Chapter 55 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

**Chapter 55: Submergence** * * * The hand that reached out with fierce intent sliced through empty air. A young girl desperately called her sister's name. She couldn't grasp her sister's outstretched hand, seeking help from her, nor could she wipe away the bright blood trickling around her sister's pitiful lips. In truth, her sister was too weak. So utterly useless, in every conceivable way. If only she had run a bit faster. If only she had known where Aris was without wandering. If only she had sensed the ominous atmosphere between them a bit earlier. At the very least, if she had noticed the changes in Aris that kept her up with worry, and showed sincere concern. How many times had she muttered that meaningless "if" word? But no matter how many thousands, tens of thousands of times she shouted it, all that came back was hollow echoes. The past was irrevocable, like bamboo stalks snapped in two. That hypothetical world filled with eternal happiness, instead of all this misfortune, was too overwhelming for someone like me, who isn't even allowed the sweet reprieve of dreaming of such moments. I must live in the present. Relentlessly, crawling if necessary. Because I must live in a reality without Aris. [".....Ah....Ahh....."] "Useless." Uselessly, there I was, sitting on the ground, doing nothing but shedding tears, only tears—a reflection of my past. As I watched that helpless image of a young girl, anger surged through me reflexively, and I slowly raised my sword behind her. A blade, biting cold and sharp. In its unwavering surface, the reflection of me gazing back at the girl. I'll never return. To my weak past. Because I've become strong for her. So. So— "Die." ["....Ah.....Ahh...."] Decisively. Perhaps with a tinge of fury. I brought down my sword. * * * It is time to wake from this dream. * * * It felt like a stubborn knot was lodged in my chest, firm and unyielding. Whether wandering the streets, sitting in class, dining with Tessa, or even at the moment I laid down to sleep for the next morning. The knot grew bit by bit, gnawing at my nerves. As if asserting its presence. As if pleading not to be forgotten. Its presence persistent, like water droplets falling from an eave, tapping against my body and mind relentlessly. Drip, drop. Ripples surface. And it managed to bore a small hole into my chest. What comes to mind is the woman with the black hair who drove me to this state. Yes. I'll admit it. Truly impressive. You. "...Princess, are you alright these days?" "I'm fine, nothing to worry about." "...Still..." Bloodshot eyes, dark circles hanging under them. Even through the mirror, my appearance seemed serious, even to myself. As my condition grew worse instead of improving day by day, eventually, Tessa's scolding comments burst forth, unable to hold back. Not that she snapped at me outright, simply left a small complaint. Of course, I understood her feelings. However, the uncontrollable simmering inside me led to curt answers, even to Tessa's gentle words. To the point where I startled even myself for a moment. "...Princess, lately you're not yourself—" "Tessa." What exactly is it to be like me? Words steeped in irritation, almost spat out. I sealed my lips tightly, hard enough to draw blood, just to hold back those icy words. But like an arrow already shot from its bow, the call imbued with resentment and animosity could not be retracted, and Tessa’s expression, filled with concern for my well-being, froze in place. Under normal circumstances, I would have appreciated her concern, Tessa’s words, caring for my state. Yet, inexplicably, I felt a surge of anger towards her. The one person who stayed by my side, who knew and accepted everything about me. *Swish.* "...Hoo..." I halted my steps and, covering my face with both hands, took a deep breath. The blocked flow of air felt like it was strangling me. Frustrating. So dizzying. Help me, help me— In sensing something ominous about my demeanor, Tessa too felt it and stopped alongside me. We stood frozen, me with my head lowered, Tessa beside me in her solid stance. For a moment, a silence swam between us. ".....Haa....Haa...." "...Remi, your Highness." In the middle of the bustling street, we stood out, just two women standing still. Though a few people noticed and looked our way, all I could desperately focus on was gathering my crumbling composure. No. This isn’t right, no matter how I think about it. The emotions surely buried deep beneath a solid rock had somehow melted into sticky magma. Drip, drop. Following the small crevice opened by the continual knocks. I desperately shoved the scorching heat rising within me under the newly crafted mask. *Crack!* My blood and flesh became paper and wood. *Snap, crack, clatter!* Taking the shape molded after past memories. *Crack, crackle, crackle...!* What is it that I am supposed to do? What did I do wrong? Though everything was taken from me, why? Why, why? I'm asking, aren’t I? What is it that I'm supposed to do now? I'm asking. I asked. I said I asked. **"Huh? Why do you all look like that? Why? Why? Who are you? There's no one, no one at all. Aris, where are you? What am I supposed to do? Forget? Whom? How exactly am I supposed to forget? Tell me. Speak. Speak. How, how, how—? Me, myself? Me? Who am I? Creating, recreating, creating, and recreating anew—** **—Did I create?"** "—Thank you." I put my hands down. "I'm fine." I smiled brightly. "Really." Honestly, I'm truly different from the weak me of the past. "Nothing happened, so shall we go?" With a small smile formed by moving my lips, I tried to reassure Tessa, who was looking at me. The bright smile I always gave everyone. That consistent smile that everyone praised as warm as a campfire. With the gentle sunlight from the sky embracing everyone, I spoke as I looked at Tessa’s figure, hidden within the shadows cast by my elongated silhouette. I'm telling you, I'm fine. ".....P-Princess..." "...Yes? Why?" ".......It's nothing." But there was only Tessa, looking at me with a more shaken expression than before. Like someone who had seen something they shouldn’t have. As if she couldn't believe what she had seen. Her entire body trembling, Tessa avoided my gaze. For reasons I truly couldn’t understand. * * * "—Aris. Is that interesting?" "Hmm?" "...I mean, planting flowers." Long ago, I once asked Aris, who was happily tending to the garden herself. Why make the effort to plant flowers directly like that? Why not just have someone else pick flowers that are already blooming? In truth, I had only come to see Aris, but when she gave me no attention, a tiny thread of jealousy unwittingly slipped out in my words. You might call it shameless, but when I was younger, getting Aris’s attention was more important than a fleeting sense of embarrassment. Her attention was literally a matter of life and death for me. Of course, my childish jealousy-laden question directed at nobody but the surrounding weeds was nothing more than an immature outburst. "Aww~!" Thud. She could have ignored such a strange question. Aris, dutifully, laid down the trowel in her hand and stretched before looking my way. Thinking back, the sight of her wiping her sweaty brow with dirt-covered hands was an ill-fitting action for someone not even ten years old, yet I must have found something captivating about Aris that made me watch her so intently. If there was a reason, perhaps it was because the smile she directed at me was so beautiful. "Hmm... That's because—" "—, —?" What Aris said then, I strangely can't recall well. If I were to guess, it might be something like it's more rewarding to nurture flowers yourself, or that there's no meaning in flowers picked by others. Curiously, it didn’t seem to be such a mundane reason. Something stranger. Something more mysterious. Something that didn't quite make sense. The one thing I do know for certain is that even now, as an adult, I still don't understand why Aris grew those flowers with such fervor. Still don't. * * *