3.6 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter 3: "In The Sea Without Borders" Part Six 'I'm going to be working late, so I'll be home a bit later.' There's an expression about lying as easily as breathing, and I've sadly taken to weaving lies with similar nonchalance. 'Okay. Will you be having dinner?' 'Yeah. Whoever gets back first is on duty, agreed?' 'I'll be working late!' It's unsettling to imagine what my own face looks like, witnessing such a trivial exchange. I put my phone away and, taking care to remain unseen, made my way to the back door of Togawa-san's house. The land adjacent to the house seems to belong to Togawa-san as well. It’s spacious enough to park three or four cars, though I've heard it's not currently being used as a parking space. On the wall at the far end, there are little black marks from repeatedly being hit by a ball. Perhaps Togawa-san used to face that wall, waiting for her mother's return. Between the parking space and the house, trees line up like a fence. Moving around and slipping past them, under the shade, there is an old, neglected doghouse. It’s a remnant from the days when Togawa-san’s grandparents were alive and kept a dog. Maybe, had she lived with a dog, Togawa-san might have felt a little less lonely. I knocked on the back door, and it opened immediately. Togawa-san, now dressed in her casual clothes, greeted me with a smile. "Welcome back, Sensei." "...Good evening." If someone were to see us here, it would be the end. Yet, why are we smiling? "See, I was home the whole time, right?" Once inside, Togawa-san spun around, proudly displaying herself. "Don't brag about it. That's just normal." "Is it really? Everyone makes at least a little detour." "That's not what I mean." "Even you're doing it now, Sensei." Once pointed out, I couldn't help but agree. Despite what I preached to my students, I was lying to my husband to come to Togawa-san's house. I have no right to speak as if above others. In truth, I’m someone who should quit being a teacher, something I feel acutely in moments like this. Togawa-san, seemingly oblivious to my guilt, grinned with a youthful innocence. "Sensei, let's continue playing the game." Togawa-san brought out the game console she had prepared. "What about studying?" "I did it earlier because I wanted to play with you, Sensei." As she takes my hand invitingly, I feel like I could see the marks on the wall again. "Just for a little bit." I placed my bag down and sat on the sofa. I couldn't reject this child. I wanted to accept her. I couldn’t push her away. Love has the power to stifle possibilities, for better or for worse. We sat side by side on the sofa, shoulders touching as we delved into the game. The comfortable weight of Togawa-san leaning freely against me felt reassuring, as if she had entrusted me with her heart and also allowed me to momentarily escape the guilt I feel in my daily life. Being with Togawa-san became the meaning of life itself. To a point where life without her was inconceivable. "You know, I enjoy things other than just naughty stuff with you, Sensei." Looking at the wobbly character on the screen, I felt like I was about to wobble too. Her words were as candid as ever, and as clear as her white teeth gleaming at me. "What about you, Sensei?" The way she gazed at me, with a slightly anxious look on her face, filled my chest with warmth. "I enjoy being with you, Togawa-san." A helpless smile spread across my face. No matter how guilty I felt, I couldn’t help but smile like this. I felt relieved. The cloudy white mass that had clumped in my chest dissolved, easing the suffocation. The rapid heartbeat that replaced it, albeit slightly painful, thudded noisily. When I was with Togawa-san, my anxieties were unfounded. It had become difficult to find joy without Togawa-san. Togawa-san lay down on my lap, as if to ask for my affection. Placing down the game console, I gently stroked her head. "It's fun, isn't it? Things like this." "I know." "It’s just... I don’t want it to seem like I’m only interested in your boobs, Sensei." Curling her long legs and hugging her knees, she pouted her lips. Maybe she was self-conscious about what happened during lunchtime. "It's not like I'm only interested in your body either... like that." Both of us let out strained laughs as we avoided the topic. Probably, we're both holding back, afraid that once it was spoken aloud, it would likely be all that we would dwell on. "It shows how serious you are, Sensei, by denying that it's only about that." "Love only exists because there’s desire… Without desire, I think it just turns into worship." Worship doesn’t require actually facing the other person, so in some ways, it's easier. I want to face Togawa-san. I want to experience the emotions and consequences that arise between us. The consequences are... easier to understand. In the near future, they will certainly manifest in a tangible form. As for the merits, I wonder. I like to think that I can understand her loneliness better than her mother. Even if it's something that should be forbidden, I want to protect this child. "........" "Sensei?" "Yeah... I was just wondering what I would do if Togawa-san's mother came back now." Would she remain indifferent, even seeing her daughter lying on her teacher’s lap? "Well, she’d come in through the backdoor, so we’d better escape through the front entrance." "Oh, I need to collect my shoes too since they’re at the back." "Haha, you sound like a thief, Sensei." "An adulterer... or adulteress, really." Imagining myself sneaking away to the front street put me in a somber yet strangely cheerful mood. Of course, Togawa-san's mother wasn't coming back. Even if she miraculously turned over a new leaf, I wasn’t going to give up this place we had. "Togawa-san." I moved her hair aside and gently touched her ear, asking her. "Are you lonely?" Before responding, Togawa-san closed her eyes. With her eyes still shut, she spoke. "Before, a little." Her gentle response sharply contrasted with the defiance she used to show when previously asked this. Then, opening her eyes again, she quietly added. "A lot." Touched by her sincerity, I placed a hand on her back. "But now I have you, Sensei." Togawa-san lovingly stroked my leg. "... Even though I'm a no-good teacher." Making a move on a student, no matter how you look at it, is exactly that. It's not something to be proud of, it's something to be looked down on. Even knowing this, I wanted to stay by her side until I hit a dead-end. Not out of pity or protection, but out of a more straightforward emotion. "... I don’t have any power, so I can’t say I’ll protect you, Sensei, but..." Still lying down, Togawa-san looked up at me. "I’m the only one who will praise you, Sensei, and I won’t deny you." "...Thank you." Even though we're both doing something bad, I felt saved. This is how I found myself lost in Togawa Rin. "Tomorrow, I won’t come to see you, Sensei." "Okay." Because if I did that every day, I wouldn't be able to maintain a normal routine. "Will you be lonely?" She asked back. "A little." Togawa-san's cheeks puffed out. I closed my eyes at her exaggerated display of dissatisfaction. "A lot." With a slight tremble, she shook her shoulders playfully as if tickling me, making my lips curl into a smile. "Stop rubbing against my thighs." "Does that get you in a naughty mood?" "No." Today, I truly wasn't in that kind of mood. Perhaps it was because of the lap pillow. Instead of a continuous, lukewarm, and muddled emotion, there was something more gentle and soft, akin to caressing something round and dear. The feelings that sprouted toward Togawa-san, her cheeks squished as she smiled cheerfully, were profoundly warm. Even though I knew I shouldn't harbor such feelings, more and more of it kept welling up inside me.