Chapter 34 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

〈 Chapter 34 〉 Chapter 34. Treadmill. * * * If life were a treadmill, it might have been better. Round and round. If I could live like a hamster, empty-minded and aiming only for one lap a day, how nice would that be? But the passing days, the pages of the calendar tearing away one by one, the hair that, even when cut, stealthily grows back— these show that life isn't fixed in place like a treadmill. Like a bicycle moving forward with each pedal stroke. Waking up early to the sound of a rooster and starting the day by fetching water and doing chores. Pulling weeds, doing laundry, tidying the yard. Earning meals and a small amount of money. Spending free time chatting with Lumière, living each day by mooching off others and getting by. Well, whatever. I'm managing to survive. For now, their small kindnesses might sustain me. But next year? The year after? Ten years from now? Will I still be able to get by like this then? Every evening, as I'm about to fall asleep, I'm plagued by this question. But no matter how much I ponder or try to solve the issue, I can't find a definitive answer saying I can continue living like this. Here, there are no teachers to answer my questions, no friends to solve them for me—there is no one. There's just a lost, wandering soul, a lifeless orphan. It's just me, alone. —Whoooosh. "Ugh..." Watching the autumn wind slowly strip the leaves from the trees, I roamed aimlessly through the vividly colored mountains. Despite earning meals and a little money from chores, surprisingly, I had a lot of free time. It's quite fascinating. Even though this era requires completing tasks that could be done in an instant with modern machinery in a few hours, there's actually less time spent working. Isn't it rather ironic? "To have risen from the dead and find such a world is even more ironic." Indeed, it is. Crunch, crunch. Stepping delicately upon the ankle-deep fallen leaves, I move onward. Roaming alone through the mountain valleys where dangerous beasts might lurk is, frankly speaking, not advisable, but what choice do I have? Without doing this, I felt I wouldn't be able to endure. A bit of rebellion, a hint of defiance—it was something like that. For someone who's been diligently enduring, wouldn't this much be permissible? "Ah—if I had known, I should've been born a tree instead." Of course, trees have their own struggles I’m unaware of. A sudden woodsman cutting them down, landslides occurring—those sorts of things. A life that can neither move nor avoid approaching death but must accept it calmly. But at this moment, I envied those trees deeply. It seemed preferable, actually. At least a tree can become firewood, right? Snap. "Oh." Having spotted a raspberry bush nearby, I picked a berry and popped it into my mouth. Despite it being autumn, the fruit was plump and ripe. Though I hadn’t yet learned to differentiate herbs from weeds, even a simpleton could identify a raspberry, and this was an encouraging change. Maybe it's a good change. I'm not sure. "—Mmm." The berry burst with a refreshing sound in my mouth. Unlike modern strawberries, bred for intense sweetness, this was naturally tart and astringent—what you might call a strong, natural flavor. Honestly, it wasn't all that tasty. "Ugh..." Finding a sunny spot, I kicked away the leaves beneath my feet. Will this do? Though dirt would surely soil my skirt, I left the task of brushing it off to my future self a few hours from now, and leaned against a tree to take a nap. ".......Yawn." Ah, I really hate this. I hate it. I wish something would just consume me already. Without pain, while I was sleeping peacefully. Really... Re...ally.... Darkness, yes... ** Rustle, rustle. I felt a soft, warm touch gently brushing against my hair, making me feel good. In the past, even when it was time for school, my mom would stroke my hair like this instead of waking me. When I realized I'd overslept, I’d lash out and run out in a hurry. It was a long-forgotten, loving touch. Was this a dream? But it felt too blissful to be a dream— If dreams like this existed, I’d want to dream them forever. "...,—...?" "...Mmm...hmm..." Even though I wished for this moment to be eternal, my consciousness disappointingly began to awaken. A soft murmur. The fresh scent of grass and the cool breeze. Hearing these pleasant sounds, energy slowly returned to my entire body. Simultaneously, several questions naturally arose in my mind. What was I just doing? Who is the person touching my hair? The answer to that question came right from behind me. "—Sister? If you sleep here, you'll catch a cold." "...Eek!?" A high-pitched, slightly childish voice of a girl whispered in my ear. —It tickled. "...!!!" I screamed in embarrassment at my own voice, springing up as if I were on a spring. But perhaps because I'd just woken up, my unsteady legs forced me to collapse forward onto my knees. Thud, in a gesture resembling deep apology. It was a perfect fit for me. "......." "...Hmm?" To put it simply, well, yes. It was utterly, mortifyingly embarrassing. "Hehehe!" ".....Ugh..." It was utterly, gut-wrenchingly mortifying. The small clapping sound from behind me, as if impressed by what was seen, only deepened the wound in my pride. The laughter, filled with genuine joy and innocent delight, was the final blow. Could you... please stop? All I could do was cover my face with both hands. Of course, that didn’t stop the laughter from ringing out. Please... just stop... With my earlobes burning as if they were on fire, I could already guess the color of my face without needing a mirror. Whether she knew how I felt or not, the person I suspected had been stroking my hair slowly walked closer. The sound of her footsteps on the fallen leaves was light. Tap. The child stopped. "Sister, are you okay?" Her voice, though still laced with laughter, carried genuine concern for my wellbeing. My easily triggered tears threatened to spill due to the wave of humiliation, but with all the strength I could muster, I managed to stop myself from such an embarrassing act. If I did that, too... I'd just... die... I mean, I'd want to die... "...It hurts a bit." "...Wha!? Really? Wh-where does it hurt?" Yeah... My heart aches, a lot. But unable to say it out loud, I could only think it silently. Seeing the child fluster and fret as if something terrible had happened because of my playful response, I managed a wry smile and calmed my expression down. Good grief, what am I doing to this kid? But anyway, why is a child in a place like this? With several questions arising, I gathered my composure, removed my hands from my face, and was about to speak to the child. About to, that is. "No, I'm fine..." ".....??" Should I say I doubted my eyes? Beautiful, cascading silver hair. Emerald eyes that seemed to hold the ocean. Her eyes were half-closed, still sleepy, yet even that seemed charming. While one might describe her as young, she could easily fit within the 'beauty' category even considering that—such a child. More beautiful than anyone I’d ever met in my life. That was my thought. "........" "Sister, does it hurt somewhere?" "........" "Uhmm...?" I remained frozen on the spot, my hands still pressed against the ground. Certainly an undignified posture, but for someone already used to receiving blows to my pride, it didn't faze me much anymore. No, seeing this child in front of my eyes, anyone would react like this, wouldn't they? Anyone would understand that, right? The child was so unreasonably beautiful she could only be described as otherworldly. If there were such things as fairies—though I'd never seen one—this is how they might appear. "......Ah.." "Hmm...? Do you want me to pet your head more?" Tilting her head back and forth while looking at me, the child inquired. In a daze, I could do nothing but watch her every move as if enchanted. The child deliberated for a moment. Then, as if realizing something, she let out a small exclamation and extended her hand towards my head. And just like that— "....!!!" "Good girl~ Good girl~" —pat, pat. What was happening? My frozen mind couldn't process the scene before me. Yet, the familiar warmth and reassurance stroking my hair, and the involuntarily closing of my eyes, both recalled this familiar touch. The caress I had felt while dozing earlier, the one I longed to feel more. Ah. It was this child. "......." "Hmm, I wish I had hair like Ellie's or yours..." The child murmured a name, Ellie, someone I didn't know. But without a thought, I simply knelt there, enjoying the gentle touch of the child. On all fours. On all fours... in front of this child...? On my knees...? "Waaaaaah—!!!?" "—Eek!?" I’m crazy. I’m crazy!! I let out a scream, springing up again like a coil. Her eyes grew wide in genuine surprise, seeing my reaction. Feeling warmth from her fresh expression and a wave of embarrassment that made me want to sink into the ground at the same time. Ugh... Just kill me... please...