3.11 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Three: 'In The Sea Without Borders' Part Eleven "About four years ago." "I wish we had met four years earlier," Togawa-san murmured with a hint of loneliness. Sensing the meaning behind her words, I felt tears almost rise to my eyes. "If it were you, sensei, I think you would have made a move even if I were in middle school." My tears instantly dried up. "What on earth are you saying..." What does she think of me? Sure, I'm a grown woman brimming with sexual desire for a girl ten years my junior, but still. I want to challenge the shallow notion that if I'd make a move on a high schooler, I would on a middle schooler too. Middle school Togawa-san, huh. Middle school Togawa-san. Middle school Togawa-san...? Middle school Togawa-san! "I'm sorry, I probably would," I admitted, despite thinking deeply about it. I envisioned Togawa-san in her middle school uniform—a bit shorter and even more youthful, with sleeves slightly covering her hands, eyes filled with anxiety in a new environment. If I had met her in reality, I would no doubt have been captivated. Four years ago... right when I had become a teacher, or just before that. Admitting that felt like it would end everything. If I had met Togawa-san before marrying my husband, my last name probably wouldn’t have changed to Ichigohara. My confidence in Togawa Rin was strong enough to outweigh any existing love and affection for others. "You're so honest, sensei." "I can't help it! I love you so much, Togawa-san, and I want to do lots of naughty things together!" I decided to give up on the world around me. It felt like a 'bring it on' kind of moment. Whatever "it" was. "Want to do more of what you love, sensei?" Togawa-san asked, stroking my cheek, leaning in close enough that I could have easily said yes. "...No, we don’t have that kind of time." Having some restrictions might be better. Without them, the limits and restraints disappear. My life would quickly fall apart. I have to keep the damage confined to just my ethical standards. But middle school Togawa-san… Middle school Togawa-san, huh. "If you have any pictures from your middle school days, I'd love to see them." I muttered quietly. It irritated me more than anything that there’s a Togawa-san I don’t know. "Sure..." Togawa-san started to say, but then smiled brightly and corrected herself. "If you show me pictures of you from when you were in high school, I'll show you." "Eh?" I was startled by the proposed exchange. Pictures from my high school days? "Sensei didn't grow up in a time when people kept things like that." "You're lying! It was only ten years ago." Ten years is enough time for cultures to change drastically, Togawa-san. Though, indeed we had cell phones back then. "I don't really want to show them..." "Why not?" "I'm scared you'll be disappointed, thinking how old I've gotten..." I'm terrified of Togawa-san being disappointed in the current me. Afraid that her affection might fade. I gripped the sheets involuntarily. Togawa-san gently stroked my clenched fist. "Of course not. I love sensei precisely because you're you," she said, pressing her lips gently to my forehead. It was a sign of affection, different from our intense desire from before. I'd love to share more gentle kisses with Togawa-san. If we had been classmates, I don’t know if we would have been drawn to each other. Were I not a teacher, we wouldn't have created the relationship we were never supposed to have as student and teacher. It's within this contradiction that Togawa Rin and I exist today. "On a serious note, though, I’m unsure if anything like that still exists. I wonder if I even kept any cellphones from around that time..." The photo albums at my parents' house only went up to around middle school. "I see... What a shame... Oh, I've got an idea!" Her eyes and mouth lit up with curiosity, as if she had just come up with a terrible idea. "Hey, sensei, why don't you wear your uniform next time?" "Huh?" "Please wear your uniform." "I don’t understand." "A uniform." "I won't wear it." "I won't wear it." "I won't wear it." "I won't wear it." "I won't wear it." "Let’s switch uniforms and flip each other's skirts." "………………………………………………………………………………………………………… I won't wear it." "Did you just hesitate?" "I didn’t." "Okay, let's put the uniform idea on hold for now." "No holding. Drop it immediately." "Hey, before we leave, shall we take a bath?" Togawa-san suggested, getting up with a 'while we're at it' sense. "Let’s promise not to do anything too naughty and just enjoy the bath together." It was a promise I wasn't sure either of us could keep. "Going home with wet hair is too obvious, or rather..." "It'll be fine. The sun will dry our hair." Togawa-san pulled me along, and we leapt off the bed, without any clothes on, moving only with love. The sense of liberation was unparalleled. "Hehehe." "Aha-ha-ha!" Of course, there was no hot water, just an empty bathtub waiting for us. Waiting in the tub as the water filled, we sat cross-legged together. Even this surreal scene was suffused with happiness. * * * It felt like the entire world was condemning me. Buildings, people, the air—everything seemed to accuse me, pushing in, making the road seem narrow. The loneliness on the way home without holding Togawa-san’s hand made me realize I couldn't live on my own. But in the near future, I will be separated from Togawa-san. The world was dark. Back at the apartment, I peered through the shelves in my room. Had those old things remained boxed in a closet somewhere? I considered myself quite sentimental, but memories fray over time. If there were any pictures, they might be inside an old phone. "Welcome back." My husband, who had forgotten his greeting, peeked into the room. "I'm home." "Looking for something?" "I was talking to a friend about old photos, and I was wondering if I had anything like that left." That dry, unconvincing lie came out naturally. My mind felt fuzzy, yet my actions and words flowed without hesitation. "Photos, huh... By old, you mean how old?" "High school." "Then, probably not. But there might be some from your university days." With that, my husband left. We’d met in university, so I couldn't rely on him for anything before that. "I'll make dinner in a little while." "Okay, okay." Having done all those things in the day, I returned without a hint of guilt, having a conversation like any other day. I had become a full-fledged villain. Soon, rummaging chaotically through my room, I found an old cell phone tucked away in a pencil case. The charger was neatly folded and stored inside. Unable to use it immediately, I tried charging it and left the room to prepare dinner. While cooking, I couldn't shake off an eager anticipation. After dinner, booting the phone and checking inside, I found only a few photos with friends saved. The first thing that came to mind was, "Oh, that's nostalgic." It was a group of faces from my youth, and I don't even know what they're up do now.