4.1 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Four: "Quiet As The Depths of The Earth" Part One Hello! It’s me, Ichigohara Itsuki, the perverted teacher who shamelessly stands in front of the class despite having a relationship with a student ten years younger than me! During lessons, I catch my rational mind eviscerating itself in the corner of my eye. This self-awareness might be a mechanism my heart has devised to stay sane. My heart feels no pain—more like a gentle push from the side, little more than a nudge. I carry on with the class as if nothing happened, casually remarking about the day’s heat. I've long accepted that I’m a hopeless person, yet here I am, continuing to live brazenly. Self-deprecating thoughts like these no longer sting; if they did, I'd have chosen death by now. I swat away the curses that echo like hair brushing my ears, making my rounds in the classroom, navigating the corridors, commuting between home and work. In all of it, I've learned to wear a mask of normalcy to tackle my daily life. Not having to see my own face unless I'm in front of a mirror might just be the greatest strength of all living creatures, not just humans. The midterm exams have passed, and the students’ worries have cleared up just like the skies above. Under these skies, I faced a brightness befitting the situation, a sparkle that seemed to radiate in waves with such clarity I could almost hear it drop onto my skin. It powerfully, perfectly adorned Togawa Rin. “Do you have lots of free time during summer vacation, sensei?” Togawa-san’s question comes to me along with a ball drawing a parabola in the air. “Duty calls as usual, so it’s not like I get a long break like the students do.” Even during summer vacation, I still have to come to school. I have to plan the classes for the next semester and attend workshops, making weekdays as busy as ever. If anything, my schedule might end up even tighter because I lose the breaks during lessons and lunchtime. I caught the ball and held onto it gently, wrapping my hand around it fully. When I showed Togawa-san how I was holding it, she gave me a fond smile for some reason. It might not have been the right way to hold it, but just like misused words can still convey meaning as long as they reach the other person, it didn’t matter how I threw the ball as long as it reached Togawa-san. “Aww, that's a shame.” “What is?” “Can I say it outside?” No. Since the exams ended, the lunch breaks we spend together have returned to a more wholesome manner, under the sun rather than in our little world. I suppose you could say lunch breaks have come full circle back to a sensible way of spending time. At lunch break, at least. Recalling the times at Togawa-san’s house makes my cheeks blush with the same dampness as a misty drizzle. “Togawa-san, make sure to study properly at home, okay?” “Sure thing.” With light steps and a breezy reply, Togawa-san skillfully catches my slightly off-target throw. Watching her lively limbs stretch out made her youthful exuberance almost painfully bright. With the intense summer sun growing stronger day by day, I’ve been giving her a hat to wear when she goes outside. The blue baseball cap, bought from the sports store I visited before, paired with Togawa-san’s healthy, uniformed look, seemed like the epitome of youth. “My friends said I looked like a baseball team manager.” “Yeah, you do.” Then what could I be, wearing the same hat? As if reading my mind, Togawa-san speaks. “You’re probably like the manager’s… older sister.” “Thank you for saying sister instead of mother; it touches me deeply.” “A beautiful older sister!” “Aha,” I laughed so hard my shoulders and face contorted, almost making me miss the ball. As our game of catch ended, Togawa-san, who had run over, playfully ruffled my hat and closed her eyes. “Having matching hats with you, sensei… I really like it.” When such open affection is whispered with a slightly childish voice, I find myself almost, just almost, wanting to draw her in. “When you say things like that… save it for when we’re alone.” When she tells me such things when we’re together, I can’t help but want to embrace the preciousness that is Togawa Rin. My emotions have already become one with her. It’s not just that I find her cute; rather, the very concept of cuteness is embodied by Togawa-san. Every forward-looking, affectionate emotion of mine is wrapped up in this offering to satisfy Togawa-san's possessive desires. I’m unsure if what I'm saying makes sense or if this expression is accurate. More than half of what makes me who I am now is Togawa-san. “Yes.” Togawa-san responds innocently while gently easing my clenched fists. Weaving her fingers through mine until they naturally intertwine. With our hands linked as we head back to the school building, I question what I was so worried about before, a self-deprecating thought crossing my mind. Even without words, the connection between us was undeniable. “Next time…” My tongue is parched, and the words stutter out like I'm tripping over a step. “Maybe we can buy more matching things?” The childlike grin that breaks across Togawa-san’s face at this thought strikes me with a keen sensation, sweet and toxic. “I’d love to go shopping together!” “That might be tough…” The only places where we can be together are at school or her home. The more we try to solidify this hidden relationship, the more confined our safe spaces become. “Yeah, but I still want to go.” Her sensibly expressed unfulfilled wish weighs on my heart, compressing it vertically with pangs of guilt. Participating in deceit makes one powerless in such moments. “Oh, but we have one more matching pair, don’t we?” Togawa-san’s gaze falls on my tight skirt, and realizing the implication, she hurriedly looks straight ahead. Right, matching underwear. When I see her wearing the same pair, it hits me differently than when I put on mine. What could this be? The familiar truth that the significance of objects lies in how they are utilized, illustrated through this unexpected experience. “I feel sad about not seeing you every day during summer vacation, sensei.” Just before entering the school, Togawa-san openly admitted her loneliness without hiding it. Her candidness stirs something within me—a feeling of elevation, of merging. I, too, feel it, like a paper fluttering in the wind. If reaching happiness is life’s goal, then I might have already achieved it. In that case, I would have to reconcile with the notion that the end of my life draws near. Being with her is the only time I'm happy! Everything else is miserable! Itsuki here, Ichigohara Itsuki, the perverted teacher!