3.8 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Three: "In the Sea Without Borders" - Part Eight Togawa-san's carefree suggestion made me think it might be nice. We climbed the stairs and boarded the train that had just arrived, without checking which direction it was headed, going wherever the whim took us. At this time of day, there are never any empty seats on the train, even if it's before noon. Standing by the entrance, I positioned myself in front of Togawa-san, shielding her as she stood against the wall. Our hands remained intertwined, with no clear idea of when we might let go. The anxiety I had locked away in shadows when we were walking began to crawl back up the moment we stood still. I lied to my husband and got on a train to avoid the eyes of acquaintances. I was holding hands with a student in casual clothes, and she was calling me by my first name. In the midst of my anxiety, I accepted it all. I wondered, where did I go wrong? "Call me by my name now too, Itsuki-chan," she said. I wondered again, where was my mistake? "Rin." Yet, this mistake made my heart flutter so intensely. It was bliss. It felt like I'd returned to my adolescence, and all I could think about was this girl. "What is it?" Togawa-san asked, with a playful smile, as if sharing the same satisfaction. "I just called you." "Call me again." If I answered her again, surely another request would follow soon, and it would continue without pause until we got off the train. That's what I desired. In the gentle collapse that bleeds into daily life, humans are utterly powerless. I couldn't muster the energy to resist. This is how people sink, how they come to ruin. I lied to my husband and got on a train to avoid the eyes of acquaintances. I was holding hands with a student in casual clothes, and she was calling me by my first name. Little by little, I was becoming intoxicated by it all. Our first date felt like a rehearsal for a descent into hell. "The Sea is nice, isn't it?" Togawa-san's eyes fell on the coastal scenery from the moving train. "Shall we go?" She suggested getting off at the next stop. "I didn't bring a swimsuit." "We don't need to swim. Let's just go see the sea together." With no destination in mind, I had no reason to object. When the train stopped and we got off, I realized it wasn't that far from familiar ground. This place was known for its train station with a view of the sea. Nearby, a railway crossing inexplicably held similar fame. I vaguely recalled visiting in the past. We descended the stairs and, following the signs, emerged onto the sandy beach. If we were going to the beach, I should have worn sandals. I kept holding Togawa-san’s hand the whole time, and it felt so natural that I barely even noticed it. But I also felt a luxurious sort of worry; that getting too used to it would make it lose its charm and I would feel a little lonely. Togawa-san gazed eagerly at the surfers in the distance. "Don't you want to try it again, Togawa-san?" I asked, only to realize my mistake. “Rin,” I corrected myself, making Togawa-san chuckle softly as her shoulders shook with amusement. "Well... sometimes I feel like it," she responded. "Do you like girls with a tan, Itsuki-chan?" "I..." I was about to say it wasn't related, but then Togawa's gaze made me realize that it was. "I suppose I do." "In that case, maybe I'll think about it again," she teased. Surely, I'd find myself captivated by a sun-kissed Togawa-san. The scent of salt in the air evoked summer memories, and the feel of wet sand was nostalgic. The people scattered across the expansive beach, what might they be thinking facing the sea? The deep blue sky, where the clouds were thinly spread and seemed a bit dull, gave a sense of being in a foreign land. The sea was always close, yet I'd never felt compelled to visit on my own. Without holding this hand, I'd never have sought out the sea. Staring at the shimmering horizon, I removed my sunglasses. "Are you sure?" "It's prettier without them." After coming all this way, I didn’t want to have any regrets. The same day, same place, same scenery. None of these things will come again. Most importantly, Togawa-san and I don't have much time left. I tucked my sunglasses into my bag, holding onto my hat to keep the wind from taking it. A breeze laden with sand whisked towards a distant island. Moving away from the bustling tourist spot, we started walking in the opposite direction. Not knowing where we were headed, we walked along the beach. There were quite a few other people simply watching the encroaching sea. Their voices were lost in the waves, leaving only the synchronized sound of our footsteps on the sand. At the horizon where the sea meets the sky, there’s still nothing to be seen. Continuing forward or turning back—both left me fearful of finding answers. So we walked by the sea, hand in hand, uncertain of our destination. If possible, I just wanted to continue walking like this, never reaching anywhere, never arriving, forever. "Right now, you're not a teacher, are you?" Once we’d walked a fair distance from the station, when the crowds had thinned, Togawa-san asked, almost as if confirming. I silently nodded as I looked down at our intertwined fingers, and Togawa-san smiled with the sea at her back. "I love you, Itsuki-chan." Her confession was clear and direct, yet it it still made my cheeks burn in an instant. I already knew. How many times had Togawa-san tried to say it? We moved away from the remaining people, continuing without stopping. "Togawa-san," I began. "Rin," she corrected. "Rin, do you really understand what kind of person I am?" No matter how much we play with words, I was married and also a teacher. "You're Itsuki-chan, my cute Itsuki-chan, who loves me deeply." Even though I had never said it aloud before, she could see right through me. We were both so obvious in our feelings for each other. "Loving someone isn't always enough..." "For example?" "Actually, I'm... married," I admitted anew to the one I was having an affair with. The wedding ring on my left hand, the one not entwined with hers, lay quietly in the shadows I cast. "And?" Togawa-san replied, her focus straightforward as ever. "I know that. I've always known." The sound of footsteps on the sand intensified. Our once synchronized pace breaks down, as if one foot is trying to move ahead on its own. “Rin.” I stepped forward to keep up just as Togawa-san turned to look at me intently. “For example, if I were on a date like this with someone else, wouldn’t you feel bad, Itsuki-chan?” The unexpected hypothetical struck me like the sea breeze, soon becoming unpleasant. Togawa-san on a date... with someone else... The blue sky faded from my sight. I felt as if I was being swallowed up and trapped by the deep color of Togawa-san's eyes. If Togawa-san held hands with someone else...man or woman. “...I would.” The confession trickled out like sand through the gaps between my fingers. “No. Absolutely not. Whether it's a man or a woman, I'd hate it, it irritates me... It's painful.” It was a pathetic lament to direct at a girl ten years my junior. My fingers tightened their grip, unwilling to let go. So no one else could touch her. I absolutely don't want anyone take her away. If Togawa Rin showed her smile to anyone but me, it would feel like I had lost everything. “I’ve felt that way ever since I fell in love with you, Itsuki-chan.” The strength in her fingers and the sharpness of her words carved invisible scars onto my cheeks. “No matter how much we do together, Itsuki-chan, you always go home to your husband.” Her words were coarse, sanding away at my heart.