Chapter 84 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

**Chapter 84: HaPpY. (1)** * * * Was she pondering where to rest her gaze? The black pupils looking at me wavered aimlessly, searching for a place to land. In the once quiet garden, the small sound from her moving throat rippled through the previously tranquil surface, shaking it. Sia's eyes seemed to twitch from being forced to move, while she repeatedly swallowed dryly, a mechanical smile fixed on her face. Confusion and fear, bewilderment and anxiety. And─even concern for me. Even a person insensitive to others' emotions could tell it was all so contrived, but did she not realize it? Sia simply stood in awkward silence. "What am I supposed to do? Hey, hey, tell me, sister." "........." "Hello? Sister?" Just beyond arm's reach, close enough for a precarious touch, she seemed lost, her expression in turmoil, unable to latch onto my words. As if she couldn't comprehend what I was saying. As if she couldn’t fathom the full extent of my story. Her intensely blinking black pupils were a swirl of chaos, devoid of the order they previously showed. Indeed. At the end, hoping for a beautiful result, I mixed various colored paints on a palette, but none of the expected hues emerged. What lingered on the once white palette was merely a murky emotion, so obscure that the original colors were unrecognizable. Yet, despite being tormented by the black guilt that gnawed at my heart, I kept seeking the answer. From her, from Sia alone, I held a small desire to hear an answer to the problem that plagued me. Yes, it was greed. Honestly, I didn’t imagine from the start that she would understand my words and provide an immediate answer. No. To confess ignorance would be a lie. "........." How could she unravel and understand the tangled mess of emotions that even I, the speaker, failed to completely express? Even I claimed it was impossible to untangle. To cut the Gordian knot that refused to be untied, cleaving the entire knot with a sword was the only method available. No matter how much Sia lived her second life differently from others, to me, who had lived a four-figure lifespan, she was not very different from the ordinary people who only lived once. Being born, living on. Living until eventually dying. A person running a marathon with an end already set. "........" However, when opening my eyes after crossing the finish line alongside them, what my sight would catch was— A scene where, just like signaling the end of the marathon, the ribbon wound around the finish line snapped as I passed by. A clean white line wound anew around the finish, quietly without a sound, as if telling me not to stop but to keep running. As if rest was still not permitted to me. Ultimately, thus it was. The gunshot announcing the start of another race with unfamiliar, new people resounded again in the stadium, ignoring any of my protests. So, I always ran again, alone and solitary. Running the distant road with no one to understand me. Despite that, I asked her the question in this garden. Despite that, I chose her, who could never understand me, as the respondent to my question. Remi, who would have told me to leave the flower locked in the greenhouse and focus on other flowers. Anna and Ellie, who said the action I intended to take initially was more important and should be enforced if necessary. Unlike them, who had predetermined answers due to their intrinsic values and personalities, I thought she, who always viewed the world from a step away, could choose her own answer based on her beliefs. One that wasn't swayed or manipulated by anything, you, who were nearer to me than anyone else. Even now, you try your utmost to respond to my forced question, doing your best. I earnestly wished that you would judge my actions with the objectivity of someone observing from the sidelines. Hence. "You think it’s okay to pick the flower." ".......Ah." Even if those words were spoken without knowing my situation. Even if those words were not from her genuine heart. That simple phrase felt like it declared my actions thus far were not wrong─ "─Thank you." Sia's single phrase affirming me. With just that, I could feel redeemed. So. This was a gift. A gift from me in my own way, for her who made the difficult decision and supported my actions. Truly— ─Thud! "Truly, thank you. Sister Sia." ".......Ah?!" With a speed imperceptible to someone still inexperienced in many ways, my hand slapped out. The crack of the jaw colliding sent shockwaves through her brain, and Sia's body slowly crumbled, kneeling on the spot where she had stood. With eyes gradually closing, wearing a bewildered expression as if not understanding what was happening. "...Ellie…s?" My name slipped out lightly from between Sia's parted lips, hit without comprehending what had struck her. The hand reaching towards me, for what purpose? I answered. "Because you saved me, sister, I was able to find happiness." So, sister. All of this is a nightmare. One you'll eventually forget upon waking, a winter's nightmare. When you open your eyes, shake off that illusion drenched in cold sweat and forget it. A better tomorrow awaits everyone. Even though she was abandoned by the world, Ellie mustered the courage to forgive and decided to venture out of that dim room. A new opportunity awaited her. For Remi, who shed her shackles to gain new wings, there was a world brimming with freedom to fully express her abilities. Anna, who worked diligently and did her best in her given position, would find herself in the highest, most respected place. And—beside Sia, who never forgot her kindness toward me, she would have the nearness of someone who provided happiness and joy she herself had overlooked, as an answer to all she had given. It was time for everyone to return to their rightful places. The children, having discovered the bluebird that brings happiness, embarked on an adventure to find it on Christmas Eve. They met a witch, a cat, a plump gentleman, and a lady of luxury. Yet, even at the palace of night, the graves where the dead lay, or in the land of happiness, no matter where they traveled, the bluebird was nowhere to be found. 'Uh, huh? But Remi, why are you here? Didn't Sia come with you?' '.....Ah, right. I have a message to pass on. Sia said she's hurt her leg and asked if you could come down to the hill.' 'Huh...? Okay! Thanks, Remi!' '.....You're truly a kind child. Really, you are.' Just like the hopeful story where the bluebird that brings happiness turned out to be a blue-feathered pigeon kept right at home, happiness isn't far but rather near. For them, happiness wasn't a mere illusion like me. '―It was Alice, wasn't it? At this rate, Hahn will die. It's all your fault. Got it?' '.........' I was the one who silently stayed by their side. Following the green-haired trajectory faintly remaining in my memory from the road we met on. The script to restore her happiness, everyone's happiness, to its rightful place began anew. ** Chirp, chirp. Or, chirrrp— "...Ugh, what...?" ".........." From afar, the cry of some unknown bird trying to mimic a sparrow's song tickled my ears. The birdsong seeping through the window was pleasant to hear, but its irregular rhythm was enough to pull me from my slumber, comfortably leaning against the tree. Feeling a small weight and warmth on my knees, I slowly awakened my consciousness. However. "....I fell asleep at some point, didn't I? So tired, I nodded off just like that?" "Mmm..." No matter how much I strained to recall, the process from coming to the garden with Alice to sleeping under the tree remained elusive. As if it was covered with thick white paint—my mind was entirely blank. Sharing■■ with Alice. From Alice,■■■■■■－ －Flinch. "...Hehe. Sia, sis..." "When Remi was gushing about getting a camera, should I have got one with her...?" But what could be said as fortunate was that Alice was peacefully sleeping, resting her head on my outstretched legs. If anything had happened and Alice ended up with even a small scratch, I would have had to face two princesses wielding swords and a monstrous young lady loosening her wrist silently. Thanks to that, I was able to avoid a major confrontation. "......" Well. I must have had a nightmare. The reason for the missing memories probably isn't something significant. What could be more important than Alice being unharmed? So, so— －Poke, poke. "...That’s, a relief, right?" "....Mmm..." Poking Alice's peach-like cheek with my index finger, I forcibly washed away the inexplicable anxiety that refused to leave once it surfaced. Yet no matter how much I washed or scraped it away, the anxiety whispering that it mustn't disappear, must never be forgotten, clung persistently to my heart. The fear that I might no longer be able to see the bright 3 PM sun which seemed only natural continued to linger, unchanged. ...Strangely enough, it kept persistent. ** "...He, heh." ** * * *