Chapter 85 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

**Chapter 85: HaPpY (2)** --- *If we were to rush into the secretive house of death, before death dares approach us— Would that be considered a sin?* "I don't really know." --- Fifteen days had passed since the incident in the garden, flowing by like a gentle stream. The twenty-third day in the twelfth month had arrived, and all were beginning to revel in the impending atmosphere of Christmas, which would officially commence the following evening. A sudden snowfall from the previous day had covered the entire city with a cold, antique layer, transforming it into a pristine white canvas. Amidst this scenery, people's shadows began to emerge one by one, like sprouts breaking through the snow. Figures gathered eagerly on the streets. Tall adults briskly moved about to complete the preparations for the blessings left unfinished the day prior. Small children, donning thick mittens, pondered what games they could conjure today with the mounds of fresh snow. Such was the eve of a feast day where everyone came together to celebrate the birth of one person. ─Whirr■■. "...Hoo." As always, I sat with my knees drawn up on the windowsill, staring blankly at the lively scene outside. The hustle and bustle of people going about their daily lives. From my little mouth, faint puffs of breath took the form of tiny souls, repeatedly appearing and disappearing. Until my lungs turned cold, completely freezing, so no more souls would escape. That repetitive action continued unceasingly. "How much longer... are you going to stay here...?" "......" "Turn your head and look at me, you rascal! Graghhh─!!!" Thud, thud. Remi's sharp voice and the sound of her pounding the table penetrated the silence and pierced my ears. It was as if a sharp steel skewer jabbed my ear, pulling at my brain. The discomfort and pain made me frown internally, yet I couldn't help but smile helplessly as I turned to face their direction. Across from me, as expected, Remi was grabbing Anna by the collar, yelling something, and Anna, trying her best to avoid making eye contact, turned her head as much as possible despite being pulled along by Remi. One avoided eye contact, acting aloof, while the other glared, scolding. It resembled a scene of an owner reprimanding a mischievous cat. Ha ha ha. "......Heh." A silly thought suddenly crossed my mind, and I let out a small laugh. There was a time, indeed, when such humorless thoughts would still bring a genuine smile to my face throughout the day. Once upon a time, no matter how trivial, I could always find amusement and joy. I lived an energetic life, filled with playful banter, laughter, and cheer, without a moment to consider the reasons why. When did my forced smiles begin? Even as I writhed in agony, I didn't let the smile fade from my lips. After all, soon it would end. Everything would begin anew, once more. I could endure. "Can't I... stay just a little... longer...?" "You’ve said that at least ten times already!! Get out, right now!!" Remi was pointing towards the door, her voice loud and insistent, urging Anna to leave. It had been a month since Anna had settled into Sia's dormitory. Her bold declaration to leave soon was repeated so often that it had become a cliché excuse of someone heavily in debt and under constant pressure. Though no younger sibling wins against an elder sister, if the elder sister is at fault, the tables can turn. Even as an elder, it was difficult to be harsh to a younger sibling, and Anna, shrunken by the cold reception, stubbornly refused to retreat. Although a significant number of royal duties as the Crown Princess awaited her, she'd decided to stay here, wanting to be with me. Should I find this admirable, or should I see it as foolish? There were too many things I didn’t understand. Around them, Tessa was reading a book as if used to such occurrences, and Sia stared at the broken table—shattered by Remi's fist—with a resigned expression. "...It's loud, isn't Ellie going to hear?" Finally, Ellie was there too, sipping tea from afar. Water and oil. Plus, a spark. Remi and Anna’s memories, built up over years, had instantly turned into resentment, replacing the love they once shared with animosity. And Ellie, who had hidden and preserved her identity over countless lifetimes. They were all at odds with each other, unable to blend or become closer no matter what they did. Sia, with her inherent affability and lack of prejudice, had somewhat managed to interact with all of them, but for the other three, such matters were not so easily resolved. However. "I won't forgive... I'll never forgive you..." "......." Even if they couldn't seek revenge and weren't fully ready to forgive, "—So, you. Make sure you treat Aris well from now on." "...Remi?" Surprisingly, they learned they could reconcile. Among those who knew of the past scenes where they’d draw swords and wield fists just at the sight of each other, who could have predicted witnessing such a scene as now. Surely, not a single one. But in the end, they managed. "I'll be watching! If you show even a hint of doing it again, I'll deal with you myself! Got it?" "...Remi." "Don't get it wrong! I still haven't forgiven you completely!! I just... I just...! Don’t just sulk in the corner like that!!" They had broken and discarded the chain of hatred, that seemingly unbreakable shackle, without anyone's help. Time—a remedy more powerful than anything else. No matter how deep the wound or how unbearable the pain, it inevitably fades away beneath its passage. Even a death, when faced with time, eventually becomes just another fleeting scar in memory. All the things they went through would eventually pass by, becoming memories, scabs that would eventually peel away and be forgotten. Though their relationships might still be tangled with awkwardness, sentences cutting off and starting anew without clear continuity. I was confident that if it were them—those whom I loved and trusted without doubt—they would overcome even that awkwardness. Thus. "........" Now truly, everything was coming to an end. All that remained was to bless them on their paths and for me to disappear from their lives. Before I unwittingly took away someone else's happiness. Before I, unintentionally, stood in their way. And before. "My desk...! Last time it got broken, and we bought it new...!" "Ha... ha. Uh, Sia?" ".........." ...before I completely broke down. I forcibly rubbed my increasingly blurry eyes. "─Remi, sister." "...Eh? What's wrong, Aris!? Just say the word! I'll kick this one out right away!" In my strangely cloudy vision, I murmured Remi's name. Despite being in the midst of a tug-of-war with Anna, Remi immediately released her grip and turned to look at me when I called her. I tried to fill in her incomprehensible words by watching her lip movements and guessing—a somewhat dull task. I prepared to speak words I couldn't take back once uttered. The slide slid back once. The bullet loaded in place. With a clicking sound, the hammer pulled back to its limit, waiting for the command to release it. The loaded gun aimed at my neck, ready to spit a scorching flame soon. I was— "─I want to buy something... um, I want to get gifts for the sisters, so... I'd like to go out a bit." This was the last. The real last moment of this life. My true, final script. "Remi, sister. So... I want to go to town. Can I go out? Please?" "...Tessa. Get her clothes ready. We're leaving right away." "...Should we call for a carriage?" As if it were rehearsed, they began putting on their coats one by one. Without any complaint or hesitation, they swiftly moved at my sudden request. Watching them, I thought. They were all far too good for someone like me. So, I wished they would find freedom, not getting entangled with someone like me. Forget me and journey to find a new happiness-bringing bluebird. That was my hope. "...Heh." Now, the long-awaited festival begins. For adults, for children. For men, for women. For the wicked, for the virtuous. On Christmas, blessings abound. Blessings voiced as one, in unison. Merry Christmas. ─Jingle. "─Let's go!" Feeling the loud chime of the bell hanging on the entrance door. I, no, we stepped out into the world. ** ---