第85話 相坂礼奈〜過去⑤夜空は嗤う〜 - I Was Cheated on by My Girlfriend but My Devilish Junior Now Yearns for Me

I placed Yuta's spare key in the mailbox. Returning the key means I no longer have an excuse to see him. If only I'd kept a pretext, perhaps we could've calmed down and talked things over like before. But that thought never occurred to me in time. There was no misunderstanding in what Yuta witnessed. Even so, I could have explained myself. Yet, I couldn't find the words, because the sudden breakup left me unable to remain calm. No matter how much I thought about my relationship with Yuta, breaking up never seemed like an option. I hoped to maintain our relationship as lovers and perhaps change something within it. But Yuta ended it all with just a single word. Somewhere along the line, my feelings must have become one-sided. ──There's nothing more empty than this. Relinquishing myself to despair, I let go of the spare key. The metallic clink of the key falling into the mailbox became the knell that marked the end of our relationship. A year—a long span. More than half of the time I've been in college. It's over. ──Or so I thought. But it seems I was wrong. In my heart, a year was more than enough time to become attached, and despite the days passing, I couldn’t forget him. Yet, having walked away from that moment, I felt there was nothing more I could do. I did everything to erase the memory of a happy year from my mind. I broke into my savings and traveled, dyed my hair a bright ash-gray. Worked hard to buy expensive clothes, posted daily on Instagram as if I was enjoying myself. Even though I never used to say things like, 'Tomorrow seems like it’ll be a great day♪.' My heart was honest. Worn out by pretending to be someone I wasn't, I wandered in search of something to fill the void in my heart, and that's when I ran into Yuta again. I was bewildered by the intense joy I felt, and upon seeing his expression, I understood. ──He was trying to forget me. Of course, after a breakup like ours, it's unthinkable to cherish memories of someone forever. A perfectly reasonable reality. But even so. The Yuta living in my memories and the Yuta in front of me were so starkly different. He could show such a cold expression, speak in such a cold voice. It was clear from his demeanor that he had already come to terms with things, and I, as a presence in his life, was fading away. Panic set in. Realizing I was desperate not to be forgotten by an ex, the conclusion was plain. I still held feelings for Yuta. Once I acknowledged that, I had no choice but to act. So I wouldn't be forgotten. And so we could be together again. “Will we... meet again?” I managed to ask, squeezing out the words. In response, a voice rang out with incredulity, “Are you serious?” I looked away from Yuta. I wished more than anything for my premonition to be wrong. Yet, standing naturally beside Yuta was Ayaka. Surely, she was by his side even when I was dating him. Her expression was nothing like in the pictures Yuta had shown me. Filled with genuine anger and disdain, her eyes made me shrink back instinctively. It was only then that I finally understood. I was the bad one. To them, I was now nothing but a nuisance. Regardless of the turmoil inside me, it was irrelevant. That's the kind of existence I had become. Escaping the unavoidable reality, I left the scene. Feeling Yuta's gaze on my back. But shortly after, I sensed his gaze turn away. I'm sure that intuition was right. Later that day, I met with Natsuki. I had plans to dine with my high school friends that evening. Natsuki seemed to notice something was off and asked me gently as we walked home alone after dinner. It was a night where a beautiful full moon illuminated everything around us. "Rena, did something happen?" “──Natsuki. I realize I dislike the moon.” I said, gazing up at the foolishly bright full moon. Under the moonlight, I could imagine Natsuki looked confused. "Have you ever considered what the moon feels, knowing it can't outshine the sun?" "How do you mean..." Before Natsuki could ask further, I continued speaking. “The moon can't shine on its own. It merely reflects the sunlight.” I thought Yuta saw me as the light in his life when he confessed to me. But that was conceited of me. Surely, the sun was always close to Yuta, and his eyes dazzled, he wandered to the moon's base by mistake. To Yuta, I probably was nothing more than that. Thus, parting ways and finding closure might have been easy for him. Seeing the realization on my face, Natsuki grimaced. "Rena──" Natsuki gently embraced me. It's amazing how much can be conveyed with such few words. ──Not introducing Natsuki to Yuta was the right choice. Some of my friends had met Yuta. They all said unanimously, “He’s interesting and a good person!” Yuta, despite what he thought, was approachable. There might even be some who became friends with him and exchanged contacts personally. If those friends learned about my current situation, would they truly side with me? But Natsuki would unfailingly be on my side. Because Natsuki knew nothing of Yuta. I didn't let Natsuki meet Yuta to ensure I had someone who would support me. Honestly, it makes me feel so petty. Perhaps Yuta and Ayaka share a relationship similar to ours. Ayaka might be an ever-supportive presence for him in any situation. I was simply overwhelmed with regret. Regret that I couldn’t become such a presence for him. That I ended things before I ever could. ──Then, a thought fleetingly crossed my mind. “Hey, Natsuki. You once said, right? About deciding whether or not it’s cheating, that it’s up to me.” “Yeah, I did say that.” Natsuki affirmed powerfully, so I wouldn’t waver, and thanks to that, I made up my mind. “Yuta’s actions aren’t cheating. I tolerated Ayaka's constant presence for a whole year. But in return──” I distanced myself from Natsuki and stared at the night sky. The stars, twinkling as if mocking, seemed like they might fall at any moment. “My actions aren't cheating either. Balancing Yuta’s year with my day, I'll consider them equal, and cancel each other out.” My conclusion might just be a desperate rationalization. At the very least, I understand it's against ethics. But if I don’t think that way, I won’t be able to face Yuta with confidence. I’ll just end up running away like I did today. To prevent that, I have to deceive myself. “I didn't cheat,” I declared. Natsuki silently nodded in response.