4.2 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter 4: "Quiet As The Depths of The Earth" Part 2 Ever since I understood that I was someone who had to die, everything seemed distant, murky, and wavering, as if viewed from beneath the water's surface. It meant I had been disconnected from the everyday world. It wasn't the environment around me that was expelled—it was me. The only time my eyes regain focus and I am brought back to reality is when I see Togawa-san. After school, in the hallway, as I finished my work in the classroom and was about to return to the staff room. No matter how many other students were passing by, I could instantly pick out Togawa-san among them. Was it a talent, or simply yearning? Or maybe it was just a natural occurrence because I kept my eyes on her at all times. Togawa-san and her friends occupied the second-floor hallway. Just having her in my line of sight made my eyes tremble with joy. It was truly a sickness. The lively chatter of the girls bouncing off one another floated over to me. Then, one of the girls suddenly jumped and clung to Togawa-san. "Ah." My jaw dropped involuntarily, and an impulse started to crawl up from my throat. I swallowed the emotion that threatened to spill over with raspy breaths, then exhaled deeply. I felt heat escaping from my ears like steam. Unable to ignore it, I smoothed the frayed edges of my anxiety as I approached. My demeanor had to be smooth, as if buffed and polished. I had to fine-tune my teacher's façade. Calmly, as if enveloping the air, I said, "Hey now." Carefully, I pulled out the thorns from my voice, while urgency clawed at my back mercilessly. "Don't horse around in the middle of the hallway." Pretending to be a gentle teacher, I somehow managed to maintain a calm tone. I clenched my arms tightly to resist the impulse to raise my them in frustration. I felt like my eyes would start twitching uncontrollably the moment I let my guard down. The girl, still clinging to Togawa-san, grinned teasingly at me. "Is it okay if we're at the edge, sensei?" Of course, it wasn't. "Hmm, if you're at the edge, you might bump into the wall, which is dangerous too, you know." Making a joke caused the nerves in my neck to twitch restlessly, complaining of the strain. My body's cells were overreacting at every part of my body, desperately trying to hold back emotions that were about to erupt, threatening to overflow everywhere. "Now that sensei scolded us, we're done here!" Togawa-san said, spinning the girl down like a merry-go-round. As the girl shrieked and headed toward the stairs, the other girls, bidding me light-hearted farewells, followed her. I think I replied with a goodbye, but it didn't stick in my mind. More importantly... Togawa-san, left behind, gave me a knowing smile. As if she could see right through everything, her cheeks gently curved. When she approached, my instinct was to take a step back. The impulse turned cold and solidified, ready to seep out as a nervous sweat down my back. "Sensei, are you jealous?" Togawa-san whispered, as if discovering a treasure. I looked away quickly, trying not to let my agitation show. Even knowing my actions would confirm her suspicions, I fled. "Take care on your way home, Togawa-san," I managed to say. "Okay!" she replied in a cheerful voice, running off without further inquiry or pursuit. Really now. When the students' voices faded and only my footsteps echoed, I paused in front of the staff room. "……………………………………" I walked to the end of the hallway and took out my phone. 'I'm jealous.' I admitted it, albeit belatedly. After sending the message, I hid the phone, cradling it tightly. They were enemies. The kids who tried to touch Togawa-san so casually were no longer my students—they were enemies. Any girl who dared to approach Togawa Rin, anyone other than me. It was such a base, wretched kind of hostility—yet it was all I could feel. 'Wow.' 'Hmmm.' 'Oh-ho.' Togawa-san's messages came in rapid succession. Was it curiosity or a teasing delight from the distance? 'Even teachers can get jealous, huh?' she pointed out. That remark gave rise to a familiar feeling I hadn't experienced in a while, similar to rebelliousness. 'So what if I do?' It almost felt like I was snapping back defiantly. I continued, despite realizing how unappealing it was. 'But it's normal for friends to want to be close.' 'Oh, I see,' I quickly responded, only to sober up immediately after. A chill of regret washed over me for behaving so unsuitably as an adult, a teacher, and someone this girl cared about. Before I could correct myself, Togawa-san replied: 'Sorry.' 'I'm not mad.' 'I'm not mad at all. Sorry, that's not it.' It was a lie. My mind had turned red with inexplicable anger. As if my affection had been insulted, I pouted childishly. 'I teased you too much. Sorry, sensei, please forgive me,' she apologized sincerely, making me feel even more panicked and miserable. 'No, it's my fault. Sorry, I'm such an idiot. Please forgive me.' It was almost like repeating Togawa-san's words from the other day. Perhaps I had finally caught up with Togawa-san's emotions from when she had stormed out of school. Thinking of it that way, I felt a strange sense of happiness, my mood swinging like a pendulum. 'If sensei really doesn't like it, I won't do it.' Sometimes, I thought of Togawa Rin as witch, a mischievous little witch who enjoyed toying with my heart. She wanted to make me say it. It's obvious and my resistance lingered. But through the gaps between my hands that were holding my face, the words spilled out like tears. 'Don't get so cozy with other girls.' My true feelings were always screaming out loud, so hard that I'm forgetting how to breathe. It was a violent kind possessiveness that I never imagined could come out of my own mouth. The swirl of envy tore at my heart, causing my lower lip to tremble inexplicably. Like waiting in silence to witness an egg hatch in the palm of my hand, I simply stared at the phone—and waited. 'Understood. I absolutely won't.' A deep, immense sigh escaped me. The reassurance of her words washed over me, feeling a weight being lifted at not being rejected. I was so relieved, it felt like I could collapse in the hallway right there. Leaning against the wall, I pressed on my mouth to keep a strange laugh from escaping. I might be more of a jealous type than I had ever realized. In a way, a perfect match for Togawa-san, I mused happily at the thought. And then— 'So, sensei, you shouldn't embrace some guy you're living with either.' Her suddenly bared teeth left me startled. 'No sex, kisses are forbidden, and I even dislike hand-holding. All of you belongs to me.' With each restriction, it felt as if the corners of my lips were being sliced ​​off. Her strength and forcefulness, which she usually doesn't show, made my heart beat faster. 'I understand.' What did this hopeless teacher think she understood? Or perhaps, it was all nonsense. I feel like Togawa-san's attitude toward my husband was getting more combative with each passing day. To Togawa-san, he's nothing more than the enemy taking me from her. Technically, it's Togawa-san who has stolen me away from him, though. In retrospect, it was an outrageous situation. That adorable high-school girl turned out to be quite the usurper. Who would believe, upon seeing her usual self, that she was having an affair with a married teacher? "...But, it's not like I even need to avoid these things on purpose." Such interactions had become distant from my husband. He seemed to have stopped actively seeking me out some time ago. Of course, I was a boring woman. I took advantage of the fact that he didn't approach me and complacently let our relationship drift for years. Conveniently interpreting this as us "working things out" was the reality of our marriage. 'Hey, sensei, will you be able to come over today?' A line drew itself from my forehead to the bridge of my nose, throbbing slightly. 'If I can find the time' I replied, the usual evasive response. 'I'll be waiting' came her predictable reply. She knew that would spur me into action. She thought of me as a simple person, and she was right. Putting away my phone and lifting my head, I resolved to finish my work quickly as I made my way back to the staff room.