111 - Upki Girl

< The Return of Heart-Pounding Revolution! > "Isn't it really nice to gather like this again after such a long time?" "Yeah, yeah. It's been about a week, right?" Early evening at the dormitory. Eunbit and Liya were delighted at the lively buzz in the house for the first time in a while. This was because Hong-i and Yona, who had been barely catching a quick nap before heading out due to the 'Girl Crush' shoot and practice, came home early for once. "Hyung, I'll head in first." Jang-woo, who had come in with Yona ahead of Hong-i and me, mentioned going home first, prompting the housekeeper to peek out from the kitchen. "You, the youngest manager, aren’t you staying for dinner?" "No, today is my father's birthday, so I have a family gathering. Please don't set aside anything for me." "Oh, I see." "Jang-woo, take this." When I handed him the envelope I prepared earlier, he gestured in refusal. "No, it's fine, hyung." "It's from the company. Come on, it’s not just any birthday, it’s his 60th, right?" "Oh..." "I know you're too busy to visit often, so you should at least give him a good birthday gift. But truth be told, I couldn't put in as much as I wanted." "No, really, thank you." "Oppa, please convey our birthday wishes too!" "Congratulations, congratulations!" The kids pitched in with their own birthday greetings. "Yes, I'll pass them on. See you tomorrow." "Have a safe trip and see you tomorrow." "Jang-woo, just a minute." "Yes, Liya." Liya, who had been relaxing on the massage chair, hit the stop button and called out to Jang-woo, gesturing towards the envelope I had given. "Bring that over here." "What?" As Jang-woo handed over the envelope, Liya checked its contents, rubbed the two bills together slightly, and sighed in disappointment. "I thought you were kidding when you said you couldn't put much in. Is our company always this broke?" Wouldn't the 100,000 won gift be enough, since it's not even for his own birthday but his parent's? I felt embarrassed, my face turning red without a word in reply. Liya let out a big sigh, got up from the massage chair, disappeared into her room for a moment, and then returned, handing her own envelope to Jang-woo. "Add a little more out of pocket. Buy your father a winter jacket. If possible, avoid goose or duck down. It really hurts the animals when they pluck their feathers, you know? These days, synthetic padded jackets are warm and lightweight." "Oh, come on... If you do this, it really burdens me." "Don't worry about it. This is for all the care you've taken of our Aliya. Keep up the good work." Patting the shoulder of Jang-woo, who is almost ten years younger, the scene was both cute and subtly charismatic. After Jang-woo left, everyone spent some free time until dinner was ready. Since arriving at the dorm, Hong-i was engrossed in asking Seowon about her guide version of the rap she planned to perform during the round of 16. The two, often bickering but the closest of friends given their same age, were deeply immersed in conversation. "I wrote this one in a flash of inspiration; it doesn't feel too dramatic, does it?" "No, I think it's fine." "Really? Honestly?" "Yeah, it’s good. Personally, I think it's the best thing you've done so far." "Really? Really?" "How many times are you going to ask? The song itself is fundamentally good, and your voice tone really suits it." "Right? Even I felt it stick together seamlessly." "What did Dante say?" "I haven't let him listen yet. Planning to send it over soon." "He's quite strict in recordings, right?" "Yeah, he's usually fun and laid-back but has this streak of perfectionism when recording." "I figured. Have you heard anything from that woman?" "Lalagat unnie?" "Unnie, my foot." "Haven't heard." "Isn't her rap supposed to be not that great?" "Well, who knows what might happen under Dante sunbaenim's directing. But being in the top 16 must mean something." "If you lose, don't even think of coming back to the dorm." "I got it. I won't lose." Their conversation was interrupted by Yona. "Unnie, I was going to shower first; where are you planning to shower?" "I'll wash up in the basement after dinner. Why?" "Oh, then I'll use the en-suite bathroom." "Sure." "Is Yonna unnie showering?" "Yeah." "Aliya was about to shower too. Can she join you?" "No, she can't. Go to the second floor to wash up." "Then I won't." "Why?" "The second-floor bathroom has so much hair falling out, it's scary." Liya frowned as she looked at me. "Are you shedding these days? Why is there so much hair in the second-floor bathroom?" What nonsense is she talking about now? I, busy humming and chatting about schedules in the staff group chat, was startled and responded. "Hey, what hair loss? I spray water in there every time I use it." "No, there was a lot sticking to the toilet and sink. Judging by the look of it, it’s definitely your hair." "Really?! Manager, are you sure you don't have hair loss?" Seowon approached me decisively. "Hey, if nothing else, our family has no history of baldness. Not even Kim Gyudon, right, Eunbit?" "Uh-huh. His hair stays youthful and full." "He might have developed bald patches from the stress we cause! Let me see!" "I told you, I don't." "Hold still for a moment. Oh? I found a gray hair." Checking around the top of my head, she pulled at one hair. "Can I pull this out?" "Don't—you’ll scare even a gray hair." "Whatever." —Pluck, Pluck— "Ouch, hey, that hurts." "My hand slipped; it's not coming out easily." "I'm telling you not to. I need to dye it soon anyway." "It's annoying when it's just hanging there. Hmm, I’ll use my teeth to pull it out." "Unnie, you shouldn't say 'teeth' when referring to a person." "Why?" Yona corrected the wording as she headed into the master bedroom. "Teeth is for animals; for humans, you should say 'dental' or 'tooth.' You should be careful about this on broadcasts." "Got it. Then I’ll remove it with my teeth." "Hey, I put wax on my hair..." —Snap "...How could you just yank it out with your mouth?" "It's already been plucked." "Just put it back while I'm being nice." "Hee hee hee, how can I replant what's already pulled? Here, keep it as a memento. It's the first gray hair I've pulled for you." "Yunho oppa does seem to shed a lot." Eunbit, who was sitting on the sofa with her knees up and checking viewers' reactions to the third episode of the reality show on her tablet, belatedly joined the shedding controversy, casually airing my embarrassing secrets. "At oppa's house, you can find curly hairs all over the floor. Even though the vacuum cleaner keeps sweeping and cleaning, they immediately reappear, causing endless frustration." "Hey, are all the hairs at home mine? There's no name on each, right? Some must be dad's, mom's, and yours mixed in too." "Oh, they were short and thick, just saying. Anyway, I don’t have that kind of hair on my body..." Aliya chimed in, sharing her delight. "Exactly! There were thick and curly-looking ones on the bed in Muno's room on the second floor too! It's definitely shedding hair." "Really? How come I never saw that?" Seowon seemed genuinely peeved about missing out on what seemed like a shared spectacle. "You'll find them if you lift the blanket. I saw some this morning too." "They're probably stuck under the bathtub or toilet as well." "Really...?" 2nd Unit (Seowon) slowly stood up, raising her speed up the stairs to the second floor. —Thud, thud! "Hey, hey, Han Seowon, where are you going?!" "To find the curly, thick hair!" "Why would you—" Though our housekeeper cleans daily... "Damn it!" —Thud, thud! I dashed up to the second floor, unable to shake the sense of discomfort at all the fuss over some fallen hair. Even with how informal I am with the kids, it's still embarrassing. But Seowon was way faster, and the door was already locked. —Click, click! "Seowon, let's not do this. It's gross." "What's gross? Everyone else has seen it except me!" "They're just regular hairs. I’ll yank out a new one for you, okay?" "They said it’s thick and curly. You didn’t even perm your hair, manager!" "It's leg hair!" "Leg hair or head hair, I want to see it for myself!" Oh my God, I can't even shed hair in peace now. The room fell silent momentarily. Sounds of rustling from the blanket followed, and then Seowon shouted again. "See? There's nothing here! Yoo Eunbit lied to me." Well done. The housekeeper cleaned thoroughly. "Nope, nope, nope... There’s absolutely nothing... How can there be none at all!" "See, I told you they were just messing with you. I'm going down first. Take care." "Ugh, it drives me nuts! I’m the only one who never gets to see or touch anything!" I tuned her out as I returned to the first floor. "Did you find the hair, unnie?" "Why did you have to bring up useless things..." "Useless? The vacuum was practically menacing over it." "Tell Seowon unnie to check the bathroom. I saw it just now." "Liya, why were you even in my room?" "Huh? What do you mean by that? Muno doesn’t own that room, so why can't Aliya go in?" Undeniable logic. "Young ladies, dinner is ready!" "Time to eat, let’s go! Hong-ah, food! Food!" "Yes! Yes! Coming! Coming!" After dinner, we all gathered again to rewatch the third episode of the reality show. The lights went off in the living room as the title appeared on the screen, projected from the laptop. 'The Girl Group We Raised' Episode 3 <I Want to Fall in Love> "Omg! Omg! Just the title feels so cute!" Even though they had seen it before, recalling the moment made Hong-i excited, playfully tapping Seowon who was lying facedown. "Ouch! Your hands are seriously spicy." "I didn't even hit you hard. Maybe it's just because there's no flesh on your butt?" "What nonsense. I’ve been working hard on my lower body workouts. You’re the one with a butt like an old lady who's had two kids. The era of being voluptuous is long gone. Can't you see how people are all about a slender figure like mine now?" "That's not true. It's not that my butt is big; it’s just my hips are wide. Teacher Jonyun even told me my figure is beautiful." "Are you dense? Of course, they won't tell clients they look ugly. It's just lip service." "Yeah, but even lip service..." "But what did they say to you?" "Said I sing well." "What does that have to do with your body? There must not have been anything else to compliment." "Come here, Yoyo." "Flat butt." Their lively banter suggested lots of camaraderie despite the teasing. Listening to their conversations is always entertaining. "Yunhong, speaking as a friend and fellow member, dieting alone won’t work with your build. Have you thought about some bone shaving?" "No way. Jonyun Teacher said I look so fit, even suggested I try out for a muscle queen contest." "Pfft! Not a muscle queen, but a farmhand queen. You'd win for sure — chopping wood, carrying loads, lighting fires." "Farmhand queen, huh? Han Seowon, that’s brilliant?!" "You like being teased?" "It's just funny, okay?" "Dummy..." Most of the time, Hong-i gracefully concedes in such exchanges. Meanwhile, the show had already started. As the camera panned over the office building, a quirky subtitle characteristic of author Um Seung-mi appeared on screen. *Rewind for a moment: The historic first shoot of UpKey Girl. An unusual post had surfaced on a community bulletin board. It was a story about someone managing to escape the life of a "forever single" person thanks to UpKey Girl. The story detailed how, during a university festival, Eunbingoo mistakenly sent a selfie taken on a female student's phone to another male student. This coincidence led to the two meeting up. It was a classic case of "if it's meant to be, it'll be." The female student in question had posted the episode on a K-pop community forum, turning it into a hot topic. My idea of having UpKey Girl members host an event for the two was accepted, and the delighted parties happily agreed to appear on the broadcast. It was a small event where UpKey Girl crashed their meeting, serenading them with a love song. Amusingly enough, the male was also someone who had never dated before. "Oh no, you can see how nervous the guy is." "He can't even make eye contact. So cute!" Even though they’d already watched it, the kids got emotionally invested again, glued to the screen. Yona smiled a motherly smile and said to Hong-i, "I love this kind of thing. The cozy phase where you get to know each other." "Right, right, like the night before a picnic. Ah, I’m getting butterflies just from this." Hong-i seemed utterly pleased as if she were the protagonist, but Seowon looked at her with pity. "Yunhong. Have you ever dated a guy?" "You’re asking that knowing my history?" "But still." "What do you mean by 'but still'?" "Innocent singles like us shouldn't act all dreamy." "Ugh, so what if I'm single? Can't I feel excited too? You're single, too." "Yeah, but at least I don't show it on the outside, I keep it inside. Why are you flaunting it?" "Pahahaha! Why are you so funny these days, Seowon unnie?" "I'm being serious, yet you think it’s funny? Eunbit, have you dated a guy?" Thus began the members' tales of romance. Eunbit let out a snicker, mixing arrogance with laughter. "Haha, come on. Of course I have. Look at my age." "Really? What a betrayal. When?" "That's a secret." "You're lying, aren't you?" "Lies." "No, I really did date." "So, when was it?" "When exactly?" Under the combined assault from the two singles, Eunbit finally mumbled her answer. "Elementary school..." "What grade?" "First grade..." "You must be kidding." "I also dated guys until kindergarten." "Held hands and everything..." "Alright, Yona, how about you? When was your last fling?" The duo's radar shifted to Yona. "Has any celebrity made a move just from eye contact?" At Hong-i's question, Yona shook her head indifferently. "I'll refrain from commenting." "Aha, there it is. We all know what 'no comment' means." Hong-i sprang up, sitting straight, and everyone, including me, turned their attention to Yona. "Who is it? An idol?" "An actor?" "A comedian?" Yona giggled but dodged the questions. "I won't tell, even if you ask." "See? This is why Yona's so intriguingly annoying." "Oh, Yona, I'm so curious! Just say there's no one if that's the case, you naughty person!" "Aliya's curious too. Is it someone we'd know by name? Hmm?" "Just tell us if they're a celebrity. They are, right?" "At least give us the initials." Despite the barrage of questions resembling an aggressive job interview, Yona kept her mouth shut like a clam, revealing nothing else. And, like a clever tactician, she shifted the attention onto me. "When was your last relationship, Manager?" "Me?" "Three years ago. Cohort colleague from Daehyun Construction, Lee Ga-eun. Three years younger. She went on assignment to somewhere like the Emirates last year and will be back next year." Huh...? It was Eunbit who answered instead of me. Her words were true, but I had never mentioned this to anyone, making her revelation even more surprising. "What? Who did you hear that from?" "The vacuum lady. She also shared the photo of Lee Ga-eun hyung had in your desk when you left for work." "Oh, mom, seriously..." Excluding Liya, the other three chimed in simultaneously. "Is she pretty?" "What does her face look like?" "Is she pretty?" Eunbit scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Well, she's not ugly... just average. Like 49th out of 100?" Calling her plain? I immediately protested. "What are you talking about? She was one of the three beauties at Daehyun Construction. That’s like the top 10%." "Oh-oh, sticking up for Muno's ex, are we? You want trouble?" "Let it go. Can't forget her, can you? Seeking for trouble." "I'm not defending her, just stating facts. Yoo Eunbit, speak clearly. Is Lee Ga-eun plain?" "Yeah! Super plain, extremely common. If that's a top three beauty, Daehyun must not have good-looking people. It'd be thrown into chaos if I showed up." "You'd be the top 10% of shorties. Where are you spinning tales?" "How tall is she?" "Mid-160s, maybe." "Ugh." "Why so serious when Eunbit feels that way? Are you really not over her or something?" Seowon’s comment, joined by playful echoes from Yona and Hong-i, amused them. "You want trouble." "You want trouble, hahaha." Liya, originator of the 'you want trouble,' tilted her head slightly and asked, "Muno. Who's prettier, Aliya or Lee Ga-eun?" "Hey, how can you compare celebrities and ordinary people? Obviously, you guys are prettier. But what I mean is, as far as ordinary people go..." "Okay, okay. As long as I'm prettier, it's fine." Seowon also asked, "What about me? Am I prettier than Lee Ga-eun?" "You. You! YOU!! You guys are prettier, obviously! Lee Ga-eun's out!" "Heeheehee." "Do you have her photo on your phone?" Yona asked. I had her profile pic on KakaoTalk, but there was no way I was going to show it. "No, I don't. Move along." "Gotcha, there's one!" "Come on, show us." "Yeah, show us. We'll judge for ourselves." "Why do you guys get to judge?" "Because we're curious about what style our manager likes." "Yona unnie, there's no need to be curious. She's super average," Eunbit said confidently. "Then why did you break up? Did she dump you, Manager...?" "Yeah, she dumped me." "What?! Why? Why?" "Well... she didn’t think I loved her..." "Did you not love her?" "I thought I did... but I guess our definitions of love were just different." "Loving is loving, not loving is not loving, what do you mean by 'thinking you were loving'? That's why you got dumped, dummy. Even Aliya knows that, and you’re thirty-five and don’t?" "Liya, men are like that by nature. And clearly, our oppa is clueless about relationships. He's destined to live alone forever. When he's an old bachelor, we'll have to bring him food and stuff. Sigh. Now I get why the vacuum lady bothers him." "...I just imagined the manager as a grandpa and got suddenly emotional... Oh, I'm tearing up..." A real tear suddenly dropped from Hong-i's eye. "Don't worry, Muno. I'll sign you up for a marital agency later. Got to take care of my own." "Just leave him be. He's not a child; he can manage himself. If worst comes to worst and he never marries, I can live with him." Such radical statements came flying fast. If you go by what the kids say, I’m already a confirmed loner. I miss you, Jaehee... "Uh, what's your type, Manager?" To Hong-i's question, I answered that I didn’t have a specific ideal type. "But since I come from a humble background, I'd prefer someone with a similar family situation. Not too rich, but also not poorer than my family." Seowon quickly glanced at Liya. "Aliya is out. Her dad is the king of an oil-rich country." "Hey! I haven't seen him in a long time." "Doesn't matter. You're not an average Joe anyway, so you're out regardless." This time, Hong-i targeted Yona. "Yona is out too. Her dad is a professor, so she's at least middle-class." Seowon took her turn again. "Eunbit is out." "Huh? Why?" "Didn’t you say your grandma runs an orchard?" "No, she works at one." "Oh, was that so?" Having taken a speculative hit, Eunbit fired back at Seowon. "Seowon unnie is out." "Why me? I'm the most humble here. For starters, my dad's dead." As much as I can't stand 'that person,' it's wrong to treat a living person as deceased. "That's not it. Yunho oppa dislikes clingy, annoying girls. He loves himself more than anything." Eunbit clearly knows me well. But Seowon, genuinely surprised, widened her eyes and protested. "What are you saying? How could I be clingy? There's no one freer and cooler than me." When no one agreed, she looked slightly baffled and turned to me. "Manager. Am I clingy?" I had to answer this carefully. I couldn't lie. If I said she wasn't clingy, she'd start to believe it. "Honestly?" "Yeah." "You're somewhat clingy." "Unbelievable. If I’m clingy, then every woman in the world must be clingy!" "But many guys like that. I have a friend who loves it when his girlfriend is clingy to him." "What does that have to do with me? Manager's opinion matters." Meeting Seowon's sudden drop in spirits, Yona comforted her. "Unnie, it's okay. It's normal to be clingy with someone you like." Like receiving a healing item, Seowon perked up. "Right, exactly! How can you love and not be clingy? Doesn't it mean wanting to have them all to oneself? Yunhong, wouldn't you feel upset if someone liked your boyfriend?" "No, I'd probably feel bad." "Eunbit, would you just let him be with another girl? Like with someone like Jaehee, huh?" Wait, why did she get into such specifics suddenly? "That can't happen, that can't happen. Not with Jaehee unnie." "See? How about you, Manager?" "Me, what?" "Would you just watch someone you like be with someone else?" "Having some jealousy isn't being clingy. It becomes clinginess when it affects daily life." Like those Kakaotalk bomb messages. "So, Manager, have you ever had your daily life affected by me?" "No, but applying our relationship is a bit tricky because my job is literally to follow you guys around and take care of you. It's bound to impact my daily life." "Then you can be our manager for life. Since it’s not being clingy, right?" "What kind of ridiculous conclusion is that?" In response to Seowon's flawed logic, everyone nodded in agreement. Yona spoke up first, lifting her hand as if making an oath. "I agree with Manager being our manager for life." "Same here. When oppa grows old, we’ll take turns looking after you." "Don't worry, Muno. I'll take you to Europe later to find a partner. There's no way there isn't someone for you in this wide world. If not, you'll just live with me." "It’d be fun if we all still lived together like this, even when we're old. Don’t you think?" "Not me. I'm going to become independent the moment I start making money." "Oh, why?" "Why else? It's my dream to buy my own place and decorate it however I want. It's not that I don't like living with you guys. Honestly, who else would put up with someone like me? You guys are the only ones who'd live with me, and I know it." "Wow, what's with this sudden sentimental act?" "Just... I wanted to say thanks. Why, can't I say thank you?" "No. Han Seowon can't do that. Han Seowon has to be Han Seowon, otherwise, it's not Han Seowon. So just keep being Han Seowon, that's what I want." "Wow, Honghong unnie, that rhyme!" "Oh, Eunbit... what do I do?" Suddenly, Hong-i grabbed her head and staggered. "Why? Does your head hurt?" "No... I just said one line of rap and I'm already starving..." As Hong-i murmured weakly, Eunbit eagerly responded. "Right? You're hungry, aren't you? It's not just me, right? I’m craving something sweet too." "Hey, you guys ate just 20 minutes ago." "Don't be mean, Muno. Aliya wants to have cake and coffee too." "Manager, I want churros." "Hey, isn't cake and churros a bit much at this time? Have some veggie sticks." And so the BJ line's banter began. Hong-i leaned weakly onto Eunbit’s knee and muttered. "Eunbit, I'm done for. In my next life, I want to live in a world without veggie sticks... Especially celery, it's the worst..." "I hate carrots. Oppa, Honghong unnie might die. We need to resuscitate with tiramisu or brownies." "Aah... It's been so long since I felt that sticky mouthfeel... Eunbit, make my tomb out of brownies." "Don't die, Honghong unnie. We have a leader, remember? Yon-na unnie will find a solution somehow." "Yeah... We do have Yon-na Leader. But even Yon-na won't be able to get us anything better than veggie sticks. We're dealing with Gwon Manager here... I just hope she at least leaves out the celery..." By now, the reality show watching had long been forgotten. Yona turned off the projector and tapped on an app on her phone before showing it to me. It was a heart rate monitoring app. "Manager, let's play a game." "What game?" "We'll each give you heart-fluttering attacks, and you have to fend them off." "And then?" "If we win, you have to let us eat one thing we want." Eunbit clenched her fists and cheered. "Yona! Yon-na! Beautiful! Yona! Yon-na! Beautiful! All together!" "Yona! Yon-na! Beautiful! Yona! Yon-na! Beautiful!" "Wait, hold on. Okay, but if I win? I should get something too, right?" "Uh... wrist slap?" "Yona, are you kidding?" Sensing the imbalance in the stakes, she avoided my gaze, fidgeted with her lips, and eventually passed the decision back to me. "Then Manager, you decide what you want." "Uh... granting a wish?" "Muno, are you kidding?" "Come on, that's overboard. What are you trying to do, change your fate with a game?" "No, only if I perfectly defend against all five of you. If even one of you succeeds, then nothing happens." "Oh, that's fair then." <The Rule of 'Heart-Pounding Revolution Comeback' with UpKey Girl> 1. Kim Yunho's resting heart rate, as measured three times, is between 60-70 bpm. 2. UpKey Girl members will take turns launching heart-fluttering attacks. If Yunho's heart rate exceeds 100 bpm within a minute, they get to choose one food item they want. 3. If Kim Yunho successfully defends against all five attacks with a heart rate below 100, he can make one wish from each member. 4. Skinship is limited to hand-holding; any other physical contact results in a penalty for the attacker. 5. Each food item is single-serve, one per person. (e.g., one brownie, one chicken, one pizza.) However, sharing is allowed. With the rules perfectly balanced, all six of us signed the contract. The members told me to wait in my room while they held a strategy meeting. In the meantime, I sat cross-legged, taking deep breaths to calm my mind. "Inhale, exhale—" I was very calm. Supremely calm. At this moment, I was like a living Buddha. My mind governed my heart. Even if Love Melody, not UpKey Girl, charged at me, I'd remain unmoved. "Inhale— Exhale—" Despite the bustling footsteps and the cheerful giggles of the girls, I remained as calm as a duck paddling serenely in the middle of a tranquil lake. The color of my heart was black. How much time had passed? "Manager, come out!" Just as I felt myself dozing off, I was snapped awake by Hong-i's voice. "All ready?" "Yes, you can come out now!" Calm. I had already been calm, but now I was fiercely calm. These foolish beings. They should’ve bombarded me while they could, but now they left me at the brink of REM sleep. —Click With the grace of a deity, I opened the door smoothly and entered the living room—flinching! "Dang it, that woke me up completely." "...Guys, this really isn't fair, is it?" "Hehehehehe!" "This is cheating!" "Why, this wasn't in the rules, was it?" Thump, thump, thump. An overwhelming scent of inevitable defeat alarmed my senses. <Heart-Pounding Revolution Comeback!> The End.