3.5 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

**Chapter Three: In The Sea Without Borders - Part Five** "..................................." Realizing what she meant, my ears burned with embarrassment and heated up immensely. This was the kind of atmosphere that left one uneasy. I stood up as if escaping and busied myself with preparations for the next class. The realization echoed in my mind like the tolling of a temple bell, a continuous refrain. After having seen her underwear from up close, my mind felt like it was about to go haywire. No, it already was. My face felt so hot that I wished I could swap it out. "Togawa-san, um, before lunch break is over..." An unexpected touch paralyzed me, my body stiffening reflexively. It dawned on me belatedly that Togawa-san had patted my butt. Before I could turn and rebuke her, she hugged me, pulling me into her arms with ease due to our size difference. "Sensei..." Her whisper, like a melancholic sigh, sent shivers down my neck. This is dangerous, my instincts screamed. A rush of hurried lust comes over me. Frantic, I grabbed the hands attempting to undress me. "No, that's enough... okay?" There wasn't time, and we were at school, in this place... I resisted fiercely against letting myself be swept away. Togawa-san froze, then slowly, gently released me. Blushing even more, we faced each other. She attempted a conciliatory smile but gave up midway, looking down instead. "I'm sorry." "You don't have to apologize." The thought that Togawa-san couldn't contain her feelings for me... just made me flush even hotter. "But it surprises me when you do things suddenly, so... let me know when you're going to touch me..." If she told me beforehand, I would eventually forgive her—the current distance between us made that inevitable. I would accept it, no matter where she touched me. At those words, Togawa-san's eyes swirled with a mix of emotions. "If you say things like that... it might happen again... which is bad, right, for now?" "Yeah..." My lips almost moved in regret, but I bit my lower lip instead. Within my will to resist, there was no component of her being a student or my being married. My present state was truly indicative of my feelings. Togawa-san backed away slowly, facing me as she made her way to the door. "Somehow... it seems I'm more erotic than you, Sensei." "Togawa-san, your face is bright red..." Leaving like that could easily lead to misunderstandings. But it's not like they would be wrong. "Red, huh? So it is red. Alright, I'm going to wash my face then. I'm off." Unsettled, in a rare show of fluster, Togawa-san left. Her makeup would likely wash off, but before I could stop her, she was gone, leaving me alone. Only the hum of the fan accentuated the passage of time. "That was close..." I sighed deeply. If we had been somewhere with more time and nobody else around... I straightened my collar, sitting down until the excitement subsided. Pressing my forehead with closed eyes, I remained silent. Inevitably, sooner or later, this would repeat itself. Deep down, I knew it was wrong. Such fundamentals plagued our relationship. Recently, these interactions with Togawa-san were becoming frequent. I found myself eagerly anticipating them. An affair. What I was doing was undeniably an affair. Adultery. And here I was, preparing for the next class during lunch breaks under such circumstances. It wasn't so much a matter of switching effectively as it was like having another identity coexisting in my head. I came to understand how affairs naturally blend guilt with daily life, leading to acceptance. Like becoming as oblivious as pigeons at the station plaza. People, for better or worse, grow accustomed to things. I wanted to touch Togawa-san. I wanted her to touch me. Her sighs made my heart quiver. Togawa-san, my student, was a unique presence. Above all else, the existence of Togawa Rin had taken precedence. The hierarchy of importance had shifted without my realizing, and there was nothing I could do to reverse it. Confused by decisions made beyond emotions, I could only comply. I almost found myself writing "Immoral Teacher" on the blackboard. In the midst of conducting a class as usual, the thought slipped into my consciousness unexpectedly. It wasn't a frantic impulse, but rather a quiet spasm. I took a slow breath during the brief pause after finishing the text, waiting for it to pass. After swallowing it down, I continued the class with a calm façade. Fortunately, the incidents with Togawa-san didn't suddenly come to light and ruin my life, allowing me to reach the end of the school day without incident. The elongated day still cast sunlight over the classroom and the school grounds as if it were daytime. Squinting against that light, I took a deep breath and thought, I'm alive. Such days would continue, and a sense of relief wouldn't come until the moment of inevitable destruction. Perhaps the punishment had already begun. If my parents knew, they would surely be devastated. Both of my parents have already passed away. They passed relatively early, shortly after I became a teacher, leaving me feeling somewhat lonely at the time. In retrospect, it's perhaps fortunate that they didn't live to see me in this disgrace. They were spared the sight of their child being publicized as a criminal. I finished homeroom, making a concerted effort not to focus on Togawa-san's presence, and left the classroom. The hallway was awash with students in conspicuous white summer uniforms. A few students greeted me, and I returned their greetings. The voices of the students and the humid heat of the hallway only registered on the surface of my awareness, bouncing away as if repelled. My mind was preoccupied, leaving me indifferent to the temperature. Neither heat nor coolness affected me; both were neither discomforting nor relieving. Perhaps, slowly deteriorating in this manner, death lay at the end. Final exams were approaching. I wondered if Togawa-san was studying properly. As a factor disturbing her life, I would feel responsible if she couldn't focus. 'If you feel that way, then die!' A radical and righteous argument swirls inside me, but it's true. If I truly felt remorseful towards my husband, I should confess everything about Togawa-san, apologize sincerely, and then die. By not doing so, my sense of guilt was, after all, only superficial. I returned to the staff room, left my belongings, and quickly exited again. I lacked the courage to use my phone in the presence of others. Down the hallway, in the farthest corner away from prying eyes, I stood with my back against the wall and contacted Togawa-san. 'Are you studying properly since exams are near?' I asked, for once, something a teacher might ask. Seeing the earlier messages from the morning made me want to cover my eyes. She was a minor, and she was my affair partner—a fact that dizzyingly persisted in my awareness no matter how often I acknowledged it. Her reply came quickly. 'I'm doing alright.' 'Don't wander around town at night.' What used to be professional advice was now purely out of concern for Togawa-san's well-being. I feared for her safety and didn't want anyone else to touch her. 'Sensei, come by my place after work. I'll be waiting.' "...Sigh." 'If you have time.' 'I'll be waiting.' Whether knowingly or not, Togawa-san used words that weakened my resolve. That girl was waiting. Feeling a compulsion to respond, I walked briskly back to the staff room. The fact that I had motivation outside of my household to complete my work quickly was proof enough that I had reached a point of no return.