3.11 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Three: 'In The Sea Without Borders' Part Eleven "About four years ago." "I wish we had met four years earlier," Togawa-san murmured with a hint of loneliness. Sensing the meaning behind her words, I felt tears almost rise to my eyes. "If it were you, sensei, I think you would have made a move even if I were in middle school." The tears instantly dried up. "What on earth are you saying..." What does she think of me? Sure, I'm a grown woman brimming with desire for a girl ten years my junior, but still. I want to challenge the shallow notion that if I'd make a move on a high schooler, I would on a middle schooler too. Middle school Togawa-san, huh. Middle school Togawa-san. Middle school Togawa-san...? Middle school Togawa-san! "I'm sorry, I probably would," I admitted, despite thinking deeply about it. I envisioned Togawa-san in her middle school uniform—a bit shorter and even more youthful, with sleeves slightly covering her hands, eyes filled with anxiety in a new environment. If I had met her in reality, I would no doubt have been captivated. Four years ago... right when I was becoming or had just become a teacher. Admitting that felt like it would end everything. If I had met Togawa-san before marrying my husband, my last name probably wouldn’t have changed to Ichigohara. My certainty in Togawa Rin was strong enough to outweigh existing love and affection for others. "You really are honest, sensei." "I can't help it! I love you, Togawa-san, and I want to do lots of naughty things together!" I decided to embrace the world around me. It felt like a 'bring it on' kind of moment. Whatever "it" was. "Want to do more of what you love, sensei?" Togawa-san asked, stroking my cheek, leaning in close enough to be almost within answering range. "...No, we don’t have that kind of time." Having some constraints might be better. Without them, the limits and brakes disappear. My life would quickly fall apart. I have to keep the damage confined to just my ethical standards. But middle school Togawa-san… Middle school Togawa-san, huh. "If you have any pictures from your middle school days, I'd love to see them." I muttered quietly. It irritated me more than anything that there’s a Togawa-san I don’t know. "Sure..." Togawa-san started to say, but then smiled brightly and corrected herself. "If you show me pictures of you from when you were in high school, I'll show you." "Eh?" The proposed exchange startled me. Pictures from my high school days? "Sensei, it's not like you didn't grow up in a time when people kept such things." "No way, just ten years ago?" Ten years is enough time for cultures to change drastically, Togawa-san. Though, indeed we had cell phones back then. "I don't really want to show them..." "Why not?" "I'm scared you'll be disappointed, thinking how I've aged..." I'm terrified of Togawa-san being disappointed in the current me. Afraid that her affection might fade. I gripped the sheets involuntarily. Togawa-san gently stroked my clenched fist. "Of course not. I love sensei precisely because you're you," she said, pressing her lips gently to my forehead, a gesture more of affection than a passionate kiss. I'd love to share more gentle kisses with Togawa-san. If we had been classmates, I don’t know if we would have been drawn to each other. Were I not a teacher, we wouldn't have created the relationship we were never supposed to have as student and teacher. It's within this contradiction that Togawa Rin and I exist now. "On a serious note, though, I’m unsure if anything like that still exists. I wonder if I even kept any cellphones from around that time..." The albums at my parents' house only went up to around middle school. "I see... What a pity... Oh, I've got an idea!" Her curiosity-lit eyes and smile clearly suggested she thought of something less than honorable. "Hey, sensei, why don't you wear a uniform next time?" "Pardon?" "Please wear a uniform." "I don’t see the point." "A uniform." "I won't" "I won't" "I won't" "I won't" "I won't" "Let’s swap uniforms and flip each other's skirts." "………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… I won't." "Did you hesitate there?" "I didn’t." "Okay, let's put the uniform idea on hold for now." "No holding. Drop it immediately." "Hey, before we leave, shall we take a bath?" Togawa-san suggested, getting up with a 'while we're at it' sense. "Let’s promise not to do anything too naughty and just enjoy the bath together." It was a promise I wasn't sure either of us could keep. "Going home with wet hair is too obvious, or rather..." "It'll be fine. The sun will dry our hair." Togawa-san pulled me along, and we leapt off the bed, both as bare as when we came, moving only with love. The sense of liberation was unparalleled. "Hehehe." "Aha-ha-ha!" Of course, there was no hot water, just the empty bathtub waiting for us. Waiting in the tub as the water filled, we sat in a comfy crouch together. Even that surreal setting was suffused with happiness. Everything in the world seemed to be criticizing me. Buildings, people, the air—everything seemed to accuse me, pushing in, making the road seem narrow. The loneliness on the way home without holding Togawa-san’s hand made me realize I couldn't live alone. But in the near future, I will be separated from her. The world was dark. Back at the apartment, I peered into the shelves. Had those old things remained boxed in a closet somewhere? I considered myself quite sentimental, but memories fray over time. If there were any pictures, they might reside inside old phones. "I'm home." My husband, who had forgotten his greeting, peeked into the room. "Welcome back." "Looking for something?" "I was talking to a friend about old photos, wondering if I had anything like that left." That dry, unconvincing lie came out naturally. My mind felt fuzzy, yet my actions and words flowed without hesitation. "Photos, huh... By old, you mean how old?" "High school." "Then, probably not. But there might be some from your university days." With that, my husband left. We’d met in university, so nothing from before could be depended upon. "Dinner will be ready soon." "Okay." Having done all those things in the day, I returned without a hint of guilt, interacting like any other day. I had become a full-fledged villain. Soon, rummaging chaotically through my room, I found an old cell phone tucked away in a pencil case. The charger was neatly folded and stored inside. Unable to use it immediately, I tried charging it and left the room to prepare dinner. While cooking, I couldn't shake off an eager anticipation. After dinner, booting the phone and checking inside, I found only a few photos with friends saved. Nostalgia washed over me, thinking, "Ah, those days..." It was the faces of youth that now lay unknown to me.