183 - Upki Girl

< Damn, What Cornered Her > Our damned turtle, Siba, isn't normally like this. Though tears hadn't fallen, Silver's face was a tangled mess of clues related to melancholy. Bitter. A look too deep and bitter for a twenty-year-old girl. Like a middle-aged department head in his fifties, silently sipping soju alone at a street stall, hiding his turmoil after being suggested early retirement by his company, and hearing his wife's suggestion to add another academy for their late-child son who just became a middle schooler. What's lying shallow at the bottom of the soju glass isn't a shred of untapped pride, but the last shred of responsibility as a family man. What is it? What on earth made Siba, the Queen of Positivity, seem like a middle-aged man facing the harsh reality? Who knows when she started, but if she's two-thirds through the bottle alone, she'd be fairly tipsy by now. Her speech slightly slurred too. Yet, even in her drunken stupor, Silver widened her unfocused eyes, pretending clarity. "Heh, you surprised me." But her body gave it all away, honestly. After my sudden appearance, the blush on her cheeks grew noticeably deeper, and her eyes flickered around at a speed of four times per second. As if I'd caught her with a face she never wanted anyone to see. She scratched behind her ear awkwardly, like a skittish stray dog avoiding people with its tail tucked tightly. I gently probed, much like a rescue worker coaxing with jerky. “Are the kids asleep? Since when have you been drinking?” Still failing to hide her embarrassment, she fiddled with the apple hairstyle tied near her crown, awkwardly piecing together a disjointed answer. “Well, everyone's asleep, but I just couldn't sleep... uh... Why are you up, hyung? Oh, that's right, you moved to the annex. Hungry? Want me to make you ramen?” A phone lay on the table, its screen lit. With a glance, I guessed she was looking at the comment section of some article. Siba, aware of my gaze, quietly pressed the home button, turning off the screen. I pulled out the chair opposite her and sat down, starting the conversation lightly. “Is this really how you treat yourself? Faces a young twenty-year-old should carry, so burdened with unnecessary worries?” “Nope, I'm not worried at all. I'm just proud of doing well at the Legend Dream Show today, so I'm celebrating by myself.” “Doesn't look the least bit like celebration. Haha...” Her obviously fabricated excuse made me chuckle. With a forced smile, showing all her teeth, she tried to assert her innocence. “Happy happy~” “Don't give me that nonsense, Siba. Come on, between us, don't play coy. We both know each other well. What's bothering you?” “Geez, nothing's wrong, I'm telling you. Why are you up at this hour, anyway.” “Suddenly dreamt about you and got worried, so I came to check. But when I find you drinking alone in the dead of night, should I be worried or not?” “Oh? I was in your dream?” “Yeah.” “Why did I appear?” “How should I know? Maybe you wanted comfort.” Embarrassed, she pouted, babbling insincerely. “Liar. Like you’d ever worry about me. You probably came because you were hungry. I won't fall for that.” “Hey, even if I were hungry, wouldn't I go to the annex, equipped with a fridge and snacks? It’s freezing out here...” “Really? You really came just to check on me?” “Yup.” “Truly?” “Yep.” “What kind of dream was it?” “A nonsense dream.” “See, I knew it,” she yelled, then clamped her mouth shut immediately. “Oops. Don't want to wake the others...” I picked up the soju glass before her and pushed it back. “Pour me a drink.” “What, you’re drinking too?” Her question seemed concerned, yet her eyes sparkled with excitement. As if to say, "Yeah, drink, let's have a drink together." “Seems like our Siba has something on her mind, and since you’re not talking, I’ll drink with you.” “Oh, I told you, I’m just celebrating. You're overreacting.” “Then should I just head back to sleep?” “Uh... well...” “Yeah, right. Go on, enjoy yourself then.” I placed the glass down, stood up, and turned away without hesitation. But wait. I thought she would stop me, yet no words followed as I exited the room. Glancing back, she kept her eyes on the table, not sparing a glance my way. Bitter, bitter! The depth of her agony just got even more bitter and deep! It felt as heart-wrenching as the struggle of the middle-aged department head deciding whether to accept the early retirement with a big package, or grit his teeth and endure until they forcibly clear his desk. Though I had no intention to leave, seeing that expression made it impossible to carry on with this cat-and-mouse game. Her sharp memory from our first encounter stabbed at my heart like a fresh blade. I returned to my seat and gently asked. “Who or what troubled our Siba-turtle? Just tell me, like a well-ripened chestnut opening itself up.” Her earlier glance at the comment section and turning the screen off gave me an inkling. Could it be that a comment, perhaps a rare negative one, hit a nerve for Silver, who had been unscathed by such in the group till now? During the Legend Dream Show's live broadcast, I did notice occasional negative tones directed at Siba, implying she was being too ignorant. "Was there some strange comment left?" It was only after my straightforward question that Siba began to mumble and nod. Yet, rather than blame the trolls, she turned the blame onto herself. "I honestly think I'm really ignorant. I studied so hard, but still got everything wrong. It's not Otani but Ottawa, Portugal is a country, and Jeju doesn't have a capital... That was a real shock." Yeah, it was pretty severe. While I knew Siba's mind was pure and unspoiled like untouched snow, even I was shocked she still thought Seogwipo was the capital of Jeju, being a native. When I checked before bed, there was no such news, but now there's an article trending. 『"Legend Dream Show’s Silver: 'The Capital of Jeju is Seogwipo!' Supremely Confident』’ - LifesMeaning: Hahaha, now that's the legendary variety star material Legend Dream recommended - sabin1: Almost died watching it live, LOL. Says Portugal is the capital of Spain! - Ryunha: Legend Dream was literally losing their minds with laughter, LOL, she's the real deal The top comments were all positive, but the negative comments lurking in between were the problem. - nodh0901: Has an empty brain, no wonder she dropped out to become a celeb... - krsmhyun: Celebrating after getting questions a preschooler could answer wrong doesn’t really seem right - gunja071chaou: This isn’t just ignorance, it’s plain stupid, isn’t it??? Those sting. If they hurt me, they would have hit Siba even harder, given this might be her first encounter with such harsh comments. "Whoa, people can be too much. Anyone can get a few things wrong." "No, I think I’m just lacking a lot. I shouldn’t have dropped out of school..." Looking at her, you'd think she dropped out of elementary school. But no, she had attended through high school and only left in her senior year. Holding back the urge to retort, I offered some comfort. "Hey, the level of knowledge isn't tied to your schooling. Don't regret it. People from top universities aren't necessarily smart. Plus, you quitting school and moving to Seoul gave you the chance to debut with Upkey Girl." "That's true..." "Want me to pour you a drink?" "Yeah..." With her glass filled, I took a swig from the bottle. I knew exactly what she was feeling, what thoughts were racing through her mind. She must have felt she'd caused harm to the team and the company. When HappyJoy was bullied in the first round, she didn’t make a drastic choice because of that, but rather she couldn’t bear the guilt of disrupting team harmony. But the bond in Upkey Girl is entirely different now compared to those days. Perhaps this is why she resorted to drinking alone at the dead of night to avoid casting a shadow on the others. Ah, poor Siba. I decided to share how I truly felt during the day's shoot. "Silver." "Yes." "You might not know as much compared to others your age, true." "I admit, I admit, I admit it." "But today, during the shoot, I saw something in you that those kids don’t have. I’ve always felt it, but today it was clear." "What is it?" "Honestly, I was amazed during the proverb quiz, with the way you spontaneously blurted things out. Such quick wit and sensibility isn't something just anyone has. In a way, it's genius." "Hehehe. No way." "This is what being a pro is. This is what it takes to make it in variety shows. No matter what you say, starting today, I respect Siba Silver." I wasn’t just saying this; it was genuinely how I felt. When I even tossed a finger heart, her expression brightened. "Heehee..." "And here’s something I learned in the army: Get ten people together, and at least one will dislike you for no reason. Unless you stir trouble publicly, don’t let a few hate comments get to you. Those folks won’t like whatever you do." "But I’d like it if at least the people who know me would all like me..." "Trust me, you're already loved plenty, it’s overflowing. Think about it, other members already faced hate comments, you’re just receiving your first now. Don’t you remember when Hong’s antis came to the office and killed Léon (the plant)? Yoona is still being called a traitor, and Riya and Seowon are treated like villains for their supposed bad characters." "I know..." "Doesn't mean the hate you got is trivial. It pisses me off, so I can’t imagine how much it hurts you. What I'm saying is, you don’t have the time to waste on them when you could be showing your best to your fans. Today’s going to hurt because it’s your first time, but as a celebrity, you need to learn to brush off some of it for yourself and your team. Understand?" "Yes." Oh, how easily swayed you are. Whether the talk helped or not, her previously downcast face soon brightened back to her old self. "But all said and done, you still have to face the consequences, right?" "Uh?" "Siba, I have a trauma of you bottling up things alone." "What trauma? When did I ever..." "Trust me, it exists. So anytime you’re struggling or worried, discuss it with the members. Imagine Riya was troubled, and kept it to herself out of concern for everyone. How would you feel as her sister?" "It’d hurt." "You get what I’m saying, right?" "Yes, I completely understand." "Feeling better now?" "Yeah," she answered, but then immediately shook her head and corrected herself. "No, I should be honest. Being called ignorantly ignorant is something I need to think about more. Even if I’m not a panelist or a co-host, the dream is to be a main MC. I need to be smarter than the guests at least." "If that’s your dream, you’ll just have to put in more effort. Why don’t you visit Seongmo hyung (the Ripple Girl MC) in his waiting room before the next shoot and ask him for some tips?" "Oh, right. Why didn’t I think of that?" "You see, how great does that sound now? The more you share your worries, the quicker they are resolved. You’ve heard of collective intelligence, right?" As I said that, a playful idea struck me. "I should wake the others." "Huh? Why?" "We should share the burden. Our Siba was here worrying and drinking by herself in the middle of the night while they slept comfortably? That's not being a good teammate." "No, don’t wake the members!" "Friendship!" "I promise, when everyone’s up and strong in the morning, I'll tell them, so really, don’t wake them now." "When you're struggling, true family and friends are there with you. We’re making this a strong and powerful dawn." Ignoring Silver’s protests, I confidently made my way toward the basement room. < End of "Damn, What Cornered Her" >