Chapter 37 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

### Chapter 37: Malice --- The only way to soothe a child who constantly craves love is to shower them with affection continuously. Give the child love until they are satisfied, until they can say they’re okay. Offer them such sweet love that it melts their brain. "And when the time comes, take it away—" Then the child will stand up on their own strength. --- When I was young, there was a time my foot got stuck deep in the mudflats. No matter how much I struggled, there was no sign of my foot coming out; instead, it felt like it held me even tighter. I thought all my efforts were to escape, but in reality, they were actions that further sunk me in. Yes, this situation of slowly sinking, reaching a point where it’s irreversible—exactly describes where I am now. "...Alice, how can I die without pain?" "Sia, do you know you've been saying that for a week now?" "I know." "Then that's a relief." I let out a scream, draping fabric over myself. Uhhh, a truly dispiriting sound echoes throughout the deep mountains. Uhhhhh— Uhhh— Eh— I tried to shake off the shame, guilt, and regret within me, but these emotions generated endlessly as if defying the first law of thermodynamics. It felt as if emotions were the true renewable energy—impossible to think otherwise. Ahhhhh!!! When I closed my eyes, the scenes from back then came flooding back, and when I looked at the surroundings, the words from that time resurfaced. Why do these embarrassing memories linger so well? The things I memorized so desperately during school days elude me even in death, yet these occurrences haunt me, word for word. Pop, pop, every night from the bed sounded a mysterious noise. I won't disclose its nature for personal protection. Consequently, my recent straw mattress was in such a state it was unrecognizable, and I got scolded by the innkeeper for it. Ugh. Just kill me already... "Um... 'You’ll abandon me in front of others eventually, won’t you?' wasn’t it..." "Khut!? A-Alice?" "'—Don't lie to me!!!'" "Ouch!!" My sudden burst was unanticipated, yet Alice beside me was calmly picking flowers as if it were an everyday occurrence. Naturally, she didn’t stop exposing my dark past in between. With a heavy cough, I jumped up. But the fact that she could recount such events as a joke showed how close we had grown. The child must have been playful like this, all to ease my guilt. Really. Everything, was overwhelmingly precious to me, to such an extent, she was a good child. "Don't just stand there, come on~ let’s go together!" "...Uh, alright..." Rustle, the delightful sound of stepping on fallen leaves continued. Grabbing my arm, with long sleeves flapping, she walked through the forest—a scene reminiscent of a movie. Yet, noticing the slight imbalance in her limbs, I couldn’t fully delight in the spectacle. Though hidden beneath long sleeves, looking closely revealed what should have been was absent through the clothing gap. Where the wrist began, instead of a wrist, there was a mark as if bitten by some beast. I had never directly asked about it. But once more, I realized how truly cruel the world was. "Here! Here!" "...I'm coming." Suppressing the nausea rising within me, I smiled and followed her lead. I couldn't show such an unsightly face to the child. "Ta-da~!" "..." Gazing at the bunch of flowers she presented, I fell into a small contemplation. Hmm. So, it has been precisely a week. Since the day Alice and I became friends. After her declaration of friendship, I regained some composure and sought to apologize for my transgressions. I knew better than anyone that nothing could compensate for a scar once inflicted. Yet, despite this, I had no choice but to apologize. I'm sorry. Really sorry. No matter how hard it seemed, no matter how cornered I felt, those words were never meant for a child who was a stranger to me. I merely cried about my struggles and threw a foolish tantrum in front of a child who might have experienced even harsher trials than I. However, contrary to what I expected, Alice didn’t get angry. Instead, she introduced herself and requested, instead of an apology, to be friends. She said that just because others were in more pain didn't negate her own. My pain, therefore, was valid. She wanted us to be friends who shared and supported each other. She asked me to be her first friend, with an adorable eye smile. I, a sinner not even allowed to lift my head, couldn’t help but hold her small hand, drawn by her words. From then on, although we hadn't made any formal promises, she would wait for me here every day, and I, eager to finish my tasks, would seek her in the mountains. A new routine added to my wheel-like daily life. We shared stories, picked flowers, collected interesting stones, and slept leaning on each other when drowsy. This new routine naturally became the time I most anticipated every day. The reason for this...I'll refrain from sharing, out of embarrassment. "So...like this here..." "Ugh...it's hard..." "Hang in there!" Just like braiding hair, we combined about three flowers to make a long strand. I made the arrangements for the flowers, little by little, as Alice instructed. In my past life, I was a city girl who preferred playing with dolls over outdoor activities. In this life, I had been too busy struggling to make ends meet to ever attempt making one—a floral crown. Using the flowers Alice had picked, I was crafting a small floral crown. "Ugh... it's difficult." "You're doing great~ Keep it up!" It all began with Alice wanting to make a floral crown as a gift for her sister. Although the child didn’t express it openly, I understood her plight. —With her physical limitations, she couldn't craft the floral crown properly. I couldn’t bear to see her surrounded by the scattered flowers, feeling defeated. With a sigh, I decided to join her in making the gift. After all, her sister was someone I couldn't dismiss as a stranger either. A few minutes later— “Well... it's done.” “Wow!! Thank you so much!! As expected of you, Sia!” I knotted the flower stems into a circular shape, according to the length Alice provided. As I handed it to her, Alice twirled around happily, her delight evident as she danced with the flowers. With the floral crown around her neck, the child exuded joy. Naturally, nothing was left in my hands anymore—only the sight of her joyfully repeating a name, presumably her sister, whom I didn't know personally. "........" "Hehehe!!" Seeing her so jubilant, seemingly without a care about my presence, sparked a small, ugly emotion within me. —Tap, tap, tap. My nails clashed, creating an unpleasant noise. Only then did I realize I was tapping them together. But within me, thoughts louder and more unbearable than the noise flared up. What if the child doesn't like me? What if she's planning to cast me aside? What if I am not in her world at all— —Tap. Right. Maybe it was inevitable. A sister who cared for her had to be better than a newcomer like me who’d caused her trouble. Thus, this was something I had to— “Sia, here!” “...Huh?” In an instant, something colorful entered my sight. After a few seconds, I realized it was an object made of flowers. "I secretly made this one for you... Sorry it's a bit..." "......." "Hehe, it's a little messy, right?" A floral crown too small to be worn around the neck. When I tried it on my wrist, miraculously, it fit perfectly. Its floral arrangement was so beautiful that it could fetch a high price at the market, but even to my amateur eyes, the places where the stems were tied were messy. Even though it was inferior to the one we made together— “D-Don’t you like it?” “......” “Ugh...! I-I’ll make you another one later—" “No.” No need to make a new one. After murmuring softly, I carefully placed it against my heart. Thump, thump. In sync with my heartbeat, the flowers gently danced. The blaze within me that had been raging moments ago subsided, leaving behind only a small flame. Alice kept observing me, seemingly worried, her anxiety visible as she shuffled around. Her behavior made my previous doubts seem foolish, prompting a chuckle. Really. This child. "..Haha." “.....Huh?” “Hahahaha—!!” The small laugh grew louder and louder. Alice tilted her head, puzzled about why I was laughing, until I couldn’t hold back and burst into a hearty laugh. Alice puffed her cheeks, demanding to know why, but I simply laughed without sharing the reason. I merely pinched her plump cheeks, playfully deflating them before quickly fleeing. “—Eeehh!!?” “Hahahaha!!” Tomorrow, or maybe the day after, it seemed inevitable that I would face an onslaught of teasing inspired by my past blunders. Still, I found myself chuckling, knowing that it’d be alright. Getting teased meant I’d continue to meet her. It indicated that our bond would carry on. “This is nice.” On a day when the lake was starting to freeze slightly, heralding the approach of a chilly winter. And the day when all my animosity melted away, as if snow thawing. Cold yet warm. It was that kind of day. --- Rustle. “...I heard the witch has been acting suspiciously lately.” From behind a thick oak tree, a man observed the two girls playing in the dirt—a heartwarming scene that would bring a smile to anyone’s face. They were a black-haired girl and a silver-haired girl, seemingly rolling on the ground in high spirits. Yet the man’s eyes were filled with nothing but disdain. “I must inform the village chief.” With those words, he hurriedly left the forest. The man who moved with such secrecy that even someone who believed all people were inherently good would sense his ill intent—a great malice was lurking, targeting the two girls in the woods. But unfortunately, they went on enjoying their peaceful time, unaware of the looming darkness. “Hehehe!” Perhaps, except for one who might have perceived it. **