150 - I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

EP.150 #150. Cosplay The realization that the person right next to me was changing. And the knowledge that there was nothing I could do to stop it was an unfamiliar feeling I was encountering for the first time in my life. “Sigh…” Though his health seemed to be gradually improving, and we conversed with smiles as usual, I knew. Inside my brother's heart was an intensely dark shadow, unfathomably deep, that had taken root. He acted as if nothing was wrong in front of me, but every now and then, when I saw his weak smile, I felt a pang of heartache for him. I wanted to do something. But I couldn't. To be precise, I shouldn’t do more than I already had. I was aware that if I overwhelmed him with my efforts, it would only make my brother suffer more. I wanted to give him strength. I wanted to make him smile like before. But, unable to come up with an effective plan, all I could do was try to show my most adorable side when we were together. I hoped this trip could be a source of healing... My brother had become reluctant to go out, not wanting others to see his face. He wasn't one to go out often in the first place, but now it was even less frequent, and despite knowing it wasn't my fault, I harbored some vague guilt. “Ugh…” What am I supposed to do? I considered asking Hanbit or other close friends for advice, but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to speak about it. I wanted to preserve Taemin oppa's dignity. I feared it might upset him later on. I didn’t think it was right to expose his vulnerabilities for my own ease. “This is my only answer, then?” Displayed on the monitor was a cosplay costume-making site. The ethereal, frilly costume similar to Luca’s concert outfit was pricier than I had anticipated. The wig... I could estimate the cost, and the costume seemed to require a consultation. As I clicked through the options, I was dominated by uncertainty. Would doing this really cheer him up? It seemed too straightforward a solution, yet it appeared to be the most direct way to bring joy to my brother. Ah… it's embarrassing... Even imagining myself standing in front of a mirror wearing that gave me a sense of self-loathing. Let’s reconsider, Kim Doa. This isn't necessarily my final option. After all, someone like my brother, who cherishes the fantasy of 2D, might not appreciate it. Yet, with the lingering question in my mind of “What else can I do?”—there was only one answer. “Ah, whatever.” In the end, I firmed my resolve to send a consultation message and smacked my forehead. “He better not dislike it.” Having decided to go through with it, I prepared myself with determination. * * * Since our flight was early in the morning, we had to wake up at dawn to prepare for departure. It was my first overseas trip, and while I was unsure of what to bring, there wasn’t much preparation needed. A few shirts, two pairs of pants, and some underwear—and I thought I was all set. At least, that’s what I believed. “...Are you moving?” I spotted Doa struggling with a bulging suitcase and lifted her bag down the stairs. “No, I'm not moving.” “Doa, we’re not going for a week, right?” “It’s just a 3-day, 2-night trip?” Her bright eyes indicated she wasn’t still sleepy. “What do you have in there?” “Clothes, stuff to play with, emergency supplies, and various things.” “...Emergency supplies?” I wanted to question everything except the clothes, but Doa wasn’t open to discussion. “Oh, it’s all necessary. No backtalk.” Doa grabbed my wrist and led me down the slope, trembling as she carried a suitcase nearly larger than herself. I suggested we switch bags. “Oppa.” “Hm?” “How is yours so light?” “Clothes.” “That’s it?” “What else should I bring?” “It’s not just tracksuits, right?” Doa’s eyes widened in disbelief. I laughed and shook my head. “Of course not, do you think I would?” “I asked just in case.” The direct bus to the airport wasn’t far, so we dozed off on the bus and alighted at the airport. “Have you flown before?” Doa, seated by the window, pressed against the glass as she asked me. “Back when I went to Jeju Island.” “Wow… me too!” After about three hours, we arrived at the airport in Japan. Amidst the bustling crowd, we managed to get outside and headed straight to our accommodation to drop off our luggage. “The subway is expensive.” “But it's the best option to avoid transfers.” Less of a subway ride and more of a train journey, we reached the hotel in about an hour and a half. Our Japanese was limited to what we had picked up from anime. Using a mix of English and geek speak, we successfully checked in and collapsed onto the bed. “Ugh... I'm drained...” “Yeah…” Perhaps because it was our first time traveling alone, we had been quite tense, and now we finally felt relieved. “So where should we go?” Since it was still daylight, it seemed a waste to stay cooped up in the hotel. “Hmm… Let’s explore the city first?” “How about Shinjuku, then?” “We can go there and then head to Shibuya.” Deciding to explore neighboring districts, we headed back out and boarded the subway. When the sights we had only seen in videos became reality, everything seemed utterly fascinating. “Take a picture of me!” Doa, stopping at a popular spot, handed me her phone. “Alright.” After taking a couple of photos for her, she insisted on taking a selfie together. “This way, it seems like only our faces will show.” "It's alright. As long as we have memories of being here, that's what counts." Striking peace signs and exchanging smiles as we took photos, Doa and I strolled along the streets, ducking into shops that piqued our interest. "Should I buy this?" Despite being from the same brand, there seemed to be many items she hadn't seen before. Doa was trying things on and examining them closely. "If you like it, go for it." "Oppa, if you want anything, feel free to get it." Even though you lent me the money for the plane ticket, do you think I would indulge in such luxuries? I wasn't exactly one for material possessions, and moreover, I wasn't in the best financial shape. "No, I'm fine. Let's focus on what you want to get." "Alright, then help me choose between this and this." She ended up buying a light, airy blouse and a small handbag that suited her perfectly. Clearly in high spirits, she flashed a beaming smile. "Hey, isn't that bag a bit too small?" It's almost more of a pocket than a bag, isn't it? "But it’s cute, right?" She responded with the nonchalant confidence typical of a streamer. "Ah, I'm hungry now. Food! Food! Food!" "Alright, let’s go eat." We headed to a restaurant we had planned to visit beforehand. Being a famous spot, it lived up to its reputation, which meant waiting in line for about 20 minutes. -Slurrrp Doa was devouring her noodles with such joy that the phrase “om-nom-nom” seemed to suit her expression perfectly. "Is it good?" So absorbed in her meal, Doa merely nodded, her chopsticks in constant motion. "This place is amazing. If we don't have anything else on the last day, let's come here again!" Acknowledging with a nod, we cleaned our bowls completely and strolled around, interlocking fingers and feeling pleasantly full. “This is great.” “I think it’s really great, too.” It wasn’t just an act—there was genuinely a sense of relief. The cool breeze typical of March, carrying the energy of spring, felt incredibly refreshing. "Ah! Before we head back, should we check out that place?" Doa pointed to a well-known brand that could be considered the Japanese equivalent of Daiso. With no reason to refuse, I followed her inside. Even though we didn’t plan to purchase anything, browsing was fun. It felt like we were completing a challenge as we ascended each floor. And soon, we reached the top floor. “Oh.” In bold red letters, a sign read [ADULTS ONLY]. Curiosity lingered, but I hesitated to admit it first, so I kept side-eyeing Doa for her reaction. “Hmm…” Glancing at my face, Doa slowly began to speak. “...Shall we take a look?” “...You want to?” “Well, it's kind of interesting that they sell these here.” Fearing that adding more might make it awkward, I chose not to reply, instead taking her hand and pulling aside the curtain. ...Wow. Though I knew the country was quite open-minded, it was mind-boggling to find such a corner in a Daiso-like store. Doa, too, widened her eyes and looked around. The explicitness made it hard to even comment. With our hands intertwined, we slowly wandered the aisles. The absence of conversation made me consider leaving quickly when suddenly— “Wow. This looks bigger than yours, oppa.” Anyone could tell they were Korean. Apparently, we weren’t the only Koreans around. “What are you saying, Hana-eun? Can't you gauge even after seeing mine so often?” Around the corner was a couple that seemed our age or perhaps a tad older. “No way, this seems bigger.” “You have no sense of scale; it's a disgrace to your architecture major.” The woman playfully wagged a sample model labeled as such. Though they seemed to be calmly conversing, assuming they weren’t being noticed as Koreans abroad, we could feel our temperature rising from the awkwardness. “Le...Let's go! (Let's go!)” Suddenly, Doa blurted out in Japanese. Clutching my arm, she parted the couple like the Red Sea and fled the adults-only corner. We didn't stop until we were a floor down, where she finally burst into laughter. “Ah, I almost died of embarrassment.” “Tell me about it. I worried I might give away that I understood them.” I let out a hearty laugh. “How was my Japanese?” “You sounded like an anime voice actor.” “So, it was top-notch.” Striking a victory pose, Doa led me back to the subway station, and by around 10 PM, we returned to the hotel. “That was fun.” “It was. Oppa, I’ll shower first, okay?” “Sure, go ahead.” After her shower, Doa came out wrapped in a single towel, hurrying me to take my turn. I made sure to scrub myself thoroughly, enjoying the warm water and brushing my teeth meticulously. Given the high probability that we might spend the night together, I wanted to be fresh. Dressed in a robe, I stepped outside to an unexpected sight... “What are you looking at, hentai!” “You... you...!” There she was, my girlfriend, playfully winking at me in Luka's cosplay.