3.8 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Three: "In the Sea Without Borders" - Part Eight Togawa-san's carefree suggestion made me think it might be nice. We climbed the stairs and boarded the train that had just arrived, without checking which direction it was headed, going wherever the whim took us. At this time of day, there are never any empty seats on the train, even if it's before noon. Standing by the entrance, I positioned myself next to Togawa-san, shielding her as she stood against the wall. Our hands remained intertwined, with no clear idea of when we might let go. The anxiety I had locked away in shadows when we were walking began to crawl back up the moment we stood still. I lied to my husband and took a train to avoid the eyes of acquaintances. Here I was, holding hands with a student in casual clothes, being called by my first name. In my uncertainty, I accepted it all. I wondered, where did I go wrong? "Call me by my name now too, Itsuki-chan," she said. I wondered again, where was my mistake? "Rin." Yet, this mistake made my heart flutter so intensely. It was blissful. It felt like I'd returned to my adolescence, with my thoughts consumed only by her. "What is it?" Togawa-san asked, with a playful smile matching mine, as if relishing the same satisfaction. "I just called you." "Call me again." If I answered her "again," surely another request would follow soon, and it would continue without pause until we got off the train. That's what I desired. In the gentle collapse that bleeds into daily life, people are utterly powerless. The energy to resist simply didn't arise. This is how people sink, how they come to ruin. Little by little, I'm becoming intoxicated by it all. This first date felt like a rehearsal for a descent into hell. "The Sea is nice, isn't it?" Togawa-san noticed the coastal scenery from the moving train. "Shall we go?" She suggested getting off at the next stop. "I didn't bring a swimsuit." "We won't swim. Let's just go see the sea together." With no destination in mind, I had no reason to object. When the train stopped and we got off, I realized it wasn't that far from familiar ground. This place was known for its train station with a view of the sea. Nearby, a railway crossing inexplicably held similar fame. I vaguely recalled visiting in the past. We descended the stairs and, following the signs, emerged onto the sandy beach. I wished I'd worn sandals for the sea. Yet, with my hand constantly intertwined with Togawa-san's, it felt so natural I didn't even notice it. A sense of luxury, lamenting the loss of novelty when one becomes too accustomed, crept in. Togawa-san gazed eagerly at the surfers in the distance. "Don't you want to try it again, Togawa-san?" I asked, only to realize — ah, I made a mistake. “Rin,” I corrected myself, making Togawa-san chuckle softly as her shoulders shook with amusement. "Well... sometimes I feel like it," she responded. "Do you like girls with a tan, Itsuki-chan?" "I..." started to say it didn’t matter, but under her gaze, I reconsidered. "I suppose I do." "In that case, maybe I'll think about it again," she teased. Surely, I'd find myself captivated by a sun-kissed Togawa-san. The scent of salt in the air evoked summer memories, and the feel of wet sand was nostalgic. Those scattered across the expansive beach, what might they contemplate facing the sea? The thin, broad clouds against the rich blue sky felt almost foreign. The sea was always close, yet I'd never felt compelled to visit on my own. Without this held hand, I'd never have sought out the sea. Staring at the shimmering horizon, I removed my sunglasses. "Are you sure?" "It's prettier without them." If I was here, I didn’t want any regrets. The same day, same place, same scenery. None of these things will come again. Most importantly, Togawa-san and I don't have much time left. I tucked my sunglasses into my bag, holding onto my hat to keep the wind from taking it. A breeze laden with sand whisked towards a distant island. Moving away from the bustling tourist spot, we started walking in the opposite direction. Not knowing where we were headed, we walked along the beach. Many others simply watched the encroaching sea. Their voices were lost in the waves, leaving only the synchronized sound of our footsteps on the sand. At the sea and sky's boundary, nothing was visible. Continuing forward or turning back—both left me fearful of finding answers. We walked the beach, hand in hand, uncertain of our destination. I wished we could keep walking, unaware and unattached. "You're not a teacher right now, right?" Togawa-san asked as if seizing the moment after seeing fewer people as we wandered further from the station. I silently nodded as I looked down at our intertwined fingers, and Togawa-san smiled with the sea behind her. "I love you, Itsuki-chan." Her confession was clear and direct, yet it burned my cheeks. I already knew. How many times had Togawa-san tried to say it? We moved away from the remaining people, continuing without stopping. "Togawa-san," I began. "Rin," she corrected. "Rin, do you really understand what kind of person I am?" No matter how much we play with words, I'm married and also a teacher. "You're Itsuki-chan, my adorable Itsuki-chan, who loves me deeply." Even though I had never said it aloud before, she could see right through me. We were both so obvious in our feelings for each other. "Loving someone isn't always enough..." "For instance?" "Actually, I'm... married," I admitted anew to the one I was having an affair with. The wedding ring on my left hand, the one not entwined with hers, lay quietly in the shadows I cast. "And?" Togawa-san replied, her focus straightforward as ever. "I knew that. I've always known." Her words heightened the sound of our steps in the sand, disrupting our once synchronized pace. “Rin.” I stepped forward to keep up just as Togawa-san turned to look at me intently. “For instance, if I were on a date like this with someone else, wouldn’t you feel bad, Itsuki-chan?” The unexpected hypothetical struck like the sea breeze, soon losing its pleasantness. Togawa-san on a date... with someone else... The sky faded from view, eclipsed by the depth of her eyes. Someone else, whether a man or woman, holding her hand. “I would.” The confession trickled out like sand through the gaps between my fingers. “I’d hate it. Whether it's a man or a woman, I'd hate it, it irritates me... It's painful.” It was a pathetic lament to direct at a girl ten years my junior. My grip tightened, unwilling to let go, ensuring no one else could touch her. I wouldn't let anyone take her away. If Togawa Rin showed her smile to anyone but me, it would feel like losing everything. “I’ve felt that way ever since I fell in love with you, Itsuki-chan.” The strength in her fingers and the sharpness of her words etched invisible marks on my cheeks. “No matter how much we do together, you always go home to your husband.” Her words were coarse, sanding away at my heart.