Chapter 87 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

〈 Chapter 87 〉 Sad. * * * I have made many choices throughout my life. These choices felt inevitable, or so necessary that even if I could turn back time, I would still make the same decisions. Yet, in one corner of my heart, there was undeniably... A version of myself who did not make that choice. So then. If the version of myself that wanted to make a different choice is truly here, standing tall with both feet on the ground, then... "—Was the choice I made back then really the right one?" Was it honest to say I truly made a choice? The story I’m about to write now is... 「Ah... Ahhh...!」 「No.... No....!!」 「This isn’t what I wanted...!」 Under the somewhat empty name of "what if." 「If I... if I had made a different choice...」 It's a story that could be a reality or just a baseless fantasy — a tale of hypotheticals that exist everywhere. One about Sia. It’s the story of when she made a choice different from the original one. *** As we live our lives, we pass by crossroad after crossroad, both large and small. These crossroads might not even require a moment's hesitation or a second thought. The paths could be so natural that we don’t even realize they are crossroads at all. Or they could be so harrowing and cruel that they cause those standing at the crossroads to kneel in despair, helplessly staring down the paths. Despite the different, seemingly incorrect paths, they share one commonality. "What should I do?" "........" No matter how righteous a choice appears to be, Or how just it looks, We always close our eyes tightly. The moment we cross the crossroads, we always leave behind small regrets and remnants of 'what ifs' on the path we didn’t choose. This is why humans might always seem like foolish beings, always looking at the road they didn't take rather than the one they're on. "What should I say to them—?" ".....Alice." "Yes? Sia, please—" —answer me. "........" With those words, Alice fell silent. Alice's previous words, which seemed like they might burst into tears, fraught with tension and agitation, also came to an end. All that remained was a silence that felt like it was digging into my chest and an engulfing darkness in my heart. I wished that the child would explain a little more or, if something difficult or painful had happened, that she would just tell me directly. So I looked at Alice with such hopes. "........." "........." But. In the shadow cast by the drifting clouds, Alice quietly looked up at me, urging me to answer. Her lips were sealed shut, without uttering a single word. Her turquoise eyes, always gentle towards us. Yet now, they held a firm resolution as strong as their usual kindness. I realized it was impossible to break this silence with any sort of evasion or sweet talk. The only way to break it— Was for me to make a choice. For me to answer Alice's question. "I—" Alice told me she raised two flowers. Like the seeds she'd just planted in the garden, which should have rotted and disintegrated, she tended to the seeds with her own hands, stitch by stitch. The child who defied everyone's expectations of failure and nurtured the seeds into blooming flowers wanted to transplant them outside the greenhouse. But whether it was due to the warmth of the greenhouse or the love that had been provided, the flowers that had grown alongside Alice inside the greenhouse did not welcome her decision. Thus. The dissenting opinions of the three locked in conflict continued unresolved. Alice was left wondering whether to leave the flowers as they were or to forcibly send them outside as originally planned. This, in time, became Alice's question directed at me. You might think this is just an ordinary conversation, or perhaps a question infused with a child's unique imagination or fairy-tale elements, but— "........" For some reason, it felt like a heavy question laden with significant weight to me. Dark and profound. Such a heavy question. "I...!" What should I do? Which choice should I make? These thoughts were the only ones swirling around my mind. Thinking back later, this might all prove to be for nothing — needless worries. Like a MacGuffin that stirs up insecurity and chaos only to turn out meaningless, I might just be overly complicating and misunderstanding Alice's behavior which is unchanged from usual. Even Alice's dark expression from a moment ago, her unnatural smile in front of me now, the unsettling nightmare-like situation on this midsummer's night, all of it. It could be no more than a fleeting scene, returning to the usual Alice once I close my eyes and open them again. "......" Yes. Thinking that way might be easier and more comfortable. But. "──I...!!" I didn't want to live with regrets. I didn't want to leave any lingering doubts with the choice I was about to make. Kicking myself later for making such a decision — I refused to be that kind of fool. The misfortunes of the future are surely retaliation for the moments I once carelessly overlooked. Future regrets are also retaliation for the choices I neglected to give their due importance. Therefore, for someone like me who rejects both retaliation and regret, There's no other choice but to strive to make each moment's choices, that life presents me with, without the slightest bit of negligence. There was no other way. An hour that felt like ten days. And those fleeting seconds that felt like an hour. I endured the decision-making time that threatened to burst my brain and the determination time that seemed to carve out my heart. "—I think it's okay to let the flowers do as they please." "...Ah." Help should be given only when the receiver truly needs and wants it. Help that isn't desired by the receiver is nothing more or less than an act for one's own satisfaction, and thinking along those lines led me to utter those cruel words, even though I knew well it wasn't what Alice initially wanted. ** The nightingale, watching the faint light of dawn, ultimately found itself trapped inside a small cage. Inside, the bird slowly sickened and died. Now, what should that bird do? "Come, let's sing of the dawn." At what was thought to be a crossroads, there was only one straight path extending onward. Nowhere existed a newly chosen path. Nowhere. From the very beginning. ** Time flowed on and on, and the day marking the start of a new year arrived. On the most prominent holiday, it's traditional to meet family and spend time together, perhaps due to this tradition, Anna finally decided, after much contemplation, to return to the kingdom. "Oh, wait? Where is Sia? Hasn't she boarded yet?" "■■, ■ ■■!! ■■ ■■ prepare■! ■ ■■■ is boring■ ■■■! ■■ be late■, ■ ■■ you ■ to ride■■?" "──■ ■■■ ■■, all the strength■■ ■■ have■■, champ■!! ■■, urk! Almost.... the luggage■!!!" —■■ It's with me, Remi, and also Sia and Saeli, including everyone altogether. With a slight jolt, my blurred vision swayed up and down. When I asked about Sia's absence, Remi shouted out the window, and with a loud response coming from behind, I guessed it was indeed Sia, presently not in sight but certainly present at this moment. Even though the carriage was large enough to fit five people with room to spare, it jolted so much from the impact — moving the luggage must have gone through quite a challenging process, but... I wondered if no one would end up helping with that. Inside the carriage, almost ready to depart, I buried my head into Ellie's embrace beside me, pondering such thoughts. —■■■ "Re■ ■■■! We're all■ ready■ for departure■■■■!" "■■! Let's go■■!" A few minutes later. With Sia boarding, the distorted scenery around us began to recede. The deep forest where we flowed along the river to arrive, Saria Village where we made new acquaintances, and eventually reaching Museion. The time had come to head toward the last destination and first starting point. "~♬" "■■■■, Elly■?" "...Hehe." My ears, which had lost their function, could no longer distinguish human voices. All I could do was look around with blurred vision, gauge others' expressions, and piece together the fragments of stories in my head. A halfhearted response mixed with laughter, responding to nearby comments with off-kilter remarks — my precarious life was a continuous tightrope walk on this narrow line. Losing and being deprived of everything along the way. The day these eyes go blind as well... "......Heh." I won't even be able to be called human anymore. How far can I go? How long can I endure? Inside the moving carriage. On the way to the Kingdom of Tesilia. ".........." I couldn't bring myself to smile. ** In this way, the girl known as Aris Acaia, Back in the warm palace of the kingdom she returned to, eventually, as time passed, her blind eyes and deaf ears were discovered by all. Unable to maintain her resolve not to bring shame, She showed the unlovely face of slowly dying each day, unable to appear as a lively human before those cherished dear ones. Failing to uphold even her personal vow to live without being an offense, In front of everyone, she died sadly with tears on her face. Ah. "What a tragically sad ending." ** NEXT ­ End: ■■■■ "If only she had managed to help ■■." I'll be back with the epilogue. ** * * *