4.7 - A Story About a Married Teacher Who Becomes Obsessed With Her Female Student

Chapter Four: Quiet As The Depths of The Earth - Part Seven A mother's struggles, her role, her circumstances. Perhaps it's my naive assessment, unaware of such matters. Yet, I couldn't help but say it. Because I love her. I love Togawa Rin. Love. It's certainly there—love. Sensual love laden with desire. I want to to scoop her up, both body and soul, cupping her in my hands. 'Thank you, naughty mom.' 'I'm not naughty.' But, for instance, if I disregard age and all other factors, and Togawa-san were my daughter, could I honestly say I wouldn't make a move, given my rather low moral standards? Even as a married woman, I had made a move. Whatever the situation, if it involved Togawa Rin, I was certain I couldn’t hold back. Whether she's my daughter or my sister, I can't lie about being attracted to her. In other words, perhaps I am doomed to be ruined the moment I encounter Togawa-san in any form. 'I have work tomorrow, so I’ll be heading to bed soon. You should sleep early too, Togawa-san.' Feeling like if I didn’t stop it now, the conversation might continue endlessly, I end it reluctantly. 'Goodnight, sensei. Do your best at work.' 'Goodnight. Make sure to study hard.' 'I’ll be good, so come back soon, sensei.' I want to go. If it were possible, every day. So long as her wishes and my desires are connected. Togawa-san sends me an image without a word after our farewell. A small gasp, like a raindrop falling and bursting, escaped me. What she sent was a selfie. One with her pajamas open at the front, teasing a glimpse of her chest. Even in an image that isn’t of high resolution, my memory involuntarily brings forth the smoothness of Togawa-san’s skin. "Hey, hey, hey... come on..." In my mind, an emotion is spinning wildly, red. Something red is racing around. The way her eyes are just barely hidden adds an air of, well, allure. Sending me something like this, keeping me from sleep—she really is a naughty girl. More than my sight, my consciousness becomes sharply clear. My back feels restless, as if to protest my bed no longer being its rightful place. I feel so alive. My emotions surge, and I realize that I am truly living. What I receive from Togawa-san keeps me alive. I should not be saved. Yet, just being with her effortlessly saves me. This simple, thoughtless heart of mine feels so absurd, so loathsome, and so endearing. I press my forehead against the phone, clinging to it, exhaling deeply. Her summer vacation begins soon. This summer, which may well be my last, is about to begin. * * * The start of summer vacation coincided with a day off for me. It was a Saturday. After finishing my usual chores, I went out for a walk with my husband. And then, I caught myself worrying about what would happen if Togawa-san saw us walking together. How ridiculous. Normally, it should be the other way around. Even though I felt as if my head had been replaced with that of another person, my husband didn't seem to notice at all. I, too, walked calmly down the busy street, exchanging idle chatter. Passing by others. Squinting against the summer sun. I felt like an alien creature hidden among humans. But creatures like that are destined to be defeated in the end. And I, as well. The summer air brushed against my nose as I looked down the street. Despite the intense heat, the number of tourists, especially groups of foreigners, showed no signs of decreasing. Weaving through the crowd, a rickshaw appeared, the epitome of the tourism industry. I froze at the sight of the blonde pulling the rickshaw. "Ah." Our eyes met for a moment. "Hey, sensei!" Quickly looking away, I continued walking. "Sensei... is that you?" My husband identified me as the target by the direction of the voice and gaze. "Yes, but no," I replied, looking the other way. "You ignored them just now, didn’t you? You’re clearly ignoring them!" The sound of the rickshaw wheels grew louder, just out of sight. "It seems to be getting closer." "I'm aware." Since my living area and her working area overlapped too much, there was no way to avoid her completely. A sweaty Hoshi-san slipped in front of us. Her skin had tanned considerably, but her beautiful blonde hair adapted to it all. It was the kind of appeal that enhanced her foreign heritage, inspiring a sense of admiration separate from any personal feelings. There was a undeniable beauty to her smoothness, free of any resistance. "Because you ignored me, I ended up having to run." "Sorry, I didn't notice." "Heh, I kinda like that about you, not hiding things." Thanks. "We often run into each other in this area. Where do you live?" "Near Rokujizo." "Ah, over there... Eh?" Hoshi-san’s gaze drifted to my side. My husband looked startled at the rickshaw that came rushing by… no, rather, his profile was one of someone staring intently at it. "...Ah, your husband!" Hoshi-san finally realized, voicing her surprise loudly. Was it really that shocking? "Hello," my husband bowed his head slightly and glanced at me, curious about our relationship. "Do you know eachother? I see this rickshaw driver every once in a while," he said. "Hoshi Takasora. A friend, right Sensei?" "I can't definitively deny that." "Maybe you're at an age where admitting it is hard?" she teased, even though she is likely younger. But right after, she brushed it off, "Oh well, whatever." "I really wanted to see you, sensei. I wanted to apologize to you in person. Is that okay?" "No need, your feelings have already come through." As I backed away, she swiftly followed me, pressing forward with rickshaw and all. "What did you need to apologize for?" It was a delicate topic to discuss with my husband around, especially as it might lead back to Togawa-san. And including student consultations, it wasn't something I could easily bring up, even with my husband. So with that in mind, I decided to obscure things a bit and simultaneously introduce another matter. "Well, you see, this person took me to a hostess club." My husband knew about my hostess club experience, so it was okay to reveal it. It was a painful night, separate from infidelity or anything like that. Though I had recently started to forget about, the memory of the 'Pee Sensei' night still stung. I suppose I'll be forever haunted by these fleeting memories. ...Though ultimately, it was I who chose to go along with her, and I who picked up the drink. The entire beginning, development, twist, and conclusion were all chosen by me. "Oh, that! …Oh, I've never been to a hostess club myself." "If you’d like, I can recommend a place?" "Hey now." I glared at Hoshi-san like a wife should. The sheer hypocrisy was so blatant that it made me instinctively dig my nails into the back of my hand. If I didn’t redirect my attention, I felt like my head might twist off from the stress. "Kind of want to, but not really, but kind of do." "So it sounds like wanting to go is stronger..." "I'm not sure if it's related or not, but can I borrow your missus for a bit? I'll lend you the rickshaw in the meantime." "Seriously!?" "You seem a little too excited." "Here you go," Hoshi-san said, handing over the reins... I'm not sure if that's the right way to put it, but basically, she let my husband take the driver's seat of the rickshaw, and my husband was absolutely delighted to switch. Apparently, he was willing to sell his wife for the chance to try pulling it. "Deal struck. Now, sensei, let's go." Hoshi-san wrapped an arm around my shoulder to ensure I wouldn’t escape. The scene was reminiscent of when we went to the hostess club. The only difference was her outfit and the scent of sweat. "Can we talk here?" Hoshi-san asked in a hushed tone, as if tapping gently. I glanced at my husband, murmuring, "Missus, I've never heard that before...," and chose to surrender. Leaving him behind, she pulled me along. Thus, sold in exchange for a rickshaw, I accompanied Hoshi-san to the alley behind a nearby supermarket. Behind it was a narrow road that led towards the station, where foreigners with large backpacks flowed out into the open. Further in, in the dimly lit gap between the buildings, was an entrance to an old shopping arcade. From a distance, you could see the barber's pole turning in the U-shaped arcade, which looked as though it had been carved out of the first floor of the adjacent building. We moved closer to the entrance, and in the shade, Hoshi-san pulled out a towel.