong, I think.] [Exactly where in Hyo-shin-dong?] [I heard it's around the residential area behind the café street. Why?] Hyo-shin-dong... café street... residential area... I noted it down on my phone, saving the memo. [Why, can't I ask where my boyfriend is and what he's doing?] [No, it's not that. It just seemed like you weren’t usually that interested.] [Oh, come on. How can you say that? It's a bit hurtful.] I thought it was somewhat confidential, which is why I hadn't asked. [Ah. But I really am tired.] Judging by the rustling of blankets, he must have lied down in bed. [Get some rest.] [Let me talk with you a bit longer.] [Sure.] Even soaked in fatigue, he still cared for me. I felt like going over to his place right then and giving him a kiss. [Oh, by the way, keep this a secret, but there's going to be a Closer music production contest after the concert!] [Music production?] [Yes! If people create music, it'll be selected by popular vote and the company will make a music video. Isn't that amazing?] [I guess many will participate.] [Yeah... Since there are so many fans, I'm sure there'll be some versatile talents among them.] After sharing some news about Luca and Closer that would make him happy, I let him go after chatting for about 30 minutes. He had a morning shoot; how could I keep him longer? Instead, what I didn't see today, I'll make sure to see tomorrow when I visit him myself~ I'll make the visit quick enough that he won't even notice I was there. Since there's a café street, bringing my laptop and working there for a while doesn't sound bad. Still, just in case he might recognize me, I'll wear a mask and a hat. I wouldn't want to break his focus by making him conscious of my presence. Feeling excited, I fell asleep, unaware of what I might witness. * * * Hyo-shin-dong was a neighborhood with quite expensive real estate. The café street settled on the flatlands, while the residential area was filled with luxurious houses where celebrities likely lived. Getting off the subway and transferring to a bus brought me to a place that felt almost foreign, as I looked around. So, where do I go from here? Will I find it if I just follow the upward path? I came to check out the filming site, but without knowing the exact location, I decided to walk into the alleyway ahead. "These houses are huge..." I passed by houses that made me wonder how much they cost, only to be greeted by another hill. Hmm... Should I go further? Truthfully, having brought my laptop, I wasn't keen on walking this much. Stopping under a streetlamp, I checked my phone's map and resolved to go up just to this hill before heading back. Yeah. If I don't find it, then I can just think of this as a little café outing. I decided to keep this secret from my brother too. If he found out I failed at tailing him, he'd definitely laugh at me. I was close to my destination, but without spotting a single camera, I smiled when I saw a large filming truck parked up ahead. There it is! I needed to appear like a local rather than someone here for a star-struck visit, so I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and slowly made my way forward. Wow. There are really a lot of people. As I neared the residential area, clusters of staff members gathered near the house caught my eye. There were cameras, and oh... even celebrities visible... Oh! That's an actual celebrity! I could see the actor my brother had told me about, standing next to someone who looked like a manager. I'm glad I decided to come. When else would I get to witness filming up close like this? Just as I was quietly trying to slip past on the outskirts, a loud noise startled me, forcing me to turn my head. -Beeeep The piercing sound that speakers make when they screech physically hurt my ears. At that moment, the name called out was none other than my boyfriend's. "Han Taemin!" The loudspeaker was tossed aside on the ground. A man, presumably the director, strode angrily toward the scene. "Can't you do this?" "I'm sorry..." "Is this that hard for you?" The director, his face flushed bright red, ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Is it really that difficult? Did I ever ask you to do something extraordinary? Do I even have to demonstrate this myself now?" The director's words were cutting, but what captivated my attention was my brother's expression. Even from a considerable distance, his already pale face seemed even more drained of color. Though far away, I could vividly see my brother trembling. "Here! Just like this! Kick the wall once with your foot!" The director, clearly exasperated, was now physically acting out the scene, moving his whole body to explain. "Ha... that's enough... Let's wrap for today." In the midst of speaking, he seemed to become aware of himself. He abruptly turned and began walking toward where I stood on the outskirts. The remaining staff hurriedly tried to placate him. My brother, standing alone with his head down, was shaking uncontrollably. Oh no... what do I do... A pain like my heart was being torn apart made it difficult to breathe. I wanted to run to my trembling brother at that moment and wrap him in a comforting hug. But I knew I shouldn't do that. Revealing myself and comforting him wouldn't improve the public's opinion. It might even lead to rumors that a rookie is more focused on their love life than their work. I forced my unwilling legs to move, biting my lip as I retraced my steps. Forget the café; I couldn't think of anything else. The only thing replaying in my mind was the image of my brother shaking helplessly. He said it was tough, but was he always treated like that? Overlaying that image with his face, telling me he had to do his best, my eyes started to sting with tears. If it was so difficult, why didn't he just say he couldn't do it? Why is he putting himself through so much pain? I couldn't understand. And I couldn't fathom why he had hidden this from me. Returning home, I sat in a daze before sending my brother a text. [Are you doing okay?] -Buzz A reply came about 20 minutes later. [Oh, of course~] ...Lies.