第88話 サンタの一言 - I Was Cheated on by My Girlfriend but My Devilish Junior Now Yearns for Me

The early arrival at university meant that the students were still few and far between. In about thirty minutes though, the campus would be bustling with students as usual for first period. "Senpai, don’t you look a little down? It's been a week since you last saw me, you know." "I'm fine. Mornings are always like this." I replied with a flat voice before taking a sip of my café au lait, my substitute for breakfast. Sitting next to me on the bench located on the second floor of Building Six was Shinohara. She was the only junior here who referred to me as "senpai." Her outfit consisted of a beige cut-and-sew top paired with a bright red skirt. Shinohara’s typical fashion sense would definitely attract plenty of attention in a while. I'd prefer to be in the lecture room before that happened. "I know you’re not a morning person, senpai. But why won’t you look at me at all?" While I was pondering how to respond, Shinohara spoke with a tone suggesting she had come up with a clever idea. "It's okay to say something you don't mean." "Seeing something too cute early in the morning makes the rest of the day tough." "Aha, then why not stay with me all day... Was that what you didn't mean?!" I noticed Shinohara dramatically lurch in the corner of my vision. I let out a small sigh at her light-hearted retort. "Come on, sighing is a no-no in the morning. And when it's been a week since you've seen me, that’s just indulgence." "…Ah, it has been a week, hasn't it?" I tilted my head back to gaze at the ceiling, letting my body rest heavily against the bench's backrest. The hard bench seemed to disapprove of my relaxed posture, sending a sharp pain back at me. "It’s been a week since you met with your ex-girlfriend. I've also been coincidentally busy since then and couldn’t drop by your place. But I never thought you wouldn't even text me once during that time!" "You didn't contact me either. If you had sent me a Line message, I would've at least replied." I offered a half-hearted response, prompting Shinohara to grab my shoulders and shake me vigorously. "I want proactive messages from you, senpai!" "Owah owah owah" As I let out sounds while being shaken, she suddenly let go, almost making me fall off the bench. I lifted my head, thinking of complaining about how she let go when I was relying on her, but I reconsidered upon seeing her expression. In her eyes, there was no hint of teasing. Though it was scarier that she might let me fall without teasing, I set aside that feeling for now. "So, senpai. How did it go?" "…Are we really discussing this here?" I picked up on what Shinohara was asking and scanned my surroundings. There was not a soul in sight. Perhaps it was due to no scheduled classes on this floor, but still, it was rare to see it so deserted. "It's fine to talk here, right?" "…Got it." Reluctantly, I nodded to Shinohara’s confirmation. In any case, I had planned on talking about it eventually when Shinohara next visited my place. Despite being younger, she had given me the courage to move forward that day. I honestly couldn't tell if Shinohara was aware of this, but I was able to restart things with Reina thanks to her. Given that, I had no reason to hesitate to tell Shinohara how things had turned out. I tried to articulate it but winced involuntarily. Then, I opened my mouth again. "It was all my fault." "Huh?" Shinohara blinked, startled. I instinctively looked away, avoiding her gaze. Yet the floor I found in my line of sight was lifeless and mechanical, resurfacing the thoughts I'd been mulling over the past week. ...If only I had been more considerate of Reina’s feelings. Perhaps things wouldn't have ended up like that. If my inadequate brain had managed even a few folds of empathy for others, that misunderstanding could have been avoided. I pressed my lips together tightly. …It's really frustrating. Unlike Sakashita back in high school, I never intentionally hurt others. I take pride in that sense of morality. However, if I ended up hurting Reina anyway, doesn’t that make me just the same as him? That thought kept haunting me. "…Senpai?" "…I'll talk." I steeled myself against my weak heart and began speaking to Shinohara. Once I started, Shinohara listened quietly. Normally, it wouldn’t be something to confess to a third party. But for someone who had perceived Reina's unfaithfulness, recounting last week's events was necessary to clear up the misunderstanding. No matter what Reina said, I was the one at fault. I omitted mentioning anything about Ayaka. She wasn’t to blame. In fact, there were several times when she expressed considerate words toward Reina, with whom she wasn’t yet acquainted back then. It was my fault for taking everything lightly. Once I finished recounting the events, a few moments of silence followed. But soon, I heard a clear, bell-like voice. "So basically, it comes down to a lack of communication, right?" "…Huh?" When I looked up reflexively, Shinohara tilted her head slightly. "If words aren’t enough, misunderstandings are bound to happen. If you never verbalized it till the very end, then it was natural for there to be miscommunication till the end." Unable to find the right words to counter Shinohara, I clamped my mouth shut. …Even without speaking, expecting someone to just understand. That sort of relationship might be ideal in a romance, in a sense. But perhaps it’s merely a fantasy. One or both parties must undergo some level of compromise. Using words to convey mutual understanding is how to minimize those compromise instances. Building such nuanced relationships repeatedly may eventually allow for those moments of silent understanding. What about Reina and me? …There’s no need to even consider. The answer is the situation before me. "You've spent the past week in deep, deep self-reflection, haven't you, senpai? I can see it on your face." Shinohara continued speaking while her legs swung from the bench. "But senpai, it wasn’t just you lacking words; your ex-girlfriend—no, Reina-san too. Knowing that, perhaps that’s precisely why she wanted to start over with you." "Even so, it was I who initiated the breakup." Certainly, as Shinohara said, if Reina had expressed her thoughts, things might have resolved peacefully. However, it was undoubtedly me who created the situation by not expressing my feelings. I could never, ever say it was Reina’s fault too. If I hadn't started it, Reina wouldn’t have had to worry— “Such situations are bound to happen anywhere, you know. This time, you just happened to be the one who tripped over it, senpai.” Shinohara got up and moved in front of me. With her back turned to me, Shinohara clasped her hands behind her, fidgeting with her fingers. It seemed she was collecting her thoughts before she finally turned back to face me. "Isn't the whole point of being in a relationship to support each other, deepen your connection, become like family? That's what being in love is about, isn't it? Well, I wouldn't know," she concluded. "…You don't know?" I retorted softly, unsure whether to laugh or be genuinely curious. Nodding, Shinohara replied, "I don't have any experience in deep relationships like that. My knowledge is just a concoction from watching romantic TV shows, so it's purely theoretical." "Gotcha." I sometimes watched romance shows at home too, it seemed they did air some serious segments occasionally. The image of occasionally controversial on-the-street polls was what stuck with me from those shows, bringing a sense of surprise. "So honestly, from a third party's perspective, my takeaway is that it's mutual. But considering who you are, senpai, I'm sure it won't satisfy you even if you understand my point," she continued, as if reading my mind. I nodded in agreement with her intuition. While I couldn’t say Shinohara's argument was representative of everyone’s view, it wasn’t something to brush off either, given how well-reasoned it was. Regardless of what conclusion I arrived at, my thoughts just weren't coming together. "In that case, a word or two from someone who's gotten to know you closely over time!" Shinohara declared, placing her hands on her hips and puffing out her chest with pride. "The way you can make things right isn’t by endlessly brooding. It's by wanting to talk like you did before you started dating. What Reina probably wants now is just to chat normally with you, senpai." Her tone suggested she had some insight into Reina. Perhaps it was a feeling shared as fellow girls. ...She likely wasn’t wrong. The fact that no counter-argument arose in my mind pointed to that being the reason. "Honestly, I'd prefer to say that you shouldn't fret over Reina—but I thought it might ruffle some feathers! So, I decided to keep that thought to myself," Shinohara admitted. "You just said it all though, didn’t you?" I called out with a hint of exasperation, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "And before you say anything, I'm preemptively putting it out there," Shinohara suddenly extended her index finger, reminding me of something. "What do you mean?" "I'm going to hang out with you without worrying about Reina, senpai. Whether the relationship is complicated or not, it doesn't concern me." Shinohara declared this without hesitation. She blinked, awaiting my reaction silently. "…That's…" I trailed off, turning over in my mind what the right response would be. Expressing gratitude for her intent to "be with me" seemed like the appropriate course of action. Indeed, lately, I felt increasingly thankful towards this junior of mine. It almost felt nostalgic how I used to discourage her from visiting my place. "…Thanks for always being there." "You're welcome! But that’s incorrect, senpai," she replied, forming an X with her fingers at her mouth, reminiscent of the gesture she'd made when we encountered each other during the hot spring trip. "What’s incorrect?" "I'm someone who values actions over words of gratitude," she stated. "I don’t have any money though," I responded playfully. Shinohara frowned in mock offense, "What do you take me for… Well, for your information, I have way more money than you, senpai." "Quit your bragging, it’s wounding my pride as an older guy." Even as a mere student, it was disheartening to be completely outmatched by a younger girl. However, beating Shinohara, who had additional income as a salon model, was unattainable for me, at least while I remained a student. ...Perhaps Shinohara intended for my thoughts to wander like this. My previously somber mind began to clear up little by little. "If you have such pride, then occasionally make a meal for me too." "Alright, just watch—I'll whip up something impressive!" I replied, rising to the challenge with a teasing grin that mirrored hers. Her playful smirk quickly turned into a tight one, and Shinohara vigorously shook her head. "Wait... No, I'm just kidding, please don't!" "Do you think what I cook is poison or something? Sure, I basically live off supermarket deli food and convenience store meals, but still." "I don't think it's poison, but I'd rather not consume calories from unappetizing food." "Could you stop with the frankly hurtful responses?!" If she had actually said my cooking was poison, it’d be easier to laugh it off as a joke. Ran away from chores, wanting to conserve energy at home—that habit had obliterated any credibility I had with my junior. As I was about to continue speaking, I noticed the growing noise around us. When I glanced around, a few students were entering the lecture room. ...It was about time for class. "Senpai." "…Yeah?" "I'm glad you broke up with Reina, you know." I blinked, as Shinohara had let the topic of Reina slide earlier, or so I thought. She gazed at me with her large eyes, waiting for a response. "…Why do you say that?" "Ah, are you going to ask?" she covered her mouth with the palm of her hand, almost bashfully. "──Because running into you when you were lonely and single walking aimlessly allowed us to meet." ──Memories of that day flashed through my mind. During the Christmas season, Shinohara had bumped into me dressed as Santa. She scattered fliers, which led to me taking her out for a meal as an apology. In my life so far, I've built all my relationships with people in the same setting through middle and high school. But it was different with Shinohara. It was precisely because I happened to be in the right place, at the right time, and in the right frame of mind that I got the chance to know her better. "No matter how pitiful and futile your actions might have been, no matter how despondent they may have left you feeling..." Suddenly, Shinohara gave me a wink. "Meeting me! That amazing luck made it all worthwhile—all positives!" I found myself gaping in mild disbelief. Normally, I'd have some teasing remark ready, but right now, I found myself admitting there was some truth to her words. Perhaps wanting to believe it is more accurate, though. "…Haha, you're as confident as ever." "Don't compliment me too much!" she smiled. "I wasn't complimenting you." "Hey!" she retorted, feigning displeasure, while I allowed a small smile to form on my face. As I headed to the lecture room, I let out a small breath. I should aspire to emulate that junior a bit more. Shinohara was right. What I need to do now lies elsewhere. Reflecting is important, of course. But it's crucial for not making the same mistakes and moving forward tomorrow. Rather than being engulfed by melancholy from things that have already happened, it's important to think about what lies ahead in the future. That's why we've decided to start over.