第87話 自己嫌悪 - I Was Cheated on by My Girlfriend but My Devilish Junior Now Yearns for Me

The season of welcoming new students was drawing to a close. The cherry blossom trees, once bursting with vibrant blooms, now had but a few petals clinging to them, and new green leaves were starting to emerge. The chill in the air that occasionally brushed against the skin was gradually subsiding, making even the early mornings, not long after sunrise, relatively pleasant. It was just past six in the morning. Yet, I found myself on my way home from the nearest convenience store, a plastic bag in hand. I couldn't quite recall the last time I had started my day so early. Although staying awake all night until this hour was something I had done countless times before. Wearing sleepwear and sandals, stepping outside at the hour when most people are about merely isn't feasible. This, the early morning, is the only time such attire is permissible. An elderly man, walking his dog, nodded to me as he passed by, prompting me to return a light bow. Exchanging nods with a stranger, simply because our eyes met—a behavior unique to this time of the day, perhaps. When I arrived home, I carelessly placed the plastic bag on the doorstep. Peeking from inside the bag were a few days’ worth of breakfast items. Stuff like sweet bread and rice balls—affordable choices that are favorites among students. I snagged just one sweet bread and headed to my room. Though the room was still dim with the curtains drawn tight, it didn’t bother me as I tore open the sweet bread's packaging. I had woken early today because there was a lecture with high attendance points from the first period. As the registration period had ended, each absence would significantly increase the difficulty of acquiring credits. There was no greater convenience than easily securing credits, so I had set alarms in five-minute intervals starting an hour prior, for safety’s sake. Yet, somehow today, I woke up with a single buzz. "...Cold." I muttered quietly before shoving the bread into my mouth. Lately, warm meals had become the norm, leading to a steep drop in my visits to convenience stores. While it's made me healthier, I've also felt that I can't quite enjoy sweet bread as much as I used to. There was a slight sense of melancholy in this realization, but perhaps it was just a luxury to feel that way. Thinking along these lines, I pulled open the curtains with the half-eaten bread still in my mouth to help myself wake up. Checking my smartphone screen would fully rouse me. Squinting against the dazzling morning light, I checked my phone. “Turning in early tonight, I see. Goodnight.” It was a message that had arrived yesterday. It was sent right before the date changed, but those familiar with my penchant for staying up late might say such things. However, the sender wasn't Ayaka or Shinohara. The name "Reina" was displayed as the sender. As I opened the chat window, last week's events came flooding back. —Reina had said it was a start from scratch. Since then, for the past week, we had exchanged words over LINE every day. Yet, this didn’t mean we talked excessively. We exchanged just a word or two. Still, it was an unthinkably calm time flowing between us, compared to before. “Morning. I've got first period today.” After sending that, my finger paused for a moment. I added, “I actually woke up with the first alarm today.” Reina knew well how often I stopped the alarm each morning. Surprisingly, I was almost never late for dates, thanks to the constantly ringing alarms at regular intervals. ...Dates, huh. We used to be like that. As I felt the urge to smoke for the first time in a while and looked around, I remembered I hadn’t kept even an empty pack in the months since I'd successfully quit. "...Damn." I muttered to no one in particular, possibly to myself. The time I spent going out with Reina was undeniably a happy period for me. Just like Reina had assured me with her "I'll make you happy" when she accepted my confession, it was fulfilled. I was the one who broke it. For this past week, each time Reina’s LINE came in, my chest twinged with guilt. I couldn’t read Reina's expressions across the screen. As for what was going through her mind while she typed those words... Perhaps I wasn’t even supposed to worry about such things anymore. The fact that we managed to restart our relationship, albeit slowly, was solely due to Reina's magnanimity. But we can no longer return to that time. We can’t simply replace that past with the present. Understanding that, we're embarking on this restart. A different, awkward relationship from the ones with Shinohara or Ayaka. Yet now I think... Had we severed ties completely, those lingering feelings would likely have remained unresolved no matter how much time passed. While I tried to distance myself, as soon as we reconciled, these thoughts sprang unbidden, highlighting my selfishness. I found myself wrapped in self-loathing, too. ...But still. I am glad we could start anew.