149 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.149 #149. Addiction -Knock, knock, knock. The sound of footsteps approached from inside as I knocked on the door. Doah greeted me, dressed in her pajamas. “...Did everything go well?” She treated me like a child who had just returned from kindergarten, and I nodded my head. “...Yeah.” I could have asked why she was acting like that, but in some ways, Doah had solved a problem even my mom couldn't fix, so I felt it was something to be grateful for rather than question. “Did anyone give you a hard time?” “...No, not at all.” “Then, let’s get ready for a trip!” Doah took my wrist and led me to the computer. Displayed on the screen was a flight booking site. I looked at her with questioning eyes. “Why?” “A trip to Japan?” “We agreed to go when you took a break, didn’t we?” “That’s true, but...” All of a sudden, like this? Although the reason for my extended break was gone since the end of my contract as a celebrity, that wasn’t the case for Doah. “What about your broadcasts?” “I told the company I’d take a break next week.” “And that’s okay?” When I looked at her with concern, Doah pushed her chair back and turned towards me. “Luka’s taking a vacation after his solo concert, and you have a problem with that, Luka Rio?” “No, I never said I had a problem. I was just asking if it was okay.” “You must’ve had a tough time too, but preparing for the concert was extremely stressful for me.” Doah shook her head, smirking. “When you were dragged to acting classes, I was sitting in front of the monitor all day, broadcasting and preparing.” “Of course, I remember.” “Then, no more complaints. Come over here and pick a date.” Despite wondering if it was okay to just drop everything and go on a relaxing trip, I couldn’t go against Doah’s wishes. “But, I’m a bit short on money this month...” I had been notified that all the earnings from my activities would be used for reshooting the drama, leaving me with barely any money. “I’ll lend it to you. You can pay me back.” If she had just given it to me, I would’ve felt awkward, but since it was a loan, I could pay it back, even if I had to take on a part-time job. “Sorry.” “It’s fine. It’s not like I’m giving it to you for free. The interest is 500 won.” Doah gave a charming smile. ...I wanted to be good to her too. The balance I tried to maintain kept tipping further. Now, I didn’t even know what to do for Doah anymore, so I just fiddled with my fingers. “Still, if there’s something you need from me, just let me know instead of 500 won.” Doah turned her head and stared into my eyes. “...Do you want anything from me?” “Hmm... I don’t think so.” In this situation, asking anything from Doah just felt absurd. “Same here.” Doah leaned her forehead against my stomach as if it were a support. “What I want from you is...” Doah paused, then continued. “Just to make sure we can spend happy times together.” “That’s all.” The fact that my attempts to do something for her seemed to have left a mark made Doah insist that she didn’t want anything from me. That it was okay not to do anything. I wasn’t a child, and I was doing fine just as things were now. Even though I reassured her that I understood, I didn’t feel good about it. There was no way to feel okay about it. “Then should we at least plan the vacation?” Not wanting to dampen her mood, I sat beside her, and Doah gave me a kiss on the cheek. “That’s a great idea.” We decided to set aside worries temporarily and plan our trip. “Oh my gosh, we absolutely have to try this.” “Yeah, it looks amazing.” “Shall we visit this place too?” “Sure.” Having roughly decided on the places we wanted to visit and the food we wanted to try, we moved onto the bed. “...Doah.” Doah rested her face against my chest. “Thank you.” No matter how many times I said it, it didn’t seem enough. “No, I’m the one who should be thankful.” “What do you have to thank me for?” In response, Doah hummed an original song from the concert. “This. You made this for me.” ...Even though I didn’t receive any compensation for it. Or maybe the participation in a few shoots before could count as enough. “People really seem to like it.” “It’s genuinely a well-made song.” Doah played with the fabric of my T-shirt without saying anything else. “Take some rest for a while. It must've been tiring.” “No, I already stayed in the hospital for two days doing nothing but sleep.” “You say that, but you don't really have anything to do right now, do you?” I wasn’t sure what expression to show. It seemed like an awkward situation to either laugh or cry. “Still, I need to find something to do. I can’t just do nothing until September.” March hadn’t even ended yet. It didn’t make sense to just lie around watching Luka’s broadcasts for about five months. “Who said to do nothing all that time? I just meant to take a trip and relax this week.” “Got it.” Not pleased with my answer, Doah clung to me, grumbling. “I heard you turned the whole company upside down. How did you even...” As if to stop the conversation, her finger pressed against my lips. “Enough about that. Just know I handled it well.” “...You said you didn’t tell me anything.” “Luka is an exception. Luka is adorable.” Doah replied in a playful, broadcast-like tone. Her eyebrows wiggled mischievously. “Did you know I couldn’t do this before, but I practiced facial expressions because I wanted to?” Seeming to remember, Doah moved her eyebrows up and down. I tried to say something serious but ended up chuckling and tugged at her cheek. “So adorable.” “Exactly, I’m all about being cute, neither singing nor dancing.” “Wasn't that the concept for Humurin?” “Muririn is good at gaming, so it’s not just one tool for her.” How can someone be this impressively cute with just one tool of charm? In the VTuber and streaming industry, that’s how it worked. No matter how well you sang or played games, if you weren't cute, it was hard to gain significant popularity. “You’re staying over, right?” Her voice almost sounded certain, igniting a playful urge in me. “Should I?” “Are you really going to go home? We’re already snuggled up under the covers in bed.” Seeing her big, round eyes made me feel even more mischievous. “You told me to rest well, I’m still recovering—should I really be pushing myself here?” “Aah!” Doah’s cheeks puffed up as if air was inflating them. “When did I ever say to do that? I only suggested you stay and sleep.” Whine, whine, whine, whine. “Let’s just hold hands and sleep tonight.” Not pleased with my response, she wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick peck. “Then you have to give me lots of kisses tonight.” There was never any doubt about what the answer would be. * * * Having more alone time without any work was terribly agonizing. Because it meant dwelling on the pain of failure. Whenever I closed my eyes, I found myself back on set, with Han Tae-min, the novice actor, nervously apologizing, hands trembling. In hindsight, it was almost laughable. I used to think having a handsome face was useless and just tiring. Yet, in the end, the industry I leaned into placed more importance on looks than anything else. That fact was slightly... Not slightly, rather immensely upsetting when looking back now. “Haa...” Every time the bitterness of failure and self-loathing surged, Luka’s broadcast would begin. Sometimes, it felt like Doah wasn’t just a content creator but a distributor of some kind of emotional panacea. The only state-sanctioned isekai drug—VTuber content. Once on the broadcast, I was bombarded by the chats of other idle jobless viewers quite like myself. [Ah~ Hello, everyone~ Luka is here~] As soon as the stream started, questions poured in about next week’s break. [Luka, don’t go! Please don’t leave!] [We’re cold... Please don’t go...] [Have a restful break, Luka!] One outcry saying “don’t go” to 99 people supportive of the vacation—typical of the fanatical Luka fans, the “Pingtuk Clan.” Of course, if I hadn’t been the one going on the vacation, I might have reacted similarly. [As you all know, I live alone, but this time I’m planning to visit my family. I didn’t even go home for the New Year’s, remember? I was busy preparing for the special stream.] [Let’s try to be filial once in a while! Visit my parents!] Knowing the truth, I couldn’t help but chuckle at Doah’s increasingly bold and brazen performance. Really, Kim Doah, are your parents Japanese or something? I’m pretty sure the destination next week is Tokyo. A donation noise sounded, and a text appeared on the broadcast window. [Luka, are you already introducing us to your parents? Hehh] [Kimo...] The disdainful expression on Luka’s face made the “Pingtuk Clan” cheer wildly. Once again, the painful feelings melted away into blurriness.