3.5 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Three: In The Sea Without Borders - Part Five "..................................." Realizing what she meant, my ears burned with embarrassment and heated up immensely. This must be what they mean by an unbearable atmosphere. I also stood up and busied myself with preparations for the next class. So that’s what it was, yes, that’s what it was, that’s what it was. The realization echoed in my mind like the tolling of a temple bell. After having seen her underwear from up close, I nearly lost my mind. No, I'm definitely already going crazy. My face felt so hot that I wished I could swap it out. "Togawa-san, um, before lunch break is over..." An unexpected touch paralyzed me, my body stiffening reflexively. It dawned on me belatedly that Togawa-san was stroking my butt. Before I could turn and rebuke her, she hugged me, pulling me into her arms with ease due to our size difference. "Sensei..." Her whisper, like a melancholic sigh, sent shivers down my neck. This is dangerous, my instincts screamed. A rush of hurried lust comes over me. As her fingers began to struggle, trying to take off my clothes, I quickly reached out and stopped her. "No, that's enough... okay?" There wasn't time, and we were at school, this isn't place for this... I resisted fiercely against letting myself be swept away. Togawa-san froze, then slowly, gently released me. Both blushing even more, we faced each other. Togawa-san attempted a conciliatory smile but gave up midway, looking down instead. "I'm sorry." "You don't have to apologize." The thought that Togawa-san couldn't contain her feelings for me... just made me flush even hotter. "But it surprises me when you do things suddenly, so... if you're going to touch me... please tell me." If she told me beforehand, I would let her—the current distance between us made that inevitable. I would accept it, no matter where she touched me. At those words, Togawa-san's eyes swirled with a mix of emotions. "If you say things like that... it might happen again... which is bad, right, for now?" "Yeah..." My lips almost moved in regret, but I bit my lower lip instead. Within my will to resist, there was nothing about “because she’s my student” or “because I have a husband", none of that at all. That absence reflected my present state of mind. Togawa-san backed away slowly, facing me as she made her way to the door. "Somehow... it seems I'm more perverted than you, Sensei." "Togawa-san, your face is bright red..." If she left like that, it could easily lead to misunderstandings. But it's not like they would be wrong. "Red, huh? So it is red. Alright, I'm going to wash my face then. I'm off." Unsettled, in a rare show of fluster, Togawa-san left. Her makeup would likely wash off, but before I could stop her, she was gone, leaving me alone. Only the hum of the fan accentuated the passage of time. "That was close..." I sighed deeply. If we had been somewhere with more time and nobody else around... I straightened my collar, sitting down until my excitement subsided. Pressing my forehead with closed eyes, I remained silent. Inevitably, sooner or later, I'll see what happens next. Deep down, I knew it was wrong. Even though our relationship was built on things like that from the very beginning. Recently, these interactions with Togawa-san were becoming frequent. I found myself eagerly anticipating them. An affair. What I was doing was undeniably an affair. Adultery. And here I was, preparing for the next class during lunch breaks under such circumstances. It wasn't so much a matter of switching gears effectively as it was like having another person coexisting in my head. I came to understand how affairs naturally blend guilt with daily life, leading to a natural acceptance. Like becoming as insensitive as pigeons at the station plaza. Humans, for better or worse, are creatures that grow accustomed to things. I wanted to touch Togawa-san. I wanted her to touch me. Her breathing made my heart tremble. Togawa-san, my student, was a unique presence. Above all else, the existence of Togawa Rin had taken precedence. My hierarchy of importance had shifted without my realizing, and there was nothing I could do to reverse it. Confused by decisions that had been made despite my emotions, I could only comply. * * * I almost found myself writing "Immoral Teacher" on the blackboard. In the midst of conducting a class as usual, the thought slipped into my consciousness unexpectedly. It wasn't a frantic impulse, but rather a quiet spasm. I took a slow breath during the brief pause after I finished reading the text, waiting for it to pass. After swallowing it down, I continued the class with a calm façade. Fortunately, the incidents with Togawa-san didn't suddenly come to light and ruin my life, allowing me to reach the end of the school day without incident. The elongated day still cast sunlight over the classroom and the school grounds as if it were daytime. Squinting against that light, I took a deep breath and thought, I'm alive. Such days would continue, and a sense of relief wouldn't come until the moment of my inevitable destruction. Perhaps my punishment had already begun. If my parents knew, they would surely be devastated. Both of my parents have already passed away. They passed relatively early, shortly after I became a teacher, leaving me feeling somewhat lonely at the time. In retrospect, it's perhaps fortunate that they didn't live to see me in this disgraceful state. They were spared the sight of their child making the news as a criminal. I finished homeroom, making a concerted effort not to focus on Togawa-san's presence, and left the classroom. The hallway was awash with students in conspicuous white summer uniforms. A few students greeted me, and I returned their greetings. The voices of the students and the humid heat of the hallway only registered on the surface of my awareness, bouncing away as if repelled. Maybe because my mind was always preoccupied with other things, I was insensitive to the temperature. The heat didn't make me uncomfortable, and the coolness didn't provide any relief. Perhaps, slowly deteriorating in this manner, what lay at the end was simply death. Final exams were approaching. I wondered if Togawa-san was studying properly. As a factor disturbing her life, I would feel responsible if she couldn't focus. 'If you feel that way, then die!' A radical and righteous argument swirls inside me, but it's true. If I truly felt remorseful towards my husband, I should confess everything about Togawa-san, bow my head deeply in apology, and then die. By not doing so, my sense of guilt was, after all, only superficial. I returned to the staff room, left my belongings, and quickly exited again. I lacked the courage to use my phone in the presence of others. Down the hallway, in the farthest corner away from prying eyes, I stood with my back against the wall and contacted Togawa-san. 'Exams are coming up. Are you studying properly?' For once, I asked something a teacher might ask. Seeing the earlier messages from the morning made me want to cover my eyes. She was a minor, and she was my affair partner. No matter how often I acknowledged it, I felt dizzy. Her reply came quickly. 'I'm doing alright.' 'Don't wander around town at night.' What used to be part of my job as a teacher was now purely out of concern for Togawa-san. I was scared Togawa-san would get hurt. I didn't want anyone else to touch her. 'Sensei, come by my place after work to check on me. I'll be waiting.' "...Hah." 'If you have time.' 'I'll be waiting.' Whether knowingly or not, Togawa-san always used words that weakened my resolve. That girl was waiting. Feeling a compulsion to respond, I walked briskly back to the staff room. The fact that my motivation to complete my work quickly came from outside of my household was proof enough that I had reached a point of no return.