118 - Douluo: Martial Spirit Blue Silver Grass

Title: Rebirth as the Wicked Senior Sister - Chapter 118 (Part 1) How could it be unrequited? How could it possibly be unrequited? Fang Yuan Qing lifted her gaze to Fu Ling, her eyes full of compassion, her voice soft and gentle. "Why are you so sure that Jiu Ying doesn't like you? Have you asked her this question? Matters of love should never be presumptuously assumed. Whether it's liking or not liking, it needs to be clearly understood, otherwise, no matter how much time passes, there will always be regret in your heart." As an observer, she preferred to believe that Jiu Ying had reasons she couldn’t divulge for saying Lin Yu Miao was better suited for Fu Ling. She couldn’t believe Jiu Ying felt nothing for Fu Ling. In the depths of the bamboo forest was a clear stream. The moving water reflected a face stained with tears. Hearing Fang Yuan Qing's words, Fu Ling felt a slight flicker of hope ignite in her otherwise despairing heart. She shook her head, reminiscing about her moments with Jiu Ying, her eyes red and finally, the tears ceased. "My senior sister is very kind to me, her affection surpasses everyone else in the sect. I believed she had feelings for me, but she has never said 'I like you'. I don't dare to ask what she truly feels. I'm scared that she doesn't have any feelings for me, and I'm also afraid of losing face and not being able to face her afterward." "Yuan Qing, I don’t want to fight with my senior sister, not even a little. I feel too greedy. She is already so kind to me, so why do I constantly want more? If I could just be a little more content, how wonderful that would be!" A young girl experiencing her first stirrings of love at eighteen felt as though desiring the affections of her beloved was an act of greed. Fang Yuan Qing felt both heartache and amusement. How could there be such an endearing and pure-hearted girl like Fu Ling in this world? Once, she envied Fu Ling for being cherished by Jiu Ying. Now, she envied Jiu Ying for possessing Fu Ling's pure and untainted heart. She smiled, a hint of amusement in her eyes. Seeing Fu Ling’s eyes reddening again as she spoke, she quickly fetched a handkerchief and gently wiped away the tears from the girl’s eyes. Then, in a warm and gentle voice, she offered her advice from a friend’s perspective— "This isn't greed; it's because you like Jiu Ying that you want more from her. Never feel guilty or blame yourself for this." "Tonight is the lantern festival. Instead of weeping here, why not take this opportunity to ask her directly? Even if the result is not what you hoped for, you won’t have any regrets when recalling this later." "Besides, how are you sure Jiu Ying doesn’t like you? Even when your relationship wasn't close, she’s already done so much for you. At least, from my outsider’s perspective, her feelings towards you have long surpassed mere camaraderie." The more Fu Ling listened, the wider her eyes became. Only now did she dare to believe that what she felt, Jiu Ying’s generosity and affection towards her, wasn’t just her imagination; even others could see it. She moved her lips, her throat parched. It took a long time before she could nervously utter, "But why, why doesn't my senior sister say she likes me?" Fang Yuan Qing smiled, her gaze growing softer. "I think that’s something you need to ask her yourself." "Don’t be afraid. Just be a little braver, like when you accepted Si Xiao’s challenge." "Give yourself a chance, and give your senior sister a chance. Don’t you agree?" An expression, a verdict for both. Fu Ling’s eyes reddened, her lips trembled, her fingers hidden in her sleeves quivered, just like her heart at the moment, anxious and uneasy. There was a flicker of hesitation in her eyes. She took a while before finally nodding, softly agreeing, "I will go and ask my senior sister tonight—" She was determined to clarify the ambiguous relationship between her and Jiu Ying, and she asked Fang Yuan Qing to pass a message for her, to meet under the largest Que Bridge in the city that evening. Because of their previous quarrel, she felt ashamed to meet Jiu Ying before clarifying things. From noon on, she stayed by the creek, waiting for nightfall to meet her beloved at Que Bridge. Jiu Ying had come to see her once. Perhaps out of awkwardness, or another reason, she didn’t call out to Fu Ling or let her know she’d been there. After observing quietly from a distance for a short while, she silently left again. There was more than one person looking forward to the meeting that evening. Time flew by quickly, and soon it was the most lively and bustling lantern festival in the mortal realm. Gao Tian Lian and the others were unaware of the situation between Jiu Ying and Fu Ling, and they each went into town with their companions. Fu Ling had arrived at Que Bridge well before sunset. Long streets stretched for miles, with various styles of lanterns hanging alongside. Evening had just fallen, and many people were already at the festival. Fu Ling held two mandarin duck lanterns. She had changed into a new outfit. Still her favorite pink dress, its charming and warm color made her look even more lovely and pretty. Her lips were tinted with a bit of red, enhancing her already pure and beautiful face with a trace of allure. A woman adorns herself for her beloved. She wanted to look her best to confess her feelings to her senior sister. The sky gradually darkened, and she waited from sunset until the moon rose. The bridge was bustling with people, everywhere couples walked hand in hand, their faces adorned with smiles, a sight that made one feel happy just by watching. Fu Ling stood quietly with her lanterns, feeling strangely nervous. She looked around from the bridge, catching sight of Qin Shu Yu and Jiang Bei Qing, each holding a lantern, walking beneath the bridge chatting and laughing, unaware that they were being observed. In the past, her senior sister would have surely held her hand tenderly and taken her to enjoy the lantern festival. Fu Ling couldn’t help but imagine such a scene, a blush spreading across her cheeks, making her appear even more charming and dazzling. Unfortunately, even as the festival drew to a close, she didn't see the person she longed to see. The crowd dispersed, leaving behind scattered lanterns. And at that moment, her heart completely shattered. Jiu Ying hadn’t come—not even willing to give her a chance to express her feelings. Still standing on the bridge with no one else around, she refused to leave. Even though she felt utter despair, she still wanted to wait. She couldn’t understand why someone who had always cherished her was so harsh this time, not leaving her the slightest bit of hope. It wasn’t until Fang Yuan Qing found her that she realized she was the last person left at the festival. "Lady Yuan has left Yu Spring Hall by herself and came to the mortal realm; everyone was looking for her." "So, senior sister won't come, will she? Where is she?" Fu Ling turned around, her face still holding a faint smile. It was clearly a sweet and beautiful smile, but it was full of bitterness. Fang Yuan Qing frowned slightly, concerned about Fu Ling’s condition. She didn’t want to tell the truth, but facing Fu Ling’s gaze, she couldn’t help but reveal it, "Jiu Ying wanted to come, but Miss Yuan got frightened on the way and needed company. She couldn’t leave her." Needs company? With so many people, why did it have to be senior sister? And senior sister truly chose to leave her and accompany someone she’d known for less than a month? Why? Fu Ling felt her vision blur, a painful swelling in her chest making it hurt even to breathe. She turned her face away, not daring for Fang Yuan Qing to see her tears. Quietly, she raised a hand, wiping away the tears from the corners of her eyes with her sleeve. When she turned back, the grievance and sorrow on her face had vanished. She was still the same happy, carefree Fu Ling. "Yuan Qing, let’s head back." "These lanterns—forget about them." Just like her hidden longing and affection for Jiu Ying, as if no one ever knew. She let go, the small mandarin duck lanterns drifted away with the wind, soon fell into the river beneath the bridge, quickly getting soaked and sinking. Her acting was impeccable. Even Fang Yuan Qing, walking beside her, couldn’t see that her emotions were on the verge of collapsing. By the time they returned to the bamboo house, it was already midnight, and the others had gone to bed, leaving only Qin Shu Yu’s room with light glowing. "Miss Qin is staying with Miss Jiang tonight; Miss Yuan is in her room." Passing by the window, Fang Yuan Qing explained softly. Hearing this, Fu Ling looked up, peering through the window cracks, clearly seeing two figures inside. One leaned against the bedhead, the other sat beside the bed. Clearly in conversation. The one leaning was undoubtedly Yuan Xi Shuang. And the one sitting? Fu Ling dared not think any further. In mere moments, her eyes turned red. She hurriedly withdrew her gaze, the grievances and pain in her heart rising to the surface, her tears threatening to fall. For the rest of the journey, she didn’t utter a single word. Because she knew, the moment she opened her mouth, she would cry. Only upon returning to her room did she suppress her sobs, letting all the grievances she suffered tonight pour out in tears. ＊＊＊ Jiu Ying patiently accompanied Yuan Xi Shuang through the night, her mind continually desiring to leave. Though she had sent Fang Yuan Qing to find Fu Ling, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. Fu Ling's temperament was something Jiu Ying understood all too well. Having cried earlier in the day and then not having seen her that night, Fu Ling was bound to overthink. Just the thought of those red, swollen eyes made Jiu Ying feel a pang of distress. She stood up, intending to leave, when there came a soft cough from Yuan Xi Shuang on the bed, followed by her voice urging Jiu Ying to stay. "Are you leaving already, Miss Jiu Ying?" If it hadn't been for her sympathy for Yuan Xi Shuang's predicament, Jiu Ying would not have wasted another moment with her. She lowered her gaze, her eyes swirling with a chilling indifference. When she spoke again, her tone was devoid of patience. "Miss Yuan, it's already midnight." "Besides, there's no affection between us, and I have no obligation to care for you." "If you do not cherish your own life, how can you expect others to make sacrifices for you?" The words were harsh. Yuan Xi Shuang's expression turned pale, and she said nothing, clearly grasping the implication behind Jiu Ying's words. Having barely survived the demon race's clutches, her sneaking away from Yu Spring Hall was akin to hanging herself over a precipice for the second time. On her journey to the mortal realm, had she encountered any demon, she would not have survived. Just as Jiu Ying said, not valuing her own life, and dragging so many into trouble—what right did she have to ask Jiu Ying again and again to accompany her? She lowered her head, silent as Jiu Ying turned and left. Upon leaving the room, a cool night breeze greeted Jiu Ying. She passed by Fu Ling's room only to find it empty, assuming the girl was still waiting for her at Que Bridge. Without much thought, she hurried toward her own room, intending to change before keeping the appointment. However, as soon as she opened the door, someone silently darted out from the shadows behind it, pressing her against the doorpost. In the dim, windowless room, she couldn't see who it was. Alarmed, Jiu Ying was about to fend off the intruder when they wrapped their arms around her waist, burying their face in her shoulder. A soft voice, weak with sobs, reached her ears. So familiar, she recognized it without the need for words. The person in her embrace was Fu Ling. Hearing her cries, Jiu Ying felt all strength drain from her, unable even to lift her arms, much less push her away. She sighed, resigned to her fate, allowing the girl to cling to her. Her own voice, when she spoke, was the same as it had always been—indulgent and gentle— "Why are you crying?" The softer her tone, the more Fu Ling's tears fell. She could hardly remember the last time Jiu Ying had spoken to her with such caring tenderness. Her crying had rendered her breathing uneven. With a deep breath, her nose was filled with the comforting scent of winter plums. When she finally spoke, a sob caught in her throat, and her voice trembled as she asked, "Senior sister, do you like me?" No preamble, no hinting. She went straight to the heart of their greatest issue. Desperate for the truth, whether good or bad. Apart from her ragged breaths, the room was silent. At Jiu Ying's question, her mind went blank. She hadn’t expected Fu Ling to ask this of her. Like? Was this like the kind she understood it to be? Even with Fu Ling being this direct, she was still seeking excuses for herself. She wanted to evade, but found nowhere to hide. Her thoughts were in chaos. How could she accept that this version of Fu Ling had truly fallen in love with her? It was absurd; they were, after all, the same person. How could Fu Ling fall in love with herself? How could one person love themselves? Still struggling, another plea came—a voice filled with hope and entreaty, so pitiful and compelling, Making her almost forget she had once been Fu Ling herself— "Senior sister, can we be together?" Together? A roar exploded in Jiu Ying's ears, shattering her last excuse to avoid the issue, uttered by none other than Fu Ling herself. Lost for words, her hands instinctively pushed the girl away from her. Heartlessly, with no room for reconsideration. Finding herself pushed away without a word of response, Fu Ling stood there, confused and shocked. She had long imagined that Jiu Ying might refuse her, but she hadn’t expected such a straightforward rejection. So cold, it made her heart ache anew. Her heart condition flared up, each time more intense than the last. Yet she refused to give up hope, moving in front of Jiu Ying once more, gripping her clothes as she asked, "Senior sister, did you ever like me?" Her voice was small, almost inaudible in the quiet room. Jiu Ying had no answer. Neither for liking nor for being together; she couldn't give Fu Ling the reply she craved. The air grew tense and frigid. Fu Ling, receiving only silence, felt crushed by despair, as a tidal wave of pain surged through her chest. Jiu Ying had never loved her. From start to finish, it had been her one-sided folly, imagining a love that never existed. Winking away a tear, she experienced a moment of despondence, her heartache consuming her ability to function as she collapsed with a thud in front of Jiu Ying. The pain was so great, she couldn’t even cry. Clutching her chest, her body shook, lips tightly shut, refusing to make a sound. Her lips soon tore under the pressure, the taste of blood spreading through her mouth. She sensed the metallic tang of blood, but her vision began to blur. As she lifted her gaze, moisture in her dilated pupils turned into tears. Blindness swept over her, silencing all sound and sight. She only knew that someone was cradling her, repeatedly calling her name— The name she loved to hear, 'Ling Ling.' Her consciousness started to fade, but the blood in her mouth grew heavy. Somewhere in her haze, she felt someone tilt up her chin, pushing something soft in at the corner of her lips. Warm and fragrant, it filled her senses. Another wave of chest pain surged over her before she could react, snapping her mind back. Only in that way could she find some relief from her agony. The emotional poison's flare-up was unbearably long. Only by calming down could she escape from this abyss of pain. The waves crashed over her one after another, only for a moment before she noticed more blood dripping at her lips. In that acute, fierce pain, she saw some scenes more clearly— She saw Jiu Ying taking away her silver scales, deliberately destroying them, hurling hurtful words at her. Each word cut deeper. She opened her lips, pushing the softness back out with her tongue, whispering things through parted lips. Bloodied and battered, Jiu Ying's hand felt no pain, but hearing Fu Ling’s words, she clenched it into a fist as if punishing herself. She knew Fu Ling remembered the events three years passed. The reason lay solely in the words Fu Ling spoke—words that echoed her former self's unspoken yearning— "Senior sister, please don’t be angry anymore. Ling Ling knows she was wrong, she won’t lie or be willful like before." "Ling Ling wants the silver scales because senior sister gave them to Summer Ren. Ling Ling likes senior sister, will always like senior sister." "Senior sister, please don't hate Ling Ling, okay?" How could the senior sister harshly withhold the truth after something like this? Thank you to the little angels who cast votes or donated nutrient fluid during the period from 2020-11-29 17:58:39 to 2020-11-30 00:03:31~ Special thanks to the little angels who cast rockets: Feng Zi, Sweet Teacher 1 each; Thanks to the little angels who donated nutrient fluid: Orange 20 bottles; Tai Nao 10 bottles; Ting Yan 5 bottles; 9 Miao 2 bottles; Thank you all sincerely for your support. I'll continue to work hard!